title: accidental babies (for we are in love)
fandom: glee
character: quinn fabray/noah puckerman
spoilers: season finale
Puck doesn't try to hide his tears when he first lays eyes on her, and Quinn will never forget the way he looked at her, so in awe, like the baby was pure gold lying in her arms.
They name her Beth.
Shelby will be a good mother.
Quinn knows this because she can see the love in her eyes, she can see how much pain missing all those years of Rachel's life has left her with, how much she has to give. Quinn knows. And that makes the decision easier; it makes handing her baby over to someone else less hard, less excrutiating.
Puck doesn't say a word, just signs his name on the dotted line and kisses their baby once on the head, before quietly leaving the room. Quinn doesn't feel anything but the sting of his turned back as she prints her name next to his.
Quinn knows that she made the right decision.
But later that night, when she's alone in her bedroom at Mercedes' house, she can't help but feel so, so awful. And she misses the way the baby kicked at her, she misses the way she was never by herself. The crying comes quickly, and soon her chest is aching and she can't stop.
She doesn't know why she calls Puck, but it doesn't really matter when she hears his raw, sad voice over the line.
They listen to eachother breathe.
Glee gets another year.
Puck and Quinn both smile, even though their baby is in Shelby's arms, and she's not really their baby anymore, is she?
He calls her, texts her, tries to meet her eyes in the one class they share.
Quinn can't.
She just can't.
Quinn's mother begs her to come home.
It's hard to say no, but she does because she can't go back. Her mother left her alone, chose to look away when her daughter needed her the most, and Quinn can't go back.
She'll never forget the way her mother's face looks when she refuses her offer. She supposes it's similar to the expression she wore when her parents threw her out of the house.
Mercedes is a good friend.
She doesn't bring up the baby, and she paints Quinn's nails and does her hair and makes her feel happy, takes her mind away from the fact that her life is still miserable, even though her Scarlett Letter is gone. Quinn tells her stories and says she always expected the whole Santana and Brittany lesbian thing. Mercedes laughs, talks about the time she thought Kurt was straight.
Quinn takes life a day at a time.
Summer starts slow in Ohio.
Finals are hell, but Quinn thinks she did pretty well, considering her circumstances this year. Rachel aces everything, Finn scrapes by in Spanish, and Puck... she doesn't know how Puck did. She sees glimpses of him in the hallway, but she can't bring herself to talk to him. She's afraid that if she looks at him, she'll see herself and it hurts enough, she doesn't need his sadness added on to her own.
Mercedes relays that he did fine, he passed. Quinn thanks her and reminds herself that sophomore year is over. She won't see McKinley again for atleast two months.
Mercedes has a pool.
Quinn spends ninety-five percent of her time layed out on a chair, soaking up the sun with her iPod turned up loud in her ears. Days pass, blur into one another and soon enough Quinn can't remember if it's Thursday or Monday. It doesn't bother her.
It's on one of these nameless days that her cellphone rings, Shelby's name blinking up at her. She stares at it for a moment, she's terrified (what if something's wrong with the baby) and curious and overwhelmed and... Finally, she answers.
"Hello?" She says breathlessly.
"Quinn," Shelby's musical voice fills up the line, and she doesn't sound worried or scared so Quinn relaxes, "How are you?"
"Okay." Quinn answers, and she realizes that it's true. She's okay.
There's a pause and then, "Quinn?"
"Yes?"
"Would you like to see Beth?"
It's been three weeks and two days since the baby was born.
Quinn takes Mercedes' car to Puck's, her knuckles white on the steering wheel, her stomach rolling with every mile. She was going to call him but she couldn't hear his voice and not see him, she couldn't say it, and... she misses him, honestly. She never thought she would say it but she also never though she'd be sixteen and pregnant so...
Mrs. Puckerman's car isn't in the driveway and Quinn's happy that she won't have to see her scowling face. She tried for weeks to worm her way into the woman's good graces, but it never worked, and eventually she just gave up. She wasn't Jewish and gave the baby up for adoption, both offenses practically making her the equivalent to Hitler in Puck's mother's book.
Her hands are sweaty as she rings the doorbell, her heart beating hard in her chest.
Sarah opens the door.
"Puck! Your baby momma is here!" She screams before leaving the door open and running off to the kitchen. Quinn rolls her eyes in the girl's wake, laughing internally at the fact that she's just like her brother, only in eight year old girl form. She feels calmer now, less crazy on the inside.
Puck appears at the top of the stairs, his tall form stepping down them quietly, lazily. By the time he reaches the bottom, Quinn's back to freaking out and he's just looking at her, his eyes downcast and his arms crossed. She wants to say I'm sorry or I've missed you or something to make him look less angry at her, but her mouth won't work and he... She feels terrible.
