Innocence

Chapter 1

Aftermath

Sam stood at the nursery window and watched the nurse check his daughter's vital signs for the last time. After a month in the Newborn Intensive Care Unit, Mary Elizabeth Winchester was going home. Well as home as a hotel room could be. Sam felt a familiar arm slip around his waist. "Is she ready to go Daddy?" Hazel asked him tightening her grip on him.

He slid his hands over her arms, "You know it still tickles me to hear that and yea, she's almost ready. Kelly's just doing one final round and Mary's all ours."

Hazel rested her head on Sam's arm, watching Nurse Kelly tending to her daughter. "Are you nervous?"

Sam knew what she meant. Since Mary had been born there were always doctors or nurses around to help the new parents out. Someone who had experience in newborns but once they took her out of there it would be just the two of them. It would be their responsibility to care for her, to know when she needed to be feed, changed and to keep her safe. He took a deep breath, "Honestly Hazel," he told her, "I'm scared shit less." He turned towards her and cupped her face. "The only role model I had was my dad and let's just say he wasn't the touchy feely type."

Hazel smiled up at him, stood on tip toe and kissed him gently, "Don't forget Sam, he had to do this on his own, with not one but two kids, plus add in him trying to keep you and Dean from harm. Can't really blame him for needing to raise you the way he did. Besides, you'll have me, Max, and Dean." She snuggled into him and he wrapped his arms around her. "Well be fine, I promise."

He rested his chin on her head, "I sure hope so."

"Mr. and Mrs. Winchester?" They both turned towards Kelly, they had given up explaining they weren't married. She was walking towards them, pushing one of the hospital's bassinets with Mary wrapped up in a bubble gum pink blanket. "I think she's more then ready to go." She picked up Mary and handed her off to Hazel who took her gently and instinctively started rocking her. "The doctor has written her discharge orders, she's been eating just fine from a bottle and her O 2 sates have been well in the nineties. She's good to go."

Sam's arm slipped around Hazel's shoulders, he was gazing down at the sleeping bundle in her arms. It was still too soon to tell but Sam thought she looked just like her mother while Hazel was always telling him she looked like him. He smiled down at his daughter but felt a ping of guilt as his thoughts turned to what it had cost them to have Mary. He quickly shoved those ugly thoughts from his mind. He and Dean hadn't really talked about Railean's death and for the first time Sam was grateful Dean wouldn't share his feelings. He wasn't sure he could get through that conversation without blowing up at his brother.

Mary's gurgling brought him out of his thoughts, "We'd better get going. I'm sure Max is still waiting downstairs for us."

Hazel nodded and looked up at Kelly, "Thank you so much for all your help."

Kelly beamed at the new parents, "You are very much welcome and good luck to the three of you."

Sam was right; Max was sitting in Kalika's car with a baby seat in the back. He perked up as he saw his sister leaving the building with Mary wrapped snuggly in her arms. "There're my beautiful girls," he cooed to Mary when she was closer. "Oh Hazel look, she knows her Uncle Max, I think she's smiling at me."

Sam was holding the back door open for Hazel and Mary, "It might just be gas Max."

Max shot him a dirty look, "You just couldn't let me live in my delusions now could you Sam." He returned to look at Mary, "Just ignore your daddy Sweet Pea. So are we ready?"

Hazel nodded and slid into the back seat with her daughter as Sam and Max got into the front. She strapped her in and they were off.

Dean quickly threw the rest of his stuff in the duffle bag, took one last glance around the room and walked out. Kalika was leaning against the Impala, "Get your ass off my baby," he told her taking long strides over to her. "What the hell are you doing here anyway?"

She stood up straight, "Making sure you aren't doing what I think you're doing." She blocked the door refusing to let him past her. "Dean you can't run out on him. He's going to need your help. They both are."

Dean refused to meet her eyes, he knew what she was capable of, hell he had seen her reduce a tough, former FBI agent to a blabbering idiot. Not like that would have been hard, Hendrickson was already an idiot. There was no way Dean would let Kalika get that kind of leverage on him. "Get out of the way," he said, his voice telling her more then the words that left his lips.

She resumed her position of leaning against the car and nearly rolled her eyes as Dean clenched his jaw, "So that's how the great Dean Winchester deals with adversity? He packs up and bails on his family." She crossed her arms making it perfectly clear she wasn't going to move unless force was applied.

"You have no idea what you're talking about; now get out of my way before I make you." This time he wasn't kidding and Kalika watched as he closed the distance between them. She crossed her arms, hoping to call his bluff but knowing there was no bluffing here.

"You really think bailing out on Sam, when he needs you the most, is the right thing to do?" she shot back at him. "You're not the only one who lost a sister that night, Dean. You even stop to wonder how Sam took her loss." If her reflexes had been even remotely slower she would have been nursing a bruised cheek, luckily she was no slouch when it came to blocking blows. Dean left hand swung up and towards her face. She grabbed his wrist and the lapels of his jacket; using his forward momentum she spun them both around, slamming him into his car door. "Now you really can't leave," she told him as she released him and took a step back.

