Once in a Lifetime, a how i met your mother fanfic

Okay, what to say about this little fanfic... I have only done this once before, so I'm fairly new at it and I'm trying out some different things as I go along. This one jumps more back and forth between different scenes than my first one did, and I haven't quite figured out how to make that work smoothly yet, so apologies for that. I wrote this more for my own amusement than anything else, so I didn't worry too much that everything would be perfectly logical, so there might be a few plot holes along the way. I hope it still works anyway.

This was written the week episode 504 aired, so some of the stuff that happened after that I guess probably didn't happen here. However I do expect that Barney and Robin will be broken up sooner or later, so in this story they are broken up. There are some minor spoilers for episode those who haven't seen episode 502.

The stuff in italics is Future Ted's narration.

Hmm, I think that's all I had to say.

Kids, some things in life you're bound to go through. First time you realize Mom is not going to cook dinner for you at your apartment and you have to figure out what you can make out of macaroni and potato chips. Getting a computer virus that ruins your day if you're lucky and robs you of all your files if you're an unlucky idiot who didn't backup. Having your heart broken. But then there are other things that only a very lucky few get to experience. Winning a million dollars on the lottery. That one special kiss that can change your life forever and is unlike any other kiss you'll ever experience. Finding the image of the Virgin Mary in your breakfast cereal, although Aunt Lily still claims that what Uncle Marshall saw was just rice crispies. Kids, this is the story of what happened on Valentine's Day 2010.

McLaren's, Tuesday

"Dude!"

Ted looked up as Barney slid into the booth and kept in a groan. If the greeting consisted of merely a "dude" Barney probably had something up his sleeve.

"Sunday night is bro's night out" Barney declared, proving Ted's hypothesis. "I have the whole thing planned out; we are going to teach New York what it means to be awesome!"

"Do we have to?" Ted asked. "All I do at work is teach; it would be nice to not do some teaching on my time off."

Barney shot him a look and took a sip from the beer Wendy the waitress handed him.

"We haven't been out broing together in--"

"All of two weeks" Ted finished the sentence. "Look, Barney--"

"So you're in, excellent."

"Actually I can't go. In case you've missed it, Sunday is Valentine's Day."

"Which would actually mean something if you had a girlfriend" Barney replied. "It would mean that you would have to spend the evening pretending to be all excited that you get to buy her jewelry and far too expensive heart-hugging teddybears. Since you're single, you're going out bro-ing with me."

"Barney I can't. I have a date with that girl who works at the grocery store by Marshall and Lily's place."

"Cancel it" Barney demanded.

"Wait, you're asking me to cancel a date?" Ted's eyebrows hit the ceiling. "On Valentine's? Isn't that against the Bro Code in some way?"

"No, it is actually in honor of the Bro Code" Barney insisted. "Bros before hos. Come on Ted, you know that rule."

"I'm sure I will regret asking this, but why exactly are we going out bro-ing on that particular night?"

"What?" Barney asked, sporting a little too innocent face. "Can't a bro desire to go out bro-ing with his fellow bros out of sheer bro-dom? That you would even ask me such a thing just bro-ke my heart. It really bro-thers me that--"

"Alright, alright!" Ted said and raised his hands in a sign of surrender. "I'll try, but I've got to tell you, cancelling on a woman on Valentine's is a sure way of assuring you'll never get a date with her again. And I actually like this girl."

"If you check my blog you'll find a list of made-up emergencies for such an occasion" Barney informed. "You'll love it. It has a Gone with the Wind theme. Frankly, my bro, I do give a damn about second chances to get laid."

Before Ted could make any further comments, Marshall, Lily and Robin joined them at the booth. Marshall hadn't even sat down before Barney was informing him on what his plans would be for Valentine's Day.

"It's going to be all night, all bros, all awesome!" he insisted.

"Sunday?" Lily said. "But that's Valentine's Day."

"Yeah, I'm sorry Barney, but I can't go out bro-ing on Valentine's Day" Marshall said. "Lily and I have plans."

"To do what?" Barney questioned. "Look into each other's eyes and pretend it's not boring? Eat dinner in front of the TV? Fall asleep at eight-thirty without having had sex?"

"That does sound like a Sunday" Marshall agreed.

"I don't care if that is all we do" Lily said firmly. "Spending the evening together with the one you love, that's what's important."

"Oh please" Barney scoffed.

"You might as well give in Marshall" Ted said and shrugged his shoulders. "I've already agreed to cancel my date."

"Now that is just uncool" Lily said with a glare in Barney's direction. "You don't mess with Valentine's day."

"Oh Lily" Barney said with a theatrical sigh. "I guess it should come as no surprise that you have fallen for such cheap, commercial marketing ploys. Why is there even a day earmarked for love? Is love not something that should be experienced every single day? Is it in fact not a mockery of love to uphold one single day every year as the day we should remember those we care about the most?"

