Author's Notes:
Hello, all! My first fanfic, so be nice in reviews! .
Also, my current Beta Reader, who I call Taiyou-chan, is going Japan on forgein exchange soon, and so... I need a new Beta Reader! If you're interested, review with your email address and a list of your current works on the site. I look forward to working with you! .
Oh, and if there's any confusion, during the story the italics are Hinamori's dreams/memories.
And, lastly, enjoy!
Hinamori Momo's last birthday party. She sits in a corner, drinking and talking with Aizen-taichou, while a drunken Matsumoto stands on a box in the middle of the room with an equally drunk Hitsugaya singing, "Oh, She's A Jolly Good Fellow". She laughs with Aizen-taichou as they discuss how she could be a "jolly good fellow" and how funny it is that Hitsugaya doesn't have much of an alcohol tolerance….
A stinging sensation in her right arm. A dull pain in her stomach.
She opens her eyes, wondering where she is- this isn't the comfort of her own room.
A seemigly random sentence flies through her mind. She hears it as if it's being spoken aloud to her. "Thank you, Hinamori-chan. Truly, thank you. Hinamori-chan… Good-bye."
The memories come, smacking her in face. Her mind flies at a hundred miles an hour , catching up, reminding her how she got here. To this hospital bed, with wires sticking out of her arm and huge bandage over the scar on her stomach. She feels almost like there's a big, gaping whole where her heart should be- and it hurts. She stops breathing.
The day Hinamori Momo woke up from her year-long coma was also the day that she died.
Well, not physically- her body survived the blow that was intended to kill her.
Her mind did not. And it didn't recover for a long, long time.
She stopped sleeping. She left her room every morning with huge circles under her eyes. She didn't eat for a week. She didn't speak, she didn't train. Nothing.
And then, about 20 years later, something happened.
Hinamori had random flashes of memories for dreams- if you could call the hours of night when she would lay in bed letting her mind wander "sleep"- and was beginning to remember the brilliant shinigami she was becoming. What her precious Aizen-taichou had made her.
It was that night that she decided to pick up where he left off.
It's raining in seiretei, a big summer storm. 'Gosh, I hate this kind of weather,' Hinamori thinks to herself as another bolt of thunder rocks the room and scares her half to death. 'Maybe I'll go for a walk,' she thinks, getting up. She walks through the Squad Five barracks until she reaches her precious captain's quarters. She stands outside the door for a while, shivering. Suddenly, he opens up the door and beckons her inside.
They stay up talking until the wee hours of the morning, but one thing keeps Hinamori smiling on the way back to her room- Aizen-taichou had said that he wanted her as his liutenant because she stood out, that she was strong, and he wanted to help her get even stonger still.
The next morning, an explosion rocks the seiretei. The captain of Squad Ten, Hitsugaya Toshiro, takes it upon himself to investigate. He runs toward the open field just outside seiretei. The wildflowers are in bloom, and there is a sight to behold among them.
Hinamori stands alone in the field, Tobiume in it's shikai release and a giant whole in the ground about twenty feet in diameter.
"Hinamori! What are you doing?!" he calls to his childhood friend.
"I'm training. What does it look like?" she answers monotonously.
It is then that Hinamori sees what she has returned to a normal life for.
Through a slow recovery process and being watched very carefully by Unohana-taichou and her own Shiro-chan, she becomes strong again, even stronger than before. After a few years of relentless training, she attains bankai and is promoted to Captain of Squad Five.
That night, she cleans out her old captain's room.
Her first order of business is to take everything out and paint the walls a different color. She chooses white- pure, plain and simple. While she gets her newly-appointed liutenant started on the paint job, she takes the pile of stuff into an empty field outside seiretei.
It is the same field which her beloved captain showed her on her after much tension between them, many many years ago. It is the field in which she picked up her sword and began to train again, thirty years ago today. It is now the field in which she will burn everything that remained in her precious captain's room.
She sits under a tree covered in sakura bloosoms, their tree, and watches the bonfire she created. She stares into the flames, feeling a hundred things at once. Pain, regret, love, hope, sadness, loss- all there, as she feels a strange feeling for the first time in more than fifty years- warmth. A strange warmth building up in her chest, spreading through her body, making her feel alive again. She touches her face.
Her hands have been ice cold since she woke up from her coma. Now, there is warmth to them.
She turns back to the fire, smiling sincerely for the first time since Aizen faked his own death. She understands what she has pulled herself out of this hole to do.
When the war against her precious Captain goes full-scale, she will fight. She will be on the front lines, in all her fury. If their paths should cross, she will strike without a second thought. She will not fall for his tricks again.
