This is a Christmas gift for Wandering_Lily. Love you lots and I can't wait to see you at a con :)
This was very hard for me to even begin to write as this whole episode was such a trigger for me but this scene in particular was quite bad for me. But alas, this was the prompt she requested and so I pushed through and I hope I did these complex characters justice.
Starting Over
Three weeks, five days, fourteen hours. That's how long it'd been since Skye shot him, not once, but four times. He'd gotten lucky that a couple managed to hit his Kevlar wallet but the other two had connected with flesh and dug themselves within tissue and muscle. She could have killed him, he knew that, but he was still bitter that she left him to bleed out and had betrayed him. Agent 33 had removed the bullets and patched him up, put him on bed rest, and in return he began helping her get out of the poisonous mindset of following someone blindly. He never thought he'd ever help someone overcome the same thing he'd had to with Garrett. It was nice having company for a change, someone who actually liked him, understood him, wasn't trying to kill him. Bed rest was, in his opinion, worse than actually being shot. He couldn't do anything, Agent 33 watched him like a hawk. It was strange seeing May but not May command him to stay in bed. They were holed up in a motel not far from the theater and flying under the radar. It was where they were both used to living anyways.
As he looked out at the sleeping city of San Juan, Ward wondered when he'd see Skye next and what he'd even say to her. He'd have to be on his guard and dis-arm her just in case she shot to kill this time. He had wondered every day why she didn't kill him. Maybe she still loved him too, deep down, under all the hurt and pain. He was disappointed that Skye had heard it second hand from Raina but he certainly wasn't going to tell Whitehall to give him that to use against him. He couldn't help but be proud of her too, despite the feeling of betrayal. She'd changed so much into an Agent he wish he'd been able to train her into; but May was just as good and taught her things Ward wished she had never learned. He wanted to always be able to protect her without her having to take a life but her eyes told him everything. She'd already made her first kill. The youthfulness had been taken from her eyes and he partly blamed himself and Coulson. She hadn't known the difference from the magazine release and the safety a year and a half ago, she couldn't pull the trigger without saying bang, she'd overcome all those things. She'd shot him four times with a coldness in her eyes he'd grown used to seeing but it hurt none-the-less. He felt so betrayed when she rapidly discharged the bullets into his body without hesitation. He'd never harmed her, he wasn't even armed. He was trying to make up for the mess he'd gotten her into, trying to help her escape. Why couldn't she see past his mistakes? All she saw was all the wrong he'd done with Garrett, she didn't see his progress, he'd gone through a lot of effort to make that meeting with her father possible. He'd kept his promise, he'd never lied to her, he'd given her information, she'd even been told how he felt. Why would she do it? He would have willingly let her throw some punches, shove him around, he did deserve that much.
"Ward." He turned his head at the mention of his name. Agent 33 set a bag down on his bed. Inside was a Whopper, fries, and a pill bottle. He withdrew it and shook his head.
"You stole a bottle of morphine?"
"You need it. I can't keep breaking into the same house, they're getting suspicious that their Percocet keeps disappearing." She explained.
"So you broke into a pharmacy?" Ward questioned.
"It was technically open. They were just on a lunch break." She justified.
Ward shook his head but he was grateful. The pain was excruciating and there was only so much he could deal with. He popped two into his mouth and washed it back with a bottle of water.
"Thanks." She gave him a small smile and sat down on the other bed. They began eating in silence until she brought up the topic that he wanted to avoid but that she was most intrigued by. "Thought about her anymore today?"
"Of course." He answered vaguely.
"And you still want to see her again?" She questioned.
"Yes."
"You really are crazy."
"Love is crazy." He replied looking out the window. "Can we not discuss this again?" She didn't reply and Ward felt at ease again as he finished his meal in silence.