"Aww, man" Lily sighed. "I know you didn't mean a single word, but you still have a point."

"Great!" Barney said and triumphantly slammed his hand on the table. "It is settled then. Sunday night is bro's night out."'

"Mind if I ask why it's so important that you go out bro-ing on a Sunday?" Robin said.

"There's no reason" Barney said innocently.

"Free alcohol for singles at some fancy pub?" Robin guessed. "Free strippers for singles at your favorite strip club? Free alcohol and strippers at some really shady strip club?"

"No."

"Well there's something" Robin insisted.

"You said you had the whole evening planned out" Ted said, getting suspicious. "I'm telling you right now that if it involves prostitutes, gambling or any underaged women I'm not going to be part of it."

"Why would you automatically assume that--"

"Saves time."

"Well for your information it has nothing to do with strippers, prostitutes or gambling" Barney said, looking hurt.

"It worries me that you left out underaged women" Lily said.

"Relax, I'm not taking them to another high school performance of High School Musical" Barney assured her. "It was a miserable enough experience the first time."

"High school performance of Grease perhaps?" Robin guessed.

"Oh Robin, don't you know I never repeat myself?" Barney said. "Now if you'll excuse me, there's a hot redhead over by the jukebox who won't seduce herself."

With that he was off, and the others were left rolling their eyes.

We didn't think any more of it, and the rest of the week went by fast. Suddenly it was Sunday, and time for Barney's big bro-s night out.

Lasertag, Sunday

"This is your idea of a bro's night out?" Marshall asked as he walked up to Barney at the laserhall. "What happened to the rule that a bro's night out had to include cigars, alcohol and women?"

"Oh the evening will" Barney insisted. "I've got alcohol and cigars in my suit pockets, and if you look around you'll notice that the long haired people following the kids around are all females of the mother variety. Still counts, although I'm no longer allowed to hit on mothers who bring their kids here to play lasertag. Where's Ted?"

"Oh he couldn't make it."

"What?"

"Something came up."

The truth is, even though I had kind of wanted a way out of Barney's special evening, my ideas of what I could be doing instead had not included the reason why I ended up having to bail.

Columbia University

"I cannot believe this" Ted groaned to himself and nodded to the half-asleep security guard as he went inside. "Why the hell did no one tell me that there's a rule for how long you can wait before grading papers?"

He quickly made his way to his office where a large pile of ungraded papers were waiting for him. He'd been putting them off for quite a while now, before Lily had pointed out earlier that day that papers had to be graded within a certain amount of time after they were handed in. Unfortunately that meant he had to grade them by Tuesday, and in order to do that he would be spending most of Sunday and Monday going over the work he had been putting off.

"Great way to spend Valentine's" he mumbled and glared at the pile of papers. "Maybe I should just bring the papers with me home? But then I'll probably just be distracted by the TV, the bar... the kitchen. Great, now I'm talking out loud to myself."

With a resigned sigh he grabbed a stack of papers and while wondering to himself how long it would be before Barney called him and lectured him on standing people up on bro's night out he made his way to his lecture hall. At least the lecture hall was closer to the vending machines.

Lasertag

"Grading papers?" Barney said with disbelief. "Why the hell does he need to grade papers? It's not like those idiots in his class are learning anything."

"Sorry man" Marshall said and shrugged his shoulder. "But hey, I brought the next best thing."

Barney's eyebrows perked up.

"You called my brother?"

"Well, no..."

"I can't believe this is what you guys do on bro's night out" Lily said, coming up to them and looking around with disbelief and a bit of disappointment.

"Lily?" Barney said nonplussed. "You think the next best thing is Lily?"

"It's Valentine's!" Marshall exclaimed.

"You are a terrible bro."

"So are we doing this or what?" Robin asked as she joined them.

"So you brought Lily and Lily brought Robin?"

"What can I tell you, I got stood up" Robin excused herself. "It was either stay at home with me and feed me butterscotch or bring me along and take my mind off it."

"Always go with stay at home and feed her butterscotch" Barney snarled at Lily before turning to Marshall. "This was supposed to be a bro's night out."

"It's just lasertag" Lily said.

"Just lasertag?"

"Yeah I must say I don't get it" Robin added. "You made it sound like you had this big night on town planned, so why are we here?"

"I think I know why..." Lily said, pointing to a big board behind them announcing the Lasertag Championship Game of 2010.

"That's what this is about?" Marshall said. "Lasertag championship?"

"Sounds like fun!" Robin said.

"It won't be fun for you guys because you won't be playing" Barney snarled. "Marshall this was supposed to be a bro thing. I signed us up as Team Bro, not Team Bro And Two Chicks We Won't Be Having Sex With Tonight."

"Hey I thought I was a bro" Robin complained.

"I demoted you back to chick status after you went all huffy about going to strip clubs."

"We were dating,"

"You're still demoted, suck it up."

