April sat on the bathroom floor resting her head on the porcelain sink. Her head was throbbing, her throat burned and tasted like one shot too many. She could feel the coolness of the porcelain radiating into her. She had lost it all now. Her virginity, her religion, her career, and now she was sure she had lost Jackson as well.
After she got up in left the bar, he tried chasing after her. It was raining and she wasn't in the mood. She yelled, he pleaded, She cursed, and he grabbed her wrist. She pulled back hard, knocking him slightly off his feet. A nearby group of twenty-something year olds laughed, but Jackson persisted after April. She hailed a cab and slammed the door in his face when he tried to get in after her, but not before she could scream "Leave me the fuck alone". The cab pulled away and she saw Jackson cursing her, or possibly himself?, in the road. He waited there until they turned the corner and she hadnt heard from him sense. No call, not text, nothing.
She was just in her bra and underwear, and she was freezing. She stood up and in her drunken state lost her balance, catching herself on the sink. She looked up in the mirror and saw someone she couldnt recognize. Mascara ran down her face and her wet hair lay tangled around her shoulders. She saw the reflection of her bathrobe in the mirror and staggered over to grab it off of its hanger. As she went to slip it on, the tie to it fell gracefully at her feet. She sat down and wrapped the tie around her legs, lacing it up her legs like she was a ballerina.
April has wanted to be Ballerina as a kid, dance lessons were her favorite part of the weekend. She would lose herself in the dance and forget her problems. She only stopped because she couldnt handle the time demand while she was in Medical school.
She lay on the floor and dragged the tie up her body. she stopped as it hit her chest and she stood up and let it momentarily lie there- stretched across her body. She stood up and looked at herself in the mirror. She used the bathrobe tie to pull her hair back from her face and shivers went up her spine as the ends of the tie hit her neck. She released her hair from the tie and pressed the material against her neck. She kept pushing till she stopped breathing for a second, everything went black and comfortably numb. She tried it again, but this time for a few seconds longer.
She could get used to feeling numb, feeling nothing- really.
She let the tie drag across the bathroom floor as she walked towards the tub. She threw it up over the curtain holder and brought the two ends together. Grabbing the two ends, she pulled herself up onto the edge of the tub- using her tie for balance. She teetered forward and then backward for a moment, almost testing how far she could go. She tied herself a little knot and slipped her head inside the makeshift noose. she reached up and pulled on the knot, pushing it down further. She let herself fall forward, feeling a slight jerk in the rope.