Wake Me Up Inside
Summary: One doesn't need to have been under a sleeping curse to suffer from nightmares. In her life, Regina has had plenty of fodder for unpleasant dreams. But at least when she has one, there is someone there to comfort her. Do I even need to say it at this point? Okay, I will: Rumple/Regina.
Sometimes, it is Daniel's heart, held in her mother's hand, after being ripped out of his body.
That is a dream Regina has quite often, over and over. It's painful, but she's become used to it, and in a strange sort of way, she welcomes the images. This way, Daniel's face is forever etched on her memory, as is her mother's, mercilessly crushing her true love's heart "for her own good."
If ever she thinks to regret using Rumplestiltskin's gift to banish her mother into Wonderland, the dream quickly dissuades her of it.
There are other dreams though, other nightmares, ones that she can't handle quite as well. Dreams of blood and apples and horses, and sweet young Snow screaming from somewhere, and Regina running to her, but running to help her or harm her, she can never tell. It doesn't seem to matter anyway, because she never reaches the child.
Then there are the dreams where she is a child again – or perhaps it is Snow after all? Or she is Snow, or Snow is her, or oh it all gets so jumbled and confused she can never tell, but in the end it's the same, it's always the same, a scared little girl with dark hair suffering "lessons" for her disobedience at the hands of her loving mother, while a trembling father stands uselessly by and tells her it's alright, it's going to be alright, it's almost over, dear, dear I love you forgive your mother forgive your mother forgive me …
"I'll be good, I'll be good!" The little girl screams, but it's no use, there's no appeasing her, and she has no magic to fight her with, she is alone and oh gods she is not strong, but then there is a boy with golden hair, a boy who grows into a man, who loves her even though she holds no power, who wants to take her away from all the fear and the pain…
His heart beats only for her … until it is ripped out …
Snow, do you know what a secret is?
You're to be my mother …
I'm sorry … I just didn't want you to lose your mother … like I've lost mine …
"I'll be good, I'll be good, please mother please! Don't hurt me, don't hurt me! Mother please stop please stop please stop!"
Regina wakes up screaming and flailing, and strong hands hold her down.
"No mother please stop I'll be good…!"
"Regina," Rumplestiltskin says. He shakes her, "Regina, wake up!"
"Rumple?" She's trembling like a leaf. "My mother, my mother …"
"She's gone, Regina. She's gone, she banished, she's not coming back."
"I couldn't fight her … I was so weak, so small …"
"Stop that talk. You are more powerful than your mother ever was."
"But I …"
"She's gone. She's gone and you are safe now, my wicked one. Safe here, with me."
She looks at him then, shaking off the last vestiges of sleep, and …
He looks human. Completely human. She's sure of it.
Regina curls into his embrace, burying her face in his chest, still trembling. He holds her until the shaking and the tears subside.
He tells himself, over and over again, that he cannot afford this … sentiment. Regina is a tool, Regina is an instrument, Regina is puppet, Regina is a cipher …
But he doesn't push her away. He doesn't let her go.
"You taught her," Regina mumbles into his chest. Her tone sounds almost accusatory. Rumplestitlskin trails a hand down her back, gently.
"Barely, and reluctantly. She did not have your potential." It was you I wanted, Regina. It was always you. I could see you, and how powerful you would be, before you were even born. It was you I held in my arms then.
And it's you I hold in my arms now.
"Regina, you know more magic than your mother ever did. She will not hurt you ever again. Be still now. Be still."
Regina lets out a breath and begins to relax in his arms. "Rumple," she sighs. "Rumple, I don't want to go back to the castle. Let's … let's just go. Let's just take Jefferson's hat and go somewhere, some other realm, somewhere we can be wicked and wield magic and chase power and we can always be …"
"Shh," he kisses her, softly. "Go back to sleep." He moves a hand over her face, and his magic shimmers around her. "The dreams will not trouble you anymore tonight, I promise you."
Regina snuggles as close to him as she can. She cannot find it in herself to disobey him, and succumbs to a peaceful slumber.
For just a moment, her words echo in his mind, and he imagines …
No. There are promises to keep. He will do nothing else. He will love nothing else.
No sentiment. An instrument. A tool.
A weapon.
Still, he holds her tighter, and he cannot make himself let go.