A Random play performed by gnomes
Authors note: Ok Gnomeo and Juliet and you guys are in for a real treat when Lord Redbrick directs a play for us all! Will it turn out well? Or will it turn out like his barbeque party? Beware… complete randomness! You were warned… enjoy!
"This play had better be worth it!" Gnomeo sighed as he and Juliet sat down to watch the performance.
"Gnomeo, the family put this on for our anniversary! I couldn't say no because my dads the director!" Juliet replied trying to sound optimistic.
"Oh that should be fun shouldn't it?" Gnomeo said "After what happened the last time your father was left to run a party! Don't you remember that barbeque he did for our wedding reception? He almost ended up setting the garden on fire!"
"Not like the time when your mother threw that firework party! Now that DID go out with a bang!" Juliet chuckled and Gnomeo frowned.
"Just because she got a little carried away with the sparklers and almost made the plant pots explode does not mean that it was anyway near as bad as your dads BBQ!" Gnomeo insisted and Juliet rolled her eyes. She was about to reply but was interrupted by Featherstone who sat down nearby them with a tub of popcorn held in his beak.
"Hey guys!" Featherstone grinned placing the popcorn down with his beak.
"Hi Featherstone, aren't you meant to be in the performance?" Gnomeo asked.
"Who me? No! I'm no actor! Also the plot seems too silly for me! I prefer comedy while they are doing boring stuff!" Featherstone exclaimed with a mouthful of popcorn.
"Well why are you watching it then?" Juliet asked raising her eyebrow slightly.
"Oh, to get the free popcorn of course!" Featherstone explained offering them both some popcorn.
"Oh look the plays about to begin!" Juliet exclaimed excitedly as the audience began to go quiet. Gnomeo sighed… so much for their anniversary!
One of the little gnomes entered the stage with a giant script in his hands. He stared at the audience before he began to speak.
"Ahem! The story you are about to see hasn't been told before! At all! So we are going to tell it! But differently. The director Lord Redbrick has decided to dedicate this story to his daughter Juliet and his son in-law Gnomeo for their anniversary gift. The story is basically about some random heroes in their attempt to rescue a princess locked in a tower but are faced by an evil witch and her pet dragon. They save the day and rescue the princess and live happily ever after, blah, blah, blah! The characters and cast include:
Lord Redbrick as the director
Paris as the light and sound dude
Benny as hero 1
Tybalt as hero 2
Nanette as the princess
Lady Blueberry as the evil witch
Fawn and Mankini gnome as the dragon
And lastly me as the narrator!
We hope you enjoy the show and so fourth and please check out our free popcorn give away!" The gnome said finally before departing off the stage only to land in a ditch that had somehow opened up and then closed when the gnome fell.
Suddenly the curtains began to open but then stopped unexpectedly. The audience wondered what was going on and chatted amongst themselves while the cast behind the curtain began to panic.
"What the heck?" Lord Redbrick asked as both Lady Blueberry and Paris began to try and force the curtain open. The two gnomes were meant to be off stage but went to try and solve the problem so the show could begin, but the curtain wouldn't budge.
"It's jammed!" Lady Blueberry called out as Lord Redbrick made his way over to the scene. Paris also tried tugging it but he was too weak to move it.
"What shall we do Lord Redbrick?" Paris said in barely a whisper as Lord Redbrick looked through the gap in the curtain to see the audience chattering amongst themselves.
"Won't it move at all?" Lord Redbrick asked in a slight panicky tone.
"No sir!" Paris replied and then Lady Blueberry decided to do something.
"Alright hold this!" Lady Blueberry said as she handed Lord Redbrick her shovel that was now playing as some sort of wand. He gave her a confused look as she grabbed the curtain and pulled it as hard as she could. After 3 tugs Lady Blueberry was able to get the curtain to move and as it slowly made its way to the end of the stage Lady Blueberry grabbed her wand and gave Lord Redbrick and Paris a smug look before departing back offstage. Lord Redbrick and Paris soon did the same as the play was about to begin.
"Oh what a peculiar place this is! Not a bird or tree in sight!" Tybalt said as he and Benny were both at the centre of the stage looking around.
"Hey look! There's a strange looking castle over there! And there appears to be a princess in distress!" Benny replied pointing up at what was supposed to be a castle window. But the princess, or Nanette who was supposed to be playing the princess, wasn't there. Benny sighed and decided to repeat his sentence "I SAID, and there appears to be a princess in distress!"
