I wrote this ages ago, but it's long since been buried under the steady progress of posts and threads in the original forum.
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Not the original:
He lounged on the conference table:
"Pleased ta meet'cha!" he said. "I am able
With intelligence, chutzpah and charm, to solve
All problems encountered beneath the sun
Mechanical, chemical – all good fun,
Especially when duct tape is involved.
I chiefly use my charm
To distract the bad guys, whom I disarm:
I've dealt with moles and rats and diverse
Villainous types, and the name's MacGyver."
And here we noticed in his hand
All red and steel, a folding knife
With a small white logo from Alpine lands,
And blades and tools and attachments rife;
And we noticed his fingers were long and clever
As if in all of his life he never
Encountered a problem he couldn't untangle
By looking at it from a different angle.
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The original: (from Browning's The Pied Piper of Hamlin):
He advanced to the council-table:
And, "Please your honors," said he, "I'm able,
By means of a secret charm, to draw
All creatures living beneath the sun,
That creep or swim or fly or run,
After me so as you never saw!
And I chiefly use my charm
On creatures that do people harm,
The mole and toad and newt and viper;
And people call me the Pied Piper."
(And here they noticed round his neck
A scarf of red and yellow stripe,
To match with his coat of the self-same cheque;
And at the scarf's end hung a pipe;
And his fingers, they noticed, were ever straying
As if impatient to be playing
Upon this pipe, as low it dangled
Over his vesture so old-fangled.)