ZIVA,
If you are reading this then I am probably dead. I would like to share a poem with you.
Nothing Gold Can Stay
By: Robert Frost
Nature's first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf's a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down today.
Nothing gold can stay
This is from the movie/book, "The Outsiders." I have been thinking a lot about what this poem really means and I think I got it, so here it goes;
Robert Frost explains in his poem that anything that is "gold" cannot stay. Being gold doesn't mean anything important about you. It means that when you are young, you are innocent. When you are young you have time to just look at the sunset and imagine the future. You can think of anything and everything. You are pure. There is a lot of bad stuff in this world. As you get older your purity disappears. You can no longer look at the sunset and think of just the happy things in life.
Ziva, I am asking you to please, not lose your innocence because of this. Maybe you already have, but please do not get stuck in the past. Please do not think of what life could have been like. If you do, you will be the one to lose all hope of ever creating a new and different future that will be full of adventure and new things. I know that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, and that this makes you the strongest person I have ever met. I know you will make it through this. You are not alone! If you feel alone, feel like the world is crashing, don't forget that you still have a family that loves you and wants you to stay around. (Abby, Ducky, McGee, Gibbs) They all love you and will be there to catch you when you fall. So, don't be afraid to look over the edge and see what your new life is going to be like.
The Words I Couldn't Say:
THANK YOU: I would like to say THANK YOU. You have been there for me every time I feel. It didn't matter how bad it was you were there, and that's all I needed. I also THANK YOU for being my best friend. Even though I didn't show it, I really enjoyed spending time with you outside if work. Like movie nights where I could just be myself and didn't have to put up any shield to protect me form the world. THANK YOU for being my partner. When you came to NCIS it was a difficult time. Kate had just died and I think it hit me the hardest. I hated the idea of you coming and taking her place so quickly. It felt like she was never there. But you stayed strong and somehow convinced me to give you a shot. You saved my life so many times that this last time I had to save yours. THANK YOU!
I'M SORRY: I'M SORRY that I had to be so far away. I'M SORRY that you had to go through this without me. I would give anything so that I could be there to comfort you and make all these feeling go away. I'M SORRY I didn't tell you how much you really meant to me and how much I cared about you. Most importantly, I'M SORRY that I couldn't say goodbye. I wish I could have. I wish that I could have told you this to your face and not through this stupid letter. I'M SORRY ZIVA!
AMERICAN IDIOMS: I just thought I'd give you a few,
A day late and a dollar short.
If something is a day late and a dollar short, it is too little, too late.
A little bird told me.
If someone doesn't want to say where they got some information from, they can say that a little bird told them.
A penny saved is a penny earned.
This means that we shouldn't spend or waste money, but try to save it.
A watched pot never boils.
Some things work out in their own time, so being impatient and constantly checking will just make things seem longer.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
This idiom means that when people are apart, their love grows stronger.
Actions speak louder than words.
This idiom means that what people actually do is more important than what they say- people can promise things but then fail to deliver.
All bark on bite.
When someone talks tough but really isn't, they are all bark and no bite.
All that glitters is not gold.
This means that appearances can be deceptive and things that look or sound valuable can be worthless. ('All that glistens is not gold' is an alternative.)
Get it off your chest.
If you get something off your chest, you confess to something that has been troubling you.
Get your feathers in a bunch.
If you get your feathers in a bunch, you get upset or angry about something.
Cut me some slack.
This means that you are not putting too much pressure on someone.
Face the thunder.
If someone has a face like thunder, they are clearly very angry or upset about something.
Fit as a fiddle.
If you are fit as a fiddle, you are in perfect health.
I LOVE YOU: I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! ZIVA, I fell IN LOVE with you about 4 years ago. The moment you walked into the squad room, I fell IN LOVE, Of course it takes me up until now to admit it but I had to say it. I am madly IN LOVE with you. I think about you every moment of the day. When we are working side by side, sometimes I get distracted and that's when you come in and fix it. I LOVE when we get close enough that I can touch you. Just when our arms touch in the elevator or if you grab my arm to get my attention, all of these things send chills down my spine. I can't stop looking at you. When we sit in the squad room I just stare at you instead of doing work. Sometimes I'm afraid that if I blink you will disappear. I'm afraid that one day you will just get up and leave and I will have never got the chance to tell you how I feel. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. Forever as my partner. I'm IN LOVE with you Ziva and I really wish I told you before. I LOVE YOU.
