A/N: Heyo, folks! This fic is an Alternate Reality sort of deal and I hope you'll understand the Universe here. Also, I'm only updating this guy every once in a while, not very often. I'm not even positive where this is going!

There are reasons, real ones, why I was standing on the rooftop of some club in LA, right on the edge like a suicidal freak from a Tokio Hotel music video. There are even more reasons why David Bowie was right there behind me, a safe distance from the concrete ledge, his arms crossed and looking smug, just waiting for me to fail. But here I am, looking like an emo idiot, arms outstretched into the night, praying that this time I won't fail, not letting Bowie know that I wasn't even that great at this yet. For the sake of the Kingdom, I needed to do this, no turning back. I leaned forward until I could feel it, cool summer air, rushing up to meet me, the concrete alleyway eager to greet me. I screamed the spellwords and felt my bones creaking and complaining loudly and painfully, the pavement becoming more and more enthusiastic. Tears tore from my eyes as I awaited the moment that I realized that I didn't make it in time. But that never happened. Wings spread from my outstretched arms and I took my fall to a new level, swooping up through the alley and landing ever so gracefully right back on top of the concrete ledge at the edge of the roof. David Bowie stood there in awe as I reset mussed feathers with my beak.

"Jareth, we have a problem!" she shouted, storming through the Throne Room, knocking aside Goblin servants from her path and skirting the Audience Pit in the heart of the stone chamber.

The Goblin King who a moment ago was slouched nonchalantly with his legs over the edge of his throne, deep in thought, threw himself to sitting, knowing only one person who would even dare to act this way.

"Annae. What an- erm- pleasant surprise to see you in such a fuss so early!" he tried to manage

"It's about last night, your High Horsedness, otherwise you could have expected me much later" she explained, "I attended the Royal Intelligence Council and there are major issues throughout the whole of the Labyrinth!"

"Issues?" the Goblin King stood, making his way in smooth steps to face her, a tactic she knew he used to frighten people into cowering, "What could possibly be the problem in my Labyrinth, love?"

Annae blushed, but she knew not to let his flattery get to her, "The problem? Do you know what your Royal Council did throughout the entire meeting that you never bothered to attend?"

"If I didn't bother to attend, how should I know?" he asked cryptically.

"The entire council, the entire Royal council, sat around and rolled in the mud and tried to set themselves on fire again! Do you know what this is doing to the Labyrinth? Its inner workings? The economy? We may very well be on the brink of an economic meltdown, much less a depression, but no one would bother to look into it anyway!"

"Well then, love, you monitor the problem, and come back to me in let's say a month and-"

"Actually, I have monitored the problem over a three-month period" Annae announced, unfolding a large chart over the Royal throne, picking up the Royal riding crop from where it was left on the Royal seat. "This chart depicts basic Goblin intelligence through a percentage of correct answers on 10 simple questions, asked of 300 Goblins of all Labyrinth regions and factions" she pointed with the Royal riding crop, "See the decline?"

Jareth snatched the Royal riding crop from her, "Goblins are always stupid dearest" he sighed, "You can't expect so much of them"

"Oh? I have evidence that they can be expected much more than you believe" she flipped open her leather-bound book she carried everywhere, plucking two small objects from the pages, "Explain these, Your Pompousness"

The Goblin King impatiently flipped through the faded Polaroid photos, "These have to be doctored, even I don't understand what these are"

"That, Jareth" she pointed, "Was a single Goblin solving the Quadratic Equation and the other one is the Ideal Gas Law. Check the date on the back"

He flipped over the white plastic sheet, "1986, AD" he read aloud

"That was the year Humans came to film their Hollywood" Annae elaborated

"So are you truly telling me" The Goblin King demanded, "That you believe that there is some association between the Goblins, my people and those filthy Humans and their Hollywood?"

"Exactly."

