"Jerry you complete failure of a human being." It was sad to say that more than a few conversations had begun with that very same sentence.
"Rick I don't think it's the end of the world, Secret Santa could be a fun way to bond as a family." Jerry had lost his job seven months ago, so now Beth was pulling in all of the family's income; which was not enough to pay the bills, the mortgage, and for Christmas gifts for everyone. Jerry, in order to avoid the shame of telling his children (and the pain of Rick's ridicule), had talked the idea over with Beth and was now telling Morty, Summer, and Rick about the change in Christmas tradition. Though he probably should have informed his family sooner than December first.
"We're doing this because Jerry's sorry ass can't get a f-fucking j-OUH-ob." Rick was a genius, he saw through Jerry's scheme as soon as the poor man opened his mouth. Jerry never had a chance.
"Moving along, and past the very rude comments that some people, Rick, have to offer," Jerry paused to give a quick glare at his father-in-law. "For those of you that don't know how Secret Santa works-"
"We all know how Secret Santa works dad, Jesus." Summer spoke without ever looking up from her phone, her eyes still trained on the screen. She sat on the left side of the couch with Morty huddled up on the right, his feet tucked under himself.
"Well Summer what if Morty doesn't know, hmm?" Jerry obviously needed a win after being shot down so many times, so Morty decided to let his dad be right for a change.
"Y-yeah Dad how um- how do we do Secret Santa?" Morty asked satisfied with his small act of kindness. Rick had resigned himself to sipping silently on his flask, letting his grandson carry out his good deed.
Jerry was standing in the center of the living room, having gathered everyone's attention by standing in front of the television and blocking the screen. It was Saturday and Beth was at work, leaving everyone else at home together until they all dispersed to go elsewhere. "Well Morty everyone's names are put in a bowl, or a hat, or a- well, anything that we can draw out of- and then we each pick one name. The name that the person picks is the person that they buy a gift for. It's pretty simple huh?" Jerry seemed pleased with himself at having shared his idea.
"Jesus Jerry, get on with it. When are we gonna pick names." Came Ricks annoyed voice, seemingly pressed for time even though he didn't really have anywhere to be.
"We can do it at eight thirty since Beth'll be home by then." Jerry could only handle Rick for so long before he started to wilt on himself; the older man just made him feel so bad about everything he did.
"S-UGH-re," with that Rick bounded off of the couch and into the garage, beckoning Morty with a wave of his hand.
Morty quickly nodded toward Jerry and followed Rick while Summer walked up to her room.
Morty locked the door behind himself, pleased to be unable to see the driveway because the garage door was down.
Rick was sitting down in front of his work bench, working on some clear, round object that Morty wouldn't even try to understand the science behind.
"H-h-hey Rick what- whatcha makin'?" That didn't mean that Morty didn't want to hear Rick talk about it. Morty walked over to his grandfather, peering down at the complex item the older man was tinkering on.
Rick turned around, knowing that Morty wouldn't understand it if he explained. But that didn't mean he didn't love the look of awe Morty gave him when he did. The brunette sat on Rick's lap, facing the invention as Rick opened his mouth. "C-ca-UGH-n't tell you babe- baby it's a surprise." Rick rested his head on Morty's shoulder, holding him close.
"Rick w-what about Secret Santa?" Morty knew that even though he saw this circular, see-through whatever it was that he still wouldn't know what Rick had gotten him. Rick knew the same of course.
"Morty I know your dumb, b-but your're not that stupid, when the f-UGH-uck have I ever listened t-to Jerry?" Rick rubbed patterns against Morty's sides when he huffed at the insult. "M-morty, baby boy," Rick leaned down and nibbled at Morty's neck, lavishing in the soft betrayed mewls he was receiving. "Two things," Rick continued, one of his hands creeping its way under Morty's overly worn yellow shirt. "One," Rick's left hand begun to toy with Morty's left nipple, tugging and twaiting it harshly. "Surprise, I'm your S-secret fucking Santa." Rick debated on saying the second, seeing as Morty had been coaxing a waxing hard on out of him since he arched his back and began to rut down onto Rick. Rick decided it would be worth it to continue. "And two," his tongue flicked out against Morty's earlobe when he received a shuddering intake of breath. "Get out I-I gotta work on your- EURP- present."