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It had been nearly a month and a half since she shot him, since everything had changed. She'd distanced herself from the team only sharing things with Coulson. She knew the others didn't blame her for Trip's death but she blamed herself. She'd been so hell-bent on getting rid of the obelisk that she hadn't taken into account what would happen if Trip got near it. She should have pushed him back outside of that death trap. Should have done something to get him away. She couldn't handle the looks of pity and curiosity people kept giving her. Her father had been right about one thing, no one understood what she'd changed into. Hell she didn't even really know but Coulson was the only one who didn't treat her differently since he too had alien DNA in his system. Cal may be her father by blood. but Coulson was her dad, the person she wanted in her corner. She'd thought a lot about that day, specifically about Ward, about what she'd done. She didn't regret it. He deserved it, deserved to die, but Billy, Agent Hand, all the others…they didn't deserve to be executed at his hand. She could have killed him, shot him point blank through the heart or his head. But she also knew she couldn't. Yes she still felt betrayed by him but that didn't mean her heart knew the difference. She'd fallen in love with Grant Ward and despite her best efforts she couldn't seem to fall out of love with him. In some sense she saw them as Mr. and Mrs. Smith. She knew for certain now that Ward loved her. She'd seen it in his eyes as Raina said it, but if he thought she was even ready to think about forgiving him he was sorely mistaken. Sure she saw what he was trying to do, she knew the truth of what happened with the BUS, knew why he'd gone to Whitehall, but when she looked at him she saw betrayal, pain, all his mistakes. She wondered if she'd ever see him again. What would she say? Would he try to get even for being shot four times while un-armed? She doubted he'd do anything to her and that thought both angered and saddened her.
As she punched the bag in front of her she saw images, memories of before with him and her heart couldn't push the overwhelming emotion aside. She'd bottled it up for too long, she'd held everything she'd been feeling inside and she couldn't take it. As she continued to punch a new memory re-surfaced as each fist connected with the bag. It began to blur as tears clouded her vision until soon she was leaning on the bag crying. Everywhere she went tragedy followed and she was tired of it. She'd never be able to find love again because she'd fallen in love with the enemy. A monster murdered her mother, and her father became a monster because of her death. Her whole life was a lie. Everything she thought she knew, wrong, lies, redacted files, and betrayal. She let every emotion she was feeling come out through the tears until her tear ducts dried out and produced no more tears. Her heart was in pieces and no one knew her struggle. She couldn't admit to anyone that she didn't kill Ward because she was in love with him. Everyone hated him, hated his guts, the very thought of him. She cried over the loss of him, of the beautiful relationship they could have had, of the star crossed lovers aspect of it all.
When all Skye was left with was a sad, broken heart, she got up and made her way to her room to disappear and sulk in her sadness. She needed to feel something after not having allowed herself to feel for so long.
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3 Months Later
It was her day off in the city. She was walking around window-shopping when she spotted him. He'd been tailing her for the past few stores and she knew he knew that she knew that he was tailing her. At first she was ready to sound the alarm to Coulson and let him know they could re-capture Ward but she was curious as to why he was following her in the first place. She led him to a public café and sat down outside waiting for him. Someone bumped into her from behind and quickly apologized before Skye could see their face and the next thing she knew Ward was sitting across from her.
"Does Coulson know I'm here?" He asked before getting comfortable.
"Not yet. I wanted to know why you're here. Especially since I thought I sent you a pretty clear message last time I saw you." She responded coolly.
Ward just gave her a tight-lipped smile. "You left me to die." He corrected.
"Please." She scoffed. "If I wanted you dead I would have shot you through the heart."
"Which begs the question, why didn't you? You have the skill; you had the opportunity, the means. I was feet in front of you but you shot me in my side. Why?" He inquired with a somewhat cocky smile. Skye just glared at him and kept her mouth shut.
"You deserved it." She finally bit.
"You betrayed me!" He cried.
"Oh, I betrayed you?! That's rich coming from the traitor who chose Hydra over me!" She hissed heatedly.
"I chose Garrett! How many times do I have to say that before you get that through your thick skull?!" He ground out passionately while Skye looked at him offended and ready to pounce. "I was un-armed, trying to help you get out of there without injury and you shot me four times. Seems a bit excessive, doesn't it?" Ward bit bitterly with a sarcastic tone. "Once would have sufficed, two I get the message, three is proving your point, four is over the top."
"Killing innocent people seems over the top." She quipped.
"That's all you see isn't it? All you see are the past mistakes, you can't see who I'm trying to be for you. For us." He hissed angrily.
"There will never be an US Ward. You gave that up the moment you chose him over me. You chose loyalty over love and now I'm doing the same. I'm being loyal to myself and refusing to get involved with you. How can you expect me to see anything but the past? All we have is the past. That first kiss meant everything to me and you were lying to me the entire time."
