A/N : Hi everyone! So this idea popped into my head a while ago, it's my first ER fic and I'm kinda nervous about it, give it a shot. Set on 6x14 and post epi. Carter/Lucy and a bit of Carter/Abby. I'm currently working on a Carter/Abby OS, which will be posted anytime soon.

Disclaimer : Sadly, I don't own a thing.

Enjoy!

Her first day wasn't the day every med student could dream of. Within the first minutes, she had her lab coat all covered in blood. People were nice to her. She met the intern who was responsible for her. Dr. Carter. He seemed nice. Actually, he seemed more than nice.

He saw her taking the tour that every student took on their first day. Even if he was sleepy when he first saw her, he couldn't help it but went to ask her name to Jerry -who teased him about having a crush on her-, trying to know more about her. When she was attributed as his student, he didn't even try to hide his smile. And he knew that Dr. Greene knew at that moment, that he had something for her. That's when it all began.

They had been through a lot together. From things such as kicking him in his chest to searching for the father of a dying little girl. And then there was that kiss. Well even a little more. But nobody was supposed to know about that. And the only one who knew, didn't miss an occasion of teasing them (especially him) about it. Since the kiss, they had been more friends than anything else.

He was impressed. She was hard working, and he knew medicine had a future for her.

But that night changed everything.

He was looking for her that night. He asked to the desk if anyone had seen her. They all shook their heads. He went to look in the exam room where they had been taking care of a patient that afternoon.

He stepped into the surprisingly dark room. He walked further into the darkness. She wasn't there.

And then he felt it. A sharp, unbearable pain in his back. He felt the man's hot breath on his neck. He reached where it hurt and looked at his hand, covered in blood. And his legs gave out. He tried to steady himself by resting his weight on a trolley and called for help. He fell to the floor, his hand pressed on the wound. He tried to pull himself off the ground. He gave up when he felt he didn't have the strength, panting for breath.

That's when he caught sight of her. A few feet away from where he was lying. She was also bleeding, he called his name several times because it's all that could get out of his mouth. The pain was too much, he closed his eyes, praying for help.

Where are we?
Can you feel it, this is ending?
Did you hear that tear?

----

He was hearing voices, but it was like they were miles away. Maybe it was his mind playing tricks to him. He heard a scream and all he remembered after that was that he was on a gurney. People were rushing around him. He recognized Deb, Luka and then the throbbing pain came back. He screamed, and tilted his head on the side. She was there. Just a few meters from him, in the other trauma room.

And all went dark again.

He spoke to Benton just before the operation. His first words were how was Lucy. Peter just offered him a weak smile and told him he didn't know. He wanted to say something. To scream, to throw the first thing in sight. He was angry. He wanted to tell everyone to go and help her instead of him. She was too young to deserve that. She had just gotten out of school and she was looking forward for a good experience.

She was a fighter. She had doubts, but she would fight against them. She deserved better than being attacked and stabbed by a patient she did nothing mean to. All those thoughts were messing around in his head and he closed his eyes when the drugs did their effect.

He woke up a few hours later. He was sore. His throat was thick, probably from the tube that was in his it earlier. Benton is bent over his leg. He saw him open his eyes and nodded. He made it. He checked his reflexes and told him he was doing good. He talked to him a little, as much as his throat allowed him. He thanked him. Because otherwise he would be dead by now.

And that's when he thinks about her. He looked up to the ceiling, preparing himself to the worst scenario. He took a deep breath and asked,

"How's Lucy doing?" He rasped, looking at the black doctor above him. He didn't answer. And he knew. He could feel the tears stinking behind his eyes and blinked them back. He clenched his teeth because he's angry. He's mad, no. Pissed off at the man who did that to them. To her.

He had to ask again. To make sure.

"Lucy is dead isn't she?" He locked eyes with Benton and when the older man looked away, he knew it was real. It wasn't a dream.

He couldn't hold back the tears anymore and looked away.

It's not enough to leave on one goodbye, one goodbye
You can't give up and leave on one goodbye, on one goodbye
We were never meant to take it
passed or all the pain that turns to
make it last, one goodbye...

---

It was the day of her funeral. He didn't go because he was too weak and he cursed himself for that. Everybody had gone there, but he, was stuck in that damn hospital bed. Her mother came to see him and he lied to her. He told her he hadn't hurt. He told her that her daughter hadn't suffer, that it was a quick pain and that he hadn't even feel it. He told her Lucy hadn't die in pain.

But of course she had.

He caught her eyes when they were both laying on the floor in that dark room. A room in a hospital he knew by heart, where he would never thought that anything that violent could happen there. And he saw it. Those beautiful, deep green eyes hadn't shown that spark that had always been there before.