Rick snickered as his hands left Morty's body, although he did want the contact back, Morty's gift had a lot of work to be done.
"Aw jeez Rick why'd you- why'd you do that." Morty was sputtering as he gathered himself up, his erection straining against his pants. "I gotta- I'm gonna go u-up stair- back into the house." Morty hurried out of the garage, ran up the stairs and into his room, grabbing his tissues as soon as he sat on the bed.
Morty leaned back on his bed frame with a sharp intake of breath. Although Morty wasn't fully hard his dick still ached a bit, which was uncomfortable enough that he had sound reason to jerk off; even though the majority of the family was home.
Morty lifted his hips and shimmied out of his pants and underwear, spitting on his hand afterwards. He quickly began rubbing his half-chub to its full length, relishing in the stimulation. Soon enough he'd fallen into a comfortable rhythm, bucking up into his hand.
Morty slipped his free arm over his mouth, sparing his sister (who was just down the hall) from hearing him jack off, though she was probably used to it by now.
"Mmph," Morty's pace became sporadic as he bit down on his arm, leaving indentions in his wake. "Mmm, Rick," Morty came with Rick's name on his tongue, panting as he basked in the after-glow. He took about ten more minutes to regain his composure before he cleaned his mess up.
Morty changed clothes, some spurts of cum stained what he previously adorned. Morty had to go prepare Rick's gift, Secret Santa or not, Morty wanted to get Rick something for Christmas.
Morty headed out of his room and through the house, going back to the garage. Though Morty has left the house many times on his own, he still wanted to tell Rick he was leaving and that the older man wasn't allowed to come snatch him up for any reason until he came back. Morty was sure Rick would understand even if Morty didn't elaborate on why.
Morty didn't knock on the door, he walked into the garage to find it empty. Well, that meant that Rick probably wasn't going to pick him up for an adventure today. Morty turned around and went out of the front door to the driveway, getting out the keys to his used Kia.
Morty was going to a sex shop. Pure Romance Adult Couples Store to be more precise. He'd never gone into one on Earth before, considering he'd have to be twenty-one to do so, and Rick could always take him to a better interstellar one. But Morty wanted to do something special for Rick, Morty wanted to give him a buffet of options. Very kinky options. The young adult had asked Rick to print him 3,000 dollars in counterfeit bills, about two years ago Rick had made an oblong black machine that could print any palpable currency that wasn't made of metal. Morty hadn't wanted to use it for ethical reasons; until he googled how much sex toys actually costed.
Morty typed the address into his phone's GPS, starting the navigation before he put the key in the ignition.
The building was one story but it was still large a bit secluded, there was a grocery store a few blocks down, along with a shopping complex across the street and to the right. The building's seclusion was a win-lose situation. Some of the clientele would prefer not to been seen rushing into a sex shop. Others would probably love the thrill of being seen. Morty wasn't sure which he was.
Morty entered to see the register on his right, a short, plump brunette greeted him with a smile. "Hi, I'm Charlotte, welcome to Pure Romance." She gave Morty a quick once over, her smile never leaving her face. "We have a twenty-one and older policy here, would you happen to have your ID with you sir?" Charlotte's tone wasn't condescending or mocking, it sounded like she had to ask every costumer for their ID.
Morty had come prepared though, he'd left his real ID at home and only taken his fake with him, so that he was sure not to mix them up. "Y-yeah sure," Morty reached into his jean's front pocket and grabbed his wallet, flipping it open and tugging out his ID. "U-um here," Morty handed it to Charlotte, who didn't seem to actually look at it.
"Alright, everything's cool, if you need any help, or can't find something ask Jordan, he should be on aisle seven right now." Charlotte leaned back into her chair, holding her phone low so that it was difficult to catch if you weren't looking for it. She didn't look back up at Morty, as if she'd decided that her job was done. Morty noticed the buggies on the opposite wall and grabbed one with a blush rising on his cheeks.