"I never lied about how I felt about you. I meant every word I said in that providence base. I wanted nothing more than to imagine the world outside didn't exist. How I feel about you is stronger than any sense of loyalty I felt toward John."
"Too little too late Ward." Skye said clearing her throat as a tear fell down her cheek.
"It's never too late for anything." Ward said in a much softer tone than before, reaching out for her hand. Skye pulled her hand away and wiped the tear from her eye.
"No. You're a killer and a liar and I won't forgive you." She stood up but Ward blocked her path.
"Don't leave Skye. Please. Please, just…give me a chance. You betrayed me too you know for Miles and I gave you a second chance. I may have betrayed you on a larger scale but the feeling is still the same. See me for who I'm trying to be, not who I was."
"I can't Ward, because who you were is who I fell in love with and that man was a lie." She said broken-heartedly, stepping out of his way with more tears falling down her face. She quickly evaded him and disappeared before he could find her again. The large crowd and number of shops helped with that. She finally made it a single bathroom within Five Guys and she locked the door behind her. She fell to the floor and just held herself as she cried feeling the pain all over again. Three months still wasn't enough time to make her heart forget.
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Ward was shocked into silence and stillness at her words. Her words were the dagger to his heart that he was silently expecting to happen. When he was finally able to move again he spent the next hour looking for her, trying to sit down and talk more but she was gone. May had taught her well. He returned to Agent 33 later on in the day and wished for Skye to see him as the man Agent 33 did.
"Thanks for helping earlier." He said distantly.
She just nodded and observed him silently.
Ward's thoughts were racing and his heart was aching. He wanted to be able to hold her again, to show her the love he felt but she wasn't even willing to see him for who he really was. His side had a dull ache but it was nothing compared to the initial pain he'd once felt. He stared off into the sun hoping to be able to see Skye again and talk to her but she'd probably just use today as incentive to stay holed up within the base. He wondered how long it would take Skye to find the phone Agent 33 had slipped into her coat when she'd bumped into her. It would be his only form of communication if Skye didn't smash it upon finding it. Only time would tell and he hoped it would tell him a good love story.
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Another two months passed before the phone finally rang and Ward answered it on the first third ring. The first ring he was shocked, the second he was trying to come to terms with reality, and the third he quickly grabbed the phone and answered.
"P.F Chang's, seven pm, this Friday, ten miles from the base. I know you know where we are. Don't be late oh and dress nice." The phone hung up before he could even utter a word but he couldn't help but smile. Then again maybe Skye was just dressing him up for an execution. Or maybe she was getting away from the team to see him again.
He pocketed the phone and received a look from Agent 33. "Let's just stay on task, I'll tell you later." He said taking out his gun and getting back into position.
"On three?" She confirmed.
"On three." He replied. She began counting down on her fingers and they both bust into the Hydra base guns blazing.
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Friday
To say he was nervous would be an understatement. Even Agent 33 felt nervous about him going alone. He said he'd make contact with her when he sat down and when he was on his way back to their shared apartment. As he went to put on his white tank top he paused and stared at the scars the bullets had left. He traced them with his finger and thought about how Agent 33 had said that scars were proof of being alive, of growing stronger, and taking risks. He quickly got dressed in his best black suit and bright red shirt with black tie. He looked himself over in the mirror and smiled. His hair had grown completely back, his face was clean-shaven, and he had on his favorite cologne. Ward wasn't entirely sure what to expect to happen but he hoped they'd finally be able to have a real conversation, that she'd finally be able to see him for who he really was.
"You look nice. Are you sure you don't want me to tag along?" Agent 33 asked coming into his open bedroom and sitting on the bed.
"I'm sure. Why don't you have fun, remember what I said, immerse yourself around people."
"Kind of hard to do that when half my face is messed up and my voice has an electronic element to it."
"Just tell people you survived a fire as for the voice, well…come up with a story. But you can't just stay cooped up around me all the time. You need friends, and you need to come up with a name for yourself. You can't call yourself Agent 33."
"You do." She quipped as Ward tightened and re-adjusted his tie.
"Most people don't go by Agent. They have a first name."
"So who should I be?"
