No naked mole rats, Smarty Mart CEOs, or hairless cats were hurt in the production of this story.
My thanks to campy for proofing this.
And, yes, I should stop eating nacos with diablo sauce right before I go to bed ...
KP, RS, etc. (c) Disney
A/N: Some readers might recognize this story. An earlier version I wrote appeared on the site back in 2006. And, yes, this is technically an AU.
I.
Bonnie Rockwaller fumed as she watched Little Miss Perfect, a/k/a Kim Possible, rush out of the classroom with her lapdog, a/k/a Ron Stoppable, in tow. Had anyone else's phone gone off during class, the perpetrator would have been guaranteed a trip to detention.
But Miss Save the World wasn't anybody else. Instead, Steve Barkin just let her waltz out to who knew where. Bonnie half-suspected Kim had arranged the whole thing so she and Stoppable could go lip-smacking somewhere, an idea she found absolutely revolting.
II.
Shego snarled as Kim parried her thrust and went on the offensive. She found herself giving ground very quickly as Kim attacked with confidence and grace. The teen hero's auburn hair flew about her head as she spun, kicked, and flipped, highlighting her every move, including the last one, which resulted in the sole of the young woman's shoe being planted in the glamorous villain's solar plexus.
As Shego got up, she saw sparks begin to fly from Drakken's latest doomsday device. She knew the jig was up. She caught Kim by surprise, vaulting over her head and then leaping into the blue-skinned mad scientist's waiting hover car. Shego escaped, but knew that, once again, Princess had bested her.
III.
Kim and Ron left the lair feeling very satisfied with their hero work; they were now on a plane headed home. The two teens had been studying for the next day's history exam (she with laser-like focus, he with a newly acquired but not yet wholly familiar attitude) and decided it was time to take a break.
"You looked badical out there, KP," Ron enthused.
"Oh, it was no big. You did all the hard work," she replied, reaching for his cheek.
"Nah, all I did was trip over some cables …" Ron said with a dismissive wave of the hand.
"… That initiated a power overload that destroyed Drakken's latest whack machine!" she said with admiration.
"Yeah, well, that wasn't as cool as the way you took down Shego. You were badical!"
"Thanks," Kim said.
"And you were hot, too!"
"Oh really?" Kim replied, a sultry note to her voice. Having successfully completed their mission and done some solid studying, she felt that she had earned some Ronshine and her best friend/boyfriend had earned some five-alarm KP kisses.
"Oh yeah," Ron murmured. "I predict that you will look extra badical for school pictures tomorrow."
"You think so?" she asked, nuzzling him.
"KP," he said with confidence, "I am sure this year's picture will make people forget all of the others."
"Even the one of Chippy?" she wondered.
"Definitely," he declared.
The idea that Ron thought she was so pretty that this year's portrait of her would erase all memory of her past school photo disasters warmed Kim's heart. She reached up and caressed his cheek, then brought her lips to his. As they kissed, Ron ran his fingers through Kim's auburn mane, eliciting a contented sigh from his best friend/girlfriend.
IV.
Shego decided some shopping (or shoplifting, which is what Officer Hobble and his fellow members of the law enforcement community would have said was a more accurate description of the henchwoman's intent) would help her forget her latest defeat at the hands of the perky cheerleader and her buffoonish sidekick.
She was in Club Banana looking at a green and black jacket when she heard someone making incredibly snarky comments about a pair of capris to one of the sales staff. Shego normally didn't listen to other people's conversations – they were usually incredibly lame and booooring, and Drakken seemed to have that department well in hand – but she was intrigued when she heard the shopper make a dismissive comment about Kim Possible.
"Ugh. Don't you have anything better? These are so last season. Though I'm sure Possible would buy them."
"Girl, why don't you just chill and leave Kim out of this," the African American employee said before handing a miniskirt to a brunette with shoulder-length hair. Then changing conversational gear and showing why she was a good sales person, she held up something and asked, "What about this?"
