Title: Camp Wannahummah
Rating: M
Genre: Humor/Romance
Word Count: 13,949
Pairing: Edward/Bella
Summary: Bella finds herself in the last place she wants to be the summer before her senior year. Camp Wanahummah. But camp may be just the ticket when she sets her sights on the gorgeous camp administrator, Mr. Cullen, heaven's fallen angel in the flesh. It looks like camp just got interesting!
Disclaimer: The author does not own any publicly recognizable entities herein. No copyright infringement is intended.
==O==O==O==
June 1, 2009
Fuck my life. Really. Fuck. My. Life. Right up the brownie hole with no reach around either. Why me? Of all the times for me not to have anything important scheduled for my summer. Why can't I lie as well as Alice? How was I supposed to know that not only were the Newton's taking a summer-long trip to Europe (I fucking hate them now), but that Jacob was spending most of the summer with his cousin Seth. He should get back just in time for football camp and then...lah de fricken dah, school starts back. So yeah, like I said. Fuck my life.
Why's this a problem you ask? Because it freed up my summer, that's why! Why's that such a big deal? Because now that I'm a lame-ass, no vacation to Europe taking, loser … I have been volunteered for camp. Camp was fun when I was little but now? I don't want to be a fucking camp counselor! That's for losers! Bella Swan is in no way, a loser. I remember how much we laughed at and made fun of our counselors and now … I get to be the one being made fun of. Yay me. Fuck me.
Normally, my summer would be spent pool-side at the Newton's. Working on my tan while keeping their brats, Mikey and Jess from drowning or starving to death. Did I mention getting paid $200 a week just for sitting on my can and watching television and talking on the phone and ordering pizza? Yeah … it was also fun watching Mr. Newton adjust his pants when we came in from the pool. He jacks off to this. I just know it! I wouldn't be surprised if his wifey didn't plan this whole vacation just to keep her hubby from ogling the hot, young babysitter. Bitch.
*Hey now, You're an all-star, get your game on, go play! Hey now, you're a rock star, get*
"Hey slut! What's up? Suck Jasper's cock yet?" I tease, knowing that even though Alice can be a sultry minx, her crush on Jasper Whitlock is taking its toll on her. He's a good boy. Alice has never done good boy before; but she wants to.
"Don't count me out whore! I'll get that fine man meat in my mouth soon enough! Are you sitting down?"
Shit … not more fucktastic news. I can't take it.I flop on my bed and start criss-crossing my legs; I always get compliments on my long, shapely legs and I aim to keep them that way.
"What's the news A? Did Vickie not get her period or something? Because that would be SO funny!" She would make a shitty mom, but it would serve her right for bragging about screwing Riley … to Riley's girlfriend.
"Nothing as good as that. It's actually depressing as hell, unless I find out that Jasper's going too, then it's gonna be fuckawesome!" She's lost me now. The only thing she finds depressing is when it's raining on game night and her hair is whack.
"What the hell are you going on about Alice? Where is Jasper going?"
Not that I give a shit where he's going, but apparently Alice is going to be there as well, so I might need the nitty gritty on this. With my poolside plans canceled, it would be bad if she won the lottery or something. Wait, she said depressing, so that can't be it.
"Camp, Bella! My dad signed me up to be a camp counselor this summer! I could just die! But there are guy counselors too and Jasper did used to go to camp so I'm keeping my tits crossed that he's going too."
"Okay … first off, don't cross your tits! That's just gross and if you could cross your tits, I would not give you the time of day because you'd be like a hundred freakin' years old or something! Secondly, I can't believe you're going to camp, you loser!" I can hear her bitching on the other end of the line and I have to put her out of her misery.
"Fine … we're both losers. I'm going to camp too. There! Satisfied? Our social life has just taken a major hit and we'll be the school pariahs this Fall."
"Listen up Smella! You can be a pariah if you want, but I'm using this to my advantage! Think of all the guys who will be there! Jacob is gone for the summer so you might as well enjoy it! I bet he sure as hell will! Remember when he came home after Thanksgiving with his family, and that bitch Leah kept calling until you cussed her out and threatened to set her hair on fire! You think he's going to spend all summer with her and not hit that? Come on Bella! It'll be fun! You'll see."
I'm pretty sure that somewhere down the line … someone noted that "it'll be fun … you'll see" as famous last words. Coming from Alice, I know we're bound to get into trouble, but that's usually when we're having the most fun too.
"Ugh! Fine! I mean, it's not like I have a choice anyway. The bus leaves tomorrow morning bright and early. I hate you, ho!" Alice is giggling on the other end and I can just see her fist pump in the air.
"Yeah … I hate you too, ho! I'll see you bright and early in the morning! Don't be late!" She hangs up and I toss my phone on my nightstand. Jacob's football picture sits there by my stuffed unicorn. Alice is right about one thing, he's gonna get into Leah's panties as sure as I'm the best cock sucker on the squad. Dammit.
==O==O==O==
My alarm goes off at 4:45 and even though I'm already packed, and all I have to do is shower and get dressed … I don't even want to get up. But … I know Alice will hound my ass relentlessly if I'm the loser who's late and sits with her so I roll my ass out.
I'm just tying my halter top as my cell phone rings, which reminds me … I should change Alice's ringtone. Something embarrassing since she called me out on Jacob and Leah.
"Yello slut … what's up?" I can hear the noise in the background and I pull my phone back to check the time. Fuck.
"What's up is you are fucking late! I talked to Mr. Cope and lucky for you, you're on the way and we are stopping to get you so get your shit and be standi …. oh my fuckkkkk!" I hear Alice whimper and then she shushes me when I try to get her to spill. I'm pulling my hair into a pony tail and grabbing a granola bar and a coke when she gets back on the line. Finally!
"Bella … he's fucking beautiful! You're gonna cream your panties … oh my god! He's tall, and has that fuck me smile … his jaw … the scruff! Shit Bella! Shit! Shit! Shit!" Yeah yeah yeah … whatever.
"Look Alice … I'm thrilled for you that Jasper is going but you don't have to call me up and have an orgasm over the phone. I love you but you can rein in the sharing now."
I'm walking out the door to sit on the top step and wait for the bus. My mom drags her ass out of her bedroom long enough to kiss me and tell me to behave. Yeah mom … I sure will. Ha!
"No you dim-witted cunt! Our driver … he's a camp administrator or something. I missed the details because I was too busy eye fucking him to listen. He's the sexiest fucking man I've ever seen Bella! I swear! He's … damn! He's way hotter than Jasper!"
It dawns on us both that this driver is on his way to get me. At my home. This fucking hot driver is going to know where I live. Win. And. Win.
"Alice! If you had to guess … how old would you say this guy is? Like gross-droopy-balls old, or still young enough to be seen with in the daylight old? By the way, you called me to tell me about him so HANDS OFF!" She laughs and hangs up on me. She hung up on me!
I leave my shit on the steps and run back in and change bikini tops. No harm in showing them off, right? I dab on a little mascara and fluff up my ponytail a little higher. While I'm at it, I change into my dangerously short shorts and spritz on some smelly shit. Never hurts. Wait. Why the hell am I so desperate? This guy couldn't be as hot as Alice says. No way is he as built and sexy as Jacob with his six pack and everlasting tan.
I'm sitting on the stoop when I hear the bus climbing the hill before our place. I gather my backpack and my suitcase and go to the end of the walk to meet the bus. The sunlight is bouncing off the windshield right where the driver is, so I can't see him. Dammit! The bus pulls up and stops. I continue to stare as the doors open and Heaven's Fallen Angel is gazing down the steps at me.