"You decide. It's your identity. We've taken out most of Hydra bases brainwashing people and it's going to take time to track them all down so it's time to start re-integrating into society, create a new life, get a job." He said with a friendly smile.
"Easier said than done. You look normal."
"If people don't look past your appearance then you don't want them in your life anyways."
"Thanks for helping me out the past five months." She said eyes downcast.
"Thanks for not leaving me to die." He replied. "Besides, everyone deserves a second chance."
"Do you really think you'll ever get a happily ever after with Skye?"
"No, but it doesn't help to wish and try. Besides, when you love someone you're willing to endure everything for a chance to be happy."
"Sometimes you just have to move on Grant." She said worried about him.
"Sometimes, but not with her." He replied with a smile grabbing his jacket and walking out the door with wallet and keys in hand. He walked down to the parking garage and got into his Ford Mustang. After all their raids on Hydra they'd decided to take some money to be able to put themselves up and with the help of his money he had stashed away they'd each bought their own car and co-rented an apartment just half an hour away from the S.H.I.E.L.D base. As he pulled out at six he cranked up the music to calm his nerves.
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"What are you doing?" Skye asked her reflection in the mirror. "You're getting answers in a civilized manner." She answered herself as she applied the finishing touches of her eye shadow. "So why are you dressing up?" She countered. She chose not to answer herself aloud and instead sighed. "This is a terrible idea." She mumbled looking herself over. Black dress, red heels, curled hair, mascara, eyeliner, and light eye shadow.
No one even knew what she was doing, she'd told no one of her encounter with Ward and the mysterious person who'd slipped her the phone. She didn't want to forgive but she also didn't want him in their basement again. He was a human being and she'd taken notice of the sudden decrease in Hydra bases. She'd called him finally ready to sit down and talk, to try and understand his actions but she didn't want to talk on the phone so she gave him only the details knowing he'd show up without question.
When Skye walked out of her room finally ready to leave she took a deep breath hoping she would run into no one as she tried to escape. She carried her heels in hand and silently crept along the halls. She narrowly escaped a confrontation with Lance and Bobbi and continued in spy mode until she ran into May at the last minute.
"Where are you going like that?"
"To meet a guy." She replied with a half-truth.
"Look, I know it's been difficult since Ward's betrayal," Skye tried not to tense and forced herself to look relaxed. "But you deserve a nice guy, not a one night stand. Keep that in mind and be safe." May said with a small smile.
Skye returned the smile. "I will May."
May let her leave with a brief touch of her shoulder and a very protective parental look. Once Skye made it outside the base she breathed a sigh of relief and walked a block before hailing a Taxi to the P.F Chang's. As she sat in the back clutching her clutch Skye implemented her breathing exercises May had taught her. She checked her pulse and got it down to 60 beats a minute by the time she got to the restaurant not fifteen minutes later.
As she got out of the Taxi a hand appeared and helped her out. "Wow." He breathed. Skye looked up and met the eyes attached to the hand.
"Ward." She breathed.
"Skye." He said softly with a smile that went up to his eyes.
After Skye got out of her cab Ward reached in and paid the cab fee. "You came." She observed.
"So I did. You came looking beautiful." He replied.
"Let's go in. There's a lot I want to talk about." Skye said averting her eyes from his fine form. Ward offered his arm and was only a little surprised when she took it. They walked in together and Ward went up to the hostess and whispered a word in her ear. She immediately grabbed two menus and walked them to the back with a table for two already set.
"You called ahead, didn't you?" She asked curiously. Ward didn't answer and instead just smiled and pulled out her chair. Once he pushed her in he took his own seat and waved for the waitress to come over.
"Welcome to P.F. Chang's. My name is Danni and I'll be your server tonight. Can I start you off with something to drink?"
"Can I get a Coke and a Miller Light beer please." Ward ordered.
"Okay, and for you ma'am?" She asked finishing writing up Ward's order.
"Water will be fine, thank you." Skye said with a smile.
"I'll be right back with your drinks." She said politely excusing herself from them.
"So, why'd you call? I thought you'd have smashed the phone."
"I called to see you and to get answers."
"I've already told you everything, what more do you want to know?" He asked confused.
"I want to know why you chose him." Skye spoke on edge.
