It has been two months. Two months since he last heard his Mama's voice or touched her hand. Two months since he last saw her smile or felt her frail arms around him. Two months since he tearfully gave in to her dying wish and made this wretched promise. It has only been two months and already her image was slipping from his memory. Her voice, which had always whispered in his ear no matter the distance, was now silent.

Tonight, as he sits here with his booted feet dangling down the side of the barn through the doors of the hayloft, he watches as the vibrant hues of red and orange give passage to the more tempered blues of evening. He searches his mind for the one person who had been his anchor in all that life has thrown at him.

"Why Mama?" he whispers as fresh tears slide down his cheeks onto the worn Bible that lay in his hands. His fingers absently tracing the slightly indented lettering across the front cover, he desperately wonders aloud, "Why did you send me here?"

It had been another turbulent dinner. As the words, cattle drive left Victoria's lips they all knew a grievous error had been made. The admittance at the table of such a contentious issue brought about a new round of outbursts and insults as Nick dug his heels in deep and adamantly refused to even discuss the drive with the free-loading interloper.

Jarrod admirably fought to defend his helpless client as that was all the consideration he was able to grant Heath at this point. Victoria voiced her continued proclamation that as Tom Barkley's son Heath deserved to be there, but her words lacked the conviction of her heart. Audra eyed Nick with such contempt as she squeezed Heath's hand on the table and Eugene's head snapped back and forth, from Nick to Jarrod then Jarrod to Nick. He offered no input and eventually just looked down at his plate. It was Silas carrying in the peach cobbler that ended the debate and allowed them to all go back to eating in silence.

As Heath watched the family argue over his presence, he never said a word. He simply tried to meld into his chair, to become as small as possible, invisible. His eyes never left his plate as he pushed the food from one area to another. He occasionally lifted a bite to his mouth forcing himself to swallow the tasteless food. He hated the fighting. He hated that this family was at odds because of him. For the life of him, he couldn't understand what she was thinking when she elicited that promise from him. In all his twenty years he had never felt so alone. His burden of grief was now coupled with the weight of guilt.

As Heath leans his right shoulder on the frame of the hayloft doors he continues to watch the sun complete its final descent allowing the darkness to spread across the Barkley Empire. Finally, he reaches over and brings his lantern closer to him as he opens the Bible and pulls from it all that he has left of his Mama. He gently runs his calloused fingers over the faded photo, tracing her face, allowing it to help stay his memory.

"Hey Mama, it's me again," he gasps unable to stop the deluge of emotions, "I miss ya so much, Mama. I started ta write ya a letter today. I know... I know. I ain't got nowhere to send it," he can almost imagine the smirk that would accompany her teasing, he smiles slightly at the thought, "I just ain't used to not telling ya what's going on. So I guess I'll just keep on imagining ya looking down from above. Don't really think that is whatcha are doing but I figure it's the only way I can talk to ya."

About two weeks after his arrival he discovered that the hayloft was the perfect place to watch the sunset in private. He had been so desperate for a reprieve from the constant need for vigilance that he started looking for places to hide on the ranch. For the most part, he had known what to expect by coming here and did his best to prepare for it. It was nothing new. The walls around his heart were cemented with years of experience dealing with the prejudice that comes with being a fatherless child. The name calling, the isolation, the need to prove oneself and then the fights. It was just that he also needed time to grieve.

The first night he was at the ranch, he had followed them from room to room unsure of what to do. After dinner, they settled in the game room, for what he assumed was family time. Right off he could tell this was a family routine so ingrained in them it was automatic. Victoria sat down on the settee with a book. Jarrod and Nick played billiards, while Audra and Eugene played cards or checkers. That first night, once they were settled, he had quickly tried to leave and give them the space they all needed. This caused the ire of his step-mother and since that night he had made sure to stay long enough that they are so absorbed in what they were doing, they do not notice him leave.

Their routine was so normal to them that each night as they entered the room they immediately went to their self-assigned stations. Not once did anyone ask Heath if he would like to join them in a game or help himself to a book. His manners wouldn't allow him to touch anything that did not belong to him without an invitation, so he just stood on the edge of the room and watched them go about their business.

It wasn't so bad. He was used to being alone. Not many folks want a bastard around and he had learned the hard way it's best not to draw attention to himself. He had already burdened them enough. So he just watched, listened, and took the time to learn all he could about his brothers and sister. He did have to admit that they looked like they were having fun. Growing up he had often wondered what that would be like, to have people close to his own age that he could play games with and trust. He especially wondered what that would be like every time he had to walk into the town limits of Strawberry.

"I miss you so much, Mama," Heath whispers as he carefully places the picture of his Mama back in the Bible and pulls out an envelope that was stuffed a few pages back. Turning the envelope over in his hand, he begins to absently trace the lettering of his name spelled out across the front. Written in the delicate handwriting of his mama, he imagines her sitting at the table pen in hand. Her last words to him forever etched on the plain stationary. A testament to the poverty they had endured.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN, WHERE IS HE? HE LEAVES AFTER AN HOUR EVERY NIGHT!"

