The first time ever I saw your face, I thought the sun rose in your eyes.
When it came to people, Sam had an instinct: she'd look at someone, and if she realized they weren't worth her time, she avoided them or simply attacked them; if she realized they were cool, she tried to befriend them.
That was what happened when she met her best friend, Carly, in third grade. She was hungry. She desperately wanted Carly's sandwich. She decided to put her to test, and she surely lived up to her expectations, fighting back. Three years later, in sixth grade, her friendship with Carly was still going strong. She never failed to judge a person.
Carly was standing by her locker, putting books in her backpack. It'd always annoyed Sam that their lockers weren't next to each other; she'd have to do something about it in the future.
Sam walked through the hallway, eating a ham sandwich, and waved at her, her cheeks puffy while chewing and swallowing the sandwich. "Hey, Carls."
Carly just smiled. "Hey, Sam. How's that sandwich?" She'd never understand how her friend could eat a ham sandwich first thing in the morning.
She rolled her eyes in pleasure. "Awesome! I bought it from this fast food that just opened, and I'm telling you..." Her voice faded as she noticed a little boy over Carly's shoulder, in the row of lockers next to hers.
He was listening in on the conversation, but most importantly, he was sneaking glances at the two of them, quickly looking away after a second. He had brown hair, brown eyes and nerdy clothing. He was shorter than Sam and wore platform shoes, probably to make him appear taller. Just because of that, he was in Sam's Loser List. Not to mention he had a lovesick puppy look on his face and a history book in his hand. Was he studying? Pathetic.
Carly frowned and turned around, following Sam's look. The kid quickly looked away, focusing on the book.
"What's wrong?"
"Who's he?"
Carly rolled her eyes, but smiled softly. "My neighbor. Freddie, remember?"
"The one you told me about who has a huge crush on you and follows you everywhere?"
"Right."
Sam raised her eyebrows, not taking her eyes off of the brunette kid. Apparently, his mother never let him leave the house because she was pretty psychotic and thought he could get in any kind of trouble, and when he first saw Carly at the start of sixth grade he started treating her as a goddess and going out of his way to talk to her and impress her. "Creepy."
"It's kinda cute, actually." Carly whispered. "But he's not my type."
That boy already sounded annoying to her. Not a very good first impression. And he annoyed Carly too, which was worse.
He lifted his eyes from the book to shoot another glance, but this time he stared instead, almost burning a hole in Carly's head to get her to turn around. Carly smiled at him sweetly and waved, and he smiled back, trying to look flirtatious, but failed miserably. It took Sam all of her self control not to laugh in his face at his goofy smile.
Carly turned around again and kept talking to Sam, but she tuned out of the conversation - she was just blabbering about a cute boy anyway.
The kid, who was apparently named Freddie, shifted his eyes from Carly onto Sam. His eyes widened a little (her fame of troublemaker was known in all the school, and even an anti-social like Freddie would know better than to mess with Sam), however, he stayed with his feet planted on the ground. Usually, when kids crossed her eyes they ran away, but he was just staring at her, half scared and half challenging.
Sam felt a rush inside her. She was sure she had never seen him, yet it was like she already knew him. She could read his expressions and his feelings as if he were an opened book. She could understand what he was thinking. She just hoped he couldn't do the same with her, because she'd be in trouble and it'd be creepy.
His brown eyes never left her blue ones, and his smile was almost daring her to get over there and try to hit him. Why, she didn't know, but no one looked at her like that and lived to tell it. She felt a half smirk creeping up on her lips, as if they had just shared an inside joke only they could understand. Freddie's eyes widened a little more.
The bell rang. Freddie looked away, putting the book in his locker.
"Oh, well, I'll continue the story later." Carly said, and ran to class. Sam had no idea what she had been talking about; she was focused on the nerdy kid. Maybe she could have a little fun with him.
As Freddie was skipping off to class, she ran to him. "Hey, you!" She touched his shoulder, and strangely her skin tingled.
Freddie turned and looked at her, fearful.
"Give me your lunch." she demanded.
"Y-you wouldn't like it." he stuttered.
"Why?" There was no food in the world she couldn't eat.