Ward looked down and took a deep breath. "I promise, I'll answer you in a second. I just need to call someone and let them know you haven't killed me yet." He spoke with a smile. When Skye didn't say anything he withdrew his cell and made the call. "It's Grant. Yeah. No she hasn't. Yes. Of course she looks beautiful. I'll call you later. Yup. Bye." He said pocketing the phone. "Sorry. Thanks for letting me make the call. I'm all yours now."
"So, why?" She repeated.
"Let me ask you this, why did you choose Miles?"
"How does that have anything to do with this? And I asked you a question first."
"Okay, So I'll answer for you. You chose him because you had history, you said you'd been through a lot together, that he helped you. That was what Garrett was to me Skye, just more father figure. Look, I know now that I was wrong, that he was insane, that he was using me and manipulating me, that he abused me just like my family, but at the time I felt like I had to follow him wherever he went because he had helped me. He got me out of jail, took me away from my family, he taught me how to be a specialist. Do you understand what I'm saying?" He asked.
Skye nodded and was about to reply when Danni came up and set down their drinks. "Water for you and a coke and beer for you. Are you ready to order?"
"Actually, could you give us just a couple more minutes, we haven't been able to decide on anything." Ward informed with a charming smile.
The young waitress returned the smile and replied. "That's no problem at all. I'll be back in a few to check back in."
"Thank you." Ward and Skye spoke in unison.
"So, I believe you were about to say something." He said leading back into their conversation.
"I was going to apologize for the life you've had." She said sheepishly.
"What changed? Last time I saw you, you ran not willingly to really talk to me, before that you nearly killed me."
"Time happened. I went through everything that's ever happened and you're right. You let me change, become someone new, someone I wanted to be but I set a double standard and I haven't allowed you to change, more specifically how I saw you."
"So what you're saying is you're willing to finally see me for who I'm trying to be?"
"Yes." She answered.
"I'm not asking for forgiveness Skye, you don't have to ever forgive me. I know I've done awful things and that I hurt you and the team but I want you to know, the only time I ever felt truly happy, like I had a family, it was with you and the team on the Bus. Do you believe me?"
"Yes. I just don't know why." She admitted.
Ward smiled and replied with, "Because I'm an honest man now."
"Time will tell."
"I hope it will." He paused and looked in her eyes trying to read her. "What are you thinking?" Ward asked.
"I'm thinking we should probably look at the menu." She deflected picking up the menu with a tight smile.
Ward nodded and looked at his own menu. There was no talk between them until after their food was ordered and Ward was having a hard time staying silent but he didn't want to risk Skye leaving.
"Who was on the other end of the call?" Skye finally asked.
"Agent 33."
"What?" Skye asked shocked and intrigued.
"After Coulson shot Whitehall she was in the same boat I had been after Coulson killed Garrett. So she fixed me up and in return I started helping her to become her own person again, form a new identity. She's been with me taking down Hydra since then. We actually have an apartment." He said with a smile.
"Oh." Skye said her tone notably disappointed and surprised. "So how long have you been…together?" She asked trying to hide just how sad she was. Ward audibly laughed at her question.
"No no no no no. God no. No Skye. You've got it all wrong. We have never even touched like that. She knows the only person I have my eyes set on is you and it only ever will be you. Raina said before but I want you to hear me say it. I love you, I do and so long as I'm alive there will never be anyone else but you. With that said I don't expect you to say anything to that."
Skye let out a shaky breath and looked down. "No, because I need to say it, if not to me then to you." She looked up and met his eyes. For a moment she just stared at the new man in front of her before she finally spoke. "I love you too and I don't think I'll ever not love you."
"There's a but coming in here." Ward spoke sadly with a knowing smile. Skye returned the small sad smiled.
"But I don't know where that will take us. Not yet anyways. I want to get to know you again, the real you." She answered.
Ward nodded and smiled. "I think I can live with that. Just ask and I'll tell you."
"Providence base. What you said to me, was any of that real or were you just trying to get me on the plane?" She asked. It was the one question that had plagued her mind since that day.
Ward reached his hand across the table and waited for Skye to take his hand. "I meant every word I ever said to you there Skye because you're the only woman I've ever loved, the only woman I've ever wanted to just run away and hide with. I wanted to forget about everyone else and just stay there with you in bliss. What I said to you I meant whole-heartedly. That kiss…Skye you have to know I wasn't ever faking how I felt about you… ever." He squeezed her hand and never broke eye contact with her keeping his tone soft and even.