Morty glanced around to find that the shop was surprisingly bright, with yellow walls and shining LED lightbulbs overhead. There were multiple aisles filled with different toys, along with various costumes, masks and lingerie models against the walls. Morty walked into the aisle nearest to his left, aisle seven, only to find a tall, lean man stocking a shelf with cock rings. Morty walked toward the man, who upon closer inspection had dyed his hair black. "H-hi," Morty hadn't thought out how embarrassing this would actually be, he would have to ask where everything he needed was since he'd never been in the shop before. Jordan stood back, a good four inches taller than Morty, and offered him a small smile. "Aw jeez, where are the u-uh butt plugs?" Morty's blush reached his neck by the time he'd gotten the whole sentence out. However Jordan was unphased, holding in a chuckle at Morty's embarrassment.
"They're on aisle thirteen but aisle ten has most of the anal toys." Jordan glanced at Morty, noting that he had buggy. He wondered what Morty was looking for, if it was large or if he was just buying a lot of stuff. "I'm Jordan if you need anything else." Jordan offered Morty his hand with a larger smile on his face.
"I'm Morty," Morty smiled back and lightly shook his hand, deciding to retrieve the butt plugs first and give Jordan time to finish stocking the shelf.
Morty looked over the selection. He had about 400 dollars in cash on him as pulling out 3,000 would be very odd; Morty would need to space out his visits so that it didn't seem suspicious that he always paid with large sums of cash. He planned to buy all the butt plugs and the ball stretchers today. Just thinking about the ladder made him wince, but this was for Rick.
Morty didn't bother looking at the prices as he shopped, he just picked up everything he thought Rick might like and placed it in the buggy. In almost ten minutes Morty had one of almost each available butt plug in his cart. He walked back over to the aisle Jordan was on, seeing that the man only had two more cock rings to place. "Jordan I could use s-some help, actually." Morty was blushing again, asking someone to help you search for sex toys was not a comfortable experience. "I want to get my u-um boyfriend a buffet, k-kind of, of toys and other stuff to try out for C-c-christmas and there's a lot of stuff on the list. B-but today I'm just looking for the ball stretchers and the butt plugs." Morty's blush had spread to his ears as he spoke, though Jordan only seemed to listen intently. "I got all the butt plugs already but, p-pun, aw jeez, but I still need the ball st-stretchers." Morty finished with a sigh. Maybe by the time he'd finished shopping for Rick he'd be invincible to embarrassment.
Jordan gave Morty a small laugh at his pun. Seeing where Jordan worked it definitely wasn't the first time he'd heard the play on words, but Morty definitely seemed to need the support. "Yeah sure, follow me, the ball stretchers are over here." Jordan placed the last two cock rings as he spoke. He stood up and led Morty over to a different aisle. "I know we have a stainless steel one that's pretty popular, all of them metal of course though, but this one's a lot smoother than some of the others. What're you looking for?" Jordan reached for a shiny, small metal contraption encased in hard plastic, handing it to Morty.
"I just need a bunch of different kinds. S-so one of each i-is fine." Morty glanced at the ball stretcher, he hoped that Rick wouldn't be interested in it when he saw it. Morty was into a good bit of kinky stuff, and he did enjoy some dom, sub play with Rick; but having his balls stretched did not sound fun.
Morty was finally finished buying his Buffet of Toys, as he'd come to call it. Next up was Ricks other, and last, gift.
Morty was getting a tramp stamp.
Well it wasn't really a tramp stamp but it was going to be written (carved into his body would be more accurate, as Jerry would've said) above his ass. At first he was thinking of going with something like 'PROPERTY OF RICK'; but after some brief consideration Morty had decided that his tattoo deserved a sentimental flare. He'd drawn it out on a crisp piece of paper, 'A Hundred Years', written in a curvy (kind of overdone) cursive font.