Several moments later Nanette was suddenly pushed up towards where she was meant to be and she then looked down from where she had suddenly appeared. "Thanks fellas!" she called down before looking back at what she was doing. She then realized it was her queue and she felt a little embarrassed "Oh…! I wish I was rescued from this awful tower! But the witch and the dragon won't free me! If only there were some handsome knights who could come and rescue me! That would be a happy ever after!" once Nanette had finished what she was saying Tybalt and Benny soon jumped in to say their lines.
"Have no fear princess we are here!" Tybalt jumped forward and Benny followed suit.
"Great! But who are you?" Nanette replied and behind the curtain Lord Redbrick face palmed himself.
"You weren't meant to ask who they were!" Lord Redbrick whispered loudly and Nanette then looked a little embarrassed.
"Ooops…" Nanette muttered and Lord Redbrick then tried to get Benny's and Tybalt's attentions.
"Do something you two!" Lord Redbrick urged flapping his arms about like a maniac.
"Oh… we are your heroes and we have come here to slay the dragon and defeat the evil witch who are holding you prisoner in this terrible castle… place!" Tybalt shouted up and Benny glanced in the offstage direction. It was now Lady Blueberry's cue to come on stage.
"I would like to see you try!" Lady Blueberry said as she made her way onstage. Tybalt got his fake sword out and walked up to Lady Blueberry as if he was about to fight her.
"You shall not get past us you evil hag!" Tybalt called out and Lady Blueberry smirked the next line was her favourite line in the entire play.
"Oh I shall! Abracadabra!" Lady Blueberry then waved her shovel wand in the air and accidentally whacked it off of Tybalt's head accidentally knocking him unconscious. The audience and offstage cast looked in shock as Tybalt fell onto his knees and then went out like a light. Lady Blueberry gasped and Benny's eyes widened. Both gnomes looked towards Lord Redbrick who just continued to wave his arms about to get them to continue.
"You killed my friend! Prepare to die!" Benny exaggerated a little too much and began to push Lady Blueberry towards the end of the stage. Lady Blueberry at first didn't notice how close she was from falling off the side of the stage but then she turned around and saw Benny was continuing to push her closer to the edge.
"Benny, STOP!" Lady Blueberry suddenly called out as she fell over the side of the stage and landed flat out on the grass. Lord Redbrick quickly rushed over to Lady Blueberry to see if she was alright while Benny looked up at Nanette who looked as if she were about to fall over.
"Have no fear princess! I am coming!" Benny called out heroically as he ran off the stage.
Meanwhile Lord Redbrick rushed over to Lady Blueberry who was still conscious, well barely anyway.
"Lady Blueberry! Are you alright?" Lord Redbrick asked concerned as Lady Blueberry gave him a dazed look.
"I haven't seen so many stars before…" Lady Blueberry exclaimed very dazed and confused. Lord Redbrick gave her a funny glance before she was about to slip into unconsciousness "Lord Redbrick… I never knew you looked like a cream cake!" Lady Blueberry then passed out like Tybalt did before. She went out like a light too! This was all Lord Redbrick needed.
When Lord Redbrick stood up he noticed the entire audience were looking at him. Juliet had a concerned gaze on her features whilst Gnomeo and Featherstone were smirking humorously! Wait did they think this was all a part of the play? This was obviously going to be one big disaster like that barbeque party he threw before.
"Cue the music!" Lord Redbrick whispered at Paris who nodded and pressed a button to play some music, but the music would also go wrong!
"I LIKE BIG BUTTS AND I CANNOT LIE…!" the music began to play and immediately the crowd gasped along with the crew behind the stage. As the song continued to play Lord Redbrick went from his shocked trance to signalling to Paris to cut the music.
"Paris, turn that flipping music off!" Lord Redbrick stammered throwing his arms about the air in some sort of fit.
"I'm trying Lord Redbrick!" Paris called back continuously pressing the button in a rage. "It's not turning off!"
"Pull the emergency switch!" Lord Redbrick ordered noticing Benny and Nanette, who were at the front of the stage, were dancing to the song waving their butts in the air causing many audience members to laugh.
"Right," Paris rushed over and unplugged the music switch causing the music to stop. Benny and Nanette continued to dance much to Lord Redbrick's displeasure and he gave himself a face palm before he urged them to get back to normal.
"You two, stop loafing around and get back to what you're supposed to be doing!" Lord Redbrick hissed in a quiet yet loud tone. Benny then turned around and remembered what he was meant to be doing.
"Oh yes, have no fear princess. I shall come and rescue you!" Lord Redbrick behind the stage then gave his next order.