She will not give anyone this power over her life again. She will not make the same mistake twice.
She awakes on the floor of his room. Realizing where she is, she begins hurriedly apologizing, only to find that he has left already. Seeing that she is late for a big meeting, she begins to run. She takes a shortcut and begins to walk again, only to hear a strange dripping noise coming from behind her. She turns, and sees the body of her beloved captain pinned to wall, covered in blood. Her scream echoes throughout seiretei- a bone-chilling, hair-raising sound. Her fellow shinigami come to investigate- even when they see Aizen's body, they attempt to comfort her. But it is no use- she knows full well that he is gone, that she will never see him smile, hear him laughing, stay up all night talking with him again. She starts to scream again; she has seen Ichimaru-taichou, and by the way he is smiling, she knows he did this. She wants revenge. She releases her Tobiume in a blind rage; if only she could see that it would only get worse from here….
Ten years later, Hinamori Momo is sleeping rather fitfully in the back room of her quarters. She had begun to sleep well since that night not too long ago in the field- no nightmares, no memories, no nothing. Not until this last night.
Another summer storm has come, and once again, she seeks comfort from Aizen-taichou. He welcomes her with a big smile, as always. Now they sit in the back corner of the front room; he is holding her close, closer than ever. Hinamori's heart is pounding, so loud that she is sure they can both hear it. He whispers to her that he loves her. She blushes scarlett and tells him not to tell her such silly things. He smiles, puts his hand on her waist, and kisses her lightly. She does not know what to think; the room is spinning and she can't concentrate. He decides that now is as good a time as any; he has had these kinds of plans for her since he first saw her at the academy. He moves his hand as if to unfasten her robe; Hinamori jumps up, looking absolutely terrified. She tells him goodnight and runs back to her room, locking the door behind her as she enters. She wants nothing more than to run to her Shiro-chan and tell him about what happened, but there is so much tension with him lately; she gets the feeling that the boy she regards as a little brother is jealous of the way she feels for her captain. In the end, all she can do is cry until the storm breaks, the sun rises, and she must face her captain after all this.
Her liutenant, a girl not much younger than she who Hinamori considers a younger sister, bursts in the front room.
"Hinamori-taichou!" the girl cries, terrified.
"What, Taiyou-chan?" Hinamori murmurs.
"Uhm, well… uh…"
Hinamori bolts upright out of bed. She stands at her full height, angry and facing the girl. Now they both can hear the warning sirens going off, the sounds of swords clashing in the distance.
"Mizuhara Taiyou, if you do not tell me what is going on right this minute I will-"
She was cut off by a scream of "Hyorinmaru!", a huge clash of metal, and a laugh.
It was a laugh Hinamori Momo would know anywhere. It was his laugh- she dared not think his name- different, yes, but still the same. It had haunted her dreams for over fifty years, and now it was here. He was here.
Hinamori drops to her knees. The hole in chest she had tried so hard to stitch up was tearing apart at the seams, and she is finding it difficult to breathe. She knows exactly what is happening to her- she'd had a lot of panic attacks like this in the beginning, and she knows what to do. She closed her eyes, breathed in and out slowly, and tries to think of a happier time. But with the dream from last night, and questions as to why she had it in the first place, fill her mind. Another memory hits her like a wave:
It is the morning after the latest summer storm. Hinamori decides that fresh air is what she needs; she leaves her room at the first light and begins to walk around seiretei. Everything is still wet from all of last night's rain, and the way sun is shining, everything looks like it's covered in diamonds. She closes her eyes and faces the sun- there is nothing she loves more than the feeling of the warmth of the sun on her face. She hears someone walking behind her, interrupting her brief moment of peace. She spins around, her hand on Tobiume- but, to her surprise, it's only Aizen-taichou, and he's smiling, as always. She blushes, bids him good morning and tries to pass; he grabs her shoulder and apologizes for the night before. She tells him it's nothing and tries to leave again, but he does not let her go. Instead, he asks her to come with him, and spend the day together. She agrees warily, still not knowing what to think.
They end up in a gorgeous field just outside of seiretei; the grass stands almost knee-high, and there are colorful wild flowers in bloom everywhere. They sit beneath a
sakura tree in full bloom, her with her back against it and him with his head in her lap. He takes her hand, and neither of them speak for a while. Finally, he asks a question.
'Hinamori-chan… how do you feel about the way things are now?'
'What do you mean? Like, between you and me, or everything as a whole?'
'Well, both. Please, tell me everything.'