I start to board the bus but my future lover pulls the parking brake and is getting off. I'm frozen on the spot. Every sexy pose I was planning on showing him has been forgotten. My game plan completely obliterated because this guy has left me dumbstruck. That's how fucking gorgeous he is!
"Umm … you can't take the suitcase on the bus. I'll have to stow it under here." It's then that I realize he's raised the side of the bus storage … which also means I missed seeing him from behind because I was standing here like a vegetable. I walk over and start to put it under there but it won't go. I finally give up and ask him for help. It's then that I notice he's staring down my top … oh yeah. If they could, my girls would high five each other. Eww. Now I'm talking like Alice.
"Eye's up here handsome!"
Not that I blame him for looking, but I definitely want him aware that he's been caught. Just as I will ogle him every chance I get for the next two weeks. He squats down and moves luggage until he gets my suitcase stowed away while I just stand there and lust over his long lean back. Alice was right … he's by far the sexiest man I've seen in all my 17 years!
"You can go on and board the bus …" He remains squatted down by the bus.
"Bella … Bella Swan." I hold my hand out for him to shake and then I try to pull him up, but he holds tight to the bus. He's totally got a woody! Why else would he not want to get up? Why would he want me to get on the bus? Ha! Score Bella Swan! "Okay then … I'll just … yeah." I step on the bottom step and then peek back around just as he stands, and … YES! Adjusting those shorts and OMG … what a bulge!
I quickly duck and hurry up the steps, although I should totally make him own it. Maybe if there weren't a bus full of campers waiting on us. Yeah, bad timing. I hear him stomp onto the bus and I turn around in time to see his eyes avert as he sits down and buckles up in a hurry. I slowly make my way to the back, where Alice is waiting with a wicked grin on her face and I can feel his eyes on me in the mirror! SCORE!
Alice and I spend the entire bus ride giggling and planning. I notice his eyes are hidden behind a pair of aviators which makes him that much sexier! Christ on a cracker … the tan, the hair, the scruff, he's the entire package! He's a man! Jacob who?
Jasper is sitting across the aisle and a seat up from us. He and Alice exchange looks and what begins as sexy winks and lip licking evolves into complete and total eye fucking by the time we approach the gates to Camp Wannahumma. Jasper's face is so red, I think he may have come in his shorts on the ride here. He is in so much trouble though … Alice is going to eat him alive! I bet he's never been with anyone like Alice.
"Alice, does it bother you that Jasper is only 15? I mean … isn't there a law against that or something? You are seriously robbing the cradle, you cougar slut you!" She elbows me and looks to Jasper to make sure he didn't overhear my big mouth, which he didn't.
"I'm only 17 and no, there's no law against that...besides I don't think he'd complain about what I want to do to him. If anything, he'd thank me. So what about you and Mr. TieMeUpThrowMeDown up there? Doesn't it gross you out that he's like … older?" She nods her head toward the front of the bus, where mac daddy Cabella's forehead is lined and I hope it's because he can't stop looking to the back of the bus.
"Pshhhh... what the hell are you even talking about? He can't be over … what? Twenty-five? That's not old at all Alice … that's just experienced!" I look toward the front of the bus again and wonder if he's looking back here. I can't tell for the damn glasses. "I bet he could fuck me so good, I'd forget my own name."
The bus is parked and kids begin to stand up but Mr. Cullen as I've learned his name is, puts his hands up and motions for everyone to sit back down. The next fifteen minutes are spent listening to him go over the rules and safety precautions for the camp. I know one thing. I could listen to him read a freakin' thesaurus all day because his voice is like butter.
We finally start exiting the bus but Alice and I take our time. It's all part of the plan. Not to mention, the luggage chaos party that's going on right now is something we want no part of. When we step off the bus though, our luggage is gone and only Mr. Cope is standing there waiting. Well damn!
"Ladies, what part of 'time frame' did you two miss? There are schedules to keep at this camp and you can't be slackers. I realize this is day one and camp activities don't officially start until tomorrow, but there are places you can and cannot go and" yada yada yada. What the fuck ever.
By the time we got to our cabin, the humidity is up to 130% and our clothes were sticking to us. It's official. I am in Hell. "Alice, I don't remember camp being in Hell. Why is it so fucking hot?"
"Because it's going to rain, don't you pay attention in class … Bella?"
Holy shit … hearing Mr. Cullen say my name is pure bean-flicking material. He is standing in the doorway of our cabin holding our luggage. I walk over and take mine from him while Alice stands in shock.
"I took the liberty of removing the alcohol you had packed Ms. Swan. I'm pretty sure it's in bold letters that alcohol is not allowed at camp and yet, when I searched your luggage, there it was." He's grinning like a damn fool because I specifically had that pint hidden in my panty satchel which was also hidden.
"You went to great effort to find that didn't you Mr. Cullen?" His eyes rake over me again and all I can think about is how badly I want some serious rug burn from that jaw of his. "Did anything else get you in a lather, or was it just my … plans for night-time entertainment that set you off?" He smirks. I come. Please!
"No, no, Ms. Swan, just the Jameson's … which you will not be getting back. I sure hope your daddy doesn't notice it's gone missing. I'd hate for you to get into trouble." More smirking and I swear my hoohah is tapping out Morse code right now. What's the code for 'get the fuck in here'? Oh yeah, its twitch, pulse, pulse, twitch, twitch, twitch, pulse, pulse … fuck me please.
He turns to leave us to our devices and by that I mean to our complete meltdown, which is his fault entirely. Just before he lets the screen door slam shut, he holds it open again.
"Oh, and Ms. Swan?" I just look at him because if I open my mouth it will be to beg him to take me against a tree or even in a bed of poision ivy … I'm not picky. "If a pint of Jameson's is your idea of 'night-time entertainment' then you have never been properly 'entertained'."
"Fuck me running backward up a hill carrying a torch and a jug of water" I say after he's really gone this time. I turn to Alice and she is still standing right the fuck where she was when he came in and I am tempted to slap the shit out of her. "Alice!" She slowly looks at me and whimpers.
"I swear Bella, if you don't go after his fine ass, I will! Jasper's young! He can wait! That right there..." She points toward the door, which probably still smells like him, at least where he had his hand, "is a full-grown man! A sexy beast! If you don't want him … he's mine!"
As if I'd let him get away. "No can do Alice. Jasper is your project and Mr. Cullen is mine. All mine!" I can hear myself laughing maniacally in my head and wonder if the pursuit of Mr. Cullen will drive me insane or if I'll just lose my mind when I catch him. "It's go time Alice. What time do we have to report for the first whatever thing we're supposed to be doing while we're here?" Yeah, I could give less than a half a fuck about being a camp counselor right now. What I really want to do is climb Mr. Cullen like a mighty oak and then hump him like a bitch in heat.
=O=O=O=O=O=O=
I'm woken up the next morning by some awful bugle music. My first thought is to hug my pillow over my head and go back to sleep and then I remember where I am and who else is somewhere in this camp. I let my mind wander to him in taking a shower and soaping himself up and he's a guy, so he probably yanks one off while he's at it. Shit! I'm no good to anybody this worked up. I've never been this turned on by a guy I haven't seen naked … ever!
I throw my feet over the side of the bunk and my heel hits somebody's head. I look between my legs to see some scrawny girl with red hair rubbing her head. "Sorry about that." I jump off the bunk and turn to look at her and holy shit its Lauren from the marching band.
"What the hell are you doing at summer camp?" She is the very last person I would ever think would come to camp. No, wait, that would be ME.
"My mom and dad wanted to take a cruise and they didn't have anyone to watch me for two weeks so here I am." She stood and stretched and I almost laughed at her non-existent little boobies. She's so cute though.
