Hey, I was listening to Dashboard Confessional's song called 'Stolen'. It's a little old, but you know, it always gets me into tears… I'm a little inexperienced and also I'm from Panama, so in case of grammar mistakes, let me know.
Disclaimer: I own nothing… I'm just a poor girl with a numerous family… JK…
Troy's POV.
Have you ever had the feeling that most of the memories you've had with the love of your lives are just… painful? I had, and I can assure you it's not something you'd ever want to feel. Sometimes it's just horrible to handle, but I guess I just found a freaking cure for it all; liquor. Since it all happened, I'm just another drunk who threw his successful career to the trash, just because of someone who doesn't love me anymore. Sometimes, I don't even think she had ever loved me.
Since that day, my life has become a routine; I get up at 3:00 p.m., with a killer headache, my eyes puffy because of the hangover and crying, yes, you heard right, crying. Then, I go to the bathroom and take a nice shower, that's before throwing up all I ate the night before. Then, I head to the living room where my dad waits for me with more sermons; 'You're such a loser, look at yourself', 'Your mom would be so disappointed in you if she was still alive' and 'You've given up basketball and all your life because of a girl'. I have lunch, but I might throw up again later. My life sucks. When in my life did I think that the love of my life would turn me into this?
You watch the season pull up its own stakes
and catch the last weekend of the last week
before the gold and the glamour have been replaced,
another sun soaked season fades away
Flashback.
It was summer, almost two years ago. Gabriella Montez and I had just finished High School and she was offered with a lot of scholarships from good colleges. It basically meant that this was our last summer together. I knew that since the beginning, but she always assured me that there was nothing to worry about; that she would never leave me. One day, she told she wanted to see me. I waited for her in my living room. She said the words 'I think we need to talk'. I was actually looking forward to talk to her. I was going to tell her that no matter what school she decided to go in, I would support her. I was going to ask her to move in with me. I had already saved some money for a condo, everything seemed perfect.
I hear someone knock on the door, so I quickly ran to approach her. As I opened the door, I grinned widely at her, wrapped my arms around her as I kissed her cheek. She flinched and seemed reluctant, but I ignored her strange reaction gesturing her to get in. I followed her into the living room, I noticed she was stiff as a gargoyle, but I was so caught up in my excitement that I ignore that too.
"I think we need to talk, Troy." She said sitting in the couch. I sat in the couch before her.
"I think so too, you know, there is something I need to tell you." I said smiling warmly. She forced a little smile on her lips, and I noticed she wasn't able to smile back at me, but I didn't stop smiling.
"I have to tell you something, too. And it's really important."
"You first. Go ahead." I said, frowning.
"First of all, I have to tell you that these past two years I've been happier than ever in my life. And you've been the reason of my happiness. I'm really sorry for telling you this, but there's no other way out." She sighed deeply as my frown grew bigger. "I have to break up with you, Troy. I have a life ahead and I can't let you stop me anymore. Neither our relationship, nor my passion for music can stop me now. I'm going to study in Cambridge and I'll leave tomorrow. Whether you like it or not." She said coldly. Knowing Gabriella, my Gabriella, she would be crying. Those words made a gaping hole inside me. Rage and pain consumed my body in that moment.
"What?" I said breathily as a lump formed in my throat. "Do you know how much I've changed for you? Are you just going to leave me again? Do you even realize how much this kills me? I refuse to live without you, Gabi. Forget about music, forget about our relationship, isn't our love enough for you to stay?" I said, shaking with sobs. In another situation, I would be ashamed of a girl watching me cry, but this time I wasn't capable of stopping the tears.
"This is just too much, Troy. I'm going to Cambridge. I've learned to stop loving you, and you should, too. My future is in Cambridge, not here with you in Albuquerque. You can stay here and accomplish your basketball dream. You'll forget about me, and maybe someday we can even become friends." She said as coldly as before. My heart broke into little pieces that got scattered on the floor.
