Disclaimer: All characters belong to their respective owners. The author of this story in no way profits from its use or distribution.
Carlisle
1921
Love.
It was a relatively foreign concept for me, all things considered.
I had never known love.
Certainly not as a human; then I had known only obedience.
Naturally, I had seen love between others many times in the course of my long existence. Seeing and experiencing, however, are two entirely different things.
I had spent many long years walking this earth believing, at first, that vampires did not deserve love, and later that I would never find it. The idea of falling in love with a human was so absurd that it never even crossed my mind, and how could I possibly share my full self with a vampire who hunted the very humans I had sworn to protect. No, the love of a mate was something I had long felt I would never find.
That had all changed one night in the morgue of St. Joseph's hospital – the night I brought Esme into this world of monsters.
Esme.
Just thinking about her caused my heart to swell with emotions I had never allowed myself to indulge in before.
She had changed my life in more ways than she would ever know, and I knew our meeting was nothing less than fate.
The first time I had met Esme I had been working in Columbus and coming close to the end of my time in Ohio. For as long as I live I would never forget that day.
The day a sixteen year old girl with an affinity for not only climbing trees, but falling out of them as well was brought into my life. A decade ago I had been certain that she would have a truly wonderful life.
She deserved no less.
Without a doubt she had an amazing sense of self even at sixteen, and I felt undeniably at peace in her presence. It wasn't until ten years later as I gazed at her lifeless form in the stuffy basement of a hospital on a cold January night that I realized what that peace truly was.
Love.
Being so wholly unfamiliar with the term it took me months to name the feelings I knew I held for her, but now I knew. I knew that I had always loved her, and that I always would.
I saw the evidence of it more and more each day. In her every mannerism I could see the balance that existed between our personalities. There could not be two individuals more perfect for each other than her and I.
It seemed ridiculous now that I had altogether given up on the idea of finding my soul-mate. Now it was painfully obvious to me that the one person who completed me was currently painting the wall five feet to my right.
The house that I had purchased upon our arrival in Ashland had been vacant for some years. Many of the walls were faded and showed immense age, but neither Edward nor I had ever seen fit to update them.
Esme, however, had taken an immediate interest in improving the condition of the house. She had been working for two weeks now resurfacing the floors and reupholstering the antique furniture. Now she was in the process of replacing the faded, worn white of the parlor walls with a soft cream that brought out the red and gold of the furniture in a beautiful way. I had to admit the entire house was beginning to look vastly more appealing under her knowledgeable care.
As the realization that she was really that close hit me I lifted my eyes from the book that I had been trying (and failing) to read. I honestly couldn't remember the last time I had turned the page.
She looked absolutely breathtaking in colors of porcelain, and bronze, and caramel, and lavender. She had a paintbrush in hand and was making smooth, deliberate strokes up and down the east wall of the parlor. Simple things like this, painting the walls, made her so incredibly happy that I would allow her to do it over and over again until the end of time.
I would do anything to see her smile and know that I put that smile on her face.
She looked so in her element and so undeniably beautiful. An entirely different level of beauty, born from the confidence she had in her ability to make our small house outside of Ashland a home. She was always doing little selfless things like that for us, always putting others above herself.
Yes, love.
It was the only word I could use to describe what I felt for her. Yet it often felt woefully inadequate.
Even as I had come to terms with the word love; however, a new word made itself known.
Broken.
Esme's human life had broken her – in her eyes at least. In my eyes she was the most perfect, whole person who had ever lived. However I might feel, though, I knew that she would have to accept and love herself on her own.
I would help her of course. Slowly help her tear down the walls she had erected around her own heart. I would be endlessly patient. Never giving up until she saw herself as I saw her.
Strong.
Beautiful.
Intelligent.
Caring.
I had waited nearly three centuries to find her. If I had to wait for all of eternity for her to accept my love, I would.
If I lived forever I would never forget the day Esme told me of what had become of her life in the decade of my absence. I had never before felt the rush of absolute rage and pure unadulterated desire to kill as I did in that moment. The need to rip Charles Evenson limb from limb was so strong it was nearly impossible for me to remain in my seat across from her. The only thought my endless mind could hold was my supreme hatred for the man who had made my beautiful Esme's life a living hell.
It was easy to see why she saw herself as broken. Why she wrote herself off as unlovable. After all, he had told her every day. He had ingrained her own self loathing so deep into her psyche that it might take years for her to overcome it.
It didn't matter.
When the time came I would be there to prove to her just how worthy of love she was.
However, even for all that she had been through there was still some wisps of the young tree climber I had once known tucked inside of her.
She had an inconceivable capacity for love in her heart. She gave copious amounts of love and affection to all those around her while accepting none for herself.
Two weeks ago she had given me my first ever hug. It had been an entirely hellish day at the hospital, and when I walked into the house she simply threw her arms around me and held me for a few precious moments. I had been floored by the act. The fact that any part of her was touching me was enough to make me forget my own name. She had simply told me that I looked like I had a bad day and she wanted to cheer me up. She had no idea just how far her gesture had gone. The simple action of Esme placing her arms around me had not only brightened that day, but sealed the fact that if I were granted a hug from her every day for all of eternity, I would surely never have a bad day again.
"Carlisle?"
The sound of my name coming from my angel's lips was something I surely would never become fully accustomed too.
"Are you alright?"
Beautiful, sweet, caring Esme; always so concerned for others. I turned to look at the stunning creature who was still painting the parlor wall. She had turned to gaze at me – bronze eyes filled with worry.
"I'm fine. Why do you ask?" I inquired hoping I didn't sound too mesmerized by the mere sound of her voice.