"Wow … your parents really suck." I tell her, because I would be mad as hell if my mom went on a cruise without me. Wait! Did my mom go on a fucking cruise without me? Is that why I'm here? That bitch! Hold the phone. Fuck my mom; I've got better things to do … like Mr. Cullen.
"Yeah, tell me about it. I wanted to stay with a friend while they were gone, but she didn't trust me enough to leave me alone with her." Whaaaat? She didn't trust this one? What the hell? I wouldn't fuck her with Jacob's dick and her mom thinks she's gonna go wild or something?
"Who's the friend? The one that your mom wouldn't let you stay with?" I ask because I've been down this road. I'm usually the reason though. Something about me corrupting their daughter and turning her into a whore. Doesn't matter.
"Bree Tanner? You know her?" I laugh out loud in this poor girl's face because Bree Tanner IS the one I'm accused of corrupting. I keep that little gem to myself though.
"Nope. Never heard of her. Any idea what the hell we're supposed to do today?" Lauren just laughs and shakes her head at me. Yeah. I get that a lot.
"Alice! Get your nasty ass out of bed! We got fish to fry, men to chase and all that jazz!" I'm yelling but it's only Alice, Lauren, some mousy, quiet little pip squeak who refuses to talk in this cabin. They don't mind … and if they do, they'll get over it. Alice moans and rolls over to face the wall.
"Fine then! Keep your lazy ass in bed all day. I'll just go find Jasper and whisper sweet nothings in his ear while I run my hand inside his shorts." That should just about do it. In 3 … 2 … 1 …
"I'm UP! Dammit Bella! I didn't think you were a morning person. Why the hell are you so chipper at the ass crack of dawn?" She grumbles as she scratches her head with one hand, and flips me off with the other.
"I'm not a morning person, you dumbass. But I am a sexy-camp administrator chasing person and he's out there somewhere Alice. Out there with his hand on some kid's shoulder, showing them where the cafeteria is … all fresh shaven and smelling like … man!" Alice and Lauren are shaking their heads at me like I've done bought the funny farm, lock-stock-and barrel.
"Jesus Christ Bella. Don't go falling head over heels for him. He's just a man. There's only a zillion of them out there and there all the same." I walk over and knock on Alice's skull to see if her brain slid out her ear while she slept because this crazy talk is just … well, crazy!
"One: I don't fall in love. Two: He is not just a man. He is THE man. You saw him, right? Tall, gorgeous, oozing sexuality and he probably has a cock the size of a summer sausage inside those shorts. Just a man. Pshhhh! Lastly: Get your ass ready, we're supposed to be somewhere soon to do something with someone … kids, yeah. Camp. Remember?"
Finally, the four of us stroll into the cafeteria like we own the joint and we're the cool kids at school and our shit don't stink. Pip-squeak looks out of place, but whatchagonnado … right? I'm searching the dining hall like the fucking Terminator seeking out John Connor. Beep Beep! 'Target acquired' I hear Arnold's voice inside my head. Round table beside the water fountain. White tee shirt and khaki shorts and fuck me, he did not shave! Hoohah does a fist pump which yes, I actually do feel!
Just as everyone is right in the middle of their breakfast, a loud knocking noise brings the room to a hush and everyone looks toward this mountain of a man who is hitting the wall with a wooden spoon. As he is satisfied that he has our attention, he clears his throat and speaks.
"Good morning campers!" He booms out which is ten levels too cheerful and fourteen levels too loud for this early in the morning. "My name is Emmett and I'm the activities director here at Camp Wannahumma. You can call me Emmett … or Em … and I've been known to answer to 'Hey You' accompanied by a shoe thrown in my direction." Some of the staff laughs along and a few of the campers. Other than that, its crickets chirping and he clears his throat again. "Okay."
He drones on about what cabins are doing what activities today and that every morning, we will be told as such. Apparently, in the past … campers can't keep straight the week's schedule and it's just easier if every morning it be a 'surprise' as he calls it … with air quotes no less. He loses me when he gets to arts and crafts and I sit and watch Mr. Cullen drink his coffee and lust over him. When his name is mentioned by Emmett though, I focus my attention back on the morning announcements.
"So we will need a volunteer to carry out her duties for the next few days. Someone who might be interested in an administrative career perhaps. Any takers?" My hand shoots up on hearing 'administrative career', and before I can jerk it down, the big guy is pointing in my direction and grinning; dimples and all. "There's our future camp administrator. What's your name sweetheart?" Oh crap what the hell did I do?
I stand and everyone turns and looks my way like I'm naked, and I look down quickly to make sure I did get all my duds on this morning. "Bella Swan, sir!"
"Before I can sit down, he booms out a hearty "Everyone give Bella a round of applause and a good morning, Camp Wannahumma style!" And the entire room is clapping and chanting "hummahummahummahumma" and I near lose it because it sounds like 'hummer' which makes me think of blow jobs which leads my eyes back to Mr. Cullen, who is staring at me with those eyes that devour! Shit! He looks a little miffed at my generosity here. What the hell!
Emmett dismisses the campers and I yank Alice's arm down as I sit and lean and ask her what the hell did I just volunteer for and just before she can fill me in, Mr. Cullen is standing at our table. "How nice of you to help out until Heidi gets back, Ms. Swan … if you can keep up, we need to get busy." Who's Heidi again? Yeah, I might have missed some vital information.
We stop by what must be his office and he goes to a cabinet where he turns and looks at me, then turns back to me and gives me the once over. Hey now! He tosses a tee shirt at me. "You look like an extra small, you'll need to wear that since you're not a counselor anymore but technically part of the staff."
"Actually, I'm a medium and I have to wear this for the entire 2 weeks? I did bring my own clothes! Do I at least get to wash it?" I hold it up and it has the Camp Wannahumma logo on it with a picture of a winking beaver and I laugh in spite of myself. "You have got to be kidding me!" I whisper too loudly while Mr. Cullen just looks at me and smirks.
"Surely you've seen a beaver before … they wink. I've seen it myself...and yes, wear it for the duration of camp. There's a laundry room, you'll come to know it well by the time you leave." What? I signed up for laundry duty? Shit.
He points toward an open door … "you can change in there." So I go in and wrestle the girls into this tee shirt that would fit a nine year old. When I come out, his eyes light up and his smirk is devilish as he checks out the inappropriately small shirt. "Yeah …" he stands and goes to the cabinet again, "you can't go around camp like that." Ya think?! "Maybe just for me but not everyone else." He says the last part to himself, but I'm a 17 year old. I have ears like the bionic woman!
He tells me the ins and outs of what we're going to be doing today and basically, I'm just following him around to be the extra set of hands should he need them. I'm beginning to wonder if Heidi did this or if her job held 'other' duties as well.
"Who's Heidi?"
Why I'm asking, I have no idea. Just covering my bases I guess … checking out my competition? He opens a door and holds it so I can enter first. I hope he enjoys the sway of my hips because they're going to be working overtime if he's a 'lady's first' kind of guy. We end up in what looks like the nurses station, where some Kardashian wannabe is looking at me in a way that just don't sit right with me.
"Tanya, this is Ms. Swan … she is filling in for Heidi, so you won't be pulling double duty after all." This chick looks like she could spit nails. Oh honey... I know it's hard, but you can tend to the poison ivy and bug bites while I tend to Mr. Scruffy. He then turns to me, "Tanya here is the camp medic and if anything bad happens, which we hope won't, this is where the kids need to be brought; ASAP. She was going to have to take over when Heidi's daughter got hurt at softball camp and she had to leave, but now that you're being so generous as to give up your counselor duties, Tanya can stick to manning the medic station."
