This is a little project I have on the side. Its just a few ficlets whom I have written based on the comic series made by Fireheart1001 on . I have his personal blessings to make these, so there! =D
I have tried to keep the quotes the same as in the comic, but there are some small differences here and there:D
Here is a link to the comic that spawned this chapter:
http:// fireheart1001 . deviantart . com/art/Hellsing-bloopers-14-Shhh-105655516 (sans the spaces)
While the art isnt too great, the joke in it is. Go laught! Naoh! =D
DISCLAIMER: I dont own Jack Shit! Not even the idea for this story!! So dont sue me!
Seras was walking quietly down the corridor. She had nothing to do today, and was just lazing around in the mansion, looking for something interesting to do. As she walked past the door to Integras office, Alucards voice suddenly rang out. «How does it feel, my Master? Does it bring pleasure into your body?» Seras stopped dead in her tracks. What was going on here?! She quickly closed the distance between her and the door and tried to peer in the keyhole. Damnit, I can`t see anything...There`s a key inside... she tought. Integras voice sounded from inside. Or rather, moaned in pleasure from inside. «...Of course it does, slave. Now, keep going....» she said, apparantly answering Alucards previous question. In spite of herself, Seras couldnt manage to tear herself away from the door, and continued to listen.
Suddenly, Walter popped up from nowhere, carrying a tray with tea and biscuits on it. He saw Seras apparantly eavesdropping on Integras door, and asked with a suprised tone: «Miss Victoria, what are you...» But before he could finish, Seras help up a hand and «Shhhh»`ed him. She continued to eavesdrop, leaving the perplexed butler to fend for himself. Walter shrugged, put the tray of tea on a table, and was soon eavesdropping too, if only to figure out what Miss Victoria were doing. Just as Walter leaned in, Integra moaned again. «Mmm, you`re so good at this...» she said, making Walters eyes go wide as saucers. «Hehehehe. Well, I do have centuries of experience after all.» Alucard said. They`re not really...Are they?! Seras though. Walter remained silent, but his eyes still saucer-size.
Then, Pip came strolling. He was on his way to ask Integra for his paycheck, and was suprised to find not only Seras, but also Walter eavesdropping on her door. «Hey, what are you two...» he tried to say, but was cut off by both Seras and Walter, both of them waving for him to be silent and letting out a short «Shhhh!» The ever-curious frenchman approached the pair and figured he could probably eavesdrop a bit too. If Walter was doing it, everyone could. «Yesssss Alucard, that`s IT!!!» Integra groaned in pleasure from behind the door. Seras` and Walters eyes went even wider, if possible, and Pip suddenly became very interested, if a bit suprised, in what was going on behind the door. «Shh Master. We`re supposed to be working, remember? Nobody must know what we`re doing.» Alucard said with a voice full of playfullness. Oh my... Walter though. Oh no... flitted through Seras` brain and roughly the same time, and Pip were thinking Oh crap....
«Mhm? Oh, I see. You`d like to lick it now, would`nt you?» Alucards barytone voice rumbled from inside the room. «Not just lick on it, I want to suck hard on it!» Integra replied, shocking the silent audience. Wow, Sir Integra is aggressive in more ways than one! The french mercenary though, grinning. «Every time I put this juicy thing in my mouth, pleasure overwhelmes my body. Too bad I haven`t sucked on one in such a long time.» Integra said. «What?! She did this before???» The elderly butler said, shoch plain in his voice. «After all this time, I thought she was a virgin...» Seras almost whispered. «Well, technically, sucking on it does`nt make you loose virginity.» Pip piped in, before returning his attention to the eavesdropping. Suddenly, slurping sounds emnated from the closed door, and Integras voice said between the licks; «Mmmm, it`s so sweet....» before moaning and returning to business. Walters brain seemed to go haywire at this, and the only thing his brain did was to think I...I...I...I... over and over again. This can`t be happening! Seras though, as her jaws dropped down on the frenchmans head, which was convinently positioned straight underneath her. Pip however, seemed to enjoy it all. He flashed a wide grin as he thought; Yeah, you go Integra!
As if on cue, Integras voice echoed out in the hallway again. «It`s even better than I thought it would be...» She moaned, before continuing. «It`s sooooo juicy...» The slurping sounds resumed.
This is horrible!! Walter thought, beeing so engrossed in listening that his monocle fell off.
This is disgusting!! Seras thought at the same moment, before making an unconfortable retching sound, putting her hand up to her mouth to keep it from landing on Pips hat.
This is awesome!! was the thought that flipped through the mercenarys brain. However, it was far from the only one. However, all the other thought would have been rated MA+. «I can`t take this anymore!!» Walter yelled, turning and running away. «Gotta find a bathroom, I`m gonna throw up!» Seras yelled, and promtly raced for the closest bathroom, slamming the door close after her. Left behind was Pip, still sitting and listening, wearing a huge Alucard-ish grin.
On the other side of the door, a very different scene than what the eavesdroppers had imagined occured. Integra was sitting, fully dressed, in a chair. Alucard, also fully dressed, was sitting behind her and was giving her a nice shoulder-massage. «How`s that Master? Does it feel that good?» Alucard asked. Integra took out the object she had been having in her mouth, revealing it to be a lollipop, cherry-taste by the looks of it. «Does it feel good? I`M IN HEAVEN! HARDER ALUCARD, HARDER!!» Integra yelled, before reinserting the lollipop into her mouth, which made the slurping sounds reappear.
Outside the door, Pip were still sitting there and listening in, having his own dirty little fantasies of what was going on inside the room. «HARDER! HARDER! HARDER!» he heard Integra scream.
Yeah, Alucard. Harder, harder! You lucky son of a... he though, still wearing that ridiculously wide grin of his.