In the Shadows
Disclaimer: I don't own him or the Rasmus' song lyrics
AN: This is my very first creation, hope you like it.
Thanks goes to my lovely Beta Addy and to Scarlet for correcting me :)
~
This happens bit after "Proof of Purchase"~"No sleep
No sleep until I'm done with finding the answer
Won't stop
Won't stop before I find the cure for this cancer"
I haven't been sleeping for days. I stopped counting in six. I can't sleep until I find it, the answer. What Manticore was? Why did they create us? I have too many questions. And no answers. I've been trying to find someone or something, who or what could answer my questions. Maybe Max could forgive me for the incident when she lost the chance to get the cure for the virus. 'Cause of me. I'm the one to blame. Maybe I could find the cure. But no sleeping 'til then. I have no time to waste. No time to sleep. I have to continue searching. Somewhere there's got to be answers to all my questions.
"Sometimes I feel like going down, I'm so disconnected
Somehow I know that I am haunted to be wanted"
I have no one to talk to. No friends, family, nothing. I'm truly disconnected from the world. I have to keep a low profile just like all of my kind, 'cause they're after us. Fear is spreading in crowds. Normal people are afraid of us, probably 'cause they don't know what we are. Even we don't know that. But we have souls and feelings. Still we are haunted. Even if there are lot of us in freedom, I still haven't met any of them. But maybe that's good. Low profile.
"I've been watching, I've been waiting
In the Shadows for my time
I've been searching, I've been living
For tomorrows all my life"
I'm tired of hiding and waiting, watching from my hiding place. I've been truly living for tomorrow, if there even is such a thing. Do we have tomorrow? Does the world have it? In Manticore I just waited for tomorrow. Why? Don't know. Maybe I was waiting for something unusual to happen. Like it did. Max took down Manticore and freed us.
"They say that I must learn to kill before I can feel safe
But I, I'd rather kill myself than turn into their slave"
No more killing. I swear it by that old man up there, God (if he even exists). I was supposed to kill Max and other transgenics for their barcodes, just so I could save my own butt. I did kill some. And I feel bad. I made assassinations, it was my job. Too many times. Even one is too many. But we are trained for it. I really shouldn't know that I killed in my missions, but I do. I don't actually remember it happening, but I somehow know I did it. And it made me feel bad. I didn't show my feelings to them in Manticore, 'cause we weren't supposed to feel. I still remember those bad feeling. Never again. I'm not their slave anymore. I'm free. No more Manticore.
"Sometimes I feel that I should go and play with the thunder
Somehow I just don't wanna stay and wait for a wonder"
Mirecals don't happen. Seriously. There is always some reason. So there's no mind of waiting for one. You can take risks, but don't wait for a mirecal to save your sorry little ass. More likely lightning will strike you. I've been waiting for wonders to happen for so long, but they don't. For me at least. Like mirecals that would tell me the answers. They just don't happen.
"I've been watching, I've been waiting
In the Shadows for my time
I've been searching, I've been living
For tomorrows all my life"
I'm still waiting. But what am I waiting for? Why? I still don't know. So, maybe tomorrow will come sooner, if it even exists.
"Lately, I've been walking, walking in circles
Watching, waiting for something
Feel me, touch me, heal me
Come take me higher"
Someone, please give me the answers. Please. I'm so sick and tired of waiting and walking in circles. Please someone. God? Max? Someone? I'm begging for the first time in my life. But I'm not showing anyone that I'm begging. There's no one to see it. I'm alone.
"I've been watching, I've been waiting
In the Shadows for my time
I've been searching, I've been living
For tomorrows all my life"
Now this waiting has to stop. I can't take it anymore. When is my time in the light coming? Never? I'm not going to live in the shadows anymore. Now my time has come. Our time. It has to. Now is our tomorrow. Goodbye to yesterday and shadows. I didn't get all my answers, but I'm gonna live for only this moment. Not for the past or future. Only this moment matters. No regrets.