Olivia Benson was polishing off the last of her morning OJ when her mobile vibrated from the bench. She knew she was running late, but she hadn't expected it to be crisis-calling late. Flipping it open, she put the phone to her ear and grabbed her Gucci bag, closing the door behind her.

"I'm on my way," she voiced as she headed down the stairs of her apartment building.

"Olivia…" it was Cragen.

"I'm sorry, Captain, my alarm didn't-"

"Olivia," his voice was stern and serious and Olivia stopped talking, long enough to listen to what the boss had to say. "It's Elliot!"

Olivia's heart gave an instant tug. Was he okay? Had he been in an accident? Her hand rested on her fleeting stomach, as if that would erase the knots that had instantly built up in the course of seconds.

"Is he okay?" she croaked. She felt dizzy, an instant headache, coming on.

"I don't think so…" he responded.

Olivia drew back a breath, her mind rampant with the possibilities, as she stopped dead at the end of the hallway. She felt the weight of the news crush her chest and she struggled for air. No, she pleaded silently please don't let him die.

"It's his mother, Olivia, she died this morning…" for a brief moment she couldn't understand how the two connected. What did his mother have to do with the critical condition that Elliot was in? Then it dawned on her, it wasn't Elliot that had been hurt. He wasn't dead. He wasn't lying somewhere gasping for his last breath. Olivia took a moment for herself to breathe a sigh of relief. Her partner was okay. It took another moment to understand the situation. His mother… she was dead.

Olivia wracked her brain for a solution, but all she could think of was seeing Elliot. As long as he was okay, she'd find a way to handle the rest. Maybe there was something she could do to help…

"Where is he?" she asked as she got back the control of herself and made her way onto the streets of Manhattan, to hail a taxi.

"At home,"

"Captain, can I-"

"Yeah," he replied. "Take the day off and go see if you can do something." Olivia muttered a thanks before hanging up. A taxi pulled up to the curb and she climbed in. "Queens," she ordered. The taxi driver made his way back into the traffic.

Her mind flashed back to years before, when it had been her, with the news that her mother was dead. With nowhere else to turn, and no other family to lean on, she worked all day, ignoring the gnawing pain in her heart. She knew how he'd be feeling and her compassion and empathy for him was strong.

As she entered Queens, she gave the taxi driver the address to Elliot's house, and paid the fair when she arrived, thanked the driver, and got out.

With a deep breath, she approached the door, the crushing weight unmoved from her chest. The door opened and Kathy stood rigid in the doorway, a pale color to her face.

"Hi, Olivia…" her voice was cool.

"I heard about El, I'm sorry…" she shrugged.

"Thanks. He's not feeling too crash hot right now, I don't think he's up for visitors…" she told her, making no move to invite her inside.

Olivia nodded. "I can understand that," Olivia herself had been reluctant to talk about it. All she had wanted at the time was to bury herself in paperwork and forget about it.

"Kathy… who is it?" Elliot's voice boomed somewhere up the end of the house. Kathy shuffled her feet uncomfortably.

"It's-" she looked at Olivia and cocked her head slightly, as if she was silently trying to tell her something. Olivia wasn't reading between the lines. "It's Olivia…"

A moment later he appeared in the doorway, opening it and gesturing for his partner to step inside. "Hi…" he embraced her in a hug, holding her close to him, as if it was the only solace he could accept. "Thanks for coming," he whispered.

I've been sitting her staring at the clock on the wall

And I've been layin' here prayin', prayin' she won't call

It's just another call from home you'll get it and be gone

And I'll be cryin'

Olivia pulled him at arm's length, conscious of the glance Kathy was giving her. She had no desire to take over Kathy's role as the wife, and she purposely kept herself at a distance. "Is there something I can do?" she asked.

"No," he shook his head as he led her into the kitchen. His eyes were blood-shot and he'd gained five years to his face. Olivia's heart tugged as she wished just for once, she could have taken his pain away and made it her own. She was equipped to deal with this, she had years of vacant painful experiences behind her, she knew how to cope with them.

Elliot, had always had the ability to suppress them over time, and somewhere, someplace, they managed to escape him, pouring out in anger, as he punched walls… people… garbage cans… this, she knew, would be no different. He would not deal with it. He would not think about it, or "wallow" as he once said. He would simply ignore it until it found another way to break out.

Olivia looked to Kathy. "Is there something you need… groceries, or- I could babysit?" she offered.

Kathy shook her head. "No. We're fine. But thanks."

"Okay, well if you think of anything-"

Elliot pulled her back into his arms then, burying his head in the crease of her neck. Aware that Kathy was watching, she did her best to conceal her own emotions, but it was near impossible. Having him in this proximity brought up emotions she had been trying to restrain for a decade. He was the only man in her life, the only man she trusted with all her heart. Olivia closed her eyes, engraving the feeling into her heart, before she let him go again, barely able to breathe.

"I should leave you to it…" she shrugged.

"You're leaving already?" Elliot did nothing to hide his disappointment. 'You don't want to stay for a coffee or…"

"Not today," she said softly offering him the smallest smile. "Kathy has your back. If you need anything… whatever it is, if I can help…"

"Thanks, Liv," he nodded.

"No worries," she said.

Elliot collapsed into the nearest kitchen chair, and Kathy walked her to the door. "Thanks for coming…" Kathy said.