He saw the impact his words had on her and the sudden hope seen in her eyes. He took a risk and kissed her hand before returning it to her. Skye allowed his lips to touch her hand and told herself that it was just closure. Her eyes fluttered closed as he kissed her hand and her heart soared and simultaneously broke at the memory of their shared kiss on the providence base. A part of her wondered if they'd ever truly find their way back to each other.
"Thank you for your honesty." She said clearing her throat. Ward nodded and smiled.
"What have you been doing the past five months?"
"That's classified." She teased.
They both laughed and Ward replied, "You did not just use that line on me."
"You're not S.H.I.E.L.D anymore. So technically it is all classified." She replied with a grin.
"And I never will be S.H.I.E.L.D again." He chuckled. This visibly caught Skye by surprise.
"Really?"
"Really. I don't want to ever follow orders again unless they're my own. I'm done playing the loyal soldier. Now I make my own missions. I'll gladly help you if you ever need help but I can't work for Coulson. Not anymore. It's like I said, I'll be leaving gifts every now and then but I can't work in a business of lies and spies anymore."
"Seems like your forte." She said. Ward laughed under his breath and Skye realized the way he must have taken it. "I didn't mean that to be negative, I just meant that you were groomed your whole life to be super spy and you're good at it."
Ward chuckled under his breath and gave her a tight smile. "And look where it's gotten me."
"You said it yourself, you did your job and you did it well. Everything comes at price-"
"And the cost was too high, it was you Skye. I lost you. That's worse than anything else I lost."
"You haven't lost me yet, not completely." She said taking his hand and giving a small smile.
Their food came at that moment and severed the moment that was so long overdue for the two heart broken lovers. They broke apart and allowed for the waitress to set their food down in front of them.
They ate their food with a lighter air than when they'd first walked in together and kept the conversation casual. Skye told him stories of things that had happened on the base and the two managed to laugh together over shared stories of experiences in the field. They discussed field tactics, marksmanship, and even began challenging each other. When they finished their meal Ward decided to ask a more serious question.
"So tonight has been good I think for us and I wanted to know if we could do it again? So we can try to find our way back onto the same ground."
"I'll give you a call when I'm available." She replied with a smile.
"Great." Ward said with a smile. He looked down and tugged on his ear with a shake of his head.
"Oh, wow. It's already eight-thirty." Skye said surprised as she looked at the clock on the wall.
"Time flies when you're in the company of a beautiful woman." He said charmingly.
"Or when you're getting answers and just catching up." Skye corrected without denying the fact she was beautiful.
When the check came Ward put down cash without allowing Skye to pay. They argued over paying for minutes until Ward slipped the cash to pay to the waitress and she took off with it. Skye shook her head.
"You're so stubborn Robot."
"Did you just…use my old nickname?" He asked surprised. Skye too was surprised she'd slipped up. She'd been thinking about who he used to be to her and the name was at the forefront of her mind.
"I, no. You're hearing things." She dismissed. Ward let it go and just grinned.
When the extra cash came back Ward left a tip and walked Skye to the door. "Can I give you a ride back?"
"I'm fine thank you."
"It's really not a big deal. I have to go back that way anyways." He said trying to convince her not to leave him just yet. Skye thought about it and argued pros and cons and finally decided to go with him.
"Fine." Ward smiled wide and walked her to his car being a gentleman once again and opened the door for her.
The ride back was short and the air in the car was light. They joked like they once had on the Bus and a sigh left both their lips when Ward stopped a block from the base. He turned to look at her and smiled.
"Thank you for tonight. It was really nice to get to see you again without being shot." Skye chuckled and smiled.
"Yeah. It was nice to get to see who you're trying to be." Skye said softly. She took a deep breath and quickly leaned forward over the middle catching him off guard and captured his lips in a brief but heated kiss. When she pulled back she saw the dazed and amazed look in his eye. "Goodnight." Skye got out of his car and began walking back to the base with a grin on her face. The look in his eye told her all she needed to know to make a final decision about her future with Ward.
It was yet to really begin.
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So what did you all think of it?
For my New Kid On The Block followers fret not, you shall be getting another chapter shortly, the same applies for The Path Returning Home.
Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays everyone!