"I've got tofu. And carrots." He lifted his lunch bag to prove it. Sam sneaked a glance inside, and made a face. Ugh. There was no way she'd eat that.
"Why? Do you hate yourself?" He'd have a reason to...he was a complete loser.
Freddie sighed. "My mom."
She raised her eyebrows. "Your mom hates you?"
"I think so." He rolled his eyes.
"Alright, then give me your lunch money." she demanded.
"I have no money! I swear! My mom doesn't let me carry it around!"
Sam sighed and knelt down to pat his clothes and pockets. Another tingling sensation; probably because his clothes were so smooth. His mom was a psychopath. Sam almost pitied him.
"You're clean." She glared at him, shoving him a little. As Freddie tried to walk away, she blocked him.
"Whoa. Wait a second there."
"I'm gonna be late!"
"Yeah, wouldn't want such a horrible note on your permanent record." Sam rolled her eyes sarcastically. "Look. You're crushing on Carly, and that's really sweet, but Carly will never love you. Get it in your stupid head."
Freddie scoffed. "Please! Just give me six months! I have a plan."
Sam snickered. "A six months plan?"
"I'm this close to a date with her!"
"Well, say goodbye to your dreams. I'm so sorry." She said it with an innocent smile, indicating she was so not sorry.
"I'm not giving up." He looked at her. "You're her friend, right? Can you help me?"
She didn't know whether she should laugh or just hit him square in the face. "I'm telling you there's no way. I won't help you with Carly and, again, she will never love you. Actually, no girl is ever gonna love you."
She gave him another shove. "Bye, Freddork. Bring money tomorrow. Or edible food. Especially ham." He let out a quiet "ow" as she walked past him to her first class.
If she'd turned around, she'd have seen Freddie watching her.
Sam was surprised; whether it was in a good or a bad way, she didn't know. She was a little dazed. Almost happy. Well, scaring nerds always put her in a good mood, after all. She just knew that, after that first encounter and as iCarly came to life, Freddie became her favorite punching bag, despite Carly's attempts to make peace. Sam would insult him, he would fight back and they'd argue. She eventually grew to like that routine.
The first time ever I kissed your mouth, I felt the earth move in my hand.
"I'm sorry. About telling people you never kissed anyone. And about putting blue cheese dressing in your shampoo bottle. And about sending your cellphone to Cambodia." Freddie laughed. "Everything. Okay?"
She couldn't believe she was apologizing to Freddie, but it was the least she could do. Sam took it too far. Freddie had taken revenge on her for a prank she pulled and she decided to embarrass him live on iCarly, revealing to the world he'd never kissed anyone. She didn't mean to ruin his life. She never, in all the years she'd known him, ever wanted to hurt him for real. It was just for fun. Just because she was Sam and that's how she entertained herself. They fought all the time, but they weren't just enemies or acquaintences, no matter how much they denied it. They were friends. Frenemies at the very least, but still friends.
"So, does this mean you're not gonna mess with me anymore?" Freddie asked, hopeful.
"No, I'm still gonna mess with you. I'll just apologize every few years so I can start fresh again." she smirked.
"Good."
"Good?" She repeated, speechless. She thought he'd insist a little more, after all she'd done to him.
"Yeah. It wouldn't be the same if you didn't make my life miserable all the time."
That made her smile. Despite their sketchy beginnings, they learnt to stand each other. Sometimes, if they were lucky, they even hung out together and had fun. They never stopped fighting, but they had fun. Most of the time. It was just how their relationship was. She was glad he thought it this way too.
"But...you know, maybe you could pull back just a little bit-"
"I don't think so."
"Yeah, I didn't either." he resigned, his shoulder slumping.
He was way too good. She had almost ruined his life and he just forgave her and basically wanted her to keep doing so. Either he was a masochist, or he actually cared about her. And she found she really cared about him, too. But she'd never admit it out loud. An apology was more than enough.
Sam scoffed. "It's so dumb." She had no idea why she was bringing it up.
"What are you talking about?"
"You know, people getting all freaked out over their first kiss...it's stupid."
