Title: Family Priorities
Summary: Greg and Ed talk about the team news, forcing Ed to take stock of his own family relationships and how they've changed after May's death leading to 2 important discussions when he gets home. Ed/Greg E/S Post Ep OS to eppy 5.08 We Take Care of Our Own 'contains some spoilers'
Disclaimer: If I owned anything to do with FP Ed would be all mine! Hehe *alas* I own only my DVD's that fuel my imaginative muse Alice.
A/N: Well we knew it was going to be a jammy eppy (yup a baby on the way) but I am still continuing Ed' s journey up to the big emotional meltdown (eppy 11) and then the series finale that follows (sniff sniff). Of course with any PTSD incident there is always going to be strains at home so am wanting to reflect that a bit more in this. I do hope you are all still liking these. Oh and in the eppy Sam and Jules said they'd tell the team 'tomorrow' after the standoff situation…so will do the same in this piece.
Note: "Words in italics and double quotes taken directly from episode" (not many in this piece)
It had started two days before with something that Dean had told him Clark told him; Greg's mind thinking back to the conversation with his son when they were both seated around the kitchen table after a tense shift.
'Bad news?' Greg asked as he looked at Dean's expression after his son was done reading his text.
'Ah the usual.'
'The usual gives you that face? Which girl is it from?' Greg pressed with a small smirk, making Dean slightly smile back.
'No it's from Clark. He's just bummed because his dad…Ed had promised to take him to the game but said something else came up.'
'Really? Did he say what it was?'
'No. Probably the same as last time.'
'Last time? Ed's done this before?'
'Yeah last weekend. He was supposed to take Clark to some music exhibit and cancelled – said something came up. We figured it was work. Did he hafta work?'
'He might have picked up an extra shift…I don't know,' Greg replied with a strained smile.
'Well whatever. But I mean it's not like they're tight or anything right?' Dean shrugged as he looked back down at his computer, Greg sinking back into his chair and feeling his frown deepen.
The next morning he checked the roster and sure enough Ed had picked up two extra shifts in the past week. To him it was a bit strange. Not strange in the fact that Ed picked up the shifts because he had in the past if they needed the extra cash for something at home; but it was strange that he would just up and cancel on Clark two outings in a row; especially since he knows how disappointed Ed was when he said Clark told him he didn't want to be a cop.
'Just don't let things slide with Clark. So he chose a different profession than you; he's still your only son.'
Of course Ed had assured him in that moment that things wouldn't change and that he would be proud to support Clark no matter what; and up until May's ill-fated shooting, Ed was right. He had spent time with Clark and all was good. But after that night, things had changed; more so as of late and Greg now wonders if it has anything to do with how Ed's first so-called therapy session went. He had promised Ed he wouldn't ask how it went…wouldn't pry as that might do more harm than good; but had promised himself to keep an eye on Ed to make sure that the steps to recovery were at least evident to him.
So far they were slow to reveal themselves; if at all. And after the second session, he can't help but worry that Ed's sudden cancellation on something that would have brought him pleasure, spending time with his willing teenage son isn't fallout from what he's going through. Self punishment?
Greg's mind thinks back to when he was talking to a friend who also had suffered a major shock to his personal and professional system due to an ill-fated situation at work and soon things at home really changed and personal family started to suffer that he would bring it up for the sake of his friend. It was no secret to him, because Ed had confided in him in the past that he and Clark weren't the closest of buddies, his son sometimes in another world as he put it. But Ed also told him that he wanted to try harder to find common ground with Clark; basketball and a musical exhibit sounded like two great outings for father and son to share.
Eddie….why did you cancel both outings? What is going on? Hasn't talking helped? At all?
He enters the locker room after shift and instantly connects visually with his team leader as he approaches. "Close call."
"Sam did good today."
"Course he did, he learned from the best," Greg smiles at Ed. "So Sam…Jules…"
"Baby," Ed looks at Greg with a nod. "Uncle Ed?"
"Oh you liked that," Greg smiles. "Telling us this soon was the right thing to do. But remember…"
"Yeah we start to pamper Jules and…"
"She'll go scorpio on us."