"Are you okay?" He asks finally, concern creeping in to his rough voice.
"Not really," she says as she shakes her head, a weak smile making it's way on to her face. Puck steps forward and hugs her, and it's so shocking that Quinn forgets. She forgets the last nine odd months of her life, forgets all the heartache and pain, all the tears and yelling. She doesn't forget Puck, though. She holds him tight to her, and she doesn't know...
"Shelby asked me to come see the baby. Come with me."
Shelby's house is big, but not too big. About the size of Quinn's parents' home.
Her shiny black Land Rover is sitting out front, and there's a baby shade over one of the back windows. Quinn peers in as she passes by it, makes out the pink carseat inside. It makes her heart ache a little.
Puck's the one ringing the doorbell this time, and she takes his hand, squeezes it tightly as they wait. Shelby opens the door within seconds, and she stands before them, smiling nervously. Her hair is up in a messy ponytail and she's wearing sweat pants and a t-shirt. Quinn realizes that she's never seen her look any less than perfect and her current attire is shocking in comparison to her normal apparel.
"Quinn, Noah." She says, clapping her hands together. "Come in, please."
They do, and Shelby leads them through the foyer into the living room. It's cozy, not prim and white like Quinn's family's home, and she likes it. She likes that her baby's growing up here. She sits down on the couch beside Puck as she thinks about this, and he takes her hand this time.
"... get the baby." She only hears the end of Shelby's sentence and her heart freezes up. She's getting the baby, Shelby's going to get the baby. Puck scoots closer to her, his hand warm on hers. She tries to focus on something, looks at his lips, he's beautiful, he is, and she notices his breath stutter. Quinn looks up as Shelby comes through the door with a little pink bundle in her arms.
"Beth," she and Puck say at the same time.
Beth is still, even after three weeks, the most beautiful thing she's ever seen.
Quinn cries when Shelby places her in her arms, but she cries even more when Puck rocks her delicately in his. For so long she looked at Puck like an immature, little boy but now she sees how much of a man her really is as he smiles at Beth, holding her close and safe to his chest. He looks at home, and Quinn can't believe how much the baby favors him, the same unique green color of his eyes staring up at her.
She takes out her phone, quickly snapping a picture of the two of them. Shelby sits in a chair across the room, her hand held to her heart. Quinn smiles at her and she smiles back, shaking her head at the beautiful scene that is Puck and Beth.
"She's so perfect." Puck whispers. Quinn lays her head on his shoulder and hums Beth softly, watching as their baby's eyes squint up at them.
She doesn't know how long they stay like that, just staring at Beth, holding on to eachother.
"Thank you." Quinn says as she and Puck stand on Shelby's doorstep later that evening.
Shelby smiles, "Thank you, both of you. Beth is..." she sighs, "I never thought I'd get a second chance at being a mother. It's the best thing that's ever happened to me."
"I'm glad it's you. I mean, I'm glad that if anyone had to be Beth's mom... I'm glad it's you."
Quinn smiles so wide at that, at how Puck's being so... Puck.
Shelby looks at them, fiddles with her hands, "When I said open adoption, I meant it. Whenever you want to see her, you call, and you can. Beth's still your baby. I'm not taking her away from you."
Quinn sighs, "I wanna be there, you know? I wanna be there for her birthdays and I wanna know my daughter."
"I want you to know your daughter too, Quinn."
Quinn knows she made the right decision.
The drive back to Puck's quiet and seems to last much longer than it actually does.
Quinn holds his hand the whole way, and he hums Beth and she feels better than she has in so, so long. She feels good about this, feels like Beth is going to grow up well, with Shelby as her mom and Quinn as her mother and Puck as her father. And Quinn knows now that life will go on, and she will grow and Puck will grow and Beth will grow. And everything's going to be okay.
They arrive at Puck's and he opens her door for her, walks her over to Mercedes' car, his hands in his pocket. Quinn leans against the driver side door, her hands rest on her stomach. Puck won't meet her eyes and she takes his hand for the hundreth time today, tugs on his fingers until he looks at her.
She smiles, and Puck smiles, and she kisses him.
Puck tastes like wine coolers and insecurities and heartbreak and tears and sadness and time and longing and indecision and about a thousand other things that Quinn can't decipher, but the one thing she picks out most acutely is promise. Puck has promise.
Quinn started off the year a different person, but honestly, as she stands with Puck's arms around her, his eyes locked on hers, she's more proud of the girl she is today, teenage mother and all.