"Nice to meet you, Tanya, I'm Bella." I hold my hand out to shake hers and she gives me that look that all women know so well. That 'oh girl he is so out of your league and you don't know how to begin with a man like this' look. I sneer at her and turn my attention back to Mr. Cullen. He motions toward the door and we're out and about again.
"Heidi is an old friend who I can thank for getting me this job. I think very highly of her and I know she hates to miss out on the campers. She is a wonderful woman." Wow. That's a lot of accolades for just an old friend.
"You two together?" Whaaaaat the hell am I saying right now? "Sorry, I don't know where that came from. Just forget I asked … please!" He has stopped walking and has his hands on his hips now like I'm ten and I just pushed a kid off the swings. "I'm sorry!" I repeat.
"You need to figure out one thing, and fast Ms. Swan. This," and he motions between the two of us, "cannot happen. I'm an authority figure and you are a camper and that is against every rule ever written. My position affords me a lot of things, but messing around with underage girls is not one of them. We clear?" He stands there while my eyes drop to the ground and I chew on my lip.
"Crystal" With that one word, I breathe deep and lift my eyes back to his with determination. Damn if he's gonna think I've got feelings or anything! Screw him.
We spend the majority of the day walking from cabin to cabin and making sure that no-one is slipping back in to … well, to do what teens usually do. So we're fucking hall monitors is what it boils down to. By the time he dismisses me for the night, I've said maybe ten words to him. When I just walk off toward our cabin, he yells for me to hold up.
"Look Ms. Swan, I'm sorry if I misled you in any way. I don't want things to be awkward between us. You seem like a very fun girl, and I don't want the next 12 days to seem like torture for you. I rather enjoy your smile and I would like to see it again." Oh look, there's a June bug on my shoe. "Hey, Bella?" I lift my head when he says my name because the sound of it rolling off his tongue is music to my ears. "We good?" He asks.
"Yeah. Of course!" I lie. "I'm just tired. Long first day and all." He nods but his eyes hold disappointment and I take satisfaction that just maybe he feels like shit for putting the brakes on the way he did. "I'm gonna grab a shower and get some sleep. See you tomorrow." I say with no interest in my voice whatsoever.
"Breakfast it is then. Goodnight … Ms. Swan."
He walks back toward wherever he was going before he turned the knife in my gut, and my breath catches and tears prick my eyes. What the hell? I get to the cabin and the others aren't in, so I grab my towel and my pjs and head toward the showers. They're still gone by the time I feel my eyelids getting heavy. I hope at least Alice is having a good time. Camp Wannahumma sucks!
=O=O=O=O=O=O=O=O=
Day two with Mr. Cullen is about as exciting as yesterday was and I find myself watching the other campers and notice Alice laughing and obviously having way more fun than either of us thought would happen. I'm glad she's enjoying it. She told me over breakfast about swimming in the pool until nearly lights out with Jasper and the other counselors.
"He has so much to learn Bella. I'll have to teach him everything I know … which is a lot!" She giggled as she sopped up syrup with my pancakes. I woke up with a rock in my stomach and breakfast was out of the question. "So, you and Mr. Cullen. How's it going? Get him naked yet?" Her question makes me feel like crying and I don't even know why because I am not a crier. She notices my mood and lack of conversational skills so she tells me we'll talk tonight. I can't wait.
I notice after dinner though, that Mr. Cullen is standing off in one corner talking to the Amazon blonde who works in the kitchen. Cookie I think Emmett called her. She flips her platinum ponytail over her shoulder and throws her head back in laughter and I want to throw my tray in her face. I don't see him for the rest of the night. Alice either. I cry myself to sleep while Pip-squeak reads a book and ignores me. Not even the nerdy girl gives a shit. I want to go home.
Alice wakes me early on day three and we have the talk we were supposed to have last night, but she and Jasper got to talking and she lost track of time and blah blah blah. She scolds me good and tells me she's going to revoke my 'hot bitch' card for giving up and moping around. Bella Swan does not mope around she reminds me. Bella Swan plays the game better than anyone else. By the time we sit down with our eggs and toast, I'm back on track and bitches better watch out for Bella Swan.
It doesn't escape me that Mr. Cullen still hasn't shaved. It looks good, but I can tell his facial hair grows faster than most guys. He's a fucking chia pet is what he is. Did he not pack a razor? This is camp for crying out loud! He should know what to bring. He's the fucking administrator. Well, not the fucking administrator; not yet anyway.
Emmett approaches me as I'm clearing my tray and his dimples make me want to see how far my fingers will fit in them.
"You really look like you could use a hug."
He's holding his arms open wide and I swear his wing-span could wrap around me three times. I step into his embrace and reach my arms around him as far as I can and hug him hard. I feel him let up a bit, but I just keep holding on for dear life and sniffle loud enough for him to hear.
"Aww" he whimpers as he starts rocking us back and forth, "somebody is homesick huh?"
I just nod and hug a little harder and when I finally do ease back, he holds my shoulders and assures me I'm not the first one, I won't be the last one and camp will be over before I know it. Awesome. He musses my hair a bit and wraps one arm around my neck and I swear if he flexed his muscles, my head would pop off like a cheap Barbie doll. We're walking back toward the kitchen and Mr. Cullen is standing with Cookie again; both wearing knowing smiles and I suddenly want to puke.
"Little Bella here just misses home is all. She just needed a pep talk and a world-famous-Emmett McCarty hug." He lets me go and Mr. Cullen promptly walks off with me trailing behind him; taking in every step of that sexy swagger.
We spend half the day washing towels and I get to wash my things as well; at least I won't be stinking up the joint. I'm folding my 1135th towel when Ben Cheney walks in to take them and he drops even more dirty ones on the floor by the washer.
"Bella! How's it going beautiful?" He leans in for a hug and kisses me on the cheek as well.
I see Mr. Cullen stop and glance our way so I kiss Ben back (on the cheek of course) and we chat for a few minutes before Mr. Cullen reminds him there's probably kids looking for him somewhere and Ben finds himself dismissed.
"What is this? Hug Bella Swan day or something?" He tries to lighten the mood, but I laugh it off and in no uncertain terms, allow him to think I'm back to being happy camper Ms. Swan. He walks around me deliberately until I huff in frustration.
"We're just old friends" I throw his words back at him and he nods but his face gives away his true feelings. "Not that it matters though. It doesn't really. Maybe I'll just let him bend me over a bus seat and actually have some fun at camp." I say that last part just to remind him of how he told me that nothing could happen between us, but I can do whatever the hell I want with Ben; now he knows I might do just that.
Mr. Cullen steps so close to me I can smell his cinnamon gum. "Not on my watch Ms. Swan."
He growls at me in a tone that kicks my ovaries into 3rd gear. He just stands there and I just stand there. I'm waiting and hoping that he'll lean in just far enough for those lips to be all up in my personal space, but he stands as still as a statue. He inhales and exhales with his eyes closed but I can sense the war going on inside his head. Kiss me my mind yells at him. He takes a half step back. NO!
"You're killing me Ms. Swan." He turns and walks out, leaving me standing in the laundry room all by myself.
I don't see him for the rest of the day and that's fine. Since he's avoiding me, I'm going to take advantage of that and go to the pool with Alice tonight. She says that's by far the best thing about being a counselor. The other kids don't get late pool privileges but the counselors get the pool until midnight. I put on my skimpiest string bikini and grab my towel and by the time I get there, Alice is on Jasper's shoulders; in the middle of a four-couple chicken fight.
"Bella!" Alice yells and it's parroted by everyone else.
I feel loved … finally. I toss my towel on a chair and kick off my flip flops just in time for Tyler to pick me up bridal style and carry me to the deep end. This is fun already. Back in the limelight, back in the white hot spotlight … I gotta be a big shot, at least for tonight. He holds me up while I hear different guys yelling out that they'll save me. Everyone tripping over themselves to get to me except for the one I want falling flat on his face.
