Chapter 1: New Beginnings: How did I get here?
I'm staring out the reinforced glass, watching the stars and planets, all mere specks of light, zip by both above and below. There are cosmic clouds of asteroids and dust and vapor in half a dozen colors far out from us, their lights dancing off each other. We're not close enough to any system to make a stop, but regardless, it's a wonderful sight. I couldn't imagine a better one.
Behind me are my sisters, but I know if I turn to look at them, or open my mouth to comment on the view, they'll react with anger and disgust and rejection. I know this, because it keeps happening.
I just wish I knew why.
Since I can't ask, I've just kept staring out the window, hoping some sign will present itself and explain to me what's going on. But there's just stars. Just stars and all the blue-black space in between. My questions go unanswered, and my sisters continue to scowl behind me, and talk in whispers. I've tried to listen in, but their words are just barely unintelligible from where I stand.
I don't know how long I've been here when the soldier comes in. I can't stop myself from turning, but no one notices, because they're all doing exactly the same. The Agate consumes the doorway, scowling more frighteningly than my sisters, who all dip their heads- in what seems like shame. I use their pause to steal a glance around the room.
My sisters, Sardonyxes, have their arms crossed in the Diamond Salute, heads bowed to the imperious Agate. The Agate, who seems familiar but whose name and title escape me, eyes them all like they might bite, but I can't see why. We're only Sardonyxes, after all. We're paper pushers. Our job is to decide the fates of others, but we're harmless. I'm not even sure we have weapons. And if we do, what could a class like us produce? We're nobles, not warriors. We have no powers but those of the mind, and those are nearly useless to gems as weak as us. We wouldn't last long enough to make use of it.
The Agate doesn't seem to care, taking the time to look pointedly at each and every one of my sisters with a suspicious glare before resting her vision on me. I try not to wilt under her narrowing glare, but it's hard to meet her eyes when I don't know why she's mad, and if she's right or wrong about it. I let my eyes fall, and I hear her chuckle in some sort of victory.
"You lot are wanted on the bridge." She says, and then turns on a heel and leaves. "Make sure the broken one comes along. I won't be responsible if she's late." She tosses over her shoulder, snide. I feel my expression sour, but I'm not quite sure what she's referring to. Not until one of my sisters takes my arm in her hand and roughly pulls me along with her. Her glower deepens as I resist, confused.
"What are you-" I start.
"Shut up." She hisses at me, yanking on my arm. "You're the reason we're here. Just.. be quiet already." I don't try to speak. I'm more confused than ever. Did the Agate.. mean me? I can't remember-
And so it hits me. I can't remember. It doesn't matter what I can't remember, because the fact that I can't remember is a deficit. A defect. It makes me a defect. A sense of dread and fear washes over me, and I feel alone and small.
We must be on our way to Homeworld, then. If I'm a defect, then my sisters must be called into suspicion as well. We're all the same year, facet, and kindergarten, so it makes sense that they'd pull us all from our respective places. The one that's tugging me along is the most familiar. She was stationed with me, on… whatever planet it was. These others, they share our face, but I have no feelings when I look at them. Still, this one, the one I know, I can't remember her numbers. I can't remember mine, either. Did I ever know them?
Suddenly, everything is thrown into question. My past is hazy. I know the basics. I'm a gem, I'm of Yellow Diamond's courts, though I've never been graced by her actual presence, I'm sure of that. My duty is to guide other gems. It's my job to help them be useful. But nothing else is solid to me. I was created on Homeworld, but where did I go after that? I am a Sardonyx, but am I good at my job? I'm certain I'm not new anymore, but surely I can't be very old if they're only now realizing this major flaw. If I'm missing all the details of my past, then can I really claim to know who I am? And more importantly, what will happen to me now?
Actually, that one I'm sure I can guess. If I'm broken, no matter how old or impressive I might've been at my job, I'm only a liability. They can't trust and therefore can't use a broken gem. I'll be shattered. The energy and shards of my gem will be recycled, but who I am will die. Or, if I'm particularly interesting, they may study my failures for a short time, so they can try to avoid whatever went wrong with me, and then turn me into some toy for a Diamond.
The dread threatens to drown out my mind- so much so that I almost don't notice that we've apparently arrived. My sister- the familiar one- pulls me to a stop, to the left side of the group of us. We're stopped at the base of a platform that divides the room in half. I think it's the command center, with all the gems at their stations around the front half, presumably keeping us on target, guiding us flawlessly through deep space. These gems pay us no mind, but the gem sitting in the center stares us down. Another Agate, I think. Her face is unfamiliar to me, too.
"We've received a new message from Homeworld. This one is addressed to you lot after further review of the case." She explains shortly. She sits quietly for a moment before placing her hand on the light pad, and a holo screen comes into form in front of us. Without much warning, the message begins to play. A Pearl appears, speaking already, though the first of her words are cut off:
"..After further deliberation, the council has decided that each Sardonyx of the 7S6R facet will be thoroughly examined for similar or varying deficiencies as noted in the 2OS individual. Similarly, their knowledge of the 2OS individual will be tested and recorded for further examination of the complete failure to recognize such a devastating flaw. If any further flaws are found, they will be recorded, destroyed, and reassimilated, following the 2OS individual.
2OS will be inspected upon arrival, and her execution will be immediately afterward. Attendance of all 7S6R facet Sardonyxes is mandatory and will be enforced. Each 7S6R Sardonyx will be assigned to two Quartz guards each upon arrival, and compliance is necessary. Each 7S6R will stay with their assigned guards until otherwise commanded. Violence is allowed if compliance is not given.