"Scary thing but big changes for them with all this…" Ed pauses as he turns back to his locker, Greg watching him intently. "Just some big changes."
"I think they can handle it. You and Wordy did pretty good."
"Yeah," Ed agrees with a tight lipped smile.
"Speaking of kids…how's Clark?"
"Clark? Fine why?" Ed asks in surprise as he slowly gets ready to head home.
"You hear news of a baby and it kinda forces you to look at your own life and legacy and…well think. I know I do," Greg notes.
"Yeah…we're good."
"Good," Greg repeats, his uncertain tone making Ed look at him in wonder.
"Did he say something to you?"
"Now are you are being paranoid. Do you have a reason to be?"
'"You profiling me Greg?" Ed asks in surprise and Greg rewards him with a small shrug. "Clark is fine…he's fine. School's good; he's gonna pass with honors as I expected. What else do you wanna know?"
"How'd he like the music exhibit last weekend?"
"The exhibit," Ed states more than questions.
"Yeah you said you had tickets to a history of music exhibit that Clark actually wanted to go to," Greg continues. "You were excited."
"Never made it," Ed replies frankly.
"Too bad. Clark have other plans?"
"No, but why do I think you already know that?" Ed stops his actions and looks at Greg directly. "Boss what is it?"
"You tell me Eddie."
"You butting into my personal life now Greg? Huh?" Ed demands as he glares at his friend in anger. "You gonna do that with Sam and Jules also?"
"Look Eddie I know it's none of my…"
"Damn business!" Ed snaps. "You're right! It's not." And with that heated statement Ed grabs his jacket and storms past Greg, leaving the space filled with tension and anxiety. Ed rounds the corner and then stops, his face offering a wince as his feels guilt starting to come upon him from his angry outburst over Greg's concern. Having only grabbed his jacket, he angrily struggles to pull it on and then stops as he feels a hand helping with the other arm.
"Thanks," Ed mumbles as he pulls back and looks at Greg with a heavy frown. "Greg…"
"When my friend…Jimmy…went through his ordeal, stuff changed for him…stuff at home. That worried me the most because on the job I could keep an eye on things and help him. Ed I see things and…"
"You don't need to keep an eye on me on the job," Ed warns with a small hiss. "Off the job...Clark understands."
"What? What does he understand?" Greg lightly treads.
"He knows I have to work."
"Your family is your top priority…I mean you came to me two years back ready to quit…give this all up and probably take a desk job because your family was nearly falling apart and you knew you had to put them first."
"Sophie and I made it work."
"Clark is your son and needs your attention."
"We needed a bit of extra…look I know my priorities okay? I know them," Ed insists. "Clark understands."
"Still hurts. He might not say it directly to you but am sure it hurts."
"Yeah Greg and how would you know?"
"Because maybe he talks to others."
"He tell you that?" Ed asks directly, his anger flaring once more.
"No need to get…"
"You know I don't need this okay? Today was a tough day…we get some team altering news and now you are lecturing me on my parenting skills? You've known your son all of a few months and you are telling me what my parenting faults are? Goodnight Greg," Ed stammers before he turns and heads through the exit doors and heads for car but then stops mid-stride and shakes his head. "Damn," he curses as he turns and looks back to see Greg watching him in concern.
"Sleepless nights…irritability…pushing yourself to hard…reliving the same situation over and over…not enjoying or stopping altogether things you had once enjoyed…neglecting your son in favor of the job…Eddie the signs are there and I am concerned."
"Concerned for what? I'm not gonna end up like your friend. I'm talking okay…"
"He said the same thing…he was on the right path or so we all though, but then faltered. You couldn't save her…it wasn't your call."
"Whose call was it then?" Ed lightly shouts back.
"It was May's! It was her call…it was my call…Jules should have held her back…Spike should have tackled her…you want to place blame start there, but stop doing this to yourself. Why are you forsaking those you love….those around you…depending on you…over a situation you had no control over? You are trained to follow orders and I gave you one…you followed it plain and simple. But this…this pulling away from your family…things you enjoy…"
"My family understands."
