hiccup the horrendus haddoc iii stured out his window saldy. "oh tooghless" he said to his pet dragon (hiccurp is a vicking and they have pet dagrons). "life is so boring since astrid left to join the all-female vicking tribe last year."

toothless snorted sympathetically. hiccups life was very depressing, and even his dragon knew ist. iccup was the son of the chief of the harry hooligan tribe and his fathr didnt love him. at least hiccurp didnt think that his father loved him, and it made him very sdepressd. toothless was his only friend in the world now t aht astrid had letf him. he remembered the day well.

"hiccupr," astrid said sudlenly. "i am leaving."

"noooo!" hiccup screamd.

"yes" astrid said. and she was gone. hiccup didnt see, but she had shed a single tear before leaving on her own dragon flystorm.

"hiccup you fuckin shirmp," his father shouted up the stairs. "are you going to make urself usefl or just sit around mopeing over your lesbian all day."

"i will mope over my lesbian thanks," hiccup replied.

"fuck you," said stoick the vast, and he left to go find gobber and make out or go fishing.

suddenly, hiccups window becang to glaze over with frost. "what." he asked toothless. "the 8-month winter on berk just ended. i cant believe this."

"believe it man" a voice said.

hiccurp looked at his dragon in shock. "toothelss you can talk?"

"what? no. my name is jack"

a handosm young boy materialzd in jiccups room, wearing frost-covered clothes and no shoes. his hair was whtie and he had a big wooden staff.

"hey!" hiccup said, smiling for hte first time in monfts. "i know you! you're jack frost. gobber told me about you when i was a kid you make it snow."

"that is true."

"well then youre a dick why is the winter here so long"

"sh, we cna discuss that later" jakc frost said. "right now we have more pressing matters. i need to take you back with me."

"what? back where?"

"to the north pole" jack frost said.

"why?"

"bc the man in the moon wants you to be ag aurdian."

hiccup thought a moment. "well that cant be very far, considering. ok. can i bring amy dragon?"

"uh, i guess?/" jack forst said. hiccup mounted toothlessa nd followed jakc up and out of the house, leaving a huge whole in the cieling.

"hiccup ur so gorunded!" bellowed stoick the vast from below.

"fuck you dad!" hiccup yelled back. "i'm going to be a guardian!"

3 yrs later

hiccup and toothless had become right at home with the guardains. santa and the easter bunny especially took a licking to the dragon when they realized he could heat up their food with his mouth. hiccup met anouther girl his and jacks age there - her name was merida and she had been a princess before he and hack recruited her.

ah yes. jack froset. hiccups crush had developed from merely a crush to full out in love in just a few months. he dspent the last three years pining hoplessly after the frozen boy, knowing that theire love could never atually be physical bc jack would freeze him to death and also because gay sex is nasteh.

"guys!" the tooth gairy exclamined one day. she came bustling into the map room with al her tiny little fiaries. they all had a crush on jakc frost and swamed around him. hikup could emphasize.

"waht si it tooth" bunny asked.

"i have amisson for us. rescue and possible recuritement. a girl locked up in a tower by her withc mother."

"what" merida siad, drawing her bow. "you canot keep a porr chyld contaynd."

"i agree." jack said mounting his staff like a pny. "lts go"

they all got up and flew away.

rapunzel stared out her window - which wasnt een a good window it didnt have glass it was just a hoe in the wall. "when will somehting exchting happen to me?" she asked her tiny geko.

the geko did not answer becuse gakos cannot dalk.

sullendly her room was filled with people she did not know. "AH" rapnzue screamed, drawing her frying pan.

"shh we ahre here to helpo' said a boy on a big black dragon. he was hot but rapunzel did not lik e his weird hair. she srsly preffered the white haired dude next to the dragon kid. she batterd her eyelashes in that ones direction.

"oi focus,' said a girl about her hage. she had a really thick weird accent.

"we want to take you aout of this plase, dear," the bunny said. he sounded kind of like the girl. "if you come with us, you can help children all over the world and get away from this tower."

"oh aim so in!" razuslp exclaimed, jumping with joy. her llizard crawled out and made friends with the dragon.

"what the fuck is that" hiclet asked.

"pascal, my newt" ehs replid.

"thats one tiny dragon," he said, squinting.

"that aint tno fuckin dragon," a new voice said.

rupanslle gapsed. "mothEr?!"

- to be onctinued-