A/N: Remember those scary warnings in the blurb? I really mean them. This story is dark dark and more dark. I was honestly conflicted about posting it at all. Continue at your own risk. Those warnings again are for character death -multiple times-, blood and gore, torture, trauma, suicide attempts, medical experimentation, MAJOR ANGST, and lots of drama and gods and problems and stuff!
Really, you should probably just wait until you are feeling really stable before you read this story. I love you guys. Be careful.
Concept and cover art by TOMOWOWO, who is still hiding under her desk sobbing and drawing after reading what I wrote with it. You can find links to her page on my profile, and you should look her up, because you will love her. YOU WILL LOVE HER.
Now, without further ado, the story.
Mortality
Chapter One
"I don't see what you intend to accomplish."
Sephiroth's voice was even and calm, even as he tested the restraints that held his arms to the floor. He was weak—no one could succeed so thoroughly in weakening him as Hojo. The chains clinked, but did not give. They would continue to hold steady, he was certain. He had tried many times through the years to escape the confines of Hojo's traps, but they had always held fast, and he suspected they always would.
The scientist's glasses flashed as he ducked his head, a low chuckle escaping him. The laugh sent chills down Sephiroth's spine, though he refused to allow the fear to show on his face. He knew better than to give him any reaction. Any emotion from him was encouragement to Hojo. There was no such thing as a safe response. So the best he could give was no response at all. It was his only option, especially now that his duties as General would not allow him time to recover from rough treatment at his creator's hands.
"You have been missing our appointments lately, boy," Hojo said, his voice low and filled with some sort of satisfaction that Sephiroth could not comprehend, and did not wish to.
"Is it your intent to punish me?" he asked dryly, sitting back and shifting as the chains rubbed over his wrists once again. "Because if so-"
"Oh, you I am done with," Hojo scoffed. "After all, you do not want to be here, hmm? That is why you haven't been coming, isn't it? All you ever had to do, Sephiroth, was ask. I would have stopped experimenting on you long ago."
"Really," Sephiroth drawled in disbelief. "I take leave to doubt that, Professor."
"Doubt all you like," Hojo laughed, turning to Sephiroth with a sneer. "Shall I prove it to you?"
A snap of his fingers led to a bound figure being dragged into the room by two of his guards. Sephiroth felt his blood run cold. He recognized that head of blonde hair.
–
'Sir,' the trooper said, his voice shaking and his eyes so wide it must have burned to have them open in the cold air.
–
"What is the meaning of this?" Sephiroth snarled.
The guards unceremoniously dumped Cloud's limp form onto one of the cold metal tables Hojo used for his experiments. The cadet jolted at the freezing contact, and struggled automatically as his arms were wrenched away from his chest and shackled down to the hard surface. Sephiroth saw the moment his dazed, tired struggles shifted as he woke up fully from whatever had been done to him. He almost slipped free with a particularly hard buck and twist. Instead, he was just slammed down onto the mockery of a bed much harder, the impact wringing a groan from him.
"He is a member of Shinra's military," Sephiroth said darkly, watching Hojo and pulling experimentally against the bonds that held him down. His legs were free, but his wrists remained tightly pinned behind his back, connected to the ground by a steel plate, bolted to the floor.
"So are you," Hojo said calmly with a dismissive wave of his hand. "They won't miss one trooper. Surely you won't either."
The light in his eyes when he looked back at Sephiroth said it all. Sephiroth pulled against the chains more insistently, and let the anger boiling inside of him slip through to his face. It didn't matter if Hojo punished him. If he did, maybe he could give Cloud time—Give someone time to come save him.
"Don't you fucking dare," Sephiroth snarled at the scientist.
"Sir?" Cloud's voice was strained and rusty, as though he'd just woken up.
He must have been drugged to be brought down here, Sephiroth thought. His eyes sought him out, and Sephiroth thought his heart would stop at the concern and worry that flickered over the cadet's face. Cloud was worried about him. His chest tightened, and his breathing seized up in his chest. Hojo just smiled, and stepped up to Cloud's side, sliding gloves onto his hands.