It was no secret between the women that Olivia had feelings for Elliot that were reserved only for those in a relationship. But Kathy also knew, whole-heartedly that Olivia would never make a move on him, she understood the vows of a marriage, and she never crossed the line, between friends and more. Kathy had found a way of being tolerable with her; after all she had saved the life of her fifth child, Eli.

"I just don't want Elliot to bottle this one up," Olivia explained as they reached the front entrance.

"That's my problems, not yours!" Kathy responded harshly.

Olivia stepped back, feeling the tension between them. She could understand that Kathy was frustrated and upset, and she gave her leniency for that, but there was no excuse to treat her with such disrespect. "It's mine too, when he comes to work and I have to deal with the outburst."

Olivia stepped outside the door.

"Goodbye, Olivia!" Kathy closed the door without another word.

Olivia was awake when her mobile went off. She rolled over and snatched it from the bedside cupboard, where she kept it. Blinking her eyes long enough to focus, she read the text message.

LET ME IN. I'M DOWN STAIRS. EL

It took a moment for the text to register, before she peeled back the covers and buzzed him in. She heard the entrance door click from a distance, and waited a moment until she heard his footsteps in the hall. She used the peek hole to double check, always cautious not to let in strangers, and when she saw his face, she opened the door.

"Hi…" he greeted.

Olivia stepped aside gesturing for him to come in. "Hey."

Elliot stepped through the door and instantly flopped down on the couch, making himself at home. "I couldn't stay at home anymore."

"What happened?"

"Kathy is hovering over me every moment. I can't manage to catch my breath, I…"

Olivia took a seat beside him, careful not to sit too close, giving them both enough room to move. "She's doing what she can, El. She doesn't know how to help."

"You do…" he looked over at her, that long lingering look that caused her heart rate to amplify. Why did he do that? He had to know what affect he had on her, had to know that every time he looked at her with that kind of desire, it made it all the more impossible to turn him away.

Olivia kept her voice even, unwilling to show him her emotions. "I've been there. I understand it," she said as if it were really all that simple.

Like the embrace at his apartment, earlier that day, Elliot made a swift move to pull her to him, crushing his mouth on hers, parting his lips beneath hers to deepen the forbidden kiss. She responded, closing her mouth over his, long enough to savor the taste of him, before she pressed her palm to his broad chest, breaking them apart.

I'll be begging you baby, beg you not to leave

I'll be left her waiting with my heart on my sleeve

For the next time we'll be here, seems like a million years

And I think I'm dyin'

"What?" he panted attempting to move back in.

"No, El," she gasped. Her head was spinning with the actions she'd offered in response to his. He had just lost his mother. He was grieving. He was not thinking straight. "We can't do this… you're upset."

"I want to," he insisted pulling at the buttons on her shirt. Olivia struggled with herself, but her hand seized his, holding them away from her. "I know what I'm doing…"

"I don't think you do," she said sternly. "I don't want you to make a mistake, and if I thought that doing this would take the pain away, I would do it in a heartbeat."

"It will take the pain away," he assured her.

"It might, for a few minutes maybe, but it will ruin your marriage, and I can't do that to you, El…" as hard as it was to turn him away.

He sat up straight and gathered himself together, a look of fear and regret settled across his face, breaking her heart in the process. "God, I made a mess of this, didn't I?"

"No," she said gripping his hand tightly in hers. "It's normal for you to be feeling all this, it's just… it'll pass."

He managed to steal a glance at her face. "Yeah," he muttered. "It'll pass."

The kiss was not mentioned the following morning. Olivia attended the funeral for moral support, thinking nothing of his stupidity, and chalking it up to a weak moment of grieving. As she stood beside her partner in the front, his wife and children surrounding their presence, she felt Elliot reach out and take her hand. It did NOT go unnoticed by Kathy. Olivia felt her stomach flutter at the feel of his hand in hers, she knew that this gesture belonged to the rights of a wife, but she did not want to reject him now, in this moment of weakness.

The minster babbled on about the "woman's time" being over, and Olivia stood silent, trembling slightly at the proximity to her partner.

What do I have to do to make you see?

She can't love you like me

Why don't you stay?

I'm down on my knees

As the minister finished his speech, they watched as the coffin was lowered to the ground. Olivia remembered Elliot's mother, showing her a childhood photo album. She could still see the picture of young Elliot dressed as a carrot for a school production, as cute as she had ever seen a child, she had laughed silently when she'd seen the shot.

Olivia declined to offer, when Elliot asked if she'd like to come back to his place for a coffee. She had already spilt over into his personal life, a little too much for her liking. As close as she knew she and El were at work, she felt she was treading on Kathy's toes, when it came to the outside world. She already took so much time away from her, getting the majority of his hours at work. It was only fair for her to step back, and let his wife take the role.

"I'll see you tomorrow," she nodded.

He leaned in to hug her goodbye, and she stiffened in his arms, feeling Kathy's glare seep right through her.

Olivia said her goodbyes to Kathy and the kids, and departed.

It took an hour to get back to her apartment, and once she was there, she broke down in tears, as she realized the extent of her emotions, when it came to her relationship with her partner.

Olivia and Elliot went back to work the next day and their lives began to take the same routine, catching the perps and writing out paperwork, occasionally talking about something more than the weather. But when Olivia refused a ride home one night, Elliot called her on it.

"You have been real weird about that the last week or so," he observed. "What's going on?"

"Nothing," she lied shifting uncomfortably in her desk chair.

"No, what's the issue?" he pressed.