He rubbed his wrist, still refusing to look at her, "And why's that?"

"Sam's back and I'm guess you didn't want to face him when you tell him you're leaving. Otherwise you wouldn't have waited till he wasn't around before you left." As if to confirm what she said a pair of headlights rounded the corner, flooding the bare parking lot and illuminating the two of them. Dean swore under his breath.

Max pulled up along side of them and got out. "Hey Kalika! What are you still doing here? I thought Reid was giving you a ride back to… Well where ever it is that you were going to." He was out and rounding the bumper of her car.

Kalika smiled kindly at him, "Change of plans. Figure you guys could use an extra set of hands." She left Dean nursing his hand while she helped Hazel and Mary out of the back seat of her car. As they were all walking into the hotel room Kalika stopped to grab Dean by the arm. "You're not telling Sam or Hazel a thing until morning, got it?"

Dean said nothing, keeping his eyes down, wondering how the hell he was going to avoid not only Sam and Hazel but their daughter as well. This was going to be a long night.

Max was holding Mary and making funny faces at her again. She was doing fine until he thought it would be funny to puff up his checks and roll his eyes back. She was quick to let him know she didn't like that she started wailing.

"Max! You're scaring her." Hazel scolded him as she took her daughter from her goof off brother and cradled her in her arms. Mary quieted down instantly.

Sam walked over to Max and playfully slugged him in his arm, "Quit scaring my kid," he told him, settling down beside Hazel. "She'll get enough of that when Dean holds her." Sam looked up expecting Dean to ask to hold her to prove him wrong or even to have a slick come back to Sam's jab. All Dean did was shove his hands into the front pocket of his jeans and take a step back.

"Maybe later," Dean mumbled to him. "It's getting late and I'm tired." Dean headed towards the adjoining door, "Wake me when were ready to head off tomorrow." Before Sam could say much of anything the door was closed.

Sam looked confused. "Is he alright?" he directed his concern to Kalika.

She just shuffled her feet and shrugged her shoulders, "Probable not, but give him time."

A strong pang of guilt hit Sam. "Just how much time should I give him Sam?" Railean asked as she packed up the duffel bag Jo had lent her. "It's been a week. He still pretty much ignores everything about me, unless I'm annoying him or just plain pissing him off." Sam blinked back tears at the memory. Those had been his words to Railean on their first hunt. Dean had been having a hard time getting use to Railean being around, now he was having a hard time getting use to not having her around. A little ironic if he thought about it. It seemed everything was going to keep reminding him of her.

Mary grabbed hold of his finger and he looked down at her, if he wasn't mistaken she was grinning up at him. He felt Hazel rest her head on his chest, "She knows her daddy," she whispered to him. Sam smiled a little at that.

Dean sat on the edge of the bed; he wasn't really tired, just being in the same room as Mary made him feel empty inside, like his insides had been hollowed out. It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what was wrong. He missed his sister and seeing Sam with Mary drove home that Railean was gone and not coming back. He quickly wiped the moister from his eyes once he heard the door creak open. "Dean? You still awake?" Kalika's head peaked around the door, saw he was and stepped into the room, closing the door behind her.

"You're not very slick when it comes to being subtle," she informed him sitting on the edge of the bed. "You don't think Sam's going to notice you not wanting to be around him and his daughter. You really need to talk to him." He said nothing. Kalika looked back at the door she had just come through. This was going to be harder then she thought. God was I this stubborn when Jessica was killed? "Dean there isn't anything I can say to make this kind of hurt better, but believe me…"

"Don't."

She looked over at him, not sure he had said anything at first. "Excuse me?"

He sat there with his head down for a moment or two. "Don't say what you are about to say. You're right there isn't anything you can say to make it better or to make me feel less guilty about it, so I'm asking you not to try."

She realized that he wanted to mope in his self-pity, she had as well. But that wasn't helpful and she had been grateful when Gab had forced her to talk. "You can't blame yourself Dean. It's not like you let her die."

"You were there Kali, there was something I could have done. I could have…"

"Stop right there." It wasn't so much a demand that he not do this to himself as it was a plea. "There was a lot you could have done, but not one of them involved getting there sooner or getting Railean out of there. You were there for her when she wanted you. Hell even I could tell that was what she wanted more than anything."

"You still don't get it, I'm her older brother," his voice cracked. "It was my job to keep her safe and alive."

Kalika could feel how badly this was tearing Dean up, she could never tell him but she knew all to well the role of the older sibling. "There is only so much we can do Dean, we can't be there twenty-four, seven for them." She thought back to her last conversation with her sister, "Especially if they don't want us to be there for them."

Dean raised his eyebrows at her, "That doesn't change the fact that I wasn't there when she needed me the most. Like you said, there's nothing you can say to make me feel better." He got off the bed and walked over to the bathroom. "And like I said, please don't try." He shut the door and Kalika heard him lock it.

"Doesn't mean I won't try," She said to herself. She pulled back the covers on the opposite bed. Max had asked her if she wouldn't mind bunking in the other room. He was hoping to spend more time with Mary. At least she would have one Uncle to dot on her.