The teen looked over the small dress and smiled, looking just like a cat that has cornered a mouse. Shego watched the girl pay for the clothing and decided to follow her out into the mall.
"You know lame when you see it," Shego said.
"What are you talking about?' Bonnie replied, caught off guard.
"Those pants you were looking at," Shego said with a grin. "And Kim Possible. "
Bonnie looked at the green-hued woman with raven black hair for a long moment, trying to place the stranger's face. She was sure she'd seen it before, maybe on TV, perhaps at Bueno Nacho. Finally, recognition came. "Aren't you that woman K's always fighting?"
"The one and only," Shego shot back. "You got a problem with it?"
"Only that you haven't taken Little Miss Perfect down yet," Bonnie sniped.
Shego stared at Bonnie through narrowed eyes. "Watch it, sister," she growled. "You ever actually fight her?"
Bonnie groused. "Only to be captain of the cheer squad. I so deserve to be in charge."
"But you're not," Shego retorted back snarkily.
"No," Bonnie grumped. "I don't know what the other girls see in her. Kim is so full of herself. Just because she 'saves the world'," she added with air quotes, "she thinks she ought to be in charge of everything."
Shego looked at the young woman for a moment; she liked the kid's spunk, attitude, and visceral dislike of Princess. She extended her hand. "I'm Shego. Pleased to meet you."
Bonnie took the other woman's hand and grinned. "Bonnie."
V.
Kim, Ron, and their schoolwork were spread out on the floor of the Possible family room. After returning from the mission, they had some leftover brain lobe meatloaf and set down to studying. That had been three hours ago. Kim decided it was time to assess their progress. "You think you're ready for the test, Potential Boy?" she asked.
Ron grinned confidently. "Thanks to my bon-diggity study partner, the Rondo is the master of European history!"
"Good," Kim said as she kissed her best friend/boyfriend on the nose. As she did so, a lock of hair fell across her face. She smiled as Ron gently brushed it aside.
VI.
"Everybody treats her like she's special or something," Bonnie groused over her double mocha half-calf latte frappucino.
Shego sipped at her regular black coffee, no milk, no cream, no sugar, as the cheerleader ranted. It was refreshing to meet someone who shared her animus towards Kim Possible. In fact, Shego was amazed at how comfortable she felt around Bonnie. As she listened to the teen go on about how Kim did this or that, she found herself studying Bonnie's aquamarine eyes, her toned cheerleader's legs, and even her full bust.
When she realized what she was doing, she was shocked. Shego had always liked guys, especially big, hunky European beefcake. Now, for the first time in her life, she found herself attracted to a woman.
VII.
"My hair was fried!" Shego exclaimed venomously. "And it's not like the Feds were interested in sending me to a hair salon. It was a total mess."
"I can't believe that …" Bonnie said, unable to hide her surprise.
"What? That Kimmie has a vicious streak? Believe it. I saw the look on her face as she kicked me into that tower," Shego said, still smarting at the memory.
"Oh, I can believe K did that. I've seen her temper," Bonnie said with a shake of her head. "What I can't believe is that your hair was ruined. It's like the most incredible hair I've ever seen."
Bonnie was amazed at how full and luxurious Shego's hair was. Much to her surprise, she found herself wanting to run her fingers through it. She was shocked. She'd always liked guys, guys like Brick, who had thoughtlessly finally graduated after seven years of school, leaving Bonnie alone as a senior. But now she found herself studying Shego's face, her dark, mysterious eyes, her pale yet exotic complexion, even her incredible figure.
VIII.
Kim draped her arms around Ron's shoulders and gave him a light kiss on the lips.
"Thanks for a great night of studying," she said.
"Hey, if I'd known schoolwork could be this much fun, I'd have had Drakken tie us up to those Bueno Nacho props years ago!" he replied brightly.
Kim laughed. "You are such a goofball."
Ron joined in the laughter. "I am what I is."
"Yes, you are," she said with a warm smile. "You're weird, and I like you. A lot."
The two teens made at eyes at one another before Ron coughed, then spoke. "Well, I'd better be going. Wouldn't want your dad to send me to a black hole or something."