Morty was a bit nervous. Not about the pain of getting the tattoo (being with Rick, Morty had gone through enough pain to make getting a tattoo seem like scraping his knee), but because both his gifts were noticeably sexual. Well, one was as sexual as something could get and then the other could be seen as a literal tramp stamp. What if Rick thought that Morty only liked him because of the sex? That wouldn't make much sense though. Morty was the one that initiated the mandatory bi-weekly date nights while Rick had only given an uncaring grunt of agreement. So the elder would not be allowed to make that argument when he saw his gifts.
When Morty had originally thought of getting a tattoo, he was going to get it on his chest or his collarbone; however, when he though of what it would say, he knew it would have to be somewhere he could hide it; hence, a tattoo above his ass.
Morty pulled up to Wicked Inked; the tattoo parlor was in the same plaza as the flower shop that Jerry had gotten Beth roses from for their last anniversary together. The flowers were long gone but Beth would still bring them up in conversation when she felt annoyed with Jerry; as if to remind herself that he really wasn't all that bad.
Morty walked up to the front desk, offering the tall, blonde girl with the crooked name tag and eyebrow piercing his real ID. Dana, was what the name tag read.
"Do you have an appointment... Morty?" She asked, handing Morty his drivers license.
"Y-yeah," Morty shifted on his feet.
"Last name please," Dana looked tired and ready to end her shift.
"Smith," Morty wondered if she had forgotten his name already after seeing his ID or if she'd just not looked at it anywhere other than his birthdate.
"Cool, you can wait in the lobby, Randy'll be done prepping in about five, ten minutes." Dana typed at her computer screen while Morty went and sat down in the lobby. It was empty except for himself, it was about eleven AM on a Wednesday so most people were at work.
It took less than five minutes for Dana to tell him to, "go on back, and get ready to get Wicked Inked!" She and Morty both had to hold in a laugh at that. Morty didn't know if it was company policy to say that, if Dana had to say to every costumer; or if she'd just come up with it and decided to try it out on Morty. Morty didn't care, that was stupidly funny.
"Hey I'm Randy," Morty took a look at the toned, burly man with white plastic gloves on. "Do you have any sort of idea on what kind of tattoo you're looking for?"
Morty thought for a moment, he was a little self-conscious about the tattoo he wanted, but he steeled himself none the less. "Aw jeez, I-I actually have a picture o-of it." Morty handed his rough draft to Randy, who studied it carfully.
"Okay great, where do you want it?" There was nothing better than a costumer that came in and actually knew what they wanted.
"The base of my b-back." Morty pointed to a spot just above his butt, about three inches below where a belt would be, he felt a bit bad making Randy touch so close to his ass.
"So, like, right here right?" Randy used his index finger to draw a straight line on Morty's lower back, his eyes boring into the spot to memorize it.
"Y-yeah," Morty walked over to the black, cushioned seat in the center of the room, avoiding the white stool meant for the artist.
"A hundred years huh, any story behind it?" Randy asked sitting down on the stool as Morty got situated.
"Aw jeez, it's kind of a-a saying my b-boyfriend and I have, t-thought it would be a nice Christmas gift." Morty blushed, this was going to be an awkward day.
"Merry Christmas Everyone!" Jerry was probably the most excited out of the family. They'd gathered enough decorations to put the Christmas Tree together, even if they had put it up on Christmas Eve.
"Jesus Dad, yeah Merry Christmas or whatever," Summer muttered as she exited her room and headed downstairs toward the living room.
"Jerry can't you just wait until we're actually downstairs?" Beth followed Summer, walking ahead of Jerry with a small smile, one she reserved for the holidays spent with her father.
"Y-yeah Dad, happy- happy holidays." Morty was already at the tree, sitting down on the couch, next to Rick, who had sat down with a six-pack of beer.
"Happy f-f-UGH-ucking Christmas, or what ever dumb shit you chose to force us to 'celebrate'." Rick didn't look up from his flask; he figured that if he was spending his morning with Jerry, he'd need at least a slight buzz to get through it.
"I was just trying to get everyone into the Christmas spirit." Jerry dejectedly stated as he walked toward the Christmas Tree. "Okay guys why don't we start giving our gifts to our Secret Santas." There were only five gifts under the tree but no one seemed to mind the decrease in presents.