KAYLEE: This is something that I have been meaning to tell you about; um… maybe I'll just start from the beginning.
About 1 year ago, I did something stupid, no not stupid, I did something unacceptable. When Jenny died I got overly drunk… no wasted. I met this girl named Elise and we went back to her apartment. I don't remember that night clearly. I left her apartment the next morning thinking I would never see her again. Three weeks later I got a call, don't ask how she got my number because I don't know. Elise was pregnant. Even though I didn't know her, I couldn't just abandon my child. I refused to be my dad. As the months pasted, I got to know Elise. She was a nice girl. Always followed rules, and did what she was told. On December 14th Elise went into labor. There were some complications with the pregnancy and they had to have an emergency c-section. At 4:24 pm, we had a baby girl. At 4:59 pm, Elise had died from too much blood loss. So scared shitless, I went to met my new daughter. I decided to name her Kaylee Kelly Elise DiNozzo. I asked the doctor to hold Kaylee for about a week, and he did. In that time I called my old nanny (she was practically my mom), Sarah, and asked her to come to D.C. to help me. I paid her to take care of Kaylee. It was against her wishes but I knew she couldn't live without the money. Anyway, Kaylee is at my house now with Sarah. Since I'm gone, Sarah cannot afford to take care of Kaylee. So I am asking you as my best friend, partner and lover, please take care of Kaylee. I just want her to have a happy life and not live in an orphanage. You can tell Gibbs or anyone, I don't want you to go through this alone. Please don't blame yourself. THIS ISN'T YOUR FAULT! I'm sorry you had to find out this way.
Please take care of yourself. I want you to tell stories to her Ziva. I want you to bond with her and protect her. Make sure she has a promising future. Most of all, please tell her about me. I don't want to be her disappointment. I don't want to be yours either. I wish I could tell her stories about her mother but I can't we didn't get that close. Elise always told me that it was like my heart belonged to someone else. I'm glad I died fighting to keep my daughter and you safe. You two are and always will be the most important people in my life. Please stay safe.
Please go to my apartment. After you meet Kaylee I want you to watch the movie The Outsiders. It will explain a lot of things, or I hope it will.
I Love You
Always and forever,
Tony DiNozzo
P.S. - Tell Gibbs to watch the Godfather.
By the time Ziva read the first line she was crying. She saw this letter on her desk and opened it, didn't expect it was from her dead partner Tony. She tried to stop crying but couldn't. Ziva knew Gibbs would be there any minute and she could let her be seen. She had to stop.
"Ziva?" Gibbs said coming from the elevator.
"Yes, I'm here." Ziva stated. She finally stops crying but her eyes were still red.
"What's going on?" McGee asked looking at Ziva.
"Nothing. I am fine." Ziva said.
"Really then what is this letter?" Gibbs asked looking at the letter.
The room got silent. Ziva didn't want to tell Gibbs but she knew she had to.
"Um… Well… it's from Tony." Ziva said, "He wrote it before he died, actually, before he even went on the mission. He knew he was going to die. Gibbs how? Why?"
"I don't know." Gibbs admitted. "Everything is going to be okay."
The room fell silent again.
"He has a daughter, Gibbs." Ziva finally said,
She started to raise her voice, "It's definitely NOT going to be okay! This little girl has no mother or father! She has no family and no connection to anyone."
Gibbs was shocked, DiNozzo, a father?
"Who?" Gibbs asked.
"Well, Tony and his stupid drinking problems got him into this one; He had a one night stand after being completely wasted, he didn't know who the girl was but four weeks later she came to his doorstep and told him she was pregnant. Tony took the mother in and they tried to live somewhat happy. December, they had a little girl, Kaylee Kelly DiNozzo. But her mom died in the delivery room." Ziva was crying again. This time she couldn't hold back.
"Are you sure?" Gibbs asked.
"Yes." Ziva said, "He called his old nanny to come and take care of her while he was at work. But with him gone, she can't afford to pay for everything. He won't let her go to a foster home. So, he kind of gave her to me. Told me to do what was necessary. He trust will make the right decision on what to do in her life. Even said that his nanny, Sarah, has the adoption papers for when I'm ready. He signed them so all I have to so is sign them and then she's mine, or, someone else sign them if I don't want her."
"DiNozzo! If you were alive right now I swear to god you would wish you were dead!" Gibbs muttered.
Ziva got up out of her chair and walked toward the elevator.
"David!" Gibbs yelled.
Ziva didn't turn around. The elevator doors opened and she walked in.