"No," Sephiroth rasped, staring fixedly at Cloud's face. "No."
Hojo just smiled and lowered the scalpel.
Cloud's scream pierced straight through Sephiroth. His eyes widened, turning to Hojo as he jerked against the bonds. Hojo laughed and withdrew his scalpel after the first cut, letting Cloud thrash. Sephiroth pulled hard against the chains, feeling his shoulders strain, his feet slipping against the ground as he made no headway.
"Go ahead and struggle," Hojo said mildly to Cloud. "I'll wait."
"Seph," Cloud cried, his voice filled with terror and confusion.
Sephiroth saw Hojo's smile deepen, and knew they'd been found out. The man knew. He would not stop until Cloud was destroyed. Just as he'd killed the assistants who grew close to him. Just as he'd killed the kitten Sephiroth rescued in his youth. Just as he'd killed Gast. Sephiroth strained against his manacles.
"If you touch another hair on his head, I'll kill you," Sephiroth snarled, summoning his most intense glare to fix upon the scientist.
Hojo smiled slowly, and ran his gloved hand through Cloud's blond hair with an amused, wicked look in his eyes. Sephiroth jerked against the bonds as Cloud gasped at the touch, his bound hands twitching helplessly, unable to remove the parody of an affectionate gesture.
"I have touched a multitude of hairs now," Hojo said with deep amusement, meeting Sephiroth's gaze evenly. "I appear to still be ambulatory. So the experiment will continue."
"Cloud," Sephiroth said, waiting for his young lover's eyes to meet his own. The panic in them cut straight to his heart. "Cloud, be strong. I will get you out."
"He is lying," Hojo said mildly, taking the momentary break in Cloud's struggles as a chance to cinch the band holding his waist to the table, effectively ending his thrashing. "You are going to die here, boy. And he is going to watch."
"Fuck you," Cloud spat up at the scientist, his eyes blazing, even as he jerked against the manacles once more.
Hojo just smiled, braced his left hand against Cloud's chest, and then resumed cutting, siding the knife through skin that was before unscarred, and perfect—that Sephiroth had worshiped with kisses and touches so light they'd tickled and drawn a rare, perfect laugh from his bashful self-effacing lover. And as Hojo cut through skin and muscle, Cloud screamed. His screams filled the room, covering even the death-threats spilling without thought from Sephiroth's lips. And as Sephiroth turned wide, panicked eyes to him, he knew he would not be able to save him.
"Sephiroth, I want you to meet my friend Cloud," Zack said warmly, giving the hair of the trooper standing next to him a fierce ruffle.
The trooper looked like he wanted to run. His eyes were wide as a startled deer's, staring up at him. Sephiroth was quietly impressed that he didn't bolt. Most non-Soldiers ran from him within a few moments. He was not an approachable person. Still, the cadet managed to sneak his hand up from his side and force it into a salute, his back straightening. Sephiroth couldn't help the flicker of a smile that flitted over his face.
"Good to meet you, Cloud."
–
"Sir, we shouldn't," Cloud whispered, pressed back against the alley wall, arching into Sephiroth's every touch.
"Does that mean you want me to stop?" Sephiroth purred before going back to delicately kissing down Cloud's neck as he slid the button-down shirt off of his shoulders to drop onto the filthy ground.
"No," Cloud whispered, his voice stronger than it had been in his objection.
Sephiroth smiled against his shoulder and rewarded him with a soft bite, making the young cadet gasp and arch into him. He was a bad man for doing this, he knew. But he'd seen the interest in his eyes the second time Zack dragged him along to 'hang out,' and it had still been there the third. So now they were in the alley, the cadet shirtless and panting, his hands twitching at his sides as he tried to decide where to put them on Sephiroth's body.
He was about to take pity on the cadet and place his hands for him, when Cloud's reticence suddenly evaporated. His fingers slid upwards abruptly, delving into the waterfall of Sephiroth's hair and cupping the back of his head, encouraging him silently to continue his pleasurable torture bringing hickeys to life on delicate skin. Sephiroth could not help the chuckle that slid from him, or the arousal Cloud's decisive motion brought.