Carter clenched his teeth while thinking about that day again. It had played over and over in his head for the past few days. Why didn't he came in the room sooner? If he did, maybe none of that would have happened. But it had.

Dame fate.

The brown haired man snapped out of his daze when he heard a knock to his door. The knob turned and Peter Benton stepped in.

"Hey," he said, smiling. Carter just nodded and looked away through the window. Peter cleared his throat and approached the younger man, placing his large hand on his shoulder and giving it a squeeze. "How are you feelin'?" He asked, and Carter shook his head.

"You don't need to make small talk." He said harshly, maybe a little bit more than he intended to. "I'm fine." He responded, looking up when he once more, felt the tears behind his eyes. Peter pursed his lips, dropping his hand from John's shoulder, and sitting on the chair next to his bed.

"And you do not need to lie to me."

"I said I'm fine," He growled, clenching his teeth and forming his fist into a ball.

"Yeah, clearly you are," He said, his lips curling up in a small smile, trying to light up the mood to do a little humour. It didn't work. "Talk to me Carter,"

"Why does anybody want to leave me the hell alone?! I said I am fine! Don't you get that? You, Mark, Deb, Abby and your little hypocrite smiles! What do you want from me?! To walk in the ER like nothing happened? Walk in that fucking room where Lucy has been stabbed to death? Huh? Is that what you want from me? Act like nothing ever happened?" He shouted, not caring about the tears that were streaming down his pale cheeks. "I can't!"

"Carter..."

"It's too damn hard!"

"I know," He sat on the bed and pulled him in for a tight hug, and at his surprise, Carter melted in his embrace. He sobbed loudly in his shoulder as Benton sighed, patting his ex-student back. He pulled back and took hold of Carter's shoulder. "You don't have to act like nothing happened. You need to take your time, there's no rush. It's going to be hard when you'll be back downstairs. But everybody will be there for you. We're no just your colleagues Carter, we're your friends. Remember that, you're not alone." He didn't think he'd ever heard Benton talk like that since he'd known him.

Benton was right, he had friends.

---

His first day back was hard, but his friends were there for him. Sometimes it was just a pat on the back or a little smile that would encourage him. That day he felt friendship. This great feeling you share with people who you can talk to no matter what or when. He didn't shut himself off, he talked to them when he needed to.

John Carter marched in the cemetery, tightly gripping the bouquet of flowers he had in his hand. It was the first time he was coming. Maybe because he hadn't forgave her yet for leaving him or he wasn't ready to visit her yet. It had been two months.

He stepped in front of her grave and traced her name's letters with his finger. He placed the flowers in front of the rock and knelled down.

"Hey," He said, ruffling his hair with his hand nervously. "I'm sorry I didn't come before, it was just hard." He took a deep breath before continuing. "You missed a lot of things in the ER. Mark and Elizabeth are getting married, Chen is pregnant, Carol left a couple days ago. And the thing is...We all miss you."

He couldn't stop thinking about that day. They both came at the hospital like a normal day, not imagining that everything could change in only a couple hours. They all came in like a normal day and came out completely different.

Time has flown
We're aware of our position
and all that's known
You can't hear my frail petition
But I would choose to lay here bruised...

---

He nervously toyed with his wedding gold band as he talked to her. He didn't come see her in almost three years and didn't even know why. He talked to her for an hour, telling her about his new life in Seattle, his new family. He knew she would be happy for him. He turned around when he heard foot steps and caught sight of his wife.

"You ready?" Abby asked, ruffling her hand through his air as he stood up.

"Yeah, I guess so," He smiled and then asked,"Where's Lucy-lu?"

"Kerry feel in love with her, so she asked if she could watch her for a while." She answered, shrugging her shoulder. He pulled her closer and pressed his lips to her forehead.

"I just need a minute, I'll meet you in the car okay?" He kissed her softly. "I love you,"

" 'K," She grinned, rubbing his cheek with her thumb. "I love you too."

He watched her as she walked back to the car and turned back to the grave. "So, Abby is my wife and I'm madly in love with her. We have a daughter who's 5 months now and we named her after you. Because you got a special spot right here." He pointed at his heart and touched the rock one last time before walking to the car.

He had it all now. A wife, a daughter, he just missed a best friend. But he knew that she knew he was happy.

And that's all that mattered...

We were never meant to make passed...
We were never meant to make it
We had never meant to make it last
We had never meant to make it
We had never meant to
We had never meant to... make it last...passed the one goodbye.

Let me know what you think!

PS : Reviews make me VERY happy... :)