"David!" Gibbs started to run after her but the elevator doors closed before him. "Dam, McGee, Let's go! We're going to DiNozzo's"
"Right behind you!" McGee said heading toward the steps. This was going to be a long day.
Bad Driving and 30 Minutes Later
Ziva walked up to Tony's apartment and knocked on the door.
"Coming." A voice said from inside.
The door started to open. A little old woman in a nightgown and slippers opened the door.
"Hi, I'm~"
"Ziva?" The women said. "Am I right?"
"Yes, You must be Sarah." Ziva said, "Am I right?"
"Yes, Anthony has told me so much about you!" Sarah said smiling.
"Tony?" Ziva took a deep breath, "I have something you should know."
"Anthony's dead isn't he." Sarah said before one lonely tear slipped out of her eye
Meanwhile
"She was crying." McGee said getting into the car.
"I know, Tony said something to her in that letter, I wonder who gave it to her." Gibbs said.
McGee had a flashback:
"If anything happens I want you to give this to Ziva." Tony said leaning over McGee's desk.
"What's going on Tony?' McGee asked.
"I've got a bad feeling about this mission. Okay so if I don't come back, then I want you to give this to Ziva." Tony said handing McGee an envelope with Ziva's name in it.
"Don't Go." McGee said, "Just give the assignment to another person."'
"Can't do that. Director's orders." Tony said, 'Just give this to Ziva."
With that, Tony walked away.
"McGee! Hello."Gibbs head slapped McGee.
"O. Uh… was just thinking about Tony." McGee said.
'Dam, Ziva" Gibbs said as they passed by Tony's apartment building. Ziva's car was taking up to spots.
Tony's Apartment
"I'm sorry for your loss." Ziva said trying very hard not to cry.
"Its okay honey," said Sarah leading Ziva over to the couch. "Anthony told me he probably wasn't coming back; I just hoped it wasn't true."
"What?" Ziva said. She was caught by surprise.
"I begged him not to go. For days he walked around the house, just looking at things, he carried around Kaylee for hours and hours whispering stuff to her."Sarah said, "He told me it was for his partner. He had to protect her."
"From what?" Ziva asked. She was really confused. Why was she in danger?
"They were supposed to go on a mission together. Track some ship and tell the director information about it. But something went wrong, once the ship would leave port, everyone was going to die. An explosion was to be triggered on the ship about three days ago. Suicide mission, He didn't want to go. His partner knew nothing about the mission because he decided to go alone. He told me to give his partner this." Sarah said holding a small velvet box. "He said that no one could change his mind. He was going to go alone. I just wish that I had the money to keep Kaylee. He paid for everything. I just don't want to see her go into a foster home. I know he doesn't either but I cannot afford her. It's killing me to know this."
Ziva was shocked. He gave up everything, for me. She owed him her life. A debt she could never repay. Or maybe she could. She could take care of Kaylee. Be her mom. Give her the loving home she deserves.
"I'm so sorry." Ziva said, "It must have been hard to say goodbye."
"Yes, It was the first time I've seen Anthony cry in a long time" Sarah said.
"I'm really sorry for you loss." Ziva said
The silence finally broke when they heard a baby start to cry.
"Kaylee…" Sarah whispered. She got up from the couch. Ziva grabbed her arm.
"I'll get her, if that's okay?" Ziva asked.
"Sure." Sarah said
"If you want, I'll watch her for a while, you could relax for a little, if you want?" Ziva asked.
Sarah saw the pain in Ziva's eyes. She could tell she missed Tony.
"That would be delightful." Sarah said with a smile. Sarah got up and went over to a bedroom. "I'll just be in here if you need me. And Ziva, I am really sorry for your loss."
"It's me who should be sorry. I know he thought of you as his mother, and if I were you I would hate me." Ziva said.
"I could never hate you." Sarah said. "Here take this, remember, he told me to give it to you!"
Ziva took a little velvet box out of Sarah's hand. She thanked her and walked into a little yellow room.
Ziva went over to a little white crib, when she looked down at the baby, she smiled. She looked just like Tony. She had brown hair, with little green eyes that sparkle in the light.
A/N
Okay this is my first story, How am I Doing? Tell me , GOOD and BAD!
Whats in the box?
What's gonna happen to Kaylee?
REVIEW!!!!! The MORE Review the more i'll update!
More to COME:
1. Meeting Kaylee
2. Some gets Hurt
Tell me what you wanna read! I'm open to suggestions.