All this is in accordance with the will of the Diamonds. Praise be to Their Marvelous Radiances, may they reign forever." The frilly Pearl salutes, smiling smugly, and then her image passes. I can feel all my sisters' eyes slowly circle around to me, but the weight of the words is still settling in.
It's as I'd guessed. They'll take a look at what made me tock when I should've ticked, and then they'll take me apart. Undo me completely. Everything I am, everything I've been, gone. I'll be nothing more than a collection of records that no one will care to look for.
I feel my sister squeeze my arm, and I look down to her. Her numbers are 4OS, and she's shorter than me by about a hand. She likes the color purple, and she likes to watch gems from the top of our tower. Why do I know these things now, when I didn't just a moment ago? I don't understand. How did I get this far? What accident allowed me to exist this long, when it seems so obvious now how badly off I am?
I think she can see the difference now, too. I wonder how it looks when I'm unable to remember, if someone can really see the lack of recognition, or if it's simply my expression. But 4OS' eyes are getting watery- she's scared of what'll happen to her, probably. I know I am.
"There you have it. You bunch of clods will be thoroughly inspected, and we'll see who really deserves to live." The Agate says, relaxed in her chair like a Diamond in her court, impervious, empirical. "Get back to your room, now. We still have a long journey ahead of us, and you wouldn't want me to think you weren't being compliant, would you?" She grins.
"Th-that's not until we arrive! Those orders can't possibly go into effect-" One of us shouts, enraged, but the crack of a whip silences her, and sends most of the others skittering away in fear. 4OS has to pull me away, though. I can't stop staring at the offending Agate. How can she sit up there like she's so much better? When she could have just as easily been made with faults, when none of this is anyone's control? When my sisters haven't been proven anything but innocent yet?
But 4OS manages to pull me away, and we follow the rest our facet sisters back. I don't remember the way we took, but I presume this is the same way. The Agate's smirking face haunts my thoughts for a moment. I'm quite irked, really.
4OS's arm tucked in mine takes priority, though. She's let go, but she's still keeping close. I can suddenly remember we used to do this quite often, walk arm in arm down corridors, talking or not talking about anything and everything. What does she think of all those times, now that she probably thinks I don't remember them. To be fair, I don't remember much of them, but I know that I liked them. I liked her. And now she's in this mess because of me.
"4OS, I'm sorry." I whisper. I didn't choose this, but it's also still true that my being the way I am made this happen.
"I know. You keep saying." She whispers. She sounds sad, but guilty, and also resigned and bitter. This must keep happening, then. I blush.
"Then, I'm sorry for that, too. I just wanted you to know."
"I know. You always want the best for other gems.." She sighs. "Your passion is what makes you so different, 2OS. Your constant call for betterment.." She only shakes her head, sending pale pink hair shifting in long waves. I note, probably not for the first time, that mine is such a rich red compared to hers.
"I do? I did?" I don't remember any of that, not yet. Maybe I never will. I feel, briefly, familiar with the idea of it, but it fades quickly.
"..yes." She replies after a moment of shock and thought.
"Then I should do whatever I can to make things better for you all, shouldn't I? Since I'm.. done for. It's part of my character, right? And.. I'm expendable at this point." I shrug. They're going to kill me no matter what I do, right? Should I throw all caution to the wind, then, and do whatever I can? What would that even mean?
"Don't say that. Maybe they'll change their minds. Those messages take three days to get to us from out here, maybe they've already changed their minds. Maybe you're more interesting alive than- a-and maybe it'll all be okay." She raises her voice, afraid and angry. But I see no point in trying to tiptoe around it. They want to kill me. I'll be dust before a day has passed on Homeworld.
"I don't think so. When does Homeworld ever change its mind? Only a Diamond could change the decision, and no Diamond would see any virtue in keeping a.. a.. faulty gem."
"White Diamond might." 4OS says in a low hush. But I can only shake my head. No one's heard from her or her court for decades. She's not an option.
"I'm.. my fate has been decided. But I think.. I really feel that you'll all be okay."
"Why do you think so?" She stubbornly asks. I know she means the first part, but I choose to explain both.
"I don't know if I can explain it. You all just.. I really am the odd rock out. I'm sure that your memories are fine, and that all your other stats are within regulation. They were when we were first made, after all, and they really can't have changed since then, I think. You'll all be fine." And I really believe it. Looking at them, I can feel that we're different. We're all orange and pear shaped, but there's something about the eyes that's different. Just.. different. I can remember, looking in the window, I could see my own eyes. There's something there in their eyes that's not in mine. A sense of clarity, I think. "But.."
"But what?" She looks between me and the Amethysts we're passing, silencing me. I wait til we're past them to respond.
"As long as I'm here, they won't take kindly to you. I can see it. They hate us, but really, they don't. They just hate me. If I.." I trail off, letting the thought speak for itself.
"You're talking about real treason here, 2OS."
"I'm not talking about anything, 4OS. It's just a thought. That's all. We're sisters. I owe it to you to try to make things better for you. It's my fault, whether I meant to do it or not." I feel determination rising in me. I want to protect them.
"I think it's that kind of behavior that got you caught, 2OS." She sighs. "But it's also what made our job almost bearable. I always felt like we were really cutting edges by fighting so hard all the time to make good things happen." I don't know what to say to that, so I just follow the others down what seems like an endless ship.
We pass by some odd windows, and it takes me a moment to realize they're escape pods. An idea faintly blossoms, but we're through the corridor before the thought can solidify into anything more than a hope. I try to remember it, though. It could be important later.
"I also don't think it's your fault this happened, 2OS. None of us can help what Homeworld made us be, and it's not your fault no one ever noticed until now. It's because we were pushing so hard that they came down so hard. They looked for a flaw, and they found one." She shrugs. "You were too scary for them."
I like that thought. I hope I can remember it.