"Come on Barney, it could be fun, the four of us competing together" Marshall said, getting more and more excited about the idea. "Okay so it won't be a bro thing, but it could be a group thing. We can win this for our group!"

"I don't really care about our group all that much" Barney claimed and made a face. "And besides, the girls probably won't have a good time."

"No I think it sounds like a lot of fun!" Lily said.

"Yeah, I mean we could kick some ass together" Robin agreed.

"Plus," Lily said, "I've never played lasertag before so this will be my chance to finally try it!"

Barney shot Marshall a look that could kill and in his mind saw the championship trophy being ripped from his hands and given to a bunch of kids who didn't play with thirty-something kindergarten teachers with no previous experience. But there didn't seem to be much of a choice.

"Okay," he finally agreed, "but whichever one of you clowns ends up costing me the championship is going to have to pay for my therapy sessions."

Lily woood and jumped up and down, clapping her hands in anticipation. She then turned to Marshall and asked him how lasertag worked, and Barney groaned and cursed his bad fortune.

The evening progressed pretty much the way you would expect it to. I was stuck grading papers, while the others entered the lasertag championship. Somehow they managed not to lose the first round but Barney still wasn't convinced that Lily would be able to bring anything to the team.

Lasertag

"Hey Barney!" Lily chirped and ran over to him without bothering to take cover.

"Get down!" Barney cried and made an over-the-top duck and roll into new cover before shooting towards the kid who had just been alerted to their position.

"This is so much fun!" Lily said and sat down next to where Barney was crouched.

"You know what would be even more fun?" he asked. "You not screwing this championship up for me."

"It's just a game Barney" Lily said with her best kindergarten teacher smile. "It's not about who wins or loses, it's about having fun."

"Yeah, and winning is fun, losing is not" Barney said matter-of-factly. "Now will you please stop talking? You're distracting me, and to be honest you should spend more time trying to actually shoot something."

"I have" Lily said. "I just haven't hit much yet. Hey look, there's Marshall!"

She stuck her head up, called for her husband and waved happily. With an annoyed cry Barney tackled her to the ground and pinned her down, hoping Marshall and Robin would be able to distract their opponents.

"Have I told you how much you suck?" he asked.

"Yes. You have."

"Well I didn't tell you empathically enough. You suck. Go home."

"Barney relax" she said. "And get off me."

"Lily, this might seem like an innocent game to you, but I assure you, it's not. My honor and prestige is on the line here. I must have that championship trophy, and frankly, you are about as helpful as a conga line is to a stealth operation. Keep your head down, stop yelling all over the place and aim, woman!"

"Am I really that bad?"

"I'm strongly considering taking you to a tattoo parlor once we're done here and have fifth column tattooed on your forehead."

"I'm sorry, it's just hard when we're up against a group of kids" Lily said. "I don't like shooting at them, and I want them to have fun."

"These kids are the enemy. In this laserhall they are not kids, they are wicked minions of the forces of evil, and it is our sworn duty to rid the world of these pests. Do you want to teach them that if they go to war they will win? Isn't that, like, bad to teach kids? They'll think violence is the answer to everything."

"I'm worried the laser might hurt their eyes."

"What? Lily this is die hard battle. Okay? You need to imagine yourself being in the middle of raging war, it is us or them and I am beginning to wonder whose side you're on. Now crawl with me, we need to move."

In an overly dramatic fashion he rolled off her and began crawling across the room. Lily looked at him for a moment, impressed by his well-practiced ability to crawl close to the floor without his gear touching ground, then got up on all fours and hurried up to him.

"So crawling helps?"

"Lily have you ever watched a war movie?"

"I know, but they are kids Barney."

Barney shook his head, got up and then changed tactics.

"They are not just sweet, innocent kids, you know. They are every kid who's ever peed on you at work. Every little brat who's refused to do as you tell them. Every kid who's ever thrown a tantrum, snitched to his parents when you've scolded them. They are every kid who's ever broken into your desk and stolen your wallet!"

"My kids have never done that!" Lily objected.

"Oh please, what kid hasn't tried that? How else would they be able to buy cigarettes? Channel your rage Aldrin. All that rage you never get to express at work. Channel it, feel it and then use it. What is your profession?"

"I'm a kindergarten teacher" she replied, nonplussed.

"No" he said, grabbing her firmly by the shoulders and shaking her. "Spartan! What is your profession?"

Somehow it seemed to work. He watched as the look on Lily's face went from smiling to increasingly angry, until she finally shot off with a war cry and started shooting her lasergun every which way. Astonished he then watched her dart across the room, grab a hold of one of the kids from the other team and use him as a shield and then proceed to shoot the two other kids that were in sight. She then disappeared behind a wall, but her war cries could be heard all over the hall. Barney snapped out of his surprise and got up to take advantage of the new situation.

Meanwhile, I was struggling with my papers, but it wasn't going so well.

Columbia University

Ted sat back and rubbed his neck. Grading papers was really dull. He glanced over at the twenty-six origami snails he had folded and groaned.

