Title: Into Everyone's Heart a Little Rain Must Fall

Author: Dark Roswellian Angel

Elizabeth McDowell

Disclaimer: I don't own any of it. If I did, "Roswell" would still be airing, and Tess (in almost all her personas) would have been nothing more but a horrifying nightmare

Copying/Downloading/Posting: Please let me know first, and let me know where my work will be posted as I would love to come visit it. Make sure that it is put under my name, as I would love to hear how others feel about it. Thanks ;)

K due to slight violence and reference to adult themes

1-shot. Takes place during "The Departure" (season 2 finale) when Max tells Liz about Tess and the fact that they're leaving. Really gets into his head and heart as he tells her that he's betrayed them.

Crack! The loud clap of thunder only seemed to echo the slap that his brain was trying to register through the ringing.

"How could you?!" the voice was more an agonized cry than a question. "I saved myself for you," now the voice seemed frustrated, desperately trying to make sense of what had happened, "and you… you gave yourself away. To her. How could you?!" The voice's anger seemed to be rising over its despair. "And now you're leaving with her. You're leaving me all alone, with a killer out there, for her."

His mind still wasn't registering. How could it when his heart had been ripped out of his chest with the same force as the slap across his face? He could barely gravel out the words "I have no choice."

"But you did." The voice was insistent, and it was right. "You did have a choice, and you gave it away. To her. For her. You chose her… over me… instead of me… you gave yourself to her… you gave your future, your Destiny, to her. You gave up our future and chose to be with her." The voice sounded so small, so fragile. It sounded weak and wounded. With each word it became weaker, more lost, more distant. It almost sounded as though it were dying. Perhaps the heart behind it was.

He wanted to get away from it. From the pain that he was causing her, from the torment that he saw in her eyes, from the torture he knew that he was putting her through. But he couldn't. Something about it mystified him. She had always been able to do that- her heart had always had a cord leading to and wrapped around his, and now that her heart was breaking, it was ripping what little was left of his own into even smaller pieces. He had known. Even through all that had happened, he had known. He had known that her heart was still his- because he had still been able to feel the cord. And now he had desecrated the one pure thing in his life. And because of him, it was crumbling to dust right before his eyes. And all he could do was watch. But something was wrong- something was off. Was it something she had said? What had she sa-

"What do you mean you saved yourself for me?! You had sex with KYLE!! How can you possibly claim to have saved yourself?!" Even as he said the words, he wondered how he could possibly have the inner strength to say them so forcefully. When everything inside him seemed as weak as Jell-O, how could he possibly still sound strong? And why was he yelling at her when all he wanted to do was soothe away the pain, wipe away the tears, tell her that she still owned his heart- or at least what was left of it, promise her that he would be with her through all her tomorrows if only to protect her from anyone who might hurt her, and strive the rest of his life to achieve atonement and receive her forgiveness.

And then he looked at her. He knew he shouldn't, and the second he did, he knew why. He hadn't thought his heart could take anymore and continue beating. He thought it had already been broken into so many small pieces that no matter how long he took, no matter how hard he tried, he would never be able to put it together again. He was wrong. The look on her face told him that he had been wrong about a great many things. The look on her face said everything that her words had never been allowed to. She had been telling the truth. She had saved herself for him, only for him. She had only ever loved him. She had had faith in him that he would be able to see through the lies and trust her. She had always known what his heart was whispering to him, and she had believed him capable of listening to it.

And as the thoughts pushed destructively through his fevered brain, he saw the one thing that he could not bear. A single tear squeezed through her tightly controlled lids and slid down her beautiful porcelain-like face. The sight of that one perfect droplet leaving a wet trail down her silky-soft cheek hit him harder than her slap had, and he realized that even when her words had told him that she had walked away from their combined Destiny, she never had. As he watched the single dewdrop burst her private dam, bringing forth torturous, heartwrenching sobs, his own heart convulsed. She had put her entire life into what had once been their Destiny. Her every dream, her every wish, her every want and need, it was all wrapped up in a promised future with him. And he was sitting here destroying it all with the words of a destroyed soul- a weak man who in a moment of weakness had forgotten himself and the only woman he had ever loved and given them both over to the winds of lust.

But why? Why would she lie? Why would she do what she did? Why would she stage such an elaborate ruse? And as soon as the questions formed in his mind, he knew. For him. It had all been done for him. He didn't know how or why, but he knew that she had done it for him. She had sacrificed everything for him- her heart, her dreams, her future, her soul. She always had. From the moment they had found each other, she had always been the one sacrificing everything for him. Her life. Her family. Her relationship with her parents. Her goals. Even her best friends didn't go untouched, as they sacrificed for the group too, one of them making the ultimate sacrifice. He didn't know what to think. He felt ungrateful, but that didn't seem a strong enough word for his reaction. He was forced to take a look at the lives of those around him, to realize what he was doing, what he had done, how many people he had hurt with his one night of mixed up emotions. What had happened to him? Who had he become? What kind of person was he that he could take the most wonderful people in his life, the most wonderful girl in the world, for granted?

As she spoke her final word to him through her sobs, he was unable to respond, to speak of his love, to reassure her of his heart's fidelity even when his mind and body had been corrupted. He was unable to reach out to her when she began to open the door, to pull her into his arms, to press his lips to hers, to breathe in her scent, to feel her soft skin. All he could do as she raced away from him was slump back into his seat and watch her, the tears forming in his eyes and quickly spilling over. When she closed the door between them, forever separating him from her, he was unable to do more than turn his face up to the dark skies above him, the cloud-obscured stars that he had once believed would show him his path, the same stars he had once shared with her, and strangle out a near-voiceless cry of despair. His life was empty, his heart destroyed, his mind eternally confused. He had destroyed his own Destiny while following another's. As the rain began beating against his upturned face, he found it somehow fitting.

And yet, as the rain pelted him, he found that it seemed to reinvigorate him. Yes, he had made mistakes, too many and too painful to recount, but his life was not over. His future was still before him. And although he would have to take the path before him for now, he vowed that one day he would find the path that would lead him back to her side. He would atone for his mistakes, his destructive decisions and actions. He would repair her heart, and maybe when her heart was full and beating again, the cord that led from it to his own could become a lifeline to finally save him from himself.