It was true that Allen was tired, having just gotten back from a mission that had been far, FAR too long, but he was not tired enough to go to sleep. At least, not alone, anyway.

The twenty minutes it had taken to find Lavi had not been enough to dampen his mood, either. He still had the same bounce in his step he had before they even got back to HQ, and the cheerful humming had been enough to tip off Link as to his intentions for tonight, causing the inspector to, as per usual, flee for the sake of his sanity- meaning he wasn't being trailed.

All he had to do was grab his lover, lock the two of them in a nice bedroom for a while
(two days sounded good right now…), and all the strain of that trip to eastern-FUCKING-Africa would be washed away.

Finally, Allen found the bookman-to-be in one of the lower libraries with his nose buried in a stack of papers. He looked up when Allen entered.

"Hey, Babe. How was Malaysia?"

Allen tried not to sigh. "Kuala Lumpur was fine. A little too hot, but fine. Eritrea, on the other hand- that's where I was sent next, after I missed you coming home when you were in Hungary? That was the most miserable experience I've had since I was with Cross. In fact, most of the mission was worse than a large portion of time I spent with that man. Africa sucks, and I don't know why any human being would elect to live there."

Lavi winced. "Wow. That's… Unfortunate. I'm sorry you had to spend a month there."

"Six weeks. In what I'm fairly certain to be Hell on Earth. With Kanda and Link." Allen shook his head as though to clear himself of the unpleasant memories. A sly smirk slowly graced his lips, and he purred, "I don't want to talk about that right now, La~vi. All I want to think about is you." He said, beginning to unfasten the buttons on his coat slowly.

Lavi's eye widened. "Well. I can't argue with THAT, now, can I?" He said, returning the smirk.

Allen pounced. Straddling Lavi on his chair, mouths and teeth and tongues tangled, and Lavi's hands made quick work of Allen's coat. Just as skilled fingers began on the Exorcist's shirt, however, there was a bit of a problem.

"Allen? Lavi?" Krory's voice called as he opened the door to the library. "Are you two in he- Oh. It seems you are. Um." The vampire scratched the back of his head awkwardly. "Uh. Sorry for intruding, but. Uh. Komui said he needed Allen to report back from the mission, and told me that I'd be able to find you two together. I guess now I know why he knew that."

Allen scowled from his place on Lavi's lap. "I don't care. Make Kanda do it. I'm busy right now."

Krory frowned worriedly. "But, Komui said that it was important that I find you and make sure you-"

Allen, now unable to hide the anger that had been boiling for over six weeks, exploded on the innocent Romanian.

"Look. I have been stuck in the most miserable place on the planet with only Kanda, Link, and the blazing desert sun to keep me company. Whenever we found a town, not only did we not speak the same language as the natives, but I also could not get an entire meal at any point because whenever we found food one of those DAMNED malnourished orphans would manage to find me and look at me with those big, watery eyes, because they always know to ask the foreigner for food, everyone knows that, and HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO EAT WITH THEM LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT?! Eventually, I got so hungry that I went hunting myself! In AFRICA!" At this point, Allen tore off his shirt, pointing to three large gashes on his right shoulder. "You know what these are?! I got these from a JAGUAR! A jaguar that wasn't even that delicious! And after I killed the giant raging cat, I realized that I could've just killed an elephant instead, and gotten a lot more food for a lot less effort, but by then I had already been torn open by a carnivore! Now if you'll excuse me, I haven't gotten laid in over two fucking months, and nothing short of the Earl himself is gonna stop me from getting any; and if you don't leave right this instant I will tear your fucking arms off!"

Allen's outburst came to an abrupt end, and the two stared at him in awe.

"Right. I'll tell Komui I couldn't find you, then." And with that, Krory made an awkward and speedy exit.

Lavi looked at his lover in awe.

"That… Has got to be the hottest thing I have ever seen, Allen."

The Exorcist in question raised an eyebrow. "I'm not even going to ask what that says about you."

Immediately after finishing that sentence, Allen tore off Lavi's pants, and no more words were spoken.

--

Um. Spontaneous not-porn generation? Sorry.