Disclaimer: Characters property of the Wolfman and NBC. For entertainment purposes only.
Author's Note: My first fanfic. I hope you like it. Feedback and constructive criticism welcome. Haters can go listen to Celine Dion.
Imperfect
Alex absentmindedly flipped through the channels as she ruminated over the verdict granted a few hours ago. The words of the jury foreman still stung in her ears: "We find the defendant not guilty."
It was no secret that Alex hated to lose. But few people understood how deeply these losses affected her. Every time a defendant walked free, it felt like a knife slicing through her heart. She blamed every loss solely on her own perceived shortcomings, regardless of how weak a case may have been. Alex was always her own harshest critic. She would replay the proceedings in her head for hours, analyzing all the ways that she could have done better.
Alex Cabot didn't choose to stay with SVU for what little glory she received. No, she truly wanted to help make a difference in the world. Her family had always instilled a sense of justice and fairness in her. She recognized how fortunate she was to be born into a wealthy, politically connected, highly educated and unwaveringly supportive family. After meeting all kinds of dysfunctional families throughout her career, she had come to really appreciate her upbringing.
That's why the verdict from today's case hit Alex particularly hard. The body of sixteen year old Rico Salvetti was discovered in Washington Square Park. There was evidence of sexual assault, so the case was assigned to SVU.
During the course of the investigation, several disturbing facts were uncovered. Rico's parents had kicked him out of their house five months prior to the murder, right after he came out to them. Fin and Munch drew the short straw and had to notify his parents. Mrs. Salvetti was devastated, but claimed that Rico was murdered because "sinned against God." Mr. Salvetti's reaction was even worse. He claimed that Rico was no longer his son, and that "the little faggot got what was coming to him." They refused to hold a funeral for him, or even pay for a cemetery plot.
After Rico was kicked out, he bounced around to different friends' houses, but was never able to stay in one place for too long. Eventually, he met Justin Eggert, a 31 year old hedge fund trader. Justin took him in, and the two quickly became lovers. However, Justin soon became abusive. Rico's knew he deserved better, but he saw no way out of this situation. He had nowhere to live, barely went to school, and avoided his friends so he wouldn't have to answer any questions.
One day, Rico ran into one of his old friends, Drew, at a deli. He couldn't hold it in anymore. Rico broke down and told Drew everything. Drew arranged with his parents to let Rico stay with them while they figured out their next steps. Unfortunately, a few days later, Justin convinced Rico to come back. When Rico came back, Justin violently raped him, strangled him, and then dumped Rico's body in the park.
Despite evidence linking Justin to the murder, he had a high powered attorney, a parade of character witnesses, and no prior offenses. To top that off, his tearful testimony made him seem like a kind soul who took in a homeless teenager, and who was now traumatized by Rico's death.
The jury had enough reasonable doubt not to convict.
Alex was devastated that she had let Rico down. Even though she had never met him, she knew what it was like to be a scared, gay teenager. But her outcome was very different.
Alex always knew that deep down, she preferred girls. When she started high school, she dated a couple of boys, though none of those relationships was ever serious. In her junior year of high school, she met a new classmate who would become her first love. Gina was a beautiful brunette who was originally from Oregon. She had a warm engaging nature and fun loving personality. Gina was also a confident and out of the closet lesbian. Alex developed a major crush on Gina, and soon she discovered that Gina felt the same way. When Gina asked her out on an official date, Alex knew she had to tell her parents.
Alex was terrified to break this news. But to her complete shock, her parents gave her their full support. They knew that there would be rumors and gossip among their circle of friends, but Alex was their daughter, and they would love and support her no matter what. They assured Alex that they just wanted her to be happy. Alex and Gina became a couple soon after, and dated for the remainder of high school. For the most part, Alex's friends were also very supportive, and the ones who weren't, well, they weren't her friends anymore.
After graduation, Alex and Gina drifted apart. They tried dating long distance when they started college, but it wasn't working for either of them. The relationship ended amicably, and although she was broken hearted, Alex would always be grateful to Gina for giving her a lifelong gift: the courage to be herself. That relationship, along with the support from her family and friends, allowed Alex to become comfortable with her true identity.
Alex glanced at her phone. It was almost seven P.M. She'd been so lost in her thoughts that she thought she may have missed a call or text from Olivia. But there was nothing. Olivia usually let her know if she would be working late, so she expected Olivia to be home any minute.
