The Tragically Short, Mad Life and Gruesome Death of Herenna Jadestar Rowena Amethyst Sapphire-Smythe.
Author's Note-This is a parody. I do not mean it as anything else. If anyone thinks I am being serious…I'm not.
Herenna Jadestar Rowena Amethyst Sapphire Smythe was worried. She had just had the most terribly awful terrible vision she had ever had. For you see, Rowena was a seer. She alone in all of Underland possessed this strange and uncommon ability. Why, she even rivaled Absolem when it came to it. She sighed prettily, wondering if perhaps she should share the deep and profound wisdom she had gained from a three second space out with the Caterpillar. She decided against it, and instead decided to take a walk through Underland, and let everyone there gasp in amazement at her beautiful loveliness. And she was lovely, too. New words were invented on the day she was born to describe how amazingly amazing she was.
She had golden, shimmering hair that flowed like a waterfall down her perfectly shaped back. It was magical hair, too. No matter what she did, it never once got tangled or dirty, and there was never a single strand out of place. Her body was lithe and willowy, yet she had enormous jutting breasts. Her eyes were the deepest darkest cerulean, and they also had red, green, purple, yellow, and bright pink shades. Truth be told, her eyes resembled nothing less than a kaleidoscope. The effect was rather disconcerting to anyone who stared at her for more than five seconds. But no one dared stare into her eyes, for she possessed the dreaded "Mariisueistare". It was said among Underlanders that any who looked into her eyes for too long would fall under her spell. Rowena hated this curse, and yearned for the day when she could be accepted into society, and praised for her many wonderful accomplishments. 'After all', she thought prettily, 'Am I not wiser than the Caterpillar? Can I not vanish and shape shift better than the Cheshire Cat ever could? Am I not a finer swords master than the Knave? Can I not heal better than the White Queen herself, and make hats quicker and better than the Hatter ever could?' (Truth be told, no she couldn't.)
She continued to float along the ground, since walking was something that only the ordinary common Underlanders did, and of course, Rowena was far from common or ordinary. Her perfectly coiffed hair wasn't even disturbed by a passing breeze, and not one bit of her beautifully made clothing was rustled. She was wearing a dress that was green, blue, red, and purple. It had big pink puffy bows all over it, and the skirt ballooned out from the top. Her shoes were made of the finest gold material that could be found in Underland, and the heels were long and spiky. How she managed to keep from keeling over was a mystery, but she of course would never do anything as common as stumble!
She was blithely floating along, conversing with the bread and butterflies, when a big dark shadow suddenly blocked her path. She looked up, pouting in pretty consternation at the big ugly monster that stood in front of her. "You big ugly monster! You get out of my way right this minute!"
The big ugly monster smiled, showing its big, sharp, pointy teeth. The big ugly monster licked its ugly grey lips, revealing a black, snakelike tongue.
Then the big ugly monster took a step forward, and with one snap of his massive jaws bit Herenna Jadestar Rowena Amethyst Sapphire-Smythe in half.
Her mutilated corpse was discovered three weeks later by a random Underlander, and there was much rejoicing throughout the land.