She tells him that she kind of likes the way things are between them; she likes their friendship, how close they are, and does not want to do anything to jeapordize that. She tells him about how she worries about the lack of communication between her and little Shiro-chan; she loves him like a brother and merely wants to watch over him. She tells him that she does not want anything to change; not between them, at least. But they both know that everything will change, at some point; but Hinamori does not realize that her life is about to turn upside down-
"Hinamori-taichou? What should we do?!" Hinamori is jerked away from her memories by Taiyou-chan's worried face. 'What should I do?' she asks herself.
The answer is clear.
"We're going to fight. Please tell the rest of the squad that I want them geared up and ready to go in no less than five minutes. Our fellow shinigami will need all the help they can get, and Squad Five needs to prove itself." Her eyes are stone cold; she closes them as she puts on her crisp, black robe and pulls her white coat over it. She slides Tobiume into place at her left hip, and she opens her eyes, ready to go. 'No matter what happens,' she tells herself, 'Aizen-taichou is mine. This is what I have trained for; I will kill him. Even if I have to die as well. I am prepared for the consequences of my actions, even if it was so long ago.'
Five minutes later, all of Squad Five- even the recent newcomers from the academy- are standing at the gates to enter the field. 'Our field,' Hinamori thinks sadly. Taiyou stands beside her; the girl is smaller than Hinamori herself, and isnt very comfortable in her skills.
"Taiyou-chan." Hinamori says, closing her eyes.
"What's up, taichou?"
"Know that no matter what happens to us out there… I have total trust in you. I never once lied to you, nor do I intend to. I believe that you will be strong out there today; can you be strong for me?" Hinamori holds her breath.
"Taichou, I love you like a sister. I will do anything and everything in my power to protect you, Squad Five and my fellow shinigami, even if I must sacrifice my own life."
A warm summer breeze drifts over them, blowing Hinamori's long bangs out of her eyes and almost making her wish she still tied her hair up. It hung half-back, with what was back in a braid. She wondered fleetingly if it would get in her eyes during the battle; she sees almost instantly that that will be the least of her worries.
"That's the spirit, Taiyou-chan." She says, putting her hand on her liutenant's shoulder. She opens her eyes and turns to the rest of her squad.
"You guys ready to go kick some butt?!" she calls to them. They cheer, almost eagerly.
"Well, then, let's go!" she unsheathes Tobiume and runs for the battlefield, her 'sister' at her side and her squad following behind her.
A while later, Hinamori sits in the top of a tree, their tree, hidden by the leaves and the flowers, watching. 'They must have just bloomed,' she thinks, attempting to remain calm. She is waiting for the moment when he – again not thinking his name – will choose to show himself. She can see all her friends, her subordinates and fellow captains fighting hard. She almost wants to join them, but does not want to show herself just yet.
And then, her moment came.
Her little Shiro-chan was surrounded. Five enemies stood, swords out, ready to chop off his head. He is already bleeding profusely, and no one is in the postion to help him. Hinamori realizes what will become of her baby brother if she does not do something soon. She leaps out of the tree and unsheathes her sword, landing and chopping off a few heads along the way. She stops in front of Hitsugaya; he stares up at her. They have not seen each other since Hinamori was promoted to a captain, and even then he had simply murmured a "congrats" before sulking out of the room. Now he is covered in his own blood, and she stands to protect him.
"Hina-" he begins.
"I know you're sorry," she says coldly, "and I'm sorry, too. It was stupid of me to let him-" she sliced off another head as one of her enemies tried to get at Hitsugaya- "take over my life that way. I put you, and everyone else, on hold in order to get closer to him. I shouldn't have done that."
He looks up at her, so many emotions in his eyes that she can not even remember how they feel, and she looks away, almost blushing. But it had been over fifty years since Hinamori Momo had blushed with any emotion, and now is not the first time.
"That doesn't mean I've recovered enough to even pretend I love you, Shiro-chan." She began. "I mean, yeah, I love you- I'm just not in love with you. Even if I was, I wouldn't be ready. Not at this stage; maybe not even ever. And if I did, it would only be a very weak echo of what I'm capable of; you deserve so much better than that."
Laughter interrupts her speech. She feels the blood drain from her face as she realizes just how close the laughter is to her; in fact, it sounds almost as if it's coming from-
"Well, well, long time, no see, Hinamori-chan… or should I say, 'Hinamori-taichou'?" the voice she's longed to hear for more than fifty years addresses her from behind. She spins around to face her next victim.
And there he stands, smiling like in her memories. His eyes are colder, the smile more malicious, but still like her memories… like last night's dream.
"I've missed you so much." The words were out before she knew she was saying them.
"Likewise. I miss your smile, Hinamori-chan."