As I surface, I'm surrounded by guys, but I assure them I've been swimming for a long time and however valiant it may be, I do not need rescuing. But I'm wet now, so that toe-in-the-pool thing is out of the way. James drops under the surface of the water and comes up right in front of me; like brushing the girls in front of me in front of me.
"Hey Bella, let's show 'em how to play chicken. What do you say?"
I don't really know James that well and he kinda gives off a bad vibe, but I'm here to have fun and he's asked, so I nod. He drops under the water and positions himself below my shoulders and the thought of my hoohah being so close to his face creeps me out just a bit, but it's just a game of chicken … not an open invitation for oral sex. He stands and the breeze hits me because I'm not even in the water anymore. He walks toward the others playing chicken and laughing and screaming. I play it off when he squeezes my thighs.
"Cold Bella?" Ben asks and he takes his hands off Angie's legs and places two fingers from each hand over his nips and purses his lips at me. I turn two shades of red and then decide to just go with it. I reach down and pinch mine while he and a couple others groan out loud. I blow Ben a kiss and he reaches into the air and catches it and shoves it under the water into his swim trunks. "Thank you very tenderly for that Bella!" Score.
The game of chicken goes on until too many guys tire out and honestly I'm glad because James' roving fingers keep inching toward my privates and while he seems okay, I'm just not into him like that. He hovers for a while and then takes the hint and backs off. At about 11:40, Tyler pulls out a lighter and a joint and what few of us are left gather in, like it's the last joint that will ever be rolled in the history of all things marijuana and we must savor it with honor. It gets passed back and forth and by the time the roach clip holds only paper, it's time to get our asses back to the cabins anyway. At least I'll sleep like the dead tonight. Man, I hope he's got more pot; we still got over a week here.
By 2:30, my eyes pop open and my stomach growls. Fucking munchies. I nudge Alice to see if she wants to sneak with me back to the kitchen but she tells me to fuck off and rolls over. I lay back down, but I'm so hungry I can't get back to sleep. I lie there staring into the darkness until I can't stand it any longer. I slip my flip flops on and go as I am because it's hot and humid as NOLA in August and everyone else is sleeping anyway.
I creep along the wall outside the cafeteria and freeze when I hear something inside. I ease to the window which I can just see into and peek inside. There's a dim light coming from the kitchen area and I make my way around back of the building to investigate. Magnum P.I. Eat your heart out. The noises are a little louder and I can tell that someone is in the kitchen. Tyler and Ben probably have the munchies too.
As I ease over far enough to see into the kitchen, I can see Cookie bent over the prep table; her titties mashing into the cold steel surface in a regular rhythm and I'm both pissed off and turned on. I can't see who's behind her for the pantry door, but whoever it is; he's giving it to her good. I should leave.
He's pulling her hair and she moans so he reaches around and puts his finger in her mouth; she sucks his finger and he moans and then she gets pounded even harder. I should definitely leave. Fuck this is making me so horny. Then it dawns on me that Mr. Cullen and Cookie have looked might friendly lately and the green-eyed monster rears her hideous head. But it's like a train wreck. Even if it is Mr. Cullen giving it to her ...sooo good, I can't turn away.
I'm standing there all hot and horny and twitching and needy when suddenly a hand covers my mouth and I hear someone whisper right beside my ear.
"Why does it not surprise me that you like to watch, Ms. Swan?" I breathe out slowly because he did just scare the shit out of me. He removes his hand from my mouth, but keeps his arm wrapped around my middle. "Shhh...you wanted to watch. Let's watch. This shouldn't last too much longer, right?" Whaaaat? He's going to stand here with me and watch as … somebody fucks Cookie into a coma? Cha-ching!
I can feel his whiskers brushing against my cheek and my ear. "Why are you growing a beard when it's hot as hell?" I ask him, trying not to be too turned on by the fact that Cookie is moaning like a whore and I can hear balls slapping against her ass. Fuck that's hot!
"Eyes on the show Ms. Swan, and I always do this. The kids get a kick out of how fast I can go from clean cut to Grizzly Adams during their time at camp. I'll shave it off after camp. It gets itchy." He takes a finger and pushes my face back toward the window. "You thought it was me, didn't you?" He asks and I feel his other hand slowly and gently trace across my stomach; leaving a trail of goosebumps. His warm breath on my neck is lulling me into a hormonal hurricane.
"Doesn't matter if I did, right?" I answer in a clipped tone, partly because I'm still a little mad at him but mostly because his hand is ever-so-slowly inching higher and higher until I feel his thumb graze the bottom of my breast. Yesss … please.
"Did you have fun at the pool? Doing things you weren't supposed to be doing?" The scruff on his face is so soft and as he brushes his jaw down my neck, his fingers lightly trace around and his hand cups and squeezes gently.
"Yesss" I whisper-moan.
His other hand joins in because he's into the show as much as I am and he's a guy and guys do crazy shit when they're horny and I'm going to let him because it's all I can do right now not toshove him to the ground and ride him like a barrel racer. I feel his face tighten and he chuckles lowly in my ear and down at hoohah central, the warning sirens are blaring and everyone's taking cover. The flood warning has been issued and it's every man for himself.
I tilt my head back toward his shoulder but he whispers "nuh uh uh" in my ear "watching, remember?"
"You ever come without even touching yourself down there Ms. Swan? Hmm?" He asks.
I watch as a hand reaches around and holds Cookie's tit, rolling and pinching her nipple. My own nipples are rolled and gently pinched at the same time and even though I'm not being plowed like she is, I'm damn near feeling it. I shake my head no and my arms snake up and behind me and I twist my fingers into Mr. Cullen's soft locks. My ass pushes backward and I feel the bulge in his shorts and it's making my head spin I want it so bad. I want him so bad!
"Show's almost over Ms. Swan. You don't want to miss out." He breathes into my ear while his hands make love to my tits and I'm feeling higher than I ever have and I'm blissing out. We watch quietly as his thrusts pick up speed and I'm so close. "Come on Ms. Swan, you can do this. Come for me … Bella."
Hearing him say my name while his hands deliciously molest my girls, and watching 'whoever' is in there jacking himself off onto Cookie's ass seems to be the right combination to push me off the cliff and I fall happily. I've never come this hard. Nobody has ever made me come so hard. No. Body! As my heart rate returns to normal and my hoohah is still throbbing in delight; celebrating the great flood that saved the town fromthe drought, I realize that Mr. Cullen is clearly holding me against him. This could be because my legs feel like jell-o, or it could be because he wants to hold me tight.
Oh, I'd love it if you'd lay me down and fuck me senseless right now.
"Mmm … I just bet you would." He lowly growls in my ear, his beard tickling me until I realize I said that out loud, and then I'm a little embarrassed. "We can't engage in that type of behavior here, remember?" He says in a teasing tone. He gently bites my ear, and then trails his hand slowly until he's inside my pj shorts. As if they'd been given a direct order from Moses, my legs part like the Red Sea. 'Access granted'
Mr. Cullen slowly slides farther south and cups my hoohah and I swear I hear her sing Allelujah. He pushes a couple fingers through my lips and moans in my ear. "So wet" he pulls them out just a bit and then slides them back inside and it feels SO good. "And still throbbing too! My, my, Miss Swan, that was some show wasn't it?" I tug on his hair and he nips at my neck. I feel his cock pressing against my back in a slow rhythm. His hand is busy tweaking my nipple while the other one finger fucks me into a fast and furious second orgasm. It is then that I know I have to have him, all of him.