"You say its work and they believe you…take you at face value because you hide everything else away from them and they aren't trained to pick up on the small things. But now they are suffering and probably don't know why. You missed your last date night with Sophie…the outing to the zoo with Izzy…now the time with Clark…Ed I'm just reminding you. They need you," Greg presses on.
"I just…we needed the money okay? It was fine…Sophie knew and was okay with it. I've told her…stuff about May and I just…I spare Clark. Clark…Clark's a teen…they are never okay with anything," Ed tries to justify. "I don't want to burden him."
"And I get that…I really do. But you are so quick to offer yourself to save others on the job…off the job Clark is the one you need to offer yourself to…he's the one."
"He understands…he's good with it," Ed insists.
"But you're not good with it."
Ed's body makes a half turn but he can't quite pull away…something unseen holds him in place; an inner urge to tell his friend the truth.
"It's me."
"Talk to me Ed."
"Clark…he might not have always wanted to be a cop but…but he still has to respect what I do and…as of late I don't feel like he does. He makes flippant comments here and there and…it's just changed. He doesn't get the job...doesn't ask..so if I…"
"Are with him and you have a moment of weakness…"
"He'll lose more respect and I can't let him see that," Ed confesses as he turns back with a tormented expression. "I can't do that to him Greg."
"Your son loves you."
"He won't understand. I tell him I killed an innocent young woman not much older than him…and he'll ask why? Or if I had to? And if I tell him the truth…Greg I still feel the guilt."
"I know you do…I can see that in your eyes but…"
"But nothing. Clark and I are at odds over his future as it is. He sees me like this…sees this kind of painful remorse and…I can't Greg and I won't. I blame the job…and he gets that."
"But all he knows is his father puts work ahead of spending time with him. He doesn't know the truth."
"Greg…"
"And how many more personal things are going to change? How many more priorities are you going to forsake before you realize that not everything is as it should be? Spending less time with your daughter…your son…your wife? You know what happened to Jimmy, they all said everything was wine and roses and then one night he up and left his family….he swallowed a bottle of Jack's and then the end of his .45."
"I'm not there."
"After Dylan's death, he pulled away from everyone in his family. He blamed himself but never told those closest to him….those that love him the most and have his back no matter what…never told them of the pain he carried inside of him for almost a year and that his behavioral changes weren't their fault. Every day something slowly eating away inside; most of us oblivious until it was too late. I tried to help him…"
"And so you think because you failed with him you can't with me? I'll save you the time Greg, I'm not Jimmy. Okay?"
"Your family is your top priority Ed…not strangers…not even the team. Your family is. They keep you grounded remember? Reaching out to strangers is natural…twenty years…you have that down by rote and I get that. Reaching out to your family…your son…"
"I'm done here," Ed tries again, Greg's words of truth stabbing him to the heart but forcing his brain to rightfully acknowledge that he had shifted things at home since May Dalton's death; his very soul knowing that his family had suffered but in ways he thought not noticeable. Who told Greg? Was it Clark himself? Did he actually go to another man and confide him without coming to his own father? Have I failed my son that much?
Just as he reaches his car, Ed stops at that last sad thought as he feels his eyes water; Greg slowly catching up to him but not saying a word.
"Ed, I'm here because I care for you...buddy I care and I don't want to lose you. I want to help."
"I don't want him….to see me like this."
"I understand Eddie…I do," Greg's soft but firm voice is heard as he stops his walking and stands a few feet away. "I just want to remind you that the job…is the job…we are given time off…holidays…weekends…whatever for a reason. You have spent the most of your free time over the past several weeks at work. Not at home…not with your family, but here. We have several SRU teams and yet every time there is a need to fill, you volunteer."
"You know."
"I do. I get the logs. You're the only one on Team One that has opted for that much overtime. I know times are tough but…"
"Fine so I won't do overtime anymore, Greg is that what you want to hear?" Ed finally turns to face him with his glib remark.
