Chapter 1-Prologue
Disclaimer: This is Deidara speaking. I'm 100% sure that Spazzy doesn't own Naruto, yeah. I'm also completely convinced that she isn't beast enough to own Katie Perry either…So please don't freak out and call authorities. She really hates the padded cells.
Weekdays at the two-story Akatsuki apartment are surprisingly routine.
Everyone is totally enrapt in their personal catastrophes:
Deidara is always whining about taming his hideous bed head, and his panicked hunting around for Konan's hair products makes him perpetually late for his shift at the coffee house on top of their apartment.
Hidan is always misplacing his black Jashinist messenger bag, which leads to him grumpily storming and screaming profanities at Deidara when he constantly hogs the ONLY bathroom in their apartment (which is pretty much Every. Single. Day.).
Tobi is always brandishing his random cereals in other people's faces, always shrieking about how "WE HAVE LUCKY CHARMS! LUUCKKKY CHAARMMMS!" and forgetting to put the chocolate milk he uses back in the fringe.
Kakazu always shoves him out of the way and always struggles to get fiber-full Cheerios, which keep all five of his heats in tip-top shape, amid the array of sugary breakfast cereal consumed by the younger Akatsuki.
Satsui, Tobi's spazzy younger cousin, is always fighting her demented Care Bear alarm clock and is bound to get hurt one way or another. She usually rolls downs stairs with her glasses askew and her choppy black hair falling in her face.
Their days occurred in such a delicate balance, undisputed by pretty much everything, but the members didn't really dwell on it too much.
Granted, they weren't actually normal days. The younger member, Tobi and Satsui, made absolutely sure that every day was a regular freak show. Neighbors always complained about excessive noise pollution, especially after they discovered Canada's "freaking awesome" underground punk-rock scene and took to blasting it through the apartment's gigantic stereo system (one that was definitely obtained through questionable means).
Similarly, Pein has to repeatedly beat Tobi and his partner-in-crime, Satsui, over the heads when they try to blow up valuable antiques in an attempt to distract their care takers (namely Konan) and create an opportunity to ditch school unnoticed to go explore the shadier parts of Ontario. Cause he and Konan are just that stupid. I don't think so.
Needless to say, they were ALWAYS caught and driven (dragged) back to school by the more mature, college-going members of the Akatsuki.
Which pretty much meant being forced to hitch a ride from one seriously pissed (but slightly amused) Itachi and his endearingly righteous partner Kisame, who made it is God-given duty to deliver a speech about "the need for proper education in today's lackadaisical society". (Whatever that means) Every. Single. Time.
Truth be told, they were all getting used to all these formalities.
Neither Satsui nor Tobi really understood the reasoning behind why they had to endure high school. Both of them kind of hated it. Teachers were constantly hounding them for not being able to keep quiet or sit still for very long.
They weren't exactly known for their concentration and (more for the complete absence of an attention span).
Besides, cafeteria food could make Hidan's cooking look absolutely gourmet.
And NO ONE should have to go through that kind of torture.
Anyways, that was the current predicament they were in: being driven back to the beat-up local high school by a black-haired, caffeine-deprived college student and his maternal blue roommate.
Who was currently giving a wonderful lecture about how skipping the school for the 26th time was utterly irresponsible, and went on and on about how kids who didn't get educations allegedly became crack heads who lived on the street, or poor hobos who had to eat rotten sushi from trashcans, ect. ect.
Y' know, just the usual.
Hidan and Kakazu were also bumming a ride with them, having been recently accepted as undergraduates at the University of Ontario, They sat in the row right behind the driver, and were bickering about whether or not they could grab a coffee before class.
"Not in a million years, Hidan. Coffee on campus is like $6 and ounce." smirked Kakaku. The stitch man folded his arms in confident decisiveness This lovely gesture earned Kakazu a huge shove from his enraged partner.
"Don't tell me what to do old man!" screamed Hidan. And with that, the overgrown child pounced on his boyfriend/partner and began to wrestle for his wallet.
At this point, the car was in total chaos, with the two zombie twins lunging out at each other, and Kisame stopping mid-lecture to yell at them to "SIT THE HELL DOWN, WE'RE GONNA GET PULLED OVER!!"
Satsui chose this moment to fish out her neon orange I-pod from her worn-out brown cargo-pants. She scrolled down the playlists with a mischievous smile. Tobi begged her to play one of his all time favoirites.
He whispered it into her ear, and she began to giggle in agreement. She successfully freaked the rest of the passengers out by blasting said all time classic at full volume. Hidan fell on Kakaku's lap and began twitching in horror.
In fact, she and Tobi even began a sing-along duet at the tops of their voices, if only to further upset the tormentors who were dragging them back to hell.
"CAUSE YOU'RE HOT THEN YOU'RE COLD!"
"YOU'RE YES, THAN YOU'RE NO!"
"You're IN, then you're OUT!"
"You're UP, then you're DOW-"
"For the love of GOD, MAKE IT STOP!" screamed a usually reserved Itachi. He angrily turned around from his shotgun seat in the oversize Akatsuki van (think rectangular and black, the kind rock stars use to carry equipment) and glared at the two bloodied college kids in the middle row, shooting special rays of death at the other hyper-active teenagers sitting in the back, .
Satsui and Tobi immediately collapsed into a fit of giggles. Even cranky Kakaku, who was less than pleased about being tackled by his albino partner at 7 am, cracked a grin at the general disorder. "Wow," he commented, "We sure are a messed up bunch, huh?"
"Konan needs to stop feeding them Lucky Charms for breakfast, that's what the problem is." sighed Itachi, the pertinent lack of coffee making him much more irritable that usual. He was seriously considering blowing up their accursed van.
Kisame noticed the dark circles under his weary eyes, and put his arm around him in an attempt to give him a reassuring hug. Fortunately, he just pulled up in the local high school parking lot, and Itachi seized the opportunity to end his misery.
Before they could utter another accursed lyric, he grabbed Satsui and Tobi by the scruff of their necks and flung the two trouble makers out of the van. "Thank God. I thought it would never end!" he exhaled in relief.
Kisame began making a U-turn, grudgingly allowing himself a smile when he caught a glimpse of the two youngest Akatsuki members shoving each other and laughing hysterically as them met up with their other best friends. T
The familiar scene invoked a lot of pleasant memories of his own adocelence. Yeah, he had some good times with the gang. "C'mon yah sharky sap. We gotta get outta here." griped Hidan. He merely chuckled and hugged Itachi closer as he pulled out of the lot.