–
"I forget how quickly non-enhanced people bleed," Hojo sighed as he peeled back the sides of the incision he'd made.
Cloud wasn't screaming anymore. He was struggling for breath, his eyes hazy, rolled back in his head. He was in shock, Sephiroth knew. His brain was stopping function. His blood was pouring down the drain under the work table as Hojo slid his hands inside his abdomen, inspecting his insides with detached interest.
"Please," Sephiroth heard himself say, his death-threats dried up by his own helplessness. "Please, stop."
"Pity I can't remove his ribs without killing him too quickly," Hojo muttered to himself, sliding his hand upward underneath the bones.
Cloud's breath seized, and he jolted automatically in the restraints.
"Please," Sephiroth choked, yanking again on his sore arms, making his wrists bleed anew. "Professor-"
"Miss his screams, boy?" Hojo drawled, smiling wickedly. "Let me help."
He pressed down on something inside Cloud's abdomen, and a reedy, powerless scream pried itself from between Cloud's lips, followed by a stream of blood trickling down from between them. His head lolled to the side, his hazy eyes staring straight at Sephiroth as he gasped for breath.
"I'm so sorry," Sephiroth whispered, as though Cloud could still hear him. "Cloud, I'm so sorry."
"Well, this will be much too quick," Hojo sighed, pulling his gloves off with a snap and dropping them onto Cloud's chest. He snapped his fingers and pointed to an assistant. "Fetch me a Phoenix Down for when he dies. In fact, fetch me the box."
"I'm so sorry," Sephiroth rasped again, twisting at his hands in their bonds, fresh hope raging through him like a disease at the thought that maybe, maybe he could dislocate his thumb before Cloud was ripped apart a second time. Maybe he could save him before Hojo tore him to shreds again. Before he died for good.
He watched as Cloud bled out, lips parted and eyes empty on Hojo's table. Watched as the man dropped a Phoenix Down onto his chest—as sliced skin knitted itself back together—as Cloud gasped inwards, arching as he was forced back into life, choking and spitting blood as his insides were healed.
"Now we can continue," Hojo said with a smile.
–
"Tell me your dreams, Cloud," Sephiroth murmured, stroking his fingers through soft blonde hair as they lay in bed together.
"My dreams?" The cadet inquired, lifting striking blue eyes to Sephiroth.
Sephiroth gave a shadow of a smile at the look. There was still awe in Cloud's gaze, but no terror and no hero worship. He looked up and saw him only as Sephiroth and nothing more. He rewarded him for the look with a gentle kiss to his brow, though he knew Cloud would not follow his reasoning.
"I want to be a Soldier," Cloud replied after a long moment. "I have since I was just a kid."
"I see."
"What about you, sir? What are your dreams?"
Sephiroth did not reply. He just kissed Cloud's face lightly, and thought the dream to himself—the same dream he'd had his entire life. As Cloud turned over and nuzzled into his chest, Sephiroth closed his eyes, and wished quietly for freedom.
–
"Usually you stop fighting by the second hour," Hojo commented as he slid another needle into Cloud's arm, sending the gasping man into heavy convulsions.
Sephiroth strained, eyes fixed on Cloud as he foamed at the mouth and seized on the table. Maybe he could rip his arms off, he thought feverishly. If he could pull hard enough—if he could not break the chains, he would break himself. He kicked back against the chain holding him to the ground, struggling to provide enough force on his hands to break them. All the while Hojo muttered to himself, taking notes as Cloud thrashed and foamed, pathetic, sick noises wringing from him as he struggled automatically.
Sephiroth broke off his struggles for a moment, breathing heavily, as Hojo lifted another Phoenix Down twisting it back and forth between his fingers.