She watched me for a moment before answering; surveying my face as if trying to decipher whether or not I was being entirely honest with her.
As if I could ever lie to her.
"Well it's been quite a while since you've turned a page in that book," she replied with a grin. "I turned around to see if you were alright and you had a faraway look on your face. Like you were deep in thought about something important."
I leaned back in my seat near the fireplace and studied her for a moment. She truly was such a beautiful person.
Her inner beauty manifested itself perfectly in her outer beauty. Especially the way she would smile shyly whenever she was unsure. Much the way she looked right now, as if she shouldn't be asking me how I was. The thought made my stomach turn. I wanted her to be entirely comfortable asking me anything she wanted to know.
She was, of course, exactly correct. I had been deep in thought about something important. She just didn't know that the something was her. I quickly found myself unsure of how to answer her question without revealing anything she might not be ready to hear.
"I suppose I simply let my mind wander off for a moment."
"Rather a long moment," she said with a laugh before turning back to the wall, apparently satisfied with the answer she had received.
I hadn't exactly lied, of course. I had indeed let my mind wander. Let it wander to the only place it ever wanted to be.
Was this how it was destined to be forever? Would I always love her only from afar?
I instantly vowed that it would not be that way. One way or another I had to take some kind of step toward my goal – had to begin stripping her of her burden and self-doubt. I realized in that moment that if I was going to start helping her too shed her demons then right now she deserved my complete and total honesty.
"Esme?"
"Yes Carlisle," she asked, turning from the wall to face me.
"I suppose my mind wandered because I was thinking about you – about how deeply I've fallen in love with you."
I was terrified of looking directly at her, but had to when I heard a sharp intake of breath. The paint brush in her hand clattered to the floor, leaving a streak of beige against the red and gold of the large rug. She was frozen, her face holding an expression of shock which I had never seen on it before.
Oh no.
"Esme I am deeply sorry," I began, hoping to salvage something from the situation. "Please forgive me. I should never have said that like that. I just…"
"You love me," she interrupted; the expression on her face changing from shock to disbelief.
"I do Esme," I sighed, willing her to believe me. "I love you very much. I know that you don't feel as though you deserve love Esme, but you do. You deserve all the love in the world, and even though I can't give you the world, I can give you my love and my heart…
She interrupted me again, this time by closing the distance between us and pressing her lips to mine. I was stunned; shocked into total stillness as her lips brushed mine, lightly at first, then with a little more pressure. I recovered myself enough to deepen the kiss ever so slightly.
I allowed myself to be lost momentarily in the feel of her lips moving against my own. The kiss was exquisite – feather light, soft, and utterly enchanting.
I could have kissed her forever, been carried away by the feel of her lips and the richness of her amazing scent of lavender and vanilla.
The longer we kissed the more other more primal urges made themselves known. I pulled away rather abruptly before she could notice the physical signs of my desire for her.
It did not escape me that given the abuse she suffered in her human marriage she most likely would have suffered most in his bed. I refused to do this any other way then what I knew to be proper, with behavior befitting a gentleman, not an animal.
I looked into Esme's face, inches from my own; her shy expression barely hiding the hurt I could see behind her eyes.
"I'm sorry Esme. I didn't mean to pull away so abruptly. The kiss surprised me, that's all."
She grinned then, the light returning to her eyes.
"I surprised myself by doing it," she admitted with a small laugh. Suddenly the shyness returned to her features and she stared the hands that were folded in her lap.
"I love you too," she whispered low and reverently.
The world stopped in that instant.
Every single detail of my existence finally snapped into place in a way that both terrified and excited me at once. Every moment that I had spent wallowing in loneliness, every negative thought I had ever had in my despair prior to her entering my life no longer mattered.
All two-hundred and eighty one years I had spent alone were rendered inconsequential by four simple words, uttered by the only person I would ever want. No, not want. Need.
I pulled her into my arms, unable to contain the large smile as it spread across my face. I held her for several moments, neither of us seeming able to find any words. She felt so fragile in my arms, even though I knew that physically she was not.
This was something different.
This was emotional fragility. I had known that it would take a great deal of time to heal the damage that had been done to her, but we had already taken a large step together today. She had accepted that I loved her. And she loved me as well.
She loved me. The truth finally sank in at that moment.
She really and truly loved me.
As the newness of this revelation faded my desire to make our love real in the only way I could think of increased. The words were out of my mouth before I even made the decision to say them.
"Esme," I whispered into her hair. "Marry me."
I felt her stiffen in my arms and take in a sharp breath. She pulled back a little bit and turned to face me, the look on her face telling me that I had taken her entirely by surprise.
"You want to marry me? You want me to be your wife?
I laughed at the incredulous tone of her voice.
"Yes Esme, of course I do. I can think of no higher honor in this existence then to spend it as your husband."
She smiled the most beautiful smile I had ever seen at that, and somehow hidden in that smile was the message that everything was falling into place. She would let me into her heart and give it to me fully.
She leaned forward, pressing her lips to mine once more, and I was again swept away by the sheer emotion of it all. Pulling back I gave her a meaningful look; she still had yet to answer my question.
"I've dreamt of this day since I was sixteen years old Carlisle, yes of course I will marry you."
And with that she threw herself back into my arms and kissed me harder than the first two times. The kiss had a possessive edge to it. It was the kind of kiss that told me that she was mine and I was hers forever. Whatever she had faced in the past, all the horrors that had previously befallen her no longer held any weight on our future together.
She was ready to face her demons now, and I would be there beside her every step of the way.