Sam hadn't had her first kiss either, so she realized making fun of Freddie for the same reason was pretty hypocritical. She'd never felt so close or similar to him. For the first time, she realized they, the bully and the nerd, weren't so different after all. That they could actually be friends.
"So, you weren't lying? You really never kissed anyone?"
"Nope." An idea was imprinted in the back of Sam's mind since she first found out Freddie had never kissed anyone either. Maybe it was that she was opening up to Freddie for the first time, maybe she was just tired and vulnerable, but the idea popped again in her mind. There was no way she'd say it, though. Maybe, if she directed the conversation on that topic...
"Sometimes, I wish I could just...get it out of the way."
"Yeah, I know, me too." Her heart trembled.
"Right? Just so I can stop worrying about it."
"Yeah." Suddenly, he smiled and chuckled.
"What?" Please, tell me you're thinking what I'm thinking.
"Nothing. It's..."
"C'mon."
"Nah, it's dumb."
"Say it!" Say it because if you don't I will never have the guts to.
"Okay." He gave up. "I was just gonna say..."
"...that we should kiss?" She finished for him, smirking a little. Now there was no worry; "he" had the idea...
Freddie looked sheepish and scared, like the first time she ever saw him. "You're gonna break my arm now, right?"
She shook her head. "No."
"Well...should we? Just so both of us can get it over with?"
Sam thought about it. She wanted to. She convinced herself that she wanted to kiss Freddie just so she'd get over her first kiss and people could stop making fun of them.
"Just to get it over with."
"Just to get it over with." he confirmed.
She scooted incredibly closer to him, almost touching his leg. "And you swear we both go right back to hating each other as soon as it's over?" She needed to reassure herself that it was only a friendly kiss, that it didn't mean anything and she wouldn't feel anything.
"Totally, and we'll never tell anyone."
"Never." she agreed. Only a few years later she found herself wondering why would they kiss to get it over with only to not tell anyone.
Freddie was nervous. He swallowed and looked around, embarrassed.
Sam wanted to just shove him, but strangely she felt weak. "Well...lean."
They locked eyes as Freddie leant in. They were really about to do this...
As their lips touched for the first time, their eyes closed simultaneously. It was just one second until Sam opened them again, in surprise. She thought it'd be gross, that she'd want to push him away, but it was everything but disgusting. It was nice. Too nice. Maybe it was a first kiss thing?
His lips were soft and gentle, and she found herself liking it. She tried to push that feeling to the back of her head, but it was impossible. She felt so strange. All her emotions were a blur and, suddenly, she couldn't understand what was right and what was wrong. She only knew the kiss shouldn't be lasting so much, though she couldn't pull away. She wasn't even trying. Oh, just screw it.
She closed her eyes and kissed back. Just as she was getting into the kiss, they slowly pulled away. Freddie wore a confused and slightly surprised face, and she just frowned. What just happened?
Sam looked at him. Her heart was pounding in nervousness and something else she couldn't identify. Something struck her right then.
"Well, that was..." Freddie started.
"Nice?"
"Yeah...nice..." He was quite dumbstruck. She wondered if she was feeling the same thing as her.
"Good...work."
"Thank you, you too." They couldn't look at each other.
Sam raised her eyebrows and decided it was enough for that night. He evidently had nothing else to say to her. She made her way to the fire escape window, but he called her. "Hey."
She turned around.
He smirked. "I hate you."
She let out a soft chuckle. "Hate you too."
They both know it meant "I so don't hate you, but we swore we'd go back to normal so let's keep playing this game".
The first time ever I laid with you, I felt your heart so close to mine.
The game was over. They both had lost.
Sam gave up first. She kissed Freddie while they were locked in school and he read her emotions with an application he invented, then she ran away, and locked herself up in a mental institution with some strange guy who thought he was from the future. She couldn't leave because her mom was in Tijuana having laser hair removal, so they ended up doing iCarly in the hospital and Freddie kissed her live, when she thought he'd humiliate her as she did years ago, with mental patients clapping around them. In short, the usual story about how two people got together.