"Shall I bring him back this time?" The scientist asked as Cloud wheezed and choked on the table. "It only works so many times, you know. Each time it will heal less of the damage. Each time, he comes back just to experience more pain. Shall I bring him back again? Let him watch you struggle as he dies? I've brought him back once already. This Phoenix Down will work, but this will probably be his last one. I'll leave the choice to you."
Sephiroth glared at him with pure fury in his eyes, straining against his bonds. Hojo held his eyes, not smiling. His look was grim and angry. Full of bitterness and the old hatred for Sephiroth's choices that the General had known for years.
"So," Hojo said softly and darkly.
Cloud gasped pathetically under him, a rattle in his lungs that heralded death, jolting as his body gave out around him.
"Do you think you can tear yourself apart in time to save him with this one last feather," the scientist lifted the blazing plume. "Or are you going to let him die now, before I play any more games with him?"
Sephiroth lowered his head, snarling fiercely, his hair falling around his face, an utter mess from his wild and furious struggles.
"Do it," he rasped as Cloud jolted once more before groaning out a final breath, his eyes going distant and dead all over again.
"You'll fail," Hojo whispered, placing the feather down over Cloud's heart where it burned away. "And then you will know. That you gave him a death with so much more pain than he had to experience."
Cloud's body rebelled as he was dragged back to life. Hojo had to call his assistants over to keep him from aspirating his own vomit. Sephiroth worked at the bonds on his hands, trying not to let himself break as he watched his lover suffer as no man should be made to. His lover, who he'd only ever seen as vibrant and happy and lively.
"No," He whispered as Hojo pulled out the electrodes from the wall.
"You are the one who asked for this," the scientist said mildly, sticking the electrodes to Cloud's chest and stomach.
"Seph," Cloud choked, tears streaming from his blank eyes as he sought out Sephiroth's gaze. He couldn't focus anymore. Sephiroth could see it in the look on his face.
He tried to tell him it would be alright. He tried to tell him he would save him this time. He could say nothing. He was wordless in the face of his pain. Of the sorrow, betrayal, and exhaustion he saw in his eyes. He should have let him die, a rebellious part of him whispered. He pulled against the chains, his body screaming in pain at the movement.
"Let us see," Hojo whispered, brushing his hand familiarly over Cloud's face. "Whether electricity takes a little longer to kill such a fragile little thing."
–
"I know we were supposed to be casual," Cloud whispered, blushing fire red behind the armful of flowers. "But, um..."
"They're beautiful," Sephiroth interrupted, reaching forward to take the flowers. "Thank you."
Cloud let out a breath, and gave Sephiroth a warm, glowing smile that made Sephiroth's heart warm like no one else's. He had to lean forward and kiss him. He couldn't have left that sweet smile unkissed.
"I think casual is overrated." Sephiroth whispered against his lips.
Cloud moved forward swiftly, catching Sephiroth in a hug so quickly that the general had to lift the gift of flowers out of the way of him. Unenhanced, his hold was still tight as he clung to Sephiroth.
"You asked me once, about my dream," Cloud whispered softly. "I just want you to know. You're part of it too now."
"Thank you," Sephiroth whispered, even as he silently checked on his own dream.
He found it had changed too. Still 'freedom,' but now 'with Cloud.'
–
"Do you hear that sound?" Hojo asked mildly. "That's his teeth grinding together. If I do my job right, he'll break them before he dies."
The scientist cut the current, letting Cloud drop limply to the hard table he'd been arching against as the electricity ran its terrible course. The cadet was shaking and drooling. Sobs wrung from him with every exhale. There was blood streaming out of his nose, and he'd bitten clean through his lower lip.
Sephiroth felt the manacle slip, and yanked forward, feeling horror and terror ebb in the face of the possibility that he might break free—that maybe he hadn't signed Cloud up for the most painful drawn-out death imaginable.
Hojo threw the switch again, smiling as Cloud jolted, arching hard as every one of his muscles was forced to contract.
"It won't work this time," he said loudly, over the roar of effort breaking from Sephiroth's lips. "But I'm going to put the Phoenix Down to him when he dies anyway. Just to watch your heart break. Just to see the look on your face when you realize that you killed the man you love."
