Chapter 1

Lucy had just started a counselling course at the local college. It was something that she'd thought about doing for a while, hoping it would make a refreshing change from her job, which was pretty much only about making money from people.

She had been reluctant to tell Lee what she was studying as she knew he would tease her mercilessly about it. As soon as she told him he proved her right immediately, and now he was driving her mad with his constant mickey-taking. It was frustrating, as this was something she was taking seriously and Lee…well he rarely took anything seriously.

To a degree this was one of the things Lucy liked about him. There was no denying that he was fun to be around and he made her laugh. But, it could also be frustrating as he never knew when to stop. Sometimes she just needed him to act more like an adult and less like a hyperactive child. Lee used humour as a way of deflecting any situation or conversation he found difficult, and became defensive whenever Lucy pointed this out to him.

The other thing was, Lee was not very good at expressing his emotions. Despite knowing him really well in many ways, Lucy occasionally felt like she didn't really know Lee at all. And she wanted to know him and she wanted to understand him, because despite herself, despite what the rational part of her brain was constantly telling her, she had fallen in love. She was head over heels, desperately but secretly in love with her seemingly work-shy, immature, commitment-phobic and emotionally constipated lodger. The sort of unconditional love that meant most of the time she didn't care how much he teased her, or how infrequently he paid her rent. It also meant that no matter how many times Lee's behaviour got them into sticky situations (and there had been a lot of times), she always forgave him. He just needed to learn to engage his brain before he acted sometimes, and would benefit from a bit of guidance in his decision making from time to time.

It wasn't that she thought she could change him, and she honestly didn't want to. Because, in spite of his flaws, Lucy often saw glimpses of the real Lee and knew that his heart was in the right place most of the time. Beneath Lee's joke-telling, sarcastic, devil-may-care exterior there was a loyal and protective friend, a witty, caring and actually slightly vulnerable person who was far cleverer than he let on. Lee was also charming, no one could deny that. He effortlessly exuded a cheeky and flirtatious Northern charm which Lucy found irresistible. And he was attractive, with his playful smile, sparkly blue eyes and cute yet slightly messy hair. Lucy wasn't really sure how long she had felt this way about Lee. Her feelings had gradually crept up on her, but now they were always at the front of her mind, eating away at her the longer she kept them concealed.

Lucy suspected Lee felt the same about her, and the two of them had shared more than a few 'moments' where she thought and hoped something might happen. They had shared several late night conversations on the sofa when she thought Lee was trying to tell her something, when he seemed to be about to open up to her. But, he never did. There was the time they had got drunk and woken up naked in bed together. Though Lucy had been relieved they hadn't made a sex tape, part of her wished they had slept together, even if she couldn't remember it, because that might have forced them to confront their feelings. In the end, her embarrassment about how she had behaved prevented her from saying how she really felt. And Lee, when she asked him what he thought they would have done if they'd actually had sex, had just resorted to humour, as usual. Indeed, there were other times when she'd been so close to telling Lee how she felt, but every time he seemed to sense it when things were getting more intense and either made some jokey remark or managed to steer the conversation in a different direction.

Sometimes the 'moments' between them were just little things - unintentional brushes of skin, prolonged hugs or kisses on the cheek. Whenever these things happened, Lucy felt goosebumps form on her skin and her pulse would start to race. At the same time, she would hear Lee quietly gasp or notice his body jolt at the contact. The other day, she had passed Lee a mug of tea and their fingers had accidentally touched. They didn't move for several seconds, and Lucy thought she felt Lee lightly stroke one of his fingers against hers, presumably on purpose. They made eye contact then, both of them blushing deeply, and their gaze lasted just a bit too long for comfort. Looking away, Lucy let go of the mug and they both carried on as though nothing had happened, as they always did. Lucy wasn't sure she could go on like this much longer, she needed something to happen between her and Lee. However, until one of them made the first move they were clearly going to remain stuck in this rut.

Lucy had asked herself many times why she was reluctant to make the first move herself. Every time she accused of Lee of keeping his emotions bottled up, she felt like a hypocrite as when it came to her feelings for Lee, she was just as guilty of doing so. But she lacked confidence. Lucy was fairly certain Lee fancied her, but she needed to be sure his feelings went beyond that. As much as she fancied him, she wasn't interested in a 'fling'. She wanted it all, to spend the rest of her life with him if she was totally honest. Since Lee had a small but not insignificant string of failed relationships behind him, Lucy was understandably cautious, not wanting to become just another failure on his list. She couldn't risk what they already had for that.

Lucy's theory was that Lee's inability, or at least his reluctance, to express his feelings, and the reason his previous relationships hadn't lasted, was at least partly due to his dad. From the snippets of information Lee had revealed to her about his past, Lucy knew that Frank had abandoned him and his mum, and had generally been a bad influence in Lee's life, when he was around as well as when he was absent. She guessed that Lee's childhood had messed him up quite a bit and that he was now afraid of making the same mistakes as his dad. The walls he had built up around himself were just his way of protecting himself, and anyone he would otherwise have let in, from getting hurt. Lucy was sure that if she could encourage Lee to admit this, even if just to himself, he would finally be able to put his past behind him.

Despite her theory, when Lee suggested Lucy practise her counselling techniques on him, she was reluctant. She was just a beginner after all. However, realising this was an opportunity to try and get Lee to be honest and open with her, she agreed. The 'session' hadn't ended well. Lee had mentioned his dad a couple of times and when she pressed him about it, he closed off again. Lucy felt her frustration with him building again. Why couldn't Lee just talk to her honestly? He was so exasperatingly stubborn, and they were never going to get anywhere at this rate.

When Lucy retreated to the kitchen she found her antique Phrenology head, broken and hidden in the microwave. She immediately accused Lee of breaking it and couldn't help but snap at him when he denied it. That was one of the other things that annoyed Lucy about Lee, his propensity to tell lies, or at least be economical with truth. This always got him into trouble, and he had promised her so many times that he would start being more honest. What Lucy didn't know was that on this occasion Lee was telling the truth. He hadn't broken the head, and being accused of lying was the last straw, his head already swimming with talk of him turning into his dad, about whom he held on to a lot of anger.

"By the way, I don't mind jokes about me being childish, or even bad in bed, but if you ever compare me to that five foot, lecherous, leaching dwarf, I will pack my bags and I'm out of here".

"You're like that five foot, lecherous, leaching dwarf", Lucy retorted.

"You know what. I'm nothing like my dad. And I'm not putting up with your insults any more, I'm….I do have feelings you know…".

With that Lee growled in frustration, walked out of the kitchen and exited the flat, slamming the door behind him.