He holds me tightly to him as I float down from the very loft of heaven itself. His fingers are still being hugged and kissed inside hoohah central. Hoohah says he can just stay. I agree. I whine as he begins removing his hand. Come back! Hoohah pleads. I'll support you! You'll never have to work again … just stay!
My head is resting on his chest and when he brings his fingers to his mouth and sucks on them, I know. I know, Mr. Cullen is light years ahead of guys like Jake. His sexual prowess is so far advanced, there's books written about it that I'm not old enough to buy yet! Like Jake would read a fucking book anyway. I want to drop to my knees and beg him to let me run away with him and take care of him and he can use me and abuse me every day for the rest of my life. Mr. Cullen owns me. I don't know if he knows that yet, but I sure do.
We hear a door shut and duck into the shadows before Cookie and Emmett! walk by on their way back to their respective cabins. "Emmett?" I whisper to Mr. Cullen and he's nodding and adjusting himself. It dawns on me that while I was riding the high that is Mr. Cullen, he did not have the hands on experience I just did.
"I can take care of that for you, if you like." I reach toward him but he shakes his head 'no'.
"Not necessary Ms. Swan." Back to 'Ms. Swan' … back to being at arm's length now too I guess.
"Fine. Don't say I didn't offer." I cross my arms and the girls are still standing at attention. It dawns on me then. "Hey! You asked if I had ever come without touching myself down there." He grins a crooked grin.
"I did. Then you did. Then when you did, I just had to see you do it again. You're beautiful when you come unraveled, you know that?" He holds his hand out and I take it. He walks with me to within 20 feet of the girl's cabins. Before he turns to leave though, his face gets serious and he adds, "You fuck any of these guys while you're at my camp," he's pointing back toward the guy's cabins, "I'll paint your ass red." He abruptly turns and walks off like the two of us didn't just have a thing minutes ago and I shuffle to our cabin completely dazed by all that's happened.
=O=O=O=O=O=O=O=
I couldn't look at Emmett or Cookie since I saw their X-rated version of Chopped. I glanced at his hand and all I could see was him jacking off and when I saw that, I saw her tit's and ass and then my mind stayed on Mr. Cullen and I was pretty much useless. To say that I'm a hot mess is like saying there's snow in Charlie Sheen's nose. I've never been so jacked up in all my life. I'm a walking, talking pulse and all I can think about is the setting of the sun and sneaking off in the dark with Mr. Cullen again.
I purposely tell Alice to go on to the pool without me and she gives me that knowing look because she's my best friend and she knows what's up and she knows I can take care of myself. I linger around between the cabins and the co-ed social area, then walk down by the gazebo, and end up by the swings. Nobody else is here because, well, they're swings and swings are boring and I'm a loser out here waiting for a man who has me hanging on every word. I'm pathetic. I don't do pathetic. It ain't so hot.
I finally give up and go over by the pool. I sit tonight because I do not want anybody else's hands on me now that I've had his hands on me. It's not because of what he said either; it's more because of the way I'm starting to feel about him. Even though he hasn't put his cock in me, I'm fucked. I sigh and lean back in the chair and listen to the others having fun in the pool.
I feel my phone vibrating and when I check it, it's a number I'm not familiar with, but a familiar jawline shows up on my screen and I'm wide awake now. I walk away from the pool and swipe my finger across the screen.
"How'd you get my number?" I ask with a smile on my face.
"I have my ways Ms. Swan. Where are you?" He sounds bored. I can fix bored.
"Coming to you. Where are you? Meet me." I don't want to beg, but... I'll beg if it means feeling him against me again.
He sighs into the phone and there's a pause. "I'm just getting back to camp actually. I had to run into town for something." There is another pause, longer this time. "Meet me at the East end of the parking lot." He says it like an order and not a request. I don't care at this point. I need him.
"On my way." I shut off my phone and slide it into my pocket as I look around me to make sure it's safe to go meet him.
The parking lot is strictly off limits for all campers. By the time I get to the far end of the parking lot, I find him parked behind a row of buses. He quickly gets out and he smells like cigarettes and cinnamon gum but I don't care. I push timid Bella to the ground and walk straight up to him and wrap my arms around him. He has on this plaid shirt that makes his eyes pop and while I want to ask him why in the world he's wearing long sleeves, I decide I really don't care what he's wearing at all.
"You look like you could use a hug," I kid with him and his crooked grin makes my heart do back-flips.
He wraps his arms around me and walks me backward to his car. He lifts me up and sets me down on the hood. It's still warm and I pull him toward me until I'm lying back on the car and his weight is so perfect on top of me. I run my fingers through his beard, scratching lightly with my nails and he lowers his head and finally … after nearly the entire first week of being here, his lips meet mine.
His mouth is possessive and I submit and he seems to feed off of that because he's growing. The bulge in his shorts presses right where I need it most and I can't help but grind myself on him. He feels so good! His tongue invades my mouth and just as I'm reaching into his hair to pull, he backs off. His head lowers and he pushes my shirt up and slides my bikini top to the sides like he's opening curtains to let the sunshine in. For about a half a second, I expect him to stop himself and tell me again how we can't be doing this, but I just don't care at this point. I've imagined rings and babies and a fucking van and I've known the man all of 5 days now. He's stormed in and took my heart somewhere it's never been before. I didn't want this, but it happened just the same.
I'm not ready for his mouth as he attacks my breasts. I thought his fingers were talented, but they have nothing on his mouth! I bet he could tie a cherry stem in a double knot with that tongue! I'm getting closer and closer and he's pulled my hands from his hair and is holding my arms over my head while his teeth nip and his tongue flicks and licks and sucks and he knows I'm so close! I am desperate for some friction and I'm raising my hips to meet him, but he's so tall, that I'm left wanting and needy.
"Oh Ms. Swan. What are you doing to me?" He whispers between little bites and kisses on the underside of my breasts. His fingers are barely tapping my nipples and rubbing them to and fro. "I don't do this Ms. Swan. Give in to my desires." His nips and kisses go lower with every confession. "I'm a strong man Ms. Swan", his hands tug at the button on my shorts, "but I'm damned, because I just can't stay away from you!"
My shorts and panties are suddenly dangling around one ankle and the air hitting me sets off the tremors. The Geiger counter is going to set a record if he keeps this up. I pull at his shirt and he stops everything long enough to pull it over his head and toss it onto the windshield. It's then that I'm met with his full frontal and he is without a doubt the most glorious creature I've ever laid eyes on. I wriggle my top off but I can't get my bikini untied and when he pushes me back down and murmurs 'leave it', I'm good to go. I look up at the stars and they're all shining extra brightly tonight. I take that as a sign that this is meant to be; that we're meant to be.
He puts my feet on the car hood and pushes me toward the windshield until he's right there and before I can catch my breath, he growls and is lapping at me like a dying man at an oasis. My head is rolling back and forth and his tongue is magic. The twitches and tremors are shaking me to my core. I prop up on my elbows and look down there; at the Pagan feast and I hear him say 'yes' before he continues to tease my hoohah into total blissed out submission.
I pull my knees higher and he grinds his mouth harder against me; his beard both tickling and scratching my thighs and I hope there's a rash there later to remind me he was down there. His hands move to squeeze my ass with one thumb nudging my back door and the other thumb slips inside me. Mr. Cullen's thumb … I swear, is bigger than some of the cocks I've had in me. I've never been thumb-fucked before, but I want to again and again as long as it's this thumb!
His thumb is buried and when his hand isn't hitting my clit, his mouth is … and since I've never took it up the ass, I'm hyper-aware that his other thumb is right there! He hums against me as he thrusts his thumb to the hilt and I come hard and long and he's still down there doing god-knows-what, but I'm euphoric. That's what I am.
