pDany pulled up in front of the hospital but didn't get out of the car. She hesitated for an instant, wondering why she was here. It had been a rather on the spur of the moment decision on her way home. She had heard about the incident earlier that day; news like that travelled fast and by lunch-time everyone knew that Stella had been attacked by Paul Spector and was brought to the Belfast General Hospital. /p
pThey had been swamped with work all day and Dany was glad for the distraction that it offered. A part of her had wanted to see Stella and ask her how she was doing while the other part reprimanded her for letting it divert her thoughts and distract her. She sighed and leaned back in the driver's seat, trying to make up her mind. She had been fairly intimidated when Stella first came to work with the police force. She had been so self-confident and strong and Dany had always admired her. She was trying really hard herself but it wasn't always easy and she had looked up to Stella somehow. Over the past couple of weeks their relationship had changed and Dany felt slightly more at ease. She had soon realised that the woman she came to know at the beginning of "Operation Music man" was more than the focused and hard-working Detective Superintendent; she was a deeply caring woman who tried so hard to bring justice to Spector and give the victims the peace they deserved. /p
pAt the end of the day Stella Gibson was a human-being just like all of them and although she tried really hard not to show it, she was just as affected by the case as every one else. Dany had noticed that she had lost a bit of weight and there were often shadows under her eyes because she didn't get much sleep or refused to return to her hotel room but she knew better than to point it out. Stella probably knew that what she was doing was not the most ideal way of handling things but she couldn't blame her either. She could only imagine that, even with the heavy workload they had, Stella must feel pretty lonely sometimes. She was, after all, still a stranger in this city and she didn't have any friends around here. She never had time to settle in properly and although Jim was acquainted with Stella he wasn't helpful at all. /p
pThat was one of the reasons that made Danielle Ferrington change directions on the way home and drive to the hospital. She had heard about the attack and when Stella didn't return to work it was pretty clear they were going to keep her over night so it must've been pretty awful. Dany sighed with a glance at her watch and got out of the car. It was almost midnight and the visiting hours had passed already but maybe she could sneak her way in somehow. She felt a little nervous when she made her way toward the reception desk and took a deep breath. She knew there was nothing to be nervous about; she trusted Stella and something told her that the feeling was mutual. Stella Gibson didn't like to be pitied or given the impression that she was weak and that was the last thing Dany had on her mind. She wasn't here do that but simply give her the feeling that she wasn't alone. She had been physically assaulted and the last thing she should experience is waking up in an empty hospital room in a foreign city. She could always send away her but at least she would know that there was at least one person who cared and came to see how she was doing. /p
p"Excuse me," Dany said to the receptionist. "I'm looking for a woman who was admitted earlier today," she started to explain but the woman was about to interrupt her but Danielle took a deep breath, trying to remain calm. She looked around once and noticed that the ER was fairly calm tonight. She heard voices in one of the diagnostics room and saw a few nurses bustle around./p
p"I'm afraid visiting hours are over," she stated the obvious and Danielle had already expected the response. /p
p"My name is PC Ferrington and I am looking for Detective Superintendent Stella Gibson," she said and slammed her badge on the counter to prove her point, hoping that it would do. She was far too exhausted to put up with an argument. From the corner of her eye she saw a man at the other side of the reception, going through a file, but she ignored him. /p
p"Are you family?" the woman asked and Dany briefly thought about lying but failed to come up with an impromptu story and the receptionist would probably see right through it. /p
p"No," Dany said and took a deep breath. "She is my boss and I'd like to know how she is doing. She doesn't have anyone here and I'd like to make sure she is ok," she explained and it was nothing but the truth. /p
p"Stella Gibson, you said?" asked the man to her right and Dany turned around properly to face him. She had seen him before and it took her a couple of seconds to recognise him. He was the doctor that saved Spector's life after the shooting. /p
