Author's Notes: I'm finally resting from school! Anyway, I decided I'd write a few fics while I'm available. I wanted to make a sequel to Inside My Heart but I wasn't in the mood to write it. So instead, I wrote another fic, this time in Kurama's POV. This fic actually made me happy since this is the first fic I've done for YYH in a long time considering I have been the Kurama-no-Hime for the past few months already. Anyway, hope you like this one. I had a hard time giving an appropriate title to this one, but Reeza said this suits it well.
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One-Eight-Four-Three, Hiei
"You wanted to talk to me, Kitsune?"
I turned around and saw the man I have silently loved all these years. I smiled.
"Hiei…"
Maybe I hanged around here
A little more than I should
We both know I've got somewhere else to go.
But I've got something to tell you
That I never thought I would
But I believe you really ought to know…
He briefly smiled at me then walked to my side. He had grown taller since we last saw Yuusuke-kun and the gang. And that was five years ago.
Hiei, after all those years, was still pretty much the same Hiei I had known since I was 14 ningen years old. Ok, so he had changed a bit. He was a little kinder to me; he laughed more, smiled more, and trusted me more.
I have changed as well. I also grew taller; my hair grew longer – now reaching down to my butt. My skills had become a lot sharper – sharper than Youko Kurama ever imagined. And…
"You've always loved this place."
"It's beautiful here especially as the sun sets. This is the only part in Makai where you can actually see the night and day."
Both of us were standing near a river a few meters away from Mukuro's territory. The sun was giving off a reddish-orange glow as it slowly set into the horizon. It was a romantic setting. Something that made me remember all those times I had tried to tell him how I feel; the times I sat here alone wondering if he felt the same way.
"It makes you feel you're back in Ningenkai, am I right?"
I sighed. "Yeah."
"You never told me why you came back, Kurama."
That's right. After finally graduating from Meiou High and from Yale in the US, I found myself missing Hiei a lot more than I was supposed to. He and I weren't able to visit each other since the last time I went to Makai to help Yomi. I told kaachan that I needed a long vacation and she said that I definitely deserved one. I said my good-byes to my family and to the gang and then set off to Mukuro's.
Mukuro was not happy to see me. Why would she be, in the first place? She knew how deeply my affections run for Hiei. Not that I told her; she just knew somehow. After all, she, too, loved this koorime.
It surprised Hiei when he saw me back in Makai. Mukuro had no other choice but to give him a day off. We walked around and talked about the things that happened in the years we weren't able to see each other. That was actually what surprised me the most: the fact that Hiei was actually TALKING IN LONG SENTENCES.
"Kurama?"
"I missed Makai. I missed you. That was enough reason for me to come back here."
He raised an eyebrow. "Really now, Kit? You missed me?"
Kit. That was the nickname he gave me when I came back here. It was the short form of Kitsune.
"I missed you, koorime. It's not that weird a fact, you know."
He laughed a little. "Fine, fine. But you've been here for five years. Aren't you needed back where you belong?"
Back where I belong? The only place I feel I belong is wherever you are, Hiei.
"You don't want me here?"
"You know that's not what I mean, Kurama."
"I know."
"Anyway, why did you want to talk to me?"
I returned my gaze to the horizon where the sun had just set.
"I'm going back."
"Oh. Why?"
"Hatanaka-san, my step-father, needs me for his company. He called yesterday."
"Can't Shuuichi handle that?" He was talking about my younger stepbrother.
I shook my head. "He's not yet finished with his studies. He can't handle the company yet."
I paused for a while and took a deep breath before facing him. "But before I go, I need to tell you something."
I love you.
I honestly love you.
"I'm going to take care of myself, Kurama. Don't worry."
Despite the nervousness I was feeling, I smiled. "I know. But that's not what I wanted to say."
"Then what do you want to tell me?"
"I love you, Hiei."
You don't have to answer.
I see it in your eyes.
Maybe, it was better left unsaid.
This is pure and simple
And you must realize
That it's coming from my heart and not my head.
Hiei didn't exactly have to tell me what was going on in his head. I could tell through his eyes. He was just looking at me with – in his opinion - a blank stare. But the way his red eyes stared was telling me a different story.
I didn't exactly have a nice record as a lover and everyone in Makai knew that.
But I'm far from the Youko Kurama everyone knew. I've learned what love really is. I had learned that I wasn't supposed to toy with other people's feelings.
But I don't think Hiei has forgotten who I was before I went to Ningenkai.
Time and again I had considered just loving him silently and never let him know my feelings. But it was hard. I knew I had to tell him how I feel. One way or another, I had to.
I love you.
I honestly love you.
