Matthew Williams walked down the stairs of his house, following a scent that was completely irresistible. Pancakes. Mmmmm. The only issue was that he'd have to eat them standing up, because of last night… cough cough sore ass cough cough. Alrighty then, back to those amazing pancakes. And the person making them… Mmm. Alfred was standing, naked as the day he was born ("NO, YOU STUPID YANK, I DID NOT GIVE BIRTH TO YOU, I'M A MAN, FOR THE LOR'D SAKE!" "You can't deny that I came from your womb, Iggy~") in front of the stove, making Matthew's favorite food, dessert, snack, craving… He could go on, but that would just make him hungrier.

"Mornin', Mattie!" Alfred beamed, the kitchen light reflecting off his teeth and nearly blinding Matthew with its brilliance.

"You made pancakes?" Matt asked, after blinking the tears away from his eyes from the overexposure to light. The only reason Alfred's teeth were so bright anyway was that his toothpaste was hamburger flavored, so he brushed constantly.

"Of course I did! The hero always makes pancakes after a good night's fuck!" Alfred's grin grew- if possible- even wider, looking like his face was going to crack from the over expression of joy, and he set out a plate with two pancakes, silverware (Francis had apparently instilled these weird French things called 'table manners' in Matt, and he always insisted on eating all weird, like not using his hands and talking only when there was no food in his mouth. Odd, wasn't it?) and a jar of maple syrup for Matthew. "Now eat! I made them specially for you~"

Matthew ate, obediently. "Mm, Alfred, these are really good! They taste sort of different than the pancakes I make! What's in them?"

"My own secret ingredient," Alfred laughed. "I made it myself." For some reason, he seemed to find this really funny, doubling over in laughter as Matt ate the pancakes. "Like them?" Al asked, straightening back up and wiping tears of mirth from his eyes. Or hitting his hand on his glasses in the attempt to do so, at least.

"Really Al, what is it? Don't tease me." Matt pouted, and looked strangely feminine- probably another one of Francis' tricks, the sly dog.

"Are you sure you want to know?" Alfred raised his eyebrows.

"Yes, I'm sure." Matthew nodded emphatically.

"… Well… don't faint from the epic win or anything, but…" Alfred paused…

"But what?" Matt was starting to get a little worried. His brother's definitions of 'epic win' were mostly something that any sane person would run away from, or blow up if given the chance.

"I jizzed in the batter." Alfred was completely serious.

"W-wait, you what?" Matt, on the other hand, looked horrified.

"I fapped to pictures of you," Alfred motioned towards the snapshots of Matthew and him covering the refrigerator, "and then I jizzed in the batter. You liked it?"

Matthew passed out, not able to handle the realization that A: he would never be able to look at pancakes the same way again, and B: he now knew what that weird taste he had tasted the last time he buried his face in the arm of his sofa.

"Damn, and I told him not to faint from the epic win. Whatever, I guess I can just fap while watching him sleep or something," Alfred mused, carrying his brother up to their bedroom. Then he smiled, coming up with an idea. "And next time I make pancakes… I can get Mattie to help…"

Authoress' Random Ramble

Oh sweet maple… *covers face* I think every time I eat pancakes now I will be reminded of this…

Alfred's Home Made Jizzcakes…

Less than three. Less than three