"Gabi, if you really love me, stay. You can't leave me here, not like this. You're the love of my life, I don't need any more reassure about it. And you'll realize it soon." I said looking right through her brown orbs. Gabriella stood up mumbling something I didn't quite catch and I quickly followed her to the door. Before she could reach the door knob, I grabbed her elbow gently, but firmly.
"Don't go." She kept looking towards the door, helping my gaze. "Gabi, look at me."
"Let me go, Troy. There's nothing you can do to stop me. Not this time." She said as she yanked her arm back from my grip. As I heard the door click shut from the outside, my knees went weak as I fell to the floor. I rested my back against the door as sobs overtook me and my eyes welled up with tears.
The next day I went to her house, and her mother reassured me that she was gone. At night I would always walk along that sidewalk, looking at her balcony, sometimes I even tossed rocks at the window in hopes of seeing her again. However, it never happened. I've been a fucking zombie since then.
That's where my summer ended.
You have stolen my heart
Yes, she left. My worst nightmare became true. And you know what the worst thing of it all is? She took something mine with herself. She left, and she fucking stole my heart. She ripped it open and scattered it all over, and then, she took it.
My heart is in Cambridge with her, and she probably doesn't know what she's done.
Invitation only grant farewells
crush the best one, of the best ones
clear liquor and cloudy eyed, too early to say goodnight
I just remember her at every second that passes by. She was defiantly the best one of the best ones. I don't know what did I do to deserve her at least for those wonderful two years. She was beautiful, even when she didn't quite believe how much, she was smart, she was kind, she was fun loving, caring… I can go on forever, but it would just be more painful. Every memory hurts like if my heart was scattered and ripped again, by the same beautiful, smart, kind, fun loving, caring girl.
How could she do something like that to the only person who really loved her? I take another sip of my beer as I tell the bartender to bring me more liquor.
"Are you crying again for that girl, honey?" Brittany, the bartender and now one of my closest friends, says from behind the counter, giving me another beer.
"I still can't believe it, Britt. She was everything I wanted, and just knowing the fact that I had her, makes me miss her even more. She destroyed me." I say, hiding my face in my hands. Brittany smiles sympathetically from behind the counter and palms my shoulder.
"Honey, everything happens for a reason. If she really loved you, she's probably missing you crazy. When she realizes she can live without you, she'll come back and won't ever leave you again. If she doesn't love you anymore and a career is more important than the love of her life, then she didn't deserve you. No one deserves your tears, and the one who deserves them, won't ever make you cry" Brittany says, and I think that she is right.
"Well then, I hate this twisted test." I say taking another long sip of my beer, feeling how it burns its way down my throat.
"You'll be okay, Troy. Now if you excuse me, I'll serve the other costumers so I won't lose my job." She says leaving me alone. I smile lightly at her; she has helped me a lot in these past few months.
You know, when you're drunk, you feel like your soul goes out of your body, so your body is free to do whatever it feels like. The fluttering feeling when you are drunk just helps you a lot. You can't think when you're drunk. Your mind suffers a blackout and you act by instinct, like animals.
I just need to feel that, because if I don't, I'm death. I drink fast so the feeling comes quickly and I don't have to wait for it to happen; I want to think straight as little as possible.
I know I'm damaging my body by drinking this much, but I just can't help it. And I won't.
And from the bar room floor we are a celebration
one good stretch before our hibernation
our dreams assured and we all, sleep well, sleep well
I watch as drunken couples make their way onto the dance floor, spinning around clumsily. I thought that when you got drunk, you would always feel happy. But now I realize that you don't feel anything. I prefer to stay here until the bar closes and watch people have the fun I can't have.
If I go home, I sure will sleep and dream about Gabriella. I can't help being in love with her, sue me. I sleep well only when I'm drunk, so I won't go home yet. I rest my head against the counter, playing with the glass of dry rum and beer.
Besides the hangover, this is the part I hate the most about being drunk. You feel like you're falling into a bottomless hole and you feel like throwing up, but you have to swallow it, 'cause if you puke, you'll spoil the plan.