The perfect time came when Hatanaka-san called me last night. I had to come home, he said. I told I'd be home in two days. The timing was perfect. Hiei had been gone for a week because of patrolling. He had just come home.
I knew it in my heart that after this, only two things were possible: he accepts me or he rejects me.
I think the latter has a better chance of winning.
Would it have been better if I had kept silent?
I'm not tryin' to make you feel uncomfortable.
I'm not tryin' to make you anything at all.
But this feeling doesn't come along everyday.
And you shouldn't blow the chance
When you've got the chance to say
I love you.
I love you.
I honestly love you.
"What are you trying to do, Kurama? Strain our friendship? What do you want me to do by telling me that? Love you in return? Tell me, Kurama!"
I shook my head as I tried to reach him, but he pushed my hand away. "No, Hiei. The last thing I want is to lose your friendship. And I'm not pushing you to love me in return. I told you I loved you because that is how I feel for you. I have loved all these years, Hiei. And that's true."
"And you think I can easily fall for your charms, Kitsune? What do you take for? An idiot?" Hiei scoffed.
"No…"
"Then what, Kurama?" he demanded.
"I'm not lying this time, Hiei. I'm telling you the truth."
Hiei laughed bitterly. "Let's just put it this way, Kurama. I have known most of your past lovers and they aren't exactly happy the way things turned out."
I sighed. How can I make you understand that I'm telling you the truth?
"I am perfectly aware that my record is not clear. But can't a person change? Can't I fall in love and really mean it? Because, Hiei, I meant it when I said I loved you."
"Such sweet words coming from a sweet tongue, Youko."
I tried to compose myself. My tears were on the brink of falling. I didn't want to cry in front of him.
"If there is some other way to prove that I love you, I swear I don't how. The only way I can tell you how I really feel are through words. This is all I have, Hiei."
Hiei was silent for a while before he turned his back on me. He was looking at the very few stars overhead.
"Your words are not enough, Kurama."
"Hiei…"
"You're a Youko. I'm a forbidden koorime child. Things will never work out."
And with that, he vanished into the night.
If we both were born
In another place and time
This moment might be ending with a kiss
There you are with yours
And here I am with mine
So I guess we'll just be living it at this.
I could not move. I could not speak. I could not do anything but let my tears fall from my eyes as I stared at where Hiei had been.
Hiei had left. He had left me alone.
Hiei didn't love me.
Wasn't I expecting the worst to happen? Hadn't I anticipated this? Hadn't I told myself over and over again that I wasn't supposed to hope? That Hiei might not understand how I feel? That my record is against me?
Then why are my tears still falling? Why is my heart aching? Why does it feel that it was just broken to smithereens? Why do I still feel the melancholy of the night?
I fell to my knees. Why does it hurt so much?
Hiei…"You're a Youko. I'm a forbidden child. Things will never workout."
So what if I'm a Youko charged for being an unfaithful lover? So what if you're a forbidden koorime child who doesn't know what love is even if it touched him with a ten-foot stainless steel pole? Can't I love you? Can't you find it in your heart to forget my past doings and let me start with a new slate? Can't you feel how much you mean to me? Can't you find it in your heart to love me in return?
Can't you open your eyes and see that I have changed and that I love you so much?
If I wasn't a treacherous Youko and you weren't a forbidden child, would things have worked-out? Could this scene played and in the end you would tell me that you love me too and would kiss me under the stars?
But you're you and I am who I am. Not even Koenma can change that fact.
Hiei…
I don't know if I regret telling you that I love you.
Maybe I do because I lost your friendship… I lost you. Maybe if I had just kept silent…
No. I think it's better this way. At least you know that being a forbidden child doesn't make you unlovable.
I guess I will never see you again. I don't think you will even consider me your friend after this.
So I guess that was goodbye…
A last farewell…
Hiei…
Make sure that you take care of yourself. I will be farther now.
Hiei…
I honestly love you.
I love you.
I honestly love you.
I honestly love you.
I love you.
~ Owari.
Author's Notes: Love it or not? Tell me please? Oh the reason why it's one-eight-four-three is because it means I honestly love you. Get it? I might make a sequel. Do you want? Tell me okies? I'll be waiting for reviews!
Disclaimers: Yuu Yuu Hakusho belongs to Togashi Yoshihiro and his associates. The song I honestly love you belongs to Lea Salonga and her associates. The line 'If there is some other way to prove that I love you, I swear I don't know how' belongs to Barbara Streisand. Only the storyline is mine.
One-Eight-Four-Three, Hieiã is copyright of Yumehime Yana Hossuru, 21 October 2k3, 07:43p. No part of this fanfic may be reproduced without the consent of the author. All rights reserved 2003.