"Cue the dragon, cue the dragon!"
Benny glanced over to the back stage area as a small roaring noise could be heard behind it. Soon a gnome made dragon costume made its way onto the stage and the voices from within the costume could be heard quite clearly.
"Are you sure you can see where you're going Fawn?" the voice of Mankini gnome called out nervously as the dragon costume swished back and forth in an unstable manner towards Benny.
"Yeah of course I do! You really need to trust me a bit more Mankini," the voice of Fawn could also be heard from within the unsafe costume. Just as Benny was about to say his line, the costume made its way closer to him but its destination was caught short when Tybalt slowly awoke from his brief knock out. Both Fawn and Mankini didn't see him until it was too late and they both knocked the dragon costume into him causing Tybalt to fly backwards while Fawn and Mankini both lost their balance causing the dragon costume to smack into the stage screen and fall over. The stage screen didn't hold for long as it fell backwards and the entire back stage area could be seen. Also the ladder which was holding Nannette came down with the stage screen causing her to fall but it was lucky Paris was able to catch her before she got smashed. Lord Redbrick gave himself another face palm as the audience could now see everything. This was one complete disaster! That BBQ had no exception compared to this!
"Eh Lord Redbrick?" Paris asked slowly to the gutted director.
"What?" Lord Redbrick asked through gritted teeth.
"I was wondering if… well the play was a complete disaster, so could we?"
"Yes Paris, do what you wish. I've had it with this directing crap!" Lord Redbrick then stormed off the stage to leave Paris to do his musical skills.
"Aw right!" Benny called aloud as Paris put a certain song on. The same song that had came on before in fact.
"I LIKE BIG BUTTS AND I CANNOT LIE…!" played again through the speakers as Benny, Fawn and Mankini gnome started dancing to it. Tybalt and Lady Blueberry were slowly gaining consciousness but were still not with the world entirely.
"What ever you do, do not touch the cheesy moon! It's an ice cream I tell you! AN ICE CREAM!" Tybalt yelled out randomly before smiling to himself and lying back down again "goodnight mommy!" And with that Tybalt blacked out again.
"Whoa, I thought I blacked out there for a second. I could have sworn I was some evil witch for some stupid production for my son's anniversary," Lady Blueberry sat up and then looked down to see what she was wearing "Oh yeah, I was…"
Meanwhile in the audience Gnomeo, Juliet and Featherstone sat their in hysterics.
"I gotta admit, this beats your father's barbeque by far!" Gnomeo said.
"Yeah, I mean if this was meant to be an actual performance I would have died of boredom. But this is hilarious!" Featherstone cheered still munching on his popcorn whilst continuing to laugh.
"Where's my dad gone though?" Juliet asked glancing around the garden curiously. Gnomeo and Featherstone shrugged and continued to laugh.
"Probably gone to beat himself up on how he managed to blow another anniversary gift for us!" Gnomeo laughed but Juliet didn't. Gnomeo noticed this and soon stopped his laughter "Juliet, you know I was only joking right?"
"Yeah I know you too well Gnomeo. Now Featherstone, share that popcorn with us, we would like some too you know!" Juliet ordered and Featherstone did as she asked as they continued to watch Benny and the other gnomes make a complete joke of themselves dancing to the most ridiculous song in the world.
Meanwhile Lord Redbrick was ranting about how being a director wrecked his performance. He hit his hat and went on a small rampage throughout the garden as he continued to curse out loud.
"And if they think I'm playing this charade again, well they've got another thing coming!" Lord Redbrick continued to rant but he didn't notice someone come up behind him and grab him suddenly. It was Tybalt and he looked as if he was having a serious mental breakdown.
"What ever you do, do not eat that giant balloon dodo bird! Its evil I tell you! EVIL!" Tybalt then ran off laughing and crying crazily and Lord Redbrick shook his head.
"Gosh, that blow to the hat Lady Blueberry gave him must have been pretty hard to make him this crazy," Lord Redbrick muttered to himself. He suddenly noticed a balloon dodo fly past him in the direction where Tybalt had crazily ran around. Lord Redbrick stared at it, mouth open and thought he was seeing things. He then swiftly turned around and walked in the other direction.
"I wonder if Lady Blueberry could whack me with that trowel, it will teach me next time to NOT put on a silly production for my daughters anniversary…"
THE END!
Authors note: Well this is how random I can be! This story was only going to be this short so there isn't anymore. I hope you enjoyed it, and sorry again for the randomness! I did warn you! Anyway please review! Thanks!