A.N.: Hiya! Me again with another HitsuMatsu oneshot! I got the idea when my family went to a café at the library, and that was my first time trying a latte. After I finished it, my eyes went, "BANG" and I got pretty crazy… so yep, this story is inspired by coffee. Please Read and enjoy…
Chocolate Coffee's Caffeine
"Matsumoto?"
"Yes?
"What's this?"
"It's mocha, Taicho."
"What's 'mocha'?"
"It's a sort of coffee."
"What's coffee?"
"You don't know what it is?"
"Should I?"
"It's a popular beverage I bought in the living world."
"I see… what's in it?"
"Chocolate silly!"
"Then I don't want to drink it."
"Aw, come on Taicho. Grown ups drink it!"
"Such as?"
"Such as me."
"You're not counted as one."
"You're so mean!"
"Shut up, who else would possibly drink this muddy liquid?"
"It's not muddy. It's cream."
"Whatever."
"Well, Shunsui likes it."
"He doesn't count either."
"But Yamemouto-soutaicho does."
"… He drinks this?"
"Why are you looking at the mocha like its garbage?"
"Because it smells like it."
"It does not!"
"Does to."
"It smells warm and refreshing."
"Describe the scent of 'warm and refreshing'."
"You know what I mean."
"…"
"Why not you just try it?"
"No."
"Huh? Why not?"
"I remember what happened last time when you gave me one of these... 'Coffees'."
"Hm?"
"Don't play dumb with me."
"No really, when did I give you one?"
"How should I know? It was called a… Licky? Litti? Latty?"
"Oh! Latte! Now I remember!"
"And you also remember what happened after that?"
"After you drank 24 ounces of that latte I gave you?"
"Yes, after that."
"How can I forget?"
"Stop laughing Matsumoto!"
"Sorry Taicho, but don't worry! Mocha will just keep you energized. Not hyped up like last time."
"But you said a mocha had chocolate in it."
"It only adds up for flavor. Like hot chocolate but it has caffeine in it."
"Oh-no."
"What?"
"Caffeine. You mentioned that last time also."
"I did?"
"Don't you remember at all?"
"Not really, you were giving me a load of questions like last time so how can I remember all the questions you asked and all the answers I answered?"
"Because I'm asking the same questions like last time."
"You are?'
"Gods…"
"Oh just drink it Taicho. Please?"
"…"
"…"
"…"
"…"
"Stop looking at me like that!"
"Like what?"
"With those creepy eyes of yours!"
"I just want you to drink it!"
"… Oh. I see now."
"What?"
"You're scheming something aren't you Matsumoto?"
"Wha! How could you possibly think I'd play a prank on you?"
"Many times."
"But drinking the mocha doesn't count!"
"What if you put sleeping pills like you did to my tea once? And I woke up with lipstick all over my head? Who do you suppose did that?"
"Lipstick all over your head?"
"It took me two hours to wash it off! It was also in my hair!"
"I did that?"
"Yes, you did."
"I don't remember that one."
"You were drunk that time. Idiot."
"But Taicho!"
"Stop whining! You're giving me a headache!"
"Okay but just drink the mocha! I promise it's no prank!"
"Then why do you want me to drink it so much?"
"Because you need energy! You look so pooped doing all that paperwork."
"And who do you think is a fault for not doing their share? Huh?"
"…"
"Well?"
"Okay, okay! I'll do my share if you drink the mocha!"
"…"
"By position of lieutenant of the 10th division, I promise."
"Swear it."
"What?"
"SWAER IT!"
"Okay! I swear!"
"Let me see your fingers.
"Fine! Jeez Taicho…"
"Now say it."
"I swear I will do the paperwork."
"After I drink the mocha?"
"After you drink the mocha."
"I swear on Gin's grave I'll send you to central 46 if you don't."
"… Yes Taicho"
"…"
"…"
"…"
"…"
"Well, here it goes… gulp."
"... Well? How is it?"
"It taste… pretty good."
"See? I told you that I didn't do anything to it!"
"Whatever. Gulp, gulp, gulp…"
"Don't drink it all, enjoy the last of it!"
"Too late, I finished it."
"No fair! You didn't leave any for me!"
"This isn't your cup now is it?"
"You're mean!"
"Quiet. Hm… that mocha warmed me up. I guess you really didn't do anything to it, I should apologize."
"You should!"
"Sorry then. I'm just too suspicious with you."
"No worries! I'm just glad you drank the mocha."
-15 MINUTES LATER-
"MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
"… Are you okay Taicho?"
"Huh? Oh, yes, everything's PEACHY!"
"… um… alright then."
"…"
"…"
"…"
"…"
"…"
"Die… you little brush… die…"
"?"
"Heeheeheeheeheeeee…. You think you're soooo elegant with those dangling strings, well I have total CONTROL over you! What about that! Huh? Think you're so mighty now?"