That night, one of those unusual things would happen. Something that doesn't come along that often, and when it does, it can change your life in ways you wouldn't have imagined.

Lasertag

Lily ran up a ramp, firing towards a kid on the bottom level and then took cover.

Columbia University

Ted grabbed his pen, forcing himself to return his focus to the papers in front of him. Suddenly everything went pitch black.

It was the Great Blackout of 2010. You've read about it at school, and since it affected most of the state of New York you've heard a lot of firsthand stories from people who were there when it happened. But you haven't heard me tell my stories from that particular event.

Columbia University

Ted flew to his feet and looked around. The room was completely dark, he couldn't even see his hand in front of his eyes.

"Hello?" he called out.

No answer came and he began to try and make his way to the door. That was easier said than done. After knocking over several chairs, a trash can and falling over on the stairs he finally made it to the door. He fumbled in his pocket for his keycard, then remembered he didn't need it and just pulled the handle. The hallway outside was just as dark as the lecture hall. He took a step out the door and collided with someone, 'causing both to scream.

"Who is it?" a female voice asked.

"It's me, who are you?"

"And who the hell is me?" the voice demanded to know.

"I'm a professor here. The lights seem to have gone out; I was checking to see if it was just my classroom or the entire building. Who are you?"

A flicker of light appeared as the woman he had collided with got her lighter out and held up the flame so that they could look at each other.

"You had that lighter the whole time and you're walking around in the dark?" he questioned.

"I don't like to admit that I carry one around" she said. "Closet smoker."

"Your clothes must smell awful" he lamely joked. "It seems like there's a bit of a blackout. We should call someone and see when they think it will be fixed."

"I tried that, the lines are blocked. I was just going to find someplace to hide out until the light comes back on. Going outside doesn't seem like such a good idea."

"There's a cafeteria down that way" Ted said and pointed to his right.

"Can't I hang out here with you? I don't want to keep walking around in the dark."

"I don't know, I've got some grading to do, and I work best uninterrupted."

"The blackout isn't a big enough interruption?" she questioned. "I think you'll want to hang with me until the power comes back on."

"And why is that?"

"Because I know where to find candles" she said with a grin.

Lasertag

When the power went out Lily was just by a ramp leading down to the middle level. When the room went dark she tripped and with a shriek fell down the ramp, crashing into Barney.

"Truce!" he yelled. "Don't hurt me, I'm far too young! Go after one of the kids instead."

"It's just me Barney" Lily said and grabbed a hold of his shoulder in an effort to regain her balance. "And so much for that crap about the laser not being dangerous on the eyes. I've lost my vision! This had better just be temporary!"

"That's not the laser, that's a blackout" he pointed out. "Can't you hear all the kids freaking out? Now let go of me. We're sitting ducks just standing here."

"If the power is out I'm pretty sure that means the game is off" she remarked.

"Ever heard of batteries? Now let's split up. Lily you go east, I go west, we'll re-enact Operation Uranus and trap those little pests in our own private reenactment of Der Kessel. It is going to be legendary!"

"Seriously Barney, I'm pretty sure this means game over" Lily said but obediently let go. "And I'm not moving anywhere until the lights come back on. This place is a death trap."

"Yeah. If only it were more like those cushioned, baby-proofed war zones you see on the History Channel."

"Wanna see what I can do to you in the dead of darkness if you don't snap out of it?" Lily growled. "You're going to find the answer to a riddle – if someone breaks the Genève convention when no one is around to see, does it still count as breaking it? Ouch, my foot really hurts, I think I twisted it pretty badly when I fell down that ramp. Or broke it, even."

"Great, I knew you would be a liability" Barney said with a sigh. "This is the way it always goes. The new recruits get their weak asses wounded and the safety of the entire mission is compromised. Okay, new plan. You stay here and I'll run for a medic."

"You're not going anywhere Stinson" Lily said and grabbed him firmly by the shoulders. "You got me into this, you'll see me through it. What kind of soldier leaves a wounded fellow soldier behind when the enemy can sneak up on them at any time?"

"A smart soldier."

"No, we leave no man behind, you are going to help me get out of this damn place, or I swear I will tell everyone we know that you have a tutu in your closet!"

"How did you know I have a tutu in my closet?" Barney asked nervously.

"Wrong answer" Lily said through gritted teeth. "The correct answer would have been: 'It's for the women I sleep with to dress up in, I have weird ballerina fetishes'. Now I know that tutu actually belongs to you."

"You fight dirty, Aldrin."

"You have no idea."

Barney swallowed and weighed his options against each other. Then he resigned and put his arm around Lily's waist to help support her, and began walking in what he believed was the right direction. It turned out to be straight into a pillar.

"Oww!" Lily complained. "What's the matter with you? I thought you knew this place backwards and forwards."

"I never stay in one spot long enough to get fully acquainted with my surroundings" Barney said. "Maybe we should just wait here for the moment."