"I want you to do what's best for you and your family; for you not me. They are your priority and sometimes…we need to be reminded of that. I mean you…you were the one that kept telling me to go down to Texas…take a battering ram…take a lawyer…just find a way get to my son and I did. I did and now Dean is here. So now I'm telling you…your family is your priority and needs you. Done forsake them. Don't let self-imposed guilt keep you from seeing that."
"I…things have just been a little tenser than normal at home and…but it's all good, okay? All good. Clark's going his own way and…and it's something to adjust to…my family is still my priority."
"They need to feel that; they need to hear and see that from you. You can tell me but they need to have you there…we work tense days, long hours…around strangers all the time, but when we are not working…you need to be with them."
"I know…damn I know," Ed huffs as he rubs his weary face and then looks away with a tense gaze, his weary frame still tight and wanting nothing more than to just go home and collapse.
"I know that you don't want me lecturing you but I am just giving you friendly reminders that you have done for me. Remember it was you that said to me that watching your back sometimes means saving me from myself?"
"I said that?" Ed lightly smirks.
"Donald Mitchell…remember his wife wanted to take the kids to Ireland…I could relate…the wife taking the kids from the husband and I…I put myself out a bit much and you told me that. Wise words…still are and I listened," Greg nods. "You told Sam that you have to be at peace with yourself after a tough call to survive the job…you said that when Sam started. Sam came to terms with…"
"Greg…"
"Now I am returning the favor. We take care of our own…you know that's what we do. I'm reminding you of those words of wisdom you told me…Sam…the team; reminding you for your family's sake…and yours. If they suffer further…you do and then we all do, trust me."
"I don't…want to lose my family…I don't. I just…I will try. I swear I will. I don't want to lose then Greg."
"You won't, I won't let you."
"Okay."
Greg looks at Ed and hears the sincerity in his words but wonders just how far into Ed's soul they had actually sunk? Was he saying that to make Greg feel better because Ed knows that's what he'd want to hear? Would he reorganize things and reschedule with Clark? Would he completely confide in his wife and allow her outside strength to keep him sane? Or would he continue to forsake his real priorities to his own personal detriment?
"Come on…I'll give you a ride home."
"Greg…"
"Not an option Eddie…get in."
Greg keeps the conversation light on the drive to Ed's; but noticing that Ed's talk of his family wasn't as enthusiastic as it had been even a few months ago. I hope in a few days things will be better, Greg thinks. I hope that for you my friend. Greg says goodnight and then watches Ed slowly walk up the sidewalk to his house and can only wonder if he'll truly open up to his wife and son as he said he would.
Ed slowly turns the handle and enters his home, his mind anxious and worried at the same time. He slowly walks into the kitchen and up to his wife, greeting her with a warm smile and hug.
"Rough day?" She asks, almost by rote.
"Ended with some good news actually."
"Yeah what's that?"
"A new team member is due in about oh five, six months."
"Who?"
"Sam and Jules," Ed replies with a small smile as he goes on to relate to her what Sam and Jules had told them. "Big changes coming to the team again," he comments as he turns his back and heads to the sink to get a glass of water. But when Sophie doesn't hear the tap running she turns to face him, looking at his almost panicked expression; feeling his body tense next to hers and knowing it was time to respond the silent call for help. Taking him by the hand she leads Ed to the table, the two of them slowly sitting down.
"I know you are happy for them."
"I am. Sam is going to make a um…a wonderful father."
"What is it then? Are the sessions too much?"
"No," Ed pauses with a heavy sigh. "It's…Clark."
"Clark?" She asks in surprise. "What happened to Clark?"
"Nothing bad…it's just…" Ed huffs as he purses his lips and then looks away; almost dreading his forthcoming confession. But after getting a reassuring hand squeeze from his wife he turns back with a determined look. "The outing this weekend…I cancelled on Clark because of me."
"You said you had to work."
"It was a um…an excuse," Ed finally confesses, his stomach tight and his heart racing as he verbally acknowledges his own inner turmoil. "These past few weeks Soph have been…"
"Hell," she interjects pointedly.