I sometimes wonder if people is not tired of watching me here, just sitting and staring at the people dancing and drinking. I also wonder if they have even noticed that I'm here.
As my stomach knots painfully, I recognize some faces; Jason Cross, Kelsey Nielsen, Taylor McKessie and Chad Danforth. They won't recognize me, so I just watch them in their double date. That's painful, it just reminds me of Gabriella some more.
Why do I have to feel like this? Why did she do this to me? Everything just makes me remember her.
You have stolen
you have stolen my heartI watch you spin around in the highest heels
You are the best one, of the best ones
we all look like we feel
As people keep dancing around, I look into the crowd and see a girl. Brunette, not so tall, just like Gabriella. I keep looking at her, sadly remembering about Gabriella. I look as the stranger dances and spins around in heels, just like Gabriella did in Prom. I smile at the memory of us going to Prom together.
She really did steal my heart and I hope she can sleep because of what she's done to me. Oh, who am I trying to fool; I can't wish her any bad. It's amazing how someone hurt me so bad and how I want them to be by my side.
"You know, there's an ancient quote that says 'We look like we feel'." I hear someone say, but as I look up, I recognize whose voice is it. Sandy blonde hair, pale skin, gentle gaze; no more and no less than Ryan Evans. I'm not surprised he has recognized me, I'm the same Troy, just a little shaggier and with moustache.
"Then I must look like crap." I say as Ryan takes a sit next to me.
"You do." He quickly adds. I chuckle bitterly as I sit up straight and take another sip of my beer. "Give me a martini, please." Ryan says to Brittany.
"By the way, how are you, Ryan?" I ask as Ryan takes a sip of his martini.
"Better than you, I hope." He says jokingly, trying to ease the mood, which he does as I laugh at his answer. "You know, Troy, it's been a rig of time since I talked to Gabriela." He says quietly.
"It's been two months, ass." I reply harshly.
"For you. I stopped talking to her since you guys stopped working with my dad. Sometimes I wonder if I'll talk to her ever again. It's been more than a year, you know?" He says with a sad tone of voice as he takes a long sip of his martini.
"Yeah, I know, I sometimes wonder if I'm going to talk to her again." I'd do anything just to see her again. "I didn't know you liked to drink, Drama Boy." I comment as takes another sip.
"I only drink when I'm sad." He says looking at me up and down. "Kelsey broke up with me a while ago, but I was too sad to even get out of my house." He adds. I nod at him; I totally know what it feels like. "What about you? What are you drinking for?" He asks.
"You know, Ry, Gabriella was the love of my life. When she left, she broke up with me, so coldly that I'm even convinced that she doesn't love me anymore." I swallow the lump on my throat. "I've been a zombie since then, my life is all about the same routine. I even quit basketball, Ryan." I say desperately. Ryan nods understandingly as he pats my back warmly.
"Don't worry, Troy, there is nothing you can do but rebuild your life. You're living hell because there is no one helping you; you've pulled your friends apart from you. I know it must be really hard, but if you keep tripping over missing her, you are going to end up death." He says. Then, his cell rings and he looks at the caller I.D. He closes the call and turns to me. "Sorry man, I gotta go. If you need anything, don't hesitate on calling me."
You have stolen my,
You have stolen my
You have stolen my
Heart…
Now that I think about it well, I have to rebuild my life and leave the alcohol. It's going to be hard, but I'll do it. However, I'm not going to be happy if Gabriella is not by my side, but I can't keep living like this. It's just so damn hard and I have no one to count on. She has really stolen my heart and I hope she knows it. If she only knew what she had put me through in these past few months, she would just feel sorry for me. I mean, who wouldn't?
I'll just have to stop feeling sorry for myself. What does not kill you makes you stronger, doesn't it? I guess I can just move forward.
Even if I don't have a heart to help me heal.
What do you think? Was it good? Was it bad? Should I stop writing? Please review!! And thanks for reading =)
Also, I apologize for any mistakes you might find.