"No, this place is creepy, get me out of here."

"I'm pretty sure the only way out here is by going down another ramp" he pointed out. "And I'm not catching you again if you decide to take another noble fall and hurt your other ankle."

"Okay, waiting here is fine" Lily concluded. "I just hope the power comes back on real soon because I don't want to be stuck here for long. And I think I need a foot x-ray. We're probably the only ones still left in here; the place has gone awfully quiet."

Just then someone bumped into her from behind, and both she and the bumpee let out loud pitched shrieks.

"Tinnitus!" Barney exclaimed.

"Barney is that you?" Marshall's voice asked.

"That's you?" Barney replied. "I didn't know men could produce such high-pitched screams."

"Marshall thank God you're here. I hurt my ankle" Lily said and started waving around. "Where are you Marshall?"

"Ow! He's not in my eye Lily, watch it with that lasergun."

"Guys?" Robin's voice came through the dark. "Are you there? I thought I heard Lily and Barney screaming over here."

"It was Lily and Marshall" Barney corrected her.

Robin opened her cell-phone and used the light to find her friends.

"Come on, let's get out of here" she said. "There's a blackout apparently."

"No way" Barney exclaimed, his voice dripping with sarcasm. "Do you have any proof to back up that incredibly insane theory, Agent Mulder?"

"If I'm Mulder, does that make you Scully?" she replied.

"We can't go anywhere" Lily complained and leaned on Marshall. "I fell down that ramp and I think I broke my foot."

"Yeah, but you can limp can't you?" Robin said.

"No I don't think so, and not in the dark."

"Then we'll use the light from my--" Robin began, before the batteries went dead on her cell. "The light from one of your phones."

"I didn't bring mine" Marshall said.

"Mine's in my jacket out in the locker room" Lily said.

"And mine doesn't have a lame light display" Barney scoffed. "That is so first decade to have a light display."

"So we're stuck here then" Robin concluded.

"Marshall and Lily are" Barney agreed. "You and I are free to run."

"Barney it's a shame you can't see which finger I'm holding up" Lily said. "You can't just leave."

"Sure we can. There is a whole city full of freaked out women out there, longing for some guy to come along and hold their hand, or horizontally distract them. I do not intend on wasting that opportunity stuck here with the Lame Squad."

"Come on Barney" Marshall said. "If we're stuck we're stuck together. We're a team!"

"Too bad you can't see me in the dark; you can't stop me from leaving!"

Seconds later a large thud was heard.

"Too bad you can't see where you're going; you have the night vision of a ninety-year-old" Robin dryly commented.

"Ran into another pillar?" Lily asked.

"No. I tripped over Robin's treachery" Barney moaned.

"Yeah, I have the night vision of a cat" Robin explained.

"You tripped him?" Marshall asked. "Nice."

Columbia University

"Wow" Ted said. "I must admit, you've impressed me Laura."

Laura, who possessed weird knowledge on where one could find candles in janitor's closets, smiled and nodded. They had placed candles on the stairs and on some of the desks, and Ted was able to return to grading his papers. Laura sat down for a second, then started walking around the room, examining her surroundings.

"What's with all the paper snails?" she asked.

"Uh, architectural assignment" Ted lied.

"Folding snails?"

"I'm a very inventive teacher."

"So this is an architecture class" she said and nodded thoughtfully.

"Yeah. Easily the coolest class ever."

"Well it's got to be if you get to learn advanced napkin folding" she teased. "You know, I almost took an architecture class actually."

"Why only almost?"

"It was supposed to be an economics class, but some idiot architecture professor was in the wrong classroom." She laughed at the memory. "It was so funny. Actually my friends and I have this joke that architecture must be the easiest major ever, since you don't have to be smarter than a ten year old to teach it."

Her eyes went from the picture of the Empire State Building to Ted and her laughter faded as it hit her that he looked familiar for a reason. Ted said nothing, just gave her a look.

"Oh... Oh this is awkward. Me and my big mouth. I'm, I'm just gonna go sit over there in the dark and let you get back to your, uh, assignments."

She hurried off into a corner of the room and Ted tried to pretend she had left the room completely. Being reminded of his first embarrassing day at work was not what he needed right now. He tried to concentrate on work but he wasn't having much luck. Her presence was distracting, even though he couldn't see her.

Laserhall

Marshall and Lily had sat down, leaning against a wall. Robin and Barney sank down opposite them, leaning against another wall, with just enough space between the two walls to allow everyone to stretch out without their feet touching. Marshall had insisted that they kept body contact until the lights came back on but the other three had quickly dismissed him and settled for staying in pairs. Their eyes had begun to adjust to the darkness but it wasn't enough for them to dare to get Lily out.

"I can't believe this..." Barney said with a melancholy tone. "This was supposed to be my big night. The championship title was all but mine, and then disaster hit. Plus now there's a blackout. And then weak-link-Lily had to go hurt herself so now we're stuck here. Imagine all the pillaging going on outside, and we're missing it!"