"No we wouldn't want that," Kim said with mock seriousness. "It would be so the drama if I had to walk to school by myself on the day I had a test and school photos."
"Fear not, KP," Ron said gallantly before he gave Kim a peck on the cheek. "The Ronman will be here at bright and early."
"See you then," she replied, feeling very, very content, as she watched Ron walk down the path from her house to the sidewalk and his home.
IX.
Shego and Bonnie looked at one another awkwardly as each female realized the other knew she had just been looked at that way.
Shego's awkward expression turned to a frown. The she made a decision. "Okay, here's the deal. I normally don't like women. But …"
"… There's something about you," Bonnie interjected.
"Yeah," Shego agreed. "This is really weird."
"Talk about it," Bonnie said looking away. Then she turned back and asked, "Bad weird or good weird?"
Shego thought about that for a moment.
"How old are you?" the villainess asked.
"Eighteen," Bonnie said.
"Good weird then." Seeing Bonnie wanted an explanation, Shego continued. "Look, I wasn't out looking for a girlfriend tonight, but if I happen to find someone who's hot who happens to be a woman and she can't stand Kim Possible, I think I might want to run with that. What about you?"
Bonnie considered the question. She'd been alone since Brick had left and really hadn't enjoyed dating any of the guys she'd recently met. This situation was totally whacked, but she found she liked being with Shego – and realized she wanted to kiss her. Feeling as if a tremendous burden was being lifted from her shoulders, Bonnie flashed her predator's smile. "Running with this sounds good. If you do enough of it, you might even glisten."
A very salacious grin spread over Shego's face.
X.
Hard Core Evil and High School Evil had a very enjoyable lip-smacking session in the back seat of Shego's flying car.
"This turned out to be a surprisingly good day," Shego said before she planted a light kiss on Bonnie's brow. It was then she saw the crease in the teen's forehead. "You regretting this, Cheerleader?"
"Huh? What?" Bonnie said, shaken from her thoughts. "No, no!" she protested. "It's just that I started thinking about school. I so don't want to go."
"You gotta go," Shego said. "You need a good education …"
Bonnie stared goggle-eyed at Shego.
"… Hey, don't look at me that way," she said. "Just because I'm evil doesn't mean I don't recognize the need for a high school, and preferably a college, diploma. I've got my masters of education."
"I know you're right," Bonnie huffed. "It's just that we have our history mid-term tomorrow."
"So, you studied for it, didn't you?" Shego was happy to introduce Bonnie to all sorts of new habits but she really did believe in a good education. It was common knowledge that the most accomplished members of the Evil Community boasted advanced degrees, some of which were even legitimate, including hers.
"Yes," Bonnie answered. "But all that writing is sooo bad for my nails."
"Deal with it, sister," Shego said, before wrapping her arms around Bonnie. "Besides, didn't you say you have your school picture tomorrow? And I think someone as hot as you deserves to be photographed."
"Thanks," Bonnie purred before she frowned again.
"Now what is it?"
"I don't know. I just thought of Little Miss Perfect."
"Guaranteed way to ruin any occasion …"
"Don't you know," Bonnie said as her scowl grew. Just the thought of Kim Possible fouled her mood. "Just for once I wish I could wipe that smile off Miss Smug Mug's face."
"That would be enjoyable, wouldn't it?" Shego agreed. Then inspiration hit. "Is Kimmie in your history class?"
"Ugh. Yes. And she's the teacher's pet. Barkin lets her get away with murder." Bonnie told her how Barkin would let Kim leave class whenever the Kimmunicator beeped.
"This Barkin guy sounds like a pushover," Shego said.
Bonnie laughed. "Only for Kim and, I have to admit, even he has limits. I remember him telling Kim at the beginning of the year that he was drawing the line at tests."
Shego cocked an eyebrow. "So if Kimmie misses a test she gets an F?"
"Pretty much," Bonnie said, enjoying the idea. "You aren't suggesting we make her miss the exam tomorrow, are you?" she asked hopefully.