"Hell," he repeats quietly, his eyes dropping for a few seconds and then back up as he takes a breath and continues. "They have been hell and I'm sorry Sophie…I'm so sorry. I know its me. You all have gotten me through this…your love and support, I couldn't ask for better. But I haven't said as much as I should have either and for that I'm sorry."
"Eddie…"
"No Sophie no excuses. I'm sorry. I've let things slip," he sighs. "Important things. Things with the family. It's just right now…what I'm dealing with…I pulled back, using that as an excuse."
"I'm glad you're acknowledging that now. What else?" She asks directly, not afraid to keep pushing a bit farther and knowing that sometimes with Ed she had to be fimr, hold her ground and push for the answer they all wanted.
"I'm just worried that…Clark…." Ed pauses as he tries to pull back; her grasp not letting him do so until he was done.
"Worried that Clark will what?" She presses, needing him to say whatever is bothering him inside; her proddings over the past few weeks about his growing distance from his family and his son maybe finally seeing closure.
"When I'm out there…like last week with Sam at dad's…I saw May's face…that led to me tell Greg….but the thing is…it just happens and I have no control. I can be here, on the job…in the lineup to buy gas... and her face pops up…her body falling…my feeling of guilt…the team…they can just brush it off but Clark…"
"Are you worried Clark will think less of you?" She finally inquires, getting a small nod from Ed in return. "Your son loves you…Ed…"
"I don't want to put a strain on the day because of something…that I can't control…yet. A moment and…"
"Talk to him."
"Sophie…" Ed tries to protest.
"When it happens. You don't have to tell him all the details you tell me but tell him…he needs to know from you what is going on with you. He needs to know it's not him but he needs to hear it from you, not me telling him. He needs to feel a part of your life again and that you love him enough to trust him with more serious issues. He's not a child Ed…he can take things we might not want to think him ready for yet."
"Maybe I'm not ready for that yet."
"Yes you are. You can do this."
"I just…" Ed huffs as he finally breaks free and rubs his weary face. "I just…it's about respect and my old man…"
"You're not him in everything. It's also about love," she quickly reminds him. "Clark won't judge you as you might think. Draw upon his love for you…let it help you. Please."
Ed looks at his wife and knows she's right; pulling even further away from his son due to fear or losing respect was a fallacy and a path to be avoided if he wants to keep his beloved son in his life; and keep himself in his son's mind and heart.
"I have to finish a few things. Go talk to Clark. Izzy and I are spending the day with my mom on Saturday. Think you might have some free time?"
"I still have the tickets to the game," Ed refers to the tickets to the game that he had originally cancelled on with his son in favor of hiding behind a professional shield.
"Go."
"I love you," he whispers as they both stand up, his lips planting a warm and appreciative kiss on her cheek.
"I know," she smiles in return.
Ed offers a smile back as he heads into the living room; before going up the stairs, however, he pulls his phone and texts the shift coordinator and cancels the extra shift for the weekend. Feeling somewhat relieved Ed heads towards his son's bedroom, giving the door a small knock and then entering with a friendly smile.
"Hey dad, what's up?"
"Got a sec?"
"Sure."
XXXXXXXX
The next morning Greg walks into his kitchen and gives Dean a smile and a nod before he heads for the coffee maker; knowing the path mechanically.
"So you wanna come with your old man to an open house this weekend? Another Art exhibit that Marina's…"
"Sure…Clark's busy so…"
"Clark's busy huh?"
"Yeah, I guess the game is back on with his dad," Dean shrugs, his back to his father and not seeing the relieved smile that Greg offers in silence.
Family priorities were the most important and having lost sight of those himself he knows the damage it can do. Hearing his son say that Ed and Clark's outing was back on was more than comforting…it was reassuring…maybe Eddie this is the real start on the road to recovery.
THE END!
A/N: A bit more family stuff here despite the fact we haven't seen the family yet! (grrrr I want some Izzy lol). Next week is the big Clark/Dean ride along so wanted this to nicely Segway into that! Hope you are all still liking these and please do review before you go and thanks so much!