"Ironically we might be a lot safer in here than we are out there" Marshall said. "Plus, if it makes you feel any better Barney, we could probably sue someone for Lily's foot injury. You like lawsuits, don't you?"

"I like pillaging more" Barney said with a sad voice.

"Are we the only ones still left in here?" Robin asked. "I'm a bit creeped out. If there were other people still here we should be hearing them, right?"

"Oh they're still here" Barney said. "But they're smarter than us. They're keeping perfectly still, sneaking up around us, preparing the perfect ambush so that when the power comes back on we're all doomed."

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's what kids decide to do during a blackout" Robin said. "Instead of trying to get the hell out."

"How's your foot, Lily?" Marshall asked with worry.

"It's swollen" Lily said. "I don't think I can get my shoe off."

"They might have to cut it off you" Robin said. "In case they need an x-ray, or to put a cast on it or something."

"What?" Lily squeaked. "That's worse than the blackout! No, I am not letting them cut this shoe off my foot, they're my favorite sneakers. Trust me, my foot is stabile in there, it can't move an inch. I'll just keep the shoe on until the swelling goes down."

"Tonight, tonight," Barney began to sing, ignoring his friends, "I lost the game tonight. You guys came and my dreams turned to sand."

"Barney..." Robin sighed.

"Tonight, tonight, this should have been my night. Thanks to you now the night's not so grand."

"We didn't cause the blackout" Marshall pointed out.

"Today the world was full of promise, the gold was gonna be mine, but you all really suck."

"You suck" Lily said sulkingly.

"Oh why God why? The game is surely lost and we're stuck. Tonight!"

"Hey shut up!" someone yelled from some other part of the hall.

"Oh look, we're not alone after all" Barney noted.

"I can't believe this, it's been like an hour" Robin groaned. "I could have been on a date tonight if the jerk hadn't stood me up. This would have been a perfect excuse to get into bed with him on the first date without making myself out to be too slutty."

"Exactly!" Barney said. "In a blackout, none of the usual dating rules apply. It's the dating equivalent of an all-you-can-eat buffet. I seriously can't believe I'm stuck in here instead of being out there, seizing the opportunity to break my personal number-of-women-banged-in-one-night record."

"Eww, you mean you've had sex with more than one woman in just one night?" Lily said.

"Current record is three."

"That's disgusting" Lily sighed.

"Really? I thought compared to some of the other stuff I've told you that would be pretty tame information" Barney said.

"Barney you should try getting through to Ted again" Marshall said. "It would be nice to know that he's okay."

"Yeah" Barney agreed and fished out his cell-phone. "If he could come over here with a flashlight or a torch or something we could all make a break for it and go out there and enjoy this blackout!"

"This is the worst Valentine's ever" Lily said sadly and leaned her head on Marshall's shoulders. "Stuck in a stupid laserhall."

"At least you didn't get stood up" Robin said.

"At least you can stand up" Lily retorted, rubbing her aching foot.

"You can stand, you just can't walk."

"My foot is broken!"

"Ladies, ladies!" Marshall said. "That's enough! We have to stick together, we can't let petty arguments alienate us from each other! That's what they want!"

"That's what who wants?" Robin asked.

"The blackout."

"Still not getting through" Barney said and put his phone away. "But I wouldn't worry about Ted. He's probably just curled up in a fetal position under his desk, waiting for the power to come back on. He'll be fine."

Columbia University

"Hey" Ted said and sat down next to Laura in the darkest corner of the room. "Why are you sitting on the floor instead of on one of the chairs?"

"I put myself in time-out" Laura said. "I do that whenever I act inappropriately."

"Hey, don't feel bad" Ted said. "At least you didn't recognize me immediately. That makes me feel a little bit better."

"Yeah, well, the lighting in here isn't the best" she said.

"So how come you're wandering the halls of this place on Valentine's Day, anyway?" he asked.

"Officially, I thought it would be easier to study here where I wouldn't be likely to be bothered by anyone else."

"And just between you and me?"

"Just between you and me I use the need to study as an excuse for why I don't have a date on Valentine's. What about you?"

"Had to grade papers."

"And snails."

"I was actually supposed to be on a date" he told her.

"And you stood her up to go grade papers?" she said with a raised eyebrow. "I mean, I'm pretty sure you're here because she stood you up, but I think I've put my foot in my mouth once too many tonight already."

"I cancelled" he said. "To go have a bro's night out with my insane friend Barney. Who's probably out right now scoring with more women tonight than I have all year."

"And you cancelled on your friend to be here and grade papers? You'd better buy him some really nice flowers and some chocolates if you want to go out with him again. So how's the grading going? You done already?"

"Almost" Ted said. "I've made sure everybody spelled their own name right."

He was amazed when she laughed at what she must have thought was a joke, and a pretty lame one at that.