"Cloud," Sephiroth choked, straining against the bonds, feeling them slip, knowing that in just another inch, in just another moment, he would be free.
But even as he thought it he saw the light leave his lover's eyes, watched him choke and stop breathing, even as the electricity kept his muscles tight and his body twitching. Sephiroth felt the scream of horror more than he heard it. It burst out of him like a force. Horror and rage built up under the surface as he watched Hojo bend over his table, laughing to himself at the pain his lover had experienced in his final moments.
And something inside Sephiroth snapped. He felt an enormous weight erupt from his back, showering blood over the wall behind him. He knew without looking it was a wing. Somehow he had always known it was there. Hojo stopped laughing. And as he looked up, Sephiroth beat the wing once, and his hands ripped free of the manacles with a snap of bone and a rip of flesh. It took less than a heartbeat for him to be at Hojo's side. For just an instant, he saw a look of pleased wonder on the Scientist's face. Then he snapped his neck, and let his body drop.
Sephiroth slammed the current off without thought. He was on auto-pilot. The assistant that moved forward to stop him, he murdered with a single kick to the chest. The other assistant ran. Sephiroth did not follow. He was free. His Cloud was-
Cloud lay still and empty on the bed, his eyes glazed and staring blankly upwards. His lips were parted, his body covered in blood. The bonds were sickeningly tight on his dead body. Sephiroth moved over, fumbling with broken hands at the bonds, snapping them without grace, gathering Cloud's corpse into his arms, not yet comprehending that he was dead. He stared down at that empty face, a look of horror permanently etched on his features, and tears drying on his cheeks.
"No," he whispered, drawing Cloud close, kneeling on the metal table to hold him.
Congealing blood soaked through the knees of his pants from the bed Cloud had been chained to. He stroked a broken, bloody hand through Cloud's hair, barely noticing as the wing dissolved behind him. His stomach twisted, rebelling against the thought of his lover's death. He looked down at Hojo's corpse, at the burning feather held in his hand. It wouldn't work, the scientist had said. Sephiroth stood anyway, carefully setting Cloud's body back on the bed. He lifted the phoenix down in both hands, his hands dripping blood onto the scientist's body and the delicate plume.
"Please work," he whispered to the feather held in his trembling hands as he brought it back to his Cloud, laying it over his chest lightly. "Please."
He covered the feather with his bloody hands, staring down at Cloud's bloody face and the bruised look of his eyes. He closed his eyes lightly, pressing down, waiting for the feather to be drawn up into his lover. The seconds ticked by, and with every moment, he felt himself draw closer to breaking.
–
"So you really don't like movies?" The cadet asked with a smile. "Alright. Maybe we could read together tonight?"
–
Nothing changed. No heartbeat. No vanishing of the feather. Sephiroth pressed more tightly.
–
"I think Zack broke me," Cloud groaned, leaning back into Sephiroth's hands with utter trust. "I love being his student. I just can't wait to get another mako infusion so I can survive it."
–
"Save him," Sephiroth urged, staring down at his lover's face. "You have to save him."
–
"It's beautiful," Cloud sighed, looking at the pictures of Wutai that Sephiroth was showing him. "I want to go, some day. Though maybe not to a war this time..."
–
"If you don't save him, I will burn you to the ground," Sephiroth whispered, his eyes flaring as he gazed at his lover's face. "If he dies, I will destroy everything and everyone. A world without Cloud doesn't deserve to exist!"
–
"Thank you for inviting me," Cloud whispered, shy and pleased to be asked to go out with Zack and Sephiroth. "I'm not really used to being invited places."
–
"But if—If you do save him, I will do anything," Sephiroth whispered, pressing down just a little more, feeling his voice shaking as his hope faded, dwindling as despair sank in, carrying with it the strange feeling of detachment that he felt in battle. "I will do anything."
–
"Sephiroth," Cloud whispered, his eyes shining as he looked up at him without fear—without jealousy—without pity.
–
"I'll do anything..."