p"Yes," Dany said and walked around to stand in front of the doctor, who was dressed in dark green scrub. He, too, looked like he could use a lot of sleep. "She was brought in today and I'm sure you've kept her over night? I just like to know how she's doing," Dany explained and had a feeling that he would be more helpful. /p
p"I've examined her," he said but didn't offer further explanations. /p
p"I'll be very quick, I just don't think she should be alone," Dany repeated and hoped she didn't sound stupid. Dr. O'Donnell nodded and motioned for her to join him as he made his way toward the lift. "I've been meaning to check in on her any way before I head home," he said and the stepped into the lift. /p
p"Are you just tired or nervous?" Dr. O'Donnell asked with the slightest grin on his lips. /p
p"Is it that obvious?" Dany asked and the doctor simply shrugged. /p
p"I just…" Dany tried to find the right words. "Wish to see her and I don't even know if she wants any visitors but I really think she should know that there's someone who has even considered dropping by."/p
p"That's very nice of you," he said and meant it. "It's the second time that I've met Stella Gibson, she is a very strong woman but I never thought she was rude in any way and I have a feeling she'll be happy about you dropping by although she might not show you," he said and Dany chuckled to herself. That definitely sounded like Stella Gibson. /p
pThey stepped out off the elevator on the third floor and Dany followed Doctor O'Donnell. It was much quieter up here and Dany took a deep breath. She wasn't nervous because Stella might send her away, it was more of anxiety; a feeling of not knowing what to expect. /p
p"I'll check on her for a moment and then you can go and see her if you like," he said and Dany nodded. After about five minutes he returned. /p
p"Will she be ok?" /p
p"I have no doubt about that," O'Donnell said. "But things like these never go down easy, no matter how hard you try. The bruises on her face will take some time to heal. No need to be nervous," he said and Dany nodded again, not having the nerve to correct him this time. "She's asleep but you can go and see her if you like and I promise to let her know that you dropped by," he said and excused himself to go home. Dany took one last deep breath and stepped into the quiet room. The room was dimly lit and somewhat disconsolate. Stella was dressed in a simple blue hospital gown, her hair was in a loose ponytail and her make-up had been removed. She was asleep soundly and suddenly looked much younger, more fragile than she ever had. Dany felt a zapping pain in her gut when she saw the bruises on the woman's face. She had not imagined that it would be this bad. As quietly as possible she made her way to the chair that stood closest to the bed and laid her face in her hands./p
pShe felt guilty all of a sudden. None of this should have happened, they should've seen it coming. She felt a wave of anger rush through her, wondering what they had missed the whole time. She leaned back in the chair and bit her lip, it didn't feel right to be here; she didn't want to invade Stella's privacy but she also didn't have the heart to get up and leave. /p
pWhile she tried to decide what to do she felt a wave of fatigue wash over her. For the first time today she had time to let it all sink in and relax and her eyelids drooped as she grew tired. The next time she opened her eyes Dany awoke with a start, trying to find her bearings in the unknown setting. Her eyes fell upon the woman in front of her and she remembered where she is. It was now 2:06am and Dany decided to call it a night, she would come back in the morning or wait for Stella to return to work. She had been here and it was all that mattered to her. /p
pShe quietly rose from the chair and was about to turn towards the door./p
p"Hey there," Stella spoke slowly, her voice heavy with sleep and slightly raspy. She could barely keep her eyes open and Dany wondered how much painkillers they had given her. If it hadn't been for the awful circumstances, seeing Stella like this would've been somewhat delightful. /p
p"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you Ma'am," Dany said quietly and faced Stella. /p
p"What are you doing here?" she asked with the slightest hint of surprise in her voice. "It must be awfully late," Stella said almost whispering. Truth be told she had absolutely no idea how late it was. /p
p"I just wanted to make sure you're ok," Dany said honestly. "I meant to drop by earlier but…" Dany stopped herself and wondered what to tell Stella but the blonde woman spoke before she made up her mind. /p