"They excelled, I'm sure" she said.

"Actually two of them misspelled" he said with a sigh.

She laughed at that too, even though it was an even more lame joke. Except it wasn't even a joke, but she didn't know that. He caught himself wondering if she was flirting with him.

Laserhall

"Hey what if this isn't a regular blackout?" Marshall said.

"I didn't know they came in multiple varieties" Lily said.

"Just hear me out, okay?" Marshall said. "This place is pitch black."

"Yeah. That's why they call it a black out" Barney said.

"They must have some form of emergency lighting that's battery operated, right?" Marshall said. "And how come no one has gone in here trying to find the people who were inside when the lights went out?"

"Because we're the only idiots still stuck in here?" Robin suggested. "Us and that guy who didn't like Barney singing."

"And we're expandable" Barney said, still in his war game. "Our government doesn't give a damn. The military probably think we've been KIA. You don't just walk into a battle like the one we were just in and make it out alive when darkness has fallen."

"Dude, it's a lasergame" Robin said, fed up with his fantasy. "They know we haven't been actually killing each other."

"That's the spirit Scherbatsky, don't lose hope" he said and patted her on the shoulder.

"Come on you guys, isn't it a little strange that no one has made any attempt to get us out of here?" Marshall said. "There hasn't even been any announcements over the loud speakers as to what is going on."

"Shocking, seeing as the power is out."

"Maybe this isn't just a blackout" Marshall continued. "Maybe it's something else."

"Oh honey, the Cloverfield monster isn't real" Lily said, rubbing his arm.

"Okay, first of all, that could totally happen" he said. "Second of all, I'm thinking what if it's an asteroid or something?"

"An asteroid?" Barney echoed. "You think an asteroid just hit New York City and we didn't feel it?"

"Dude, if it had hit us we'd be dead" Marshall said in the tone you reserve for morons and small children. "No, I'm thinking it could be in our atmosphere, or getting close anyway, and that it messes up the power as well as the phone lines."

"That, or we're not getting through on phone because the rest of Manhattan is trying to call people as well" Lily pointed out. "And I think an asteroid in our atmosphere would cause more harm than just a blackout, and in much less time than this has been going on. It's been hours by now."

"I wouldn't worry if it was an asteroid" Robin said. "Bruce Willis is still physically fit; he can go up there and nuke the thing."

"And all the while we're stuck in here. It's so unfair. The world is my smorgasbord out there," Barney said, and added in song, "and I don't want to miss a thing."

"I'm telling you guys, this could be our last night on Earth" Marshall said.

"If this is the last night on Earth then we hit the opposite of a jackpot" Lily said. "Stuck in here."

"Lasertagging is a good way to go" Barney said with a nod.

"It's a good thing everyone else will be dead too, so no one has to know how we spent our final hours" Lily said.

"We're not going to die" Robin said. "There is no asteroid."

"There could be an asteroid" Marshall insisted.

"Please Marshall" Barney scoffed. "Asteroids hitting the Earth are so 1990-ies. This is the new millennia. If anything's going to hit the planet it's going to be something new and cool. Like one of the rings of Saturn which has somehow broken loose. Or a whale!"

"That would be cool" Robin agreed.

"Wow, this could be our last hours on Earth..." Marshall said.

"Haven't you said that already?" Robin asked. "We're not going to die, Marshall. The power's going to come back on and we'll get out of here."

"But what if you're wrong?" Marshall asked. "Did you ever think about that? We could die, right here."

"And I probably will, but not for another fifty years" Barney said.

"I don't want to spend my last hours in life sitting here" Lily whined.

"They're not your last hours in life!" Robin objected.

"That's actually an interesting thought, Lily" Marshall said. "If these were our last hours in life, and there was one more thing you could do before you died, what would that be? It could be anything, because you'd be dead soon after, so you wouldn't have to worry about the repercussions."

"Yeah I would" Robin said. "'Cause I would be inventing a cure for fantasy-asteroid wounds. But I expect the repercussions to be pretty much along the lines of winning awards and getting my picture on the cover of some fancy magazines."

"No, I mean... If these were your last moments, and you could do one last thing before saying goodnight forever, what would you do?"

"Some hot chick" Barney said. "Actually, make that two hot chicks."

"I would probably make sure I had all my stuff in order, so that people at least won't be able to say: 'She sure left a mess behind'" Lily said.

"It's the end of the world, everybody's dying" Marshall objected. "And if these were my last moments on Earth, I would spend them making love to you Lily, telling you one last time how much I adore you."

"Then please God, I hope I bite it first" Barney said. "That's not something I want to witness. Even when it's so dark I can't actually witness much of anything."

"That's really sweet, baby" Lily said to Marshall and kissed his hand which she was holding in her own. "Me, I would break into your computer diary and read all about the stuff you write in there that you won't tell me about."

"You would spend your last moments violating my privacy?" Marshall asked.