"Not at all," Shego said malevolently. "'Cuz I have a much better idea …"
Shego shared her plan with Bonnie, whose eyes popped open before she began laughing heartily and cruelly. "Oh, I so can't wait to see the look on K's face …"
Feeling relaxed again, Hard Core Evil and High School Evil decided to resume their lip-smacking activities.
XI.
Kim Possible was in a good mood.
A very good mood.
When she looked in the mirror that morning, she saw her skin was perfectly clear, her pearly whites were as straight as could be, and her full mane of red hair luxurious and beautiful. To make things even better, her Nana hadn't sent her any frocks and she had it on good authority that Monkey Fist was somewhere in the Himalayas, hiding from DNAmy – and thus precluding the possibility of her going Full Monkey a second time.
It had taken eighteen years, but Kim Possible was confident that she had finally beaten the School Picture Curse. She ran down the stairs to the kitchen to get something to eat before Ron arrived to walk her to school.
XII.
Kim and Ron were walking to school hand in hand when her mission-honed sixth sense kicked in.
"Did you hear something?" she asked as she stopped to look around.
"Not a thing, KP –" Ron replied before crumpling to the ground.
"Ron!" she exclaimed. Kim was kneeling down by her boyfriend's side when she collapsed on top of him.
Rufus popped out of Ron's cargo pocket and screamed before he too fell over.
There really wasn't any way any of them could have known they were being tailed by a flying car equipped with stealth technology.
XIII.
Rufus was the first one to wake up. He climbed out of Ron's pocket.
"Oh boy," he squeaked when he saw the prone figures of his two humans.
The scene wasn't pretty.
XIV.
Bonnie walked into Middleton High with a jaunty spring in her step and a fully charged camera-equipped cell phone. Thanks to Shego, she was very much looking forward to school today.
XV.
Kim stormed through the front door of the school, her rage-filled eyes daring anyone to say anything. Ron Stoppable followed behind, desperately trying to keep pace.
Under normal circumstances, she would have headed home. But she was barely going to make it to her history test as it was and there was no way she – or more importantly, Ron, who was still trying to improve his grades and could not fail – was going to miss this exam.
They reached Barkin's classroom.
"You sure about this, KP?" Ron asked. He had never, ever seen Kim look so tweaked.
"We really don't have a choice, do we, Ron?" she snapped. "Let's just do it. Then I can go die of embarrassment."
"Hey," he protested. "At least you have hair."
Kim glared at him as she opened the door to the room.
XVI.
Steve Barkin was passing out the exams when Kim and Ron walked in. His first thought was that Possible had outdone herself in maintaining her picture day tradition. However, years of teaching experience, not to mention participation in some truly strange incidents in the years since Kim Possible enrolled at Middleton High School, helped the gruff teacher maintain a straight face.
The same could not be said for his students. Raucous laughter erupted, only to die down quickly as Kim's classmates saw her sulfurous expression. Barkin was impressed but didn't let on his admiration.
As Kim and Ron took their seats, Barkin handed them their tests.
Ron groaned as he saw the first question: Discuss the significance of Charles the Bald.
XVII.
It took every scintilla of self-control Bonnie could muster to not whip out her camera phone the moment Kim and Ron entered the room. However, she knew she couldn't do that and so focused on her exam, completing her test before Kim and Ron finished theirs.
Bonnie was waiting in the corridor, her camera phone discreetly positioned. When Kim and Ron left Barkin's classroom, Bonnie was able to shoot quite a few pictures.
XVIII.
Later that evening, curled up on a sofa in the lair, Bonnie and Shego cackled with glee as they looked at the images of Kim and Ron. Especially those of Kim.
For while pictures of a bald Ron Stoppable, whose large ears stood out even more than usual, were amusing, pictures of Kim Possible with a Mohawk were simply priceless.
Shego and Bonnie embraced and shared a victory kiss. Then they got up, went to Shego's computer and uploaded the picture of Team Possible and their not-fierce new haircuts to the Internet …