Jareth shoved the pictures to her chest, "You must be going mad, Annae" he said, striding out of the Throne Room

"You have to admit, Jareth, that the Goblins did seem smarter when the Humans were here!" she insisted, trailing after him

"Perhaps" he answered simply

"And they are insolent fools now" she continued

"Maybe so, but that doesn't explain anything"

"Dammit, Jareth, look at the facts!" she shouted, stopping, "The Goblins acted perfectly for the Human's Hollywood, with no flaws at all, the Warnings said their lines perfectly and they got the Fire Gang not only talking again, but shutting up after that so we didn't all go mad!"

He whipped to face her, angry now, his face looking stony blank but she could tell inside he was furious, "And if there is a correlation, what then? Do I open my whole Kingdom that I have spent centuries perfecting and protecting to the filthy Humans so they may pick and preen and-?"

"No! That's not what I mean!" she protested

"Then what?" he growled, grabbing her by the collar of her loose, white shirt, making her face him at full force

"What if we invited person, just one Human to the Labyrinth?" she offered calmly, not taking his bait, "Their presence would affect the Goblin population in a positive manner and help for things to smooth over between the Goblin factions. Then, even, if things should go so well, perhaps this Human could even take a hand at ruling in your stead, giving you a well-deserved Royal vacation"

"Oh? And who, exactly, would you suggest to be so worthy of even being present in my Labyrinth, much less rule it?" he asked, not letting go

"Well, when the Humans came for their Hollywood, they brought a person with them, a man who would perform as yourself. If we can find this man, I believe he would become a great asset to the Kingdom. He helped to explain the Labyrinth to the Hollywood Humans, he understands us and truly gave a hauntingly uncanny performance as the Goblin King"

Seeming to agree, Jareth asked next, "And how will we find him?"

"Humans keep their information surprisingly organized and archived, I'm sure that there are ways to access this information" she explained, "Once we have our information, I can travel to the Aboveground and-"

"Absolutely out of the question" he finally released her and began to stride off

"Then who would you send? A Goblin could hardly be trusted with this crucial mission and the Goblin King very well can't leave his Kingdom in the case that this will take a long period of time"

"You know who it is already, don't you?" he asked, turning to face her again

She strode up to meet him, flipping open her leather-bound book reading aloud, "His name is David Bowie, 63 Human Years old, a world-famous musician as well as an actor, very popular during the 80's but considered a timeless artist and "Musical chameleon" for his ability to change his style with the times. He has been seen as of recent in the clubs of a the largest Human city, Manhattan, being spotted frequently entering a Delicatessen on 126th street that is known throughout the Human's "underground network" as a secret nightclub"

"You've done all of your research ahead of time, haven't you?" he asked softly

"Yes. I have."

"And if I asked you today to go…?"

"I believe I would be ready"

"This problem in our Goblins seems very urgent. It needs to be dealt with immediately"

"That last question wasn't hypothetical, was it?" she asked

"I need you to go, my dearest"

"Then send me" she demanded

"But I will not send you alone" he added, placing his gloved fingertips to her temples, both their eyes slowly sliding closed, "I am giving you a small portion of Human knowledge, basic social etiquette and the like."

Annae felt it, the sharp sting of the information entering her brain until the connection was broken, his hands lowering to her collarbone

"And this" he continued, "Is a spell that will return both you and our guest to the Underground. However, you must have a physical connection to him and not only that but you must have his full consent to bring him. Open it and you will be here. Also infused in the chain is a protection spell" he explained, a small, cool thing suddenly resting around her neck, a golden heart locket on a spindly thread of metal. "The Human's world is a dangerous place, my Annae. You must be careful. Now, turn around and shut your eyes proper, no peeking" he ordered, his hands planted firmly on her shoulders.

Eyes screwed shut, she could feel the rush of hot, stinging air and then suddenly, the rising heat of a bustling city in the summer.

Lovely day for her to forget our promise along with her birthday Jareth thought, his hands falling to his sides.