"What? Curious minds want to know. What about you, Robin?"

"I'm hungry" she said, ignoring the question. "When the power comes back on I'm heading straight for the nearest food joint. After I go to the bathroom."

"Come on Robin, this could be fun" Marshall said. "We could pass the time sharing secrets and playing games in the dark."

"This sucks... More and more for each minute…" Barney sighed and leaned his head back against the wall.

While the others were stuck playing Marshall's tell-all-your-secrets games, I was actually having a really good time. Laura was smart, she was pretty, she was funny. Well, you know she was funny already, she laughed at my work progress comments. Over the course of the hours that passed we slowly got to know one another. We had no food, no wine, no music, but we had candles and great company. Kids, in many ways it was the best date I've never been on.

Columbia University

Ted and Laura had moved, and were now sitting together on the stairs, with candles all around them. They laughed and talked, and looked into each other's eyes as silence fell between them. Ted felt an irresistible urge to hold her, and she seemed to be as drawn towards him as she was to her. Their faces came slowly closer, and he savored the moment as their lips were about to touch.

His phone rang.

Laserhall

"I'm getting signals! I'm getting signals!" Barney cheered. "It's totally ringing! Guys, Ted is going to come over here and bust us out!"

Columbia University

"What?" Ted answered, full of frustration.

"Ted, it's me!" Barney's voice came on the other end. "Listen, you're obviously alive and so are we, but we need you to come help us out."

"Yeah, can't talk right now" Ted said and hung up.

Laserhall

Barney stared in disbelief at his phone.

"He hung up. He actually hung up on me! That is so rude!"

"Was he alright?" Robin asked.

"Who cares? If he's not coming here to help then he might as well be drowning in a pit of mustard for all I care. There goes our last hope of getting out on our own." He fished out something from his pocket. "I was going to save these for the great victory later tonight, but it's time to face reality. Guys... I don't think this particular round of lasertag is going to continue."

"Welcome to the part of the thought process the rest of us arrived at when the power first went out" Robin said.

"So instead of using these to celebrate my great victory, we shall now use them to bring at least a small element of success to our hour of defeat."

"Those had better not be condoms" Lily said, unable to see what he was holding.

"Cigars" Barney said. "I have only three, but since I think we all agree Lily is the reason why tonight has been so terrible, she should be the one who goes without."

He handed one cigar to Robin and fished out a lighter. He lit a cigar and handed it over to Marshall before lighting his own and Robin's.

"Wait a second" Robin said. "You've had that lighter all along?"

"Yeah. How else were we supposed to be able to light the cigars?" he said.

"Give me the lighter" Marshall growled and got up.

"Your cigar has already been lit" Barney pointed out.

"Give me the lighter now, or I will make sure you never win a lasertag championship ever in your life."

"How are you going to make sure of that?"

"Just give him the damn lighter or I will tell everyone the thing we discussed earlier" Lily said, having also gotten up.

"Oh, what thing?" Robin asked eagerly.

Barney sighed and handed over the lighter.

"Thank you" Lily smirked.

"Oh come on, what thing?" Robin demanded to know.

"Come on Lily, let's go" Marshall said.

He lifted Lily up into his arms, she lit the lighter and off they went, disappearing around a corner before Robin and Barney had a chance to get up and follow.

"Great, now we have to find our way in the dark" Robin said.

They heard a noise, followed by two high-pitched screams and a loud thud.

"I'm guessing Marshall and Lily made it to ground level" Barney said.

"Ouch, my ankle!" Marshall's voice came through the darkness.

"Great. We're going to die trying to get out of here in the dark" Robin concluded.

"I say we stay here and finish the cigars" Barney said. "Don't want to let them go to waste."

"I suppose... Happy crappy Valentine's."

"Yeah."

"So what was that thing Lily was talking about?"

Columbia University

Ted had moved closer to Laura on the steps. The mood had been broken by Barney's phone call, but after some further small talk they seemed to be back where they had been before the interruption. A smile crept across Ted's face as he saw his own thoughts mirrored in Laura's eyes. Slowly they moved their lips closer to one another's.

Kids, that night a lot of once in a lifetime things happened. We experienced one of the largest blackouts in the history of New York. Uncle Marshall and Aunt Lily both broke their left ankle at the laserhall. But nothing happened that night more special than that kiss. That once in a lifetime kiss, in a once in a lifetime moment, which will undoubtedly change the course of your life forever.

Laserhall

The power came back on, having been out for several hours. When the light came on again in the laserhall Robin and Barney were locked in a deep and tender kiss.

It was a once in a lifetime kiss. It just wasn't me who experienced it.

This particular story doesn't end here. There's supposed to be a follow-up chapter, since this one ends without really tying anything up, and some explanation is needed as to how the kiss happened. I'm having a bit of writers block though, so we'll see when the next part ends up being finished. Comments and thoughts on what you've read so far are much appreciated! I welcome criticism, so long as it's constructive.