As if on cue, she heard a key clicking the door lock. Alex stared intently at the door as she waited for Olivia to walk in.
As soon as her eyes met Olivia's, they blurred with tears.
Olivia quickly closed the door and rushed over to the couch to take Alex into her arms. At first, neither woman spoke. Olivia silently held Alex as she cried.
A few minutes later, Alex broke the silence.
"Liv," she choked out, "I couldn't - I didn't-"
"Shhh," Olivia whispered in Alex's ear, "I know, baby. I heard."
"But Liv, Rico will never have justice. I failed him, just like everyone else in his life did," Alex sobbed.
Olivia broke the embrace, lifted Alex's head, and gazed into her eyes. "Alex, you did everything you possibly could have. No one, and I mean no one, fights as hard as you do for the victims."
Alex's tears continued to flow. "I know that a conviction wouldn't have brought him back. But Rico deserved better, and I couldn't give him what he deserved."
Olivia let out a deep breath and glanced at the wall. She was beginning to feel her own eyes moisten, and needed a few seconds to figure out what to say next. Olivia knew all too well how it felt to fail a victim.
She gripped Alex's shoulders and looked back into her eyes. "You know Alex, sometimes the good guys don't win. Sometimes the world just plain sucks, and there's nothing we can do about it. But we have each other. We understand each other. Very few people could deal with the horrors we see day after day. We'll never win them all, and sometimes we have to accept defeat. The world will never be perfect, but we have to keep fighting."
"But it's all so futile. There'll always be more rapes, more people's lives ruined, more perps getting away with it...why bother?" Alex got up from the couch and walked over to the window. She gestured towards the outside world. "Right now, someone could be getting raped. Someone else could be contemplating suicide. Someone is probably being abused. What's the point?" Alex turned her back to Olivia and stared out at the city lights.
Olivia walked over and hugged Alex from behind. "We can't focus on that. We are making a difference. Just think of how much worse this city would be without us trying to get the bad guys. No, we won't get everyone. But putting away even one perp is making a positive difference. It's preventing future crimes. It's punishing people for what they've done. It's giving a sense of control back to the victims, or their loved ones. If we gave up, then all the bad guys would win."
Alex overlapped her arms with Olivia's. "You're right. But that doesn't make it any easier."
"I know Al. It takes a special person to want to do this work. You care so deeply, I know you do. You have the biggest heart of anyone I know."
Alex chuckled bitterly. "You're the only one who thinks so."
"That's not true. The guys think you're amazing. We're lucky to have an ADA who cares so much. No one else would go through the lengths you do for these victims. And Liz, McCoy, and Abbie, I'm sure they'd tell you that the reason you're so successful is because you care so much."
Olivia continued, "We can't do it all, but we can do our best. Even a small positive dent in the world can make a huge difference to someone."
Alex turned to face her. "Liv, I know you're right. But this one...it hurt so much."
Olivia wrapped her arms around Alex again and held her tightly as they both shed tears.
"I love you, Liv," Alex whispered. "I love you so much. I can't even imagine how hard my life would be without you in it."
"I love you too Alex," Olivia responded.
As their embrace broke, Alex walked back to the couch. Olivia followed her, and the two sat side by side.
"Liv?" Alex asked.
"Yeah, sweetie?" Olivia replied.
Alex's voice shook as she spoke. "Promise me that you'll always be here to hold me. That I'll never have to face any of this alone."
"Always," Olivia assured her.
"And I'll do the same for you." Alex vowed.
"Thanks, baby, but I already knew that," Olivia said. Olivia stood up from the couch and motioned for Alex to do the same. "Now come on, you need to get to bed. You've had a rough day and you need to relax. I'll get ready too, and you'll be back in my arms in no time."
"Thank you Liv. You're my world."
"You're my world too. Now go lay down. I'll be there in a few minutes," Olivia said, as she leaned in to kiss Alex's forehead.
Alex walked into the bedroom and changed into her pajamas. She settled under the covers and thought about the conversation that just took place.
A few minutes later Olivia eased herself into the bed. Alex quickly settled herself into Olivia's arms. "Liv, I know the world will never be perfect. But my life with you as close to perfect as possible."