"Jesus Christ, Bella Swan! You've … bewitched me!"
I sit up and slide to the edge of the car. I reach for his zipper and this time, he doesn't stop me. I hear his shorts hit the ground and at last see the myth behind the man right before he leans in and captures my mouth. Tasting myself on his lips and tongue is anything but gross and I don't have time to dwell on it anyway as Mr. Cullen no longer holds back his desires. With one long, wet, slow give … he's sheathed, and I'm in Heaven.
I've never been so full. He fills me over and over and the way his hips piston and grind against me assures me that if I live to be a hundred years old, I'll never see another night like this one. His grunts don't sound like anything juvenile, but manly and not in an old dude way, but in a caveman-claiming his woman way. He's claiming me. I'm claimed. I'm his.
He moves my ankles up around his neck and slows his thrusts as he runs his hands up my legs and kisses the inside of my calves. The way his beard is rough and soft at the same time is the way I want my man. Rough and yet gentle. I watch his face; his mouth nearly hidden in hair but still biting on his lip. His eyes look strained and this vein on his forehead stands out and just screams 'climax'.
"So tight. You. You come in here … into my life and … I can't see straight. I can't think of anything but you now. You've ruined me Bella. I have to have you; I have to make you mine! I just can't … won't … dammit!" His eyes are fierce with desire and anger and sadness and my heart feels all of this with him; for him.
"Say you're mine Bella!" He draws out slowly and his cock feels 12 inches long. "Say it!"
He pushes back inside me and it feels 4 inches thick! He leans over and lifts my hips and continues to thrust into me relentlessly. My pussy clenches tightly around him as my orgasm takes me and he doesn't come like I expect him to, but keeps going. This is the difference in him and the others. He's a man. He's so much more than all the others. He's taken, but I've gladly given and I'm done for now. That much is clear.
"I'm yours! I'm yours Mr. Cullen!" I whisper-scream with fireworks going off and the finger of the seismograph scratches back and forth at epic speed and reach. "Ohhhhhh God!" I'm coming and coming and he keeps sliding in and out and he's panting and sweat's dripping down on me and I'm his.
"Mine!" He growls. Thrusts. Harder. Deeper. "You're mine!" He shakes his head as if what he says just can't be… "This … it's mine, Bella. You are mine."
I don't expect his words to sound so reverent. I don't expect the look in his eyes to be so … lost. I don't expect to feel him thrust and release deep inside of me. The throbbing bringing me to and coaxing me over the edge and as he spills inside me, my body accepts and pulls and milks and takes all that he will give. All that it can get from him, it will … I will … gladly take.
As the comfort of his weight warms me, surrounds me … he rests his head on my chest. My heart beat is matched with the pulsing of his temporal vein. I run my fingers through his soft hair as I watch the stars twinkle light years away. With a deep breath and a sniffle, he submits … or, admits to me.
"My name is Edward … and, God help me Bella … I am yours."
=O=O=O=O=O=O=O=
As we walked back toward the lights of camp that night, there was lighthearted small talk and up until we were within hearing distance of the others, we talked as lovers did. There were no I love you's spoken. There were no promises made or even ground rules or an expectation to whatever this was we were venturing into. We parted at the flag pole beneath the stars and stripes with a slow, meaningful kiss goodnight. I fell into bed with my head in the clouds and my heart no longer in my possession. I slept soundly and dreamed of him.
I woke up to Alice staring at me like my Boxer, Bilbo, does when he's hungry. It startled me at first because she was this close to my face, but she was grinning from ear to ear and it was going to be a good day and I was glad my best friend was here to share this with.
"Oh Bella! You … have … been … naughty." I smile and cover my mouth and nod my head. "I can smell sex all over you! Spill bitch!" I can't wipe the stupid grin off my face as I relate to her, damn near play by play how my night with Mr. Cullen … Edward, played out. I left out the parts though, that felt too personal to share. The look on his face, the sound of his voice, and his tender words. She wants the goods. I give her that much. By the time I'm done, we're late for breakfast so we decide to hell with it.
Getting up to go shower, I feel him … or, where he's been. My hand travels south of its own accord and the ache between my legs reminds me of just how good last night was. I almost hate to wash him off me. I've always frowned upon pissing contests between guys, but there's a big part of me that wants to walk around smelling like him. I want others to know I've been marked, claimed. While I can't tell anyone who, I could still let it be public knowledge that someone owns me now.
Alice talks me into soap and water and convinces me that there will be more times he can mark me and then I can walk around smelling like his spunk, but not while she's within five feet of me. We laugh it off, and I know she's right. I think of where we might slip off to tonight. I feel like it's Christmas and I'm ten and I've been a very good girl and Santa is generous as hell.
As we make our way to the break room to get something to eat since Cookie's closed up the cafeteria (probably bent over the prep table again), Alice tells me about Jasper and how he asked her to be his girlfriend and that's cute. I'm happy for her. She seems happy about it too. I hug and congratulate her on a job well done. 'Rightbackatcha' she tells me and we sit down for cokes and potato chips. I don't have to tell her how my feelings have changed about Edward, because she can read me like a book.
Edward's office door is locked and I set off to find him. I go wash and dry and fold towels but he never shows. I check by the pool to see if he's cleaning it, no Edward. I look for him in the cafeteria during lunch, but he doesn't come eat. My spidey sense is tingling and that makes my heart drop and I feel a lead weight in my belly. I toss my uneaten food and notice that Cookie is giving me a knowing look.
Panic. That's what I feel when I get back to Edward's office and find the door open but no-one there. As I turn to leave, I hear a noise in the private restroom so I wait. Emmett comes out and looks at me with a long face. "I was wondering if you were going to show up today."
"Where's Edw … Mr. Cullen?" I ask, just barely caring that I sound like a frightened kid who fell for it all. Hook, line, and sinker. That's what this is, right? He's gone. I feel like I'm gonna throw up. I feel light-headed and I grab the chair for support.
"Sit down Bella." I do as he tells me and lean over onto his desk and rest my head in my hands. My mind is firing off in 49 different directions at the same time and all of them are bad. I can't think. What have I done? But last night was so … and he seemed so sincere. I'm angry. I'm ripped in half. Furious. Annihilated. Broken. I can't believe it.
Emmett doesn't sit behind the desk, but in the chair beside mine. He turns me to face him and more than once, he has to call my name and snap his fingers to get my attention. Something about Edward needing time to sort some things out and he will be gone for the duration of camp. Yada yada. See me again next year and he gives me a big ol Emmett hug and that's it.
I don't know how I got back to our cabin. I sure as hell don't remember walking. I climb into bed and curl up and wait. Part of me trusts that he didn't do what it sure as hell looks like he did. He'll come through that door … or call. CALL! SHIT! I fish my phone out of my shorts pocket from last night and swipe the screen. One message. YES! I rejoice and open the message. One word. 'YOURS' and the attachment is a headless selfie with his hand over his heart; still wearing the same plaid shirt from last night. I burst into tears immediately. What's this mean? What. Does. This. Mean?!
I call his number but it's no longer in service. FUCK! That was incredibly fast! What did he do, leave here and go straight to the cell phone place? Dammit!
He used me. He took what he wanted and he's done.
I feel so damn stupid. Here I thought I was hot shit; fucking guys on a whim and never ever letting one into my heart and ... the one time I fall. The one time I let myself feel and need and want to be part of something more, I'm crucified for it. A fuck and duck. I can't believe … the times I've avoided a guy like the plague after having his cock in my mouth; never taking anything seriously. I thought I was somebody. I thought I was some big shot. I didn't know shit! Experienced in the art of sex. Maybe so, but I'm reeling from this. The feeling of being the one left behind... the one who got played... it sucks ass! I lie on that fucking bed for … I don't even know how long, but Alice comes in and drops her pack.