They broke up shortly afterwards because they weren't working, but their feelings never faded. If anything, they grew stronger, until they became unbearable. It was clear to both of them: they should have never broken up. Nobody could touch them. Since the beginning, they'd been happy with being those dysfunctional, abrasive people who loved each other more than anything. They could fight in public and in private, but at the end of the day, they'd always have each other, and that was more than enough.
Sam still loved to make fun of him, in any moment. Even during a kiss, even when they were being serious, because she didn't want to get too cheesy and "forget her priorities". Freddie was more than okay with that: he didn't want her to stop being Sam just for him, too. He loved everything about her.
He was not the boy she met in sixth grade anymore. He was way taller, braver, stronger; she loved his arms, the way he kissed her and the way he infinitely cared about her. Why did they wait so much to get together? Why had she been so afraid to show him her feelings? He would have never hurt her anyway.
And now, they were together, laying in Freddie's bed, just enjoying each other's presence in the dark.
He was just staring at her, and tracing the outline of her face. His hands brushed her hair, playing with her curls, and he kissed her lightly on the cheek.
"I'm so sorry."
Sam caressed his face and felt like laughing. He was apologizing? "For what?"
"For breaking up with you."
"You know, technically, I broke up with you."
"Yeah, but...I should've talked you out of it. I shouldn't have agreed. I knew we were making a mistake."
She shook her head violently. "No. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have brought it up, I was so stupid, I-"
He silenced her with a kiss, and she relaxed. It was one of their habits: when words weren't needed anymore, they kissed. And those kisses said so much more than any word, letter, or thesis could.
Sam opened her mouth and licked Freddie's bottom lip, asking him for entrance. Their tongues battled in their mouths as they became more and more lost in each other. After a few minutes, he pulled away and started trailing kisses down her jaw, to her neck, to her collarbone, and then back to her lips.
Their hearts were beating together, at the same time. They couldn't get any closer, as they were slowly becoming one soul. Sam felt overwhelmed by a familiar feeling, the rush she only felt when she first saw him, and she knew Freddie was feeling it too, because...she could hear his heart pounding against her.
When they pulled away, she put her head on his chest and laughed. She didn't know why; she just felt happy. He made her feel special. Like she meant something to someone. Like she found a place she belonged. He looked down at her, and for a second he looked like that scared little boy again.
"I love you." He whispered. "We made our mistakes, alright. It's not gonna happen again."
"Promise?"
"Promise." Freddie smiled. Sam did the same, and intertwined their fingers, looking down at their hands.
"Well, I..." she cleared her throat. "I love you too. Even if you're a nub." He rolled his eyes and smirked. "Sure, if I could've chosen who to fall in love with, I would have chosen someone cooler than you," she joked "but...I'm happy about how I turned out."
He nodded. "Yeah. Sometimes...you make me really mad, and I ask myself, why did I fall in love with her? But then I see you, and...I tell myself I don't care. I can't leave you." Sam laughed to cover up the tears that were forming in her eyes. Stupid sappy nub.
"Get over here." she grinned and attacked him with her lips again. He started touching her face, her arms, her sides, and she felt like her whole skin was on fire.
So maybe they weren't the perfect couple. Who cares? Freddie didn't care if she was a troublemaker who'd never amount to anything. He made her want to be better, as sickening and disgusting it sounded. He saw what she could be. He saw behind her lies, behind her fake smiles, and she knew if she could only have him by her side for the rest of her life, she'd be okay. And she made him push his boundaries, sometimes. Because even he would admit his life would be incredibly boring if he didn't have her.
They were intertwined. Since the very beginning, their threads were linked. So they'd go against the rules of the world. Big deal. It was probably what they were meant to do anyway.
And I knew our joy would fill the earth, and last 'til the end of time.
So, this song was stuck in my head for a good week, and as soon as I heard it on Glee, I just HAD to write this. It made me cry.
I imagined Sam's reaction when first seeing Freddie kinda like Santana's when she first saw Brittany, and Freddie's reaction kinda like Mercedes when she first saw Sam. And the last line of the first verse is a callback to Finn and Rachel. :)
I really hope I kept them in character and didn't make them too mushy. You have no idea how many times I rewrote this.
Hope you liked it. Please, leave a review? :)