"Nicholas please, must you yell." Shutting her eyes to ward off an approaching headache, Victoria closes her book and begins to rub her temples. How much longer would it go on like this?

The boy had shown up one afternoon looking for work. He had looked so young sitting there on his mare facing his brothers and with an air of pride listing off the various jobs he had had in his short life. His tan shirt was threadbare but clean, his pants showed signs of being repeatedly mended, and his boots were worn through. He was so skinny. She was sure many meals had been missed in his life.

She knew immediately when she saw him that he had Barkley blood running through his veins. One look into his pale blue eyes, Tom's pale blue eyes, and there was no mistaking who his father had been. Oh, how she wished that he was Jim's and not her Tom's! She cursed Tom's name that night, how dare he leave her to pick up the pieces of his mistake.

"Sorry, Mother."

"What do you mean he leaves after an hour every night, Brother Nick?"

A satisfying smirk spreads across Nick's face as he turns and looks at the confused faces of his family.

"And I'm the bad one?" he laughs and again glances around the room, "Not one of you noticed that every night we come in here, he stands for one hour by the doors leading out to the veranda, then sneaks out."

"He just stands there," Audra asks the tears welling up in her eyes.

"Why would he do that? Why not ask to play or grab a book to read?" Eugene looks to his mother for some sort of answer. When none is forthcoming he turns to Jarrod, "Pappy?"

"I don't know, Gene. I can only guess it is because he doesn't think he is allowed to touch anything."

"Oh please," Nick scoffs, throwing the cue stick down on the pool table, "he is playing all of you and you are falling for it!"

"Nicholas, please! We've been over this numerous times and whether you want to believe it or not he IS your brother. We all saw the clipping and the letter. Not to mention he looks just like your father did when he was that age."

"Yes, Nick, I'm surprised you notice him leave considering your feelings toward him."

"WELL, OF COURSE, I NOTICED! Someone has to protect this family." Nick starts pacing the room and raises his fist into the air to emphasize his point, the anger emanating from him is palpable.

"Nicholas! He has done nothing to make us suspect we are in any danger from him." Victoria slowly stands and walks over to the window looking out over the grounds that lead to the barn, "I think we all have erred where Heath is concerned."

"Erred? You have to be kidding me. He lives in our house and eats at our table. The whole town knows who he is and if you think for a second that it hasn't hurt Father's name then you are mistaken."

"We're his family, Nick. Maybe he would like for us to treat him as such!" Audra stands and turns toward Nick, staring directly into his hazel eyes, "I can't believe how you treat him and how you let the men treat him. And don't try to deny it, we all see the daily bruises."

"For your information, this is a working ranch and I am not about to mollycoddle that boy. If he can't take it he should just leave!"

"Is that your plan, Nick. Let the men beat him until he finally decides he has had enough," Jarrod walks over to stand in front of his brother, his best friend. He knew how hard Nick had taken the news that their Father had been unfaithful, "My god Nick, he is just a boy, barely older than Audra."

Jarrod notices a flash of shame in Nick's eyes.

"Eugene, is that what is happening? Victoria glances over in Gene's direction, "You have been out working with them while on break from school."

Gene looks from his Mother to Nick and nervously starts shifting from one foot to the other. Looking back toward Nick he tries to gauge what his brother wants him to say. Getting no direction he turns back to his Mother.

"Uh... I mean, I guess they have been little hard on him."

"This has to end Nicholas! I expect you to keep a better eye on your brother and I don't want to see him at the table tomorrow with any more bruises!" She takes a deep breath as she hardens her own resolve to follow through on her next command. Mustering a tone that would leave no room for discussion she continues, "Starting tomorrow we all need to make more of an effort to get to know Heath. He has been here now for a couple of months and I can scarcely remember him saying more than three words or being asked any questions. It is obvious while we have invited him into our home… his home that we were not clear what that meant and I plan to rectify that. Am I clear?"

They all nod in agreement, though some a little bit more begrudgingly than others.

"Now, Nick, Jarrod, Please go find your brother and make sure he is ok."

"Yes, Mother." Jarrod walks over and gives her a kiss on her cheek before heading toward the door.

"Fine!" Nick starts to follow Jarrod, "If he is outside he is probably in the barn with his horse. The only thing he talks to is that da… uh, well, his horse."

As they approach the barn Nick grabs Jarrod's arm bringing them both to a stop.

"Listen, I don't trust him and before you say anything lawyerish, I'm just gonna ask we go in slow and quiet. I want to know what that boy is up to when he sneaks out each night."

Jarrod reluctantly nods. His own curiosity getting the better of him.

As they enter the barn they first look at the stall where Heath kept his mare. It was evident from the very first day how much he loves his horse. Each night he took extra time to settle her in and make sure her coat shined. It was something that Nick would respect if Nick could see past his anger. The closer they get the more apparent it becomes that Heath is not anywhere to be found. Nick grabs Jarrod's arm and motions for them to leave when a slight noise from above them catches their attention. Pausing for a moment, they hear a faint sob coming from the hayloft above them. As they listen closer they hear, "I miss you so much, Mama," in the quiet voice of their missing brother.