Hinamori shook her head and closed her eyes. 'No, no, no! I cant listen to what he's saying! He's lying to me, like he has since the beginning! I've got to do it now!'
She unleashed Tobiume's bankai with a scream.
It is one of the most beautiful things he's ever seen. The blade is longer than Hinamori's body, very slim, very delicate-looking, very pale. A dark purple dragon encircles the blade, wrapping its' tail around Hinamori's waist and staring at him like it's ready to kill. It glares at him through glowing slits for eyes; Hinamori's eyes as well have taken on a purplish glow. They attack, but he is ready; his Hinamori-chan is very predictable. He unsleathes his own sword and blocks the dragon. Snarling, it draws back and stays near Hinamori. She turns the blade sideways, and it emits a blue-white glow now, and a blue-white dragon soars out to meet him. It shatters his sword, takes a snap at his neck, and knocks him to the ground. Hinamori walks over, slowly… almost too slowly, like she's hestitant.
What's really happening is that she's lost in memories. Images flash through her mind:
The first time she fought a real, live hollow, and Aizen-taichou came to save her. The day she was brought into Squad Five. When she was promoted to be Aizen-taichou's liutenant. The night he'd said he loved her. That day in field. And the horrible morning, fify-one years ago today, when she'd found Aizen-taichou's body up on the wall….
The joy she had felt when she saw him standing before her when she believed him dead. The way he said, "Goodbye," when he stabbed her stomach and put her in a coma.
She stands over him, the blade at his neck. 'Looks like the tables are turned now,' she says to herself. Then she speaks.
"You said, fifty-one years ago, that you loved me. Was that true, or were you just trying to gain my trust…?" Tears stream down her face as she realizes what a fool she was. She wipes them away almost instantly. She doesn't want to give him the satisfaction of seeing her cry.
He sighs.
"Unfortunately, yes. That much was true. I cared too much, more than I had for any other person.
It started out that you were supposed to be a pawn to use however I saw fit. But when I saw your devotion… your love… it was hard not to fall in love as well. However, I decided to act on it to gain your trust. But the feeling was never a lie; in fact, I still feel that way now."
Hinamori stares at him, wide-eyed. 'It cant be true, it cant be!' she thinks to herself.
"If you'd like, I'll tell all my troops to stop. We'll return to where we came from. And I'll take you back with me, if you want to come. I no longer wish to stand in heaven alone; I need you with me, Hinamori-chan."
The tears begin to build up in her eyes. Frustrated tears. "I thought I had gotten over this!" she cries, dropping Tobiume and wrapping her arms around herself.
Aizen gets to his feet and wraps his arms around her, but she can't take it. She pushes him away, remembering all too well what happened the last time he held her like that.
"Hinamori-chan."
She stares at the bloodstained grass and trampled wildflowers near her feet.
"I don't like you being afraid of me. I wouldn't have tried to kill you the last time, if Ichimaru hadnt been there. In fact, if it werent for him and Tousen, I would have taken you back with me."
She doesn't look up as she hears him approach her.
She doesn't look up when she hears him stop, inches away from her.
She avoids his eyes as he pulls her face close to his.
"I wish you would believe me about this, without me having to make you understand," he whispers to her as he leans in.
She blushes for the first time in fifty years as he kisses her passionately, surrounded by all this death and destruction.
What Hinamori doesn't see is her little Shiro-chan's expression as she kisses her precious Aizen-taichou back, wrapping her arms around his neck and feeling much happier than she wants to. Broken hearted, he turns his attention to the young shinigami from Squad Four healing his wounds.
After a while, Hinamori breaks the kiss and looks at looks at her old captain with sad eyes.
"I've made a life for myself here, in seiretei. It wasn't easy, but I was able to get myself past it all, past everything that happened between us. I cant give that up." She says, beginning to cry again.
"But, I don't know if I want kill you, either. You know why? Because if I did, it would make me no better than you."
She picks up her zanpaku-to where she dropped it; it returns to it's unreleased form as she sheathes it and wipes her tears away.
"And I don't want to be like you." She says coldly, and walks away.
She realizes her mistake when his lips are at her ear.
"You never learn, Hinamori-chan. Never, ever turn your back on an enemy."
The broken blade pierces her back, and a happy memory floods her mind as she falls for the last time.
It's still that sunny day under the sakura tree, in this field. He repeats again that he loves her- and this time, she says she loves him, too. He pulls her on top of him, kisses her passionately and smiles blissfully at her when she finally pulls away. His
smile is definitely the most beautiful thing she has ever seen, and this is the first time that someone's affection made her happier than feeling the sun on her face.
Hinamori Momo died smiling.