What if...Naruto had superpowers?

"I can give you superpowers", said Mr. *RASB

Naruto crossed his arm and looked at Mr. RASB cock-eyed.

Mr. RASB looked back.

..."Ninja", said Naruto.

Ba-da-bum

"I could give you better superpowers!", said Mr. RASB

"Like what?"

"Kryptonian."

"Kryptonite."

"Martian ancestery?"

"Fire."

"Green lantern ring?"

"Yellow."

"Training under Batman?"

"Again, Ninja."

"Amazonian?"

"...No thanks, I can do that myself. Henge..."

"Ahem...", said Mr. RASB. "Now, then, how about...Magic! You could change shape, cast illusions, summon creatures to...fight...for...right, forget I said that."

"You're not very good at this, are you?" Naruto commented.

"Well, it's more that the pool of available suggestions is rather small. How about...A more powerful beast sealed inside of you?"

"...No thanks, I have enough trouble keeping control of the one I have."

"...Let's see...Demonic ancestery. Expected lifespan?" Mr. RASB paused. "THREE WEEKS? er...How about we toss that one?"

"...A genius intellect? Rats, already crossed off. Something about 'deficient childhood induced idiocy?'."

"Hey!"

"Luck. Lotsa luck. That'll work!"

Pause

"Well?"

"...It says 'Value at maximum'."

"We could give you better teammates. Like Shikamaru and Kiba!"

"Well, that didn't work."

"Yeah, Shika's too lazy to teach and Kiba's too arrogant to think."

"Your vocabulary improved."

"Whatsa 'vocabulary'?"

"...Never mind."

"I have it!"

"Really? Is it contagious?"

"No, I mean, I know how to give you real superpowers, without any weakness. In fact, you'll get stronger continuously, without an end in sight!"

"COOL!"

Mr. RASB examined the rapidly-expanding debris that used to be a planet, then solomnly crossed "Saiyan" off his list.

"It's at times like these that I truly cherish time-travel", RASB said, "but I think, after re-winding this catastrophe, I will just give this experiment up."

* Random Alien Space Bat. Alien Space Bats are responsible for a large number of universes/dimensions/alternate realities, which are, in fact, so strange that an ASB has to be involved somewhere.