"Taicho… you're talking to your brush…"
"Hm? No I'm not."
"? Hmm…"
"…"
"…"
"bam, bam, bam, bam!"
" Now he's stabbing the paperwork."
"What did you say!"
"Nothing!"
"Gooooooooooooooooooooood…"
"…"
"Mine… all mine… my precious…"
"Why are you hugging your zanpaktou?"
"MY PRECIOUS!"
"… scary."
-thud-
"I'm, too sexy for these robes. Too sexy for these clothes."
"GASP! TAICHO! Get off the desk! Don't take your clothes off!"
"You wanna see me naked don't you!"
"No I don't!"
"…"
"MY GOD! TAICHO!"
"HAHAHAHAHAHA! It's pointy ain't it!"
"What! Huh? Where did you…. HUH!"
"I scream! You scream! We all scream for—"
"TAICHO! Get back in the office now!"
"Never!"
"… He's going to humiliate himself, going out like that in public."
"…"
"OH MY GOD! THAT'S HITSUGAYA-TAICHO!"
"Shoot, he's already caught!"
"Matsumoto-fukutaicho! Why is Hitsugaya-taicho… BARE NAKED!"
"Uh, well… there's an explanation Nanao! Um, you see that he's pretty young and that his body can only control a limited amount of caffeine right?"
"So you gave him coffee!"
"Heh… well, yes but—whoa!"
"Gimme a piggy ride!"
"Taicho! But—"
"Piggy, piggy, piggy!"
"What the heck? Is he humping Ran-san? Huh! Nanao-chan, you're blushing!"
"Shunsui -taicho! It's not what it looks. You see, Matsumoto gave Hitsu—"
"I thought I told you not to look at any man but me!"
"Yes, we'll discussed that earlier, but it isn't what it—"
"Piggy back, dang it woman!"
"Ow! Taicho! Quite jumping on me!"
"On your knees NOW!"
"Eek!"
"Mwahahaha… surrender to me… Matsumoto…"
"…"
"… explicit."
"I think you mean erotic, Taicho."
"Now let's go riding!"
"Owowowowowow! You're too heavy on my back!"
"Does it look like I care? Now, to the castle!"
"What castle?"
"Where the dead princess is! We must give her the kiss of life! Now giddy up horsy!"
"Ouch! Ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow! OW!"
"… Ahem, I guess we'll be on our way now. Come on Nanao-chan."
"Right behind you."
"Wait! Ow! Don't leave me alone with—ouch! Stop pulling my hair!"
"What else can I use for reins? Now GO!"
"But you're still naked!"
"Dumb horse, I guess I must find another!"
"Huh, what? Another?"
"Savages! SAVAGES! Awawawawawawa!"
"You're not an Indian!"
"Awawawawawa!"
"Taicho! Where are you gong?"
"To kill the savages!"
"NO! STOP! That's the 6th division's office!"
"A HORSE! Awawawawawa!"
"TAICHO!"
"…"
"…"
-bang-
-thud-
-crash-
"What the hell? Hitsugaya-taicho!"
"Oh no, that's Renji!"
-pow-
-wham-
-bam-
"CHAAAAAAAAAAARGE!"
-rip-
"…"
"Wait! Kuchki-taicho! Don't-!"
"Scatter…"
"..."
"GAAAAAAAAAAH!"
-30 MINUTES LATER-
"M-A-T-S-U-M-O-T-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O!"
"… Hai, Taicho?"
"This is all your fault! YOU HEAR ME!"
"Yes. But at least Unohana rid the caffeine in your veins so you wouldn't-"
"SHUT UP! I stripped to my bare body! I went on a rampage! It looked like I was doing you! I barged in the 6th squad's office! I started riding Renji! I took a STICK and attacked Bayakuya! Bayakuya got pissed and called his zanpaktou! I got sliced into shreds! I was carried to the 4th division in your arms! I was still naked and seen in the whole Seretei! AND WHOSE FAULT IS THAT!"
"Mine…"
"CORRECT! THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT! Because you made me drink that MOCHA! I am never, EVER, going to—"
"…"
"Matsumoto? Are you listening?"
"Yes…"
"… Why are you crying?"
"Well… it's always my fault that things end up in a wreck. I'm sorry. I really am."
"… You should be."
"…"
"You should be ashamed of yourself."
"…"
"…"
"…"
"Sigh… Do all the paperwork, then I'll forgive you."
"Really?"
"Don't make me change my mind."
"Oh Taicho! You're the best!"
"Ow! Don't hug me! I'm wounded here!"
"Oops, sorry!"
"Groan… Also… don't give me a latte or mocha ever again. Understood?"
"Yes sir!"
O O O O O
"Matsumoto?"
"Yes?"
"What's this?"
"It's a cappuccino, Taicho."
"…"
~End~
A.N.: Review and tell me what you think of it! Thank you to all who do.
~Supreme