–
"I love you."
–
"I love him." Sephiroth whispered, dropping his head to rest it on Cloud's chest, choking on a sob, though he could not cry. "I love him..."
"Anything," a woman's voice whispered in the air around him, strong and dark and beautiful. "Remember your promise, Calamity's child."
His hands burned as the feather beneath them ignited. Cloud gasped in a breath, choking on his own spit.
Sephiroth moved without thought, quick as lightning, lifting Cloud into his arms, holding him close as he coughed out blood and spit and vomit, struggling to breathe. The first breath he drew was followed by a scream that filled the air, making Sephiroth's ears ring with its intensity. He tightened his hold on the little blonde, holding him as close as he dared as he felt his muscles trembled and jolted with weakness under his skin. His nose was filled with the scent of Cloud's blood, drying on his body and the floor.
"I have you," Sephiroth rasped, clinging to him as Cloud screamed and shook in his arms, hands limp and useless by his sides. "I have you, Cloud."
The screaming didn't stop, but Cloud's hands lifted, grabbing hold of Sephiroth as tightly as he could, clinging as the screams turned to sobs as they sat tangled together on the blood stained table. Sephiroth glanced down as the broken body of the man who had made his life a living hell since he was born twitched, death stiffening the husk that was all that remained of Hojo.
"Cloud, breathe," Sephiroth pleaded, hoping Cloud could hear him through the screams. "Please breathe. I cannot take you from here if you are screaming."
A choked cry of protest arose from Cloud, and the cadet's hands wrapped around Sephiroth's shoulders, clinging tightly to him, he sobbed uncontrollably into his shoulder, and Sephiroth knew he was asking the impossible of the young man he loved.
"Bite down," he urged softly. "You will not hurt me. I will take you home."
Cloud bit down, his teeth sinking into Sephiroth's shoulder even as he breathed as deeply as he could through his nose. Sephiroth lifted him, not letting his broken hands shake. He walked out of the room, clinging tightly to his love and murmuring reassurances—all the reassurances as he could, though he knew they were lies.
As he left the lab, he felt a strangeness in the outside air, and the woman's voice whispered to him again.
"A promise is a promise. When the time comes, you will be my warrior. Not the calamity's. Welcome to your new chance, Sephiroth."
Sephiroth said nothing. The owner of the voice had saved his Cloud. He would serve her, no matter how her voice made his insides churn. His Cloud was breathing, biting him, trembling under his hands, but warm, and alive. Sephiroth could feel his heartbeat against his own. Whatever it took to keep that heartbeat in the world, he would do it.
"Hojo will never touch you again," Sephiroth whispered to him, kissing his hair as he slipped inside his apartment, carrying Cloud into the bathroom and sinking into the bathtub with him, letting it stay dry and empty, pulling the curtain to cut off the outside world. "I am so sorry. He will never touch you again."
And if Cloud did not respond, Sephiroth did not blame him.
"You can scream again," he offered softly, stroking his lover's hair with shaking hands that were already healing. "You can scream, my Cloud. I have you."
Neither of them slept. They stayed up in the bathtub all night as Cloud screamed and shivered and clung. In the morning, when he was empty of screams and he looked as lost as Sephiroth had ever seen a man, he turned the shower on and washed him clean of blood, and took him to bed.
He tucked him in carefully, trying not to hesitate over the new scars marring his once-perfect skin. He dropped a shaking kiss to his wet hair, and turned to go start tea and make the calls he knew needed to be made.
He was stopped by a hand grabbing his wrist.
"Don't leave," Cloud whispered, his voice shattered from all of his screams.
"Alright," Sephiroth replied, sinking to sit on the bed next to him.
Neither of them spoke. In a few hours, Sephiroth knew the Turks would come looking for him, and he did not know what he would tell them. He knew his job was over. He knew they would probably want to kill him. They wouldn't, though. Hojo was dead. There was no one who could stop him now. And he would protect Cloud, no matter what. So long as Cloud wanted him by his bedside, that was where he would be.