p"Thank you," Stella said and her voice was nothing but a whisper. She felt a sudden wave of emotion washing over her and bit her lip. She was grateful for the visit and it was nice to know that someone had cared enough to actually come by, she couldn't deny that. She didn't want to be rude but she didn't want to be lonely either and she trusted Danielle. /p
p"Do you… want me to stay with you a little longer?" Dany asked carefully and waited. /p
p"Sit with me?" Stella asked and slowly propped herself up, wincing at the pain in her stomach. Dany held out her hand to help and Stella took it. She sat on the edge of the bed, surprised by her own sudden confidence when she was being so close to Stella but now wasn't the time to be shy or reluctant. A couple of minutes passed in silence when neither of them had the strength to speak and Dany was okay with it. Stella didn't trust her voice, didn't trust herself not to break when she spoke. She felt unexpectedly emotional; she was angry with herself and even ashamed about what had happened. How many victims had told her the very same thing and how many times had she reassured them and reminded them that one of this was their fault? She should know better but now that she was in the exact same position she did just that and the truth slowly sank in. /p
pShe was a victim herself. /p
pDespite the physical bruises she had wounds that hurt, somewhere out of sight; hidden from everyone's view. She felt the pain and the sudden impact when his fist hit her face, the second of anxiety when she realised what was about to happen. The humiliating moment when he kicked her although she was already unresponsive on the ground, if only for an instant. She had been completely defenceless and that scared her more than anything else. It send a cold shiver down her spine and reminded her of the fact that she was just as vulnerable as /
She wanted all of this to be over. She wanted the case to be closed and she wanted to get away from Belfast and go home, go back to London. She didn't have many real friends in London but she had her own place the comfort of her own bed; a place to recuperate and leave everything behind that had gone so awfully wrong and just taken a turn for the worst. /p
pStella felt exhausted and tired. For the very first time she felt weak enough to allow the fatigue and the stress of the previous weeks to wash over her. The walls that she had build so tediously broke down one by one and there was nothing left inside of her except for the heavy pressure inside her chest. She had wanted to talk to someone although she had no idea what to say, she didn't want to be alone but she had no one she could've called. She hadn't expected anyone to ask her how she was doing, not after how she'd treated some of her police officers. She knew a lot of them probably didn't like her. She was surprised and relieved when she saw Danielle in her room; she was grateful not to be by herself, she just couldn't say it the way she wanted it. She had always liked Danielle and trusted her deeply./p
pStella couldn't speak and her body tensed with the effort not to let her feelings take over. She knew that battle had long been lost but she wouldn't surrender without one last fight. She took a deep, slow breath and bit her lip when the tears flooded her eyes, blurring her vision. They ran down her cheeks and there was nothing she could do about it. Danielle slowly took Stella's hand and held onto it, then she carefully laid her other arm around Stella, mildly surprised when she let her. Slowly, they leaned back against the pillow and Dany held her just a little tighter when her body trembled with sobs and her cries echoed through the room. Dany bit her lip and closed her eyes, pushing her own sorrows and exhaustion away. She knew that this moment wouldn't last forever as much as she knew that the initial crush she once had on her superior wasn't something that would lead them somewhere and this was not why she was here. It would come and go and she accepted that, right now all she wanted was give comfort to a woman in pain. She also knew that they will probably never talk about this moment again and she wanted Stella to know that she was okay with it. She didn't know how long it took until there were no tears left and the sobbing subsided slowly. /p
p"I won't tell anyone," Dany said quietly and Stella chuckled softly through the tears. She couldn't even express how grateful she was so she softly squeezed the hand, she was holding, in response. The presence of another person was somewhat soothing and Stella eventually cried herself to sleep. Dany waited a few more minutes before she carefully got out of the embrace; Stella slept soundly, her cheeks still wet with tears. Dany softly put a strand of hair behind Stella's ear and regarded the sleeping woman quietly one last time before she left./p