"There you are! Holy shit Bella! I thought you were off with Mr. Cullen again until I heard Emmett and Rosalie talking about him high-tailing it out of here last night like his hair was on fire."
Alice opens her arms and pulls me in for a hug and I lose it. I bawl like some stupid-ass heartbroken 14 year old kid. She doesn't talk. She doesn't leave. She just stays there with me and holds me. The next morning, I tell Alice to tell Emmett that I have cramps and my period kicks my ass and I just can't get out of this bed today. Two out of three are the truth. Every thirty minutes or so, I call Edward's phone, but it's the same generic message every time. By 1:30, Emmett sticks his head inside the door and lightly raps on the door.
"Bella, umm...your mom's coming to get you." He looks at his watch and then back at me. "She should be here within the hour, if you want to … uno, pack and shower or whatever."
I just stare into the nothingness behind him. I have no words that won't be detrimental to Edward and even though I feel used and thrown away, there isn't enough hate in me right now to throw him under the bus. I care for him too much to hurt him … in any way. I'd never have just run out on him. Like I have others... karma fucks up the ass apparently.
"Look. I don't know what's going on exactly, but … dammit." He turns to leave but stops himself. "Edward is a good guy Bella. I could tell the moment I saw you two in the same room, that something was … going on, or just … the way he looked at you, was just… whatever is going on, went on … I don't need, want, care about details. Just know that he's a good guy. Just … don't forget that, okay?" I look into his eyes and see nothing but truth and sincerity. I nod and he's gone. Truth and sincerity. I thought I saw that in Edward's eyes too, but see how that turned out.
=O=O=O=O=O=O=O=
It's easy enough to blow mom off. When she complains the whole way home about having to miss going to see some famous author at a book signing today, because she had to come get me in the middle of camp, I know that she's not going to dig too deep into anything with me. We both know that she doesn't want to listen to any teenage drama.
Alice comes over when she gets back; asks how I am, and talks some more about Jasper and the last night of camp and singing and shit. She doesn't overdo it though, because she knows that I really could not give a fuck about camp.
Summer comes to an end. Jacob comes back, acting all weird. Like a woman don't know when a man is pulling up stakes and moving his RV to another hook-up. Well hell! Edward creeps back into my mind when I don't want him there and I feel like a loser all over again because I never saw it coming with Edward. Love is blind, right? Fuck.
School starts. Football season starts. Friday night lights and touchdown cannons and push-ups and ribbons and body glitter and aerials and basket tosses and liberties and I finally master the round-off-back-handspring full. Every time I do it the crowd cheers loudly and I'm amazing again, so I smile and my spirit fingers wiggle and all is well with the world.
At home, in my room full of trophies and medallions and boy bands on the wall and friends taped to my mirror, the mask drops to the floor full of dirty clothes, and sometimes I go with it. If I'm still enough, sometimes I can still feel the scruffy softness of his chin against my skin. The way his hands blazed a trail of fire and cleared the way for the rest of his body to come in, clear out and move on.
I feel like that all the time. Like I was razed and left behind … so I can either remain dead and desolate or I can grow. Grow up, let living, beautiful parts take root; take life. That's how it works right? Eventually … sometimes after what feels like forever, living takes over again. The fire will burn and scorch and scar, but then the wind will blow and cool. The rain will fall and soothe and nourish. The earth will renew itself and … life goes on.
I just want it to go on … with him.
=O=O=O=O=O=O=O=O=
September 11, 2009
Today was the last school day before my birthday. It was full of hugs and 'have fun on your birthday' wishes and loads of kids in the backs of cars and sitting in the setting sun at the Sonic, sipping milkshakes. Birthday kisses from friends and cupcakes from Alice and text messages about the big 'Bella's birthday! There's a party at the Brandon's house tonight after the game!' party.
I don't want it but yet I do. If that even makes sense. I want something to take my mind off of everything; off of him. I don't feel like celebrating … me, but I can't keep feeling like I'm dying. While it still cuts to the bone when I dwell on it, on him … it doesn't hurt as much as it did almost 15 weeks ago.
We win the coin toss, lead at half time and everyone is high on life and I sparkle and smile. It doesn't feel as fake anymore. More pushups than I can count, we've spanked the Tigers tonight. My ears ring from the touchdown booms. My eyes water from the cool wind out of the North. One more full and coach is clapping, nodding, happy with her flyer. As I smile and hop and cheer and spell out P-A-T-R-I-O-T-S one more time before the clock runs out. A beard in the crowd catches my eye. As quick as I see it, I don't anymore. A scrap of red flannel in a blink and my heart leaps in my chest like a fool, forgetting the months of crying, starving, wasting away all for what?
He's not the only man in the world who has facial hair! I scold myself for going back there so damn quickly. Have I learned nothing? I push it back down where it belongs and smile and clap and walk across the field. Good game. Good game. Good game. Good game. I don't pay attention to the faces. I never have. It's just something we do because it's expected. Because it wasn't a good game for these guys. They got their tiger-striped asses handed to them with a heaving helping of 'you suck' from their own teammates and so-called fans.
I desperately need to celebrate the fact that I'm old enough to buy cigarettes and smoke them. I can fucking vote now, for what good that does. I'm a legal adult. I'm not old enough to drink, but that isn't going to stop me tonight. I have things to celebrate. I have things to forget and new things to do and I'm bound and determined to do them.
Alice lives just out of town, far enough that no neighbors would call the police about the noise. Her parents are happy to have me over for my birthday and aren't strict enough to shake their fingers and 'no, no' at underage drinking. They do collect the keys and nobody leaves. Responsible enough I guess, right?
I'm not so drunk that I don't notice Jacob and Leah huddled up by the bonfire. The Friday night football star; her star. The way she looks at him and him at her is … beautiful. I'm not jaded or jealous. I'm happy for him. He meant no more to me than any other guy I ever fucked. Well, except for him, except for Edward.
Alice and Jasper are tongue deep in teacher/student relations and he's a quick study apparently. The fire dies down and kids pass out and sleep it off. Some pair off and go scratch their itch. Some … well, just me and a few others, just sit here and drunkenly stare into the flames. Tired from the singing and dancing and just piss faced from all the alcohol.
I fall backward to the blanket and after my eyes adjust a bit, I notice the stars. I deliberately avoided them for so long. I ignored them because when I did look to the heavens, it brought back that night with a crippling force. It doesn't handicap me now though … not since I embrace it for what it was.
Painful. Beautiful. Devastating. Awakening. Love.
It was a learning experience. A lesson everyone learns in due time. My time with Edward Cullen … took me to new levels that I can't ever regret. I think about it and it hurts to regret it so I embrace it. Him. It took me down a peg or two. Showing me that while I was a pretty girl who thought she knew everything about everything, I really didn't know anything. Nothing that matters in real life. I know that now. I'll carry that with me and put it to future use for the next unfortunate soul that dares to cross my path and tamper with my heart.
The stars swirl and blur and the tears flow and gather in my ears. The fire in my belly relaxes and lulls me and I drift and wake; drift and wake. Smoke swirls overhead and frogs and crickets sing in the distance and there's just … peace. Sleep.
A soft and scruffy, cinnamon scented kiss to my forehead followed with 'Happy Birthday my beautiful, beautiful Bella.' My eyes don't fly open or swell with tears, and panic or sorrow doesn't hurt my heart. Not anymore. Instead, I just smile. My sleepy smile. I know that he's always going to be out there somewhere, probably far away but always close in my dreams.
"My Edward …" I mumble sleepily.
"Yes, love … Yours" a voice whispers in the breeze.
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