Everyone grabbed the gift that they'd bought and handed it to their Secret Santa, muttering a, "merry Christmas," or a, "it's not like I had to or anything." It was a very touching moment for everyone.
The family settled back down, gathering together in front of the television, no one turned it on because Jerry would have a cow if they did, something about 'family bonding'. Once everyone was comfortable the gift opening commenced; Jerry was going first, deciding that it was 'the man in the house's place."
"Summer you got me a tie, and it has little tablets and phones all over it!" Jerry placed the messily wrapped packaging off to the side as he held his, obviously cheap, gift out for the family to see.
"Yeah Dad, I know how much you love to play on your tablet, so I thought you'd like to think of that every time you put on that tie." Summer resisted the urge to reach into her pocket and pull out her phone. This was boring.
Next up was Beth, her gift had been from Jerry. "Wow," Beth held up her forty dollar gift card to Bob's Liquor and Spirits. "Thank you Jerry, you're so observant. I'm glad you noticed how much I love to drink." Beth wouldn't tell Jerry that she planned on using every cent on that gift card.
Summer opened her gift after Beth, a small gasp leaving her lips. "Mom this is so cute oh my God thanks!" Summer held up some very short, probably purposely a size to small, shorts for the family to see. "I have a top that would be so cute with these!" Summer, the only one that got a gift she actually liked, took a quick picture of the shorts before folding them and setting them aside.
Next up was Morty, he'd grasped the small, wrapping paper covered, box a bit tighter when Summer finished opening her gift. Rick had told him that they'd get each other's names but hadn't said anything else about it; and after the conversation moments with Rick were few and far between as both men were constantly out and about as Christmas drew nearer.
Morty straightened his back, letting it pop in the process. Morty knew Rick wouldn't care about the wrapping paper so he hurriedly tore the Christmas-themed paper away. "Oh- oh," Morty held up a black ceramic coffee mug with the words, 'World's Best Grandson' written in bold yellow letters. "T-thanks Gran-Grandpa Rick." Morty was almost holding back tears. Hadn't Rick been working on his gift in the garage? Was this the finished product, if so did it do something really cool and sciency that he just needed to figure out? Morty turned the mug around in his hands, looking over it closely for anything unusual that could point towards something more, something that showed Rick cared.
"M-Morty what are you d-OUGH-ing? It's- it's a coffee mug, y-you like coffee right?" Rick asked, his expression almost blank.
"N-not really Rick. I a-always thought it was too bitter. B-but I can drink other stuff out of it." Morty held up the mug in a brief gesture, covering his nose for a moment to hide its slight redness. "I-I think we had the same gift i-idea though." Morty finished, letting the mug rest crookedly on his lap.
Rick's face didn't change when he opened his present to find another ceramic mug, this one blue with the words, 'World's Biggest Genius', scrawled out in a delicate cursive. "Thanks Morty." Rick knew Morty probably thought that the mug was the only thing that he'd gotten him. The kid had the thought process of a goat. It'd be alright, Rick would clear it up later.
Soon enough the family dispersed; Summer going upstairs to just leave before anything had the chance to go to shit. Beth grabbed her coat and left the house, gift card in hand, yelling a, "merry Christmas guys," before she left. Jerry went back upstairs to see what he could actually wear his new tie with. Which left Rick and Morty. Rick walked into the garage, grabbing Morty by the wrist to drag him along. Morty closed the door behind them, listening for the soft click, he turned around to watch Rick walk over to his workbench and reach over some odd unfinished invention.
Rick pulled out two presents. Both in boxes and wrapped in a beautiful space-themed wrapping paper. One was significantly larger than the other, about the size of a square decorative pillow but about as heavy as a carton of milk. The other was small; the size of a Rubik's Cube, and weighed a good bit less than a pound. The paper surrounding the boxes looked real. Like if Morty reached out and touched it his hand would've been sucked into the cold vacuum that was space. And Morty had seen it before, first hand, many times; space that is. So looking as such a wide, endless expanse in only a small space; it was like putting the Earth into in old woman's purse.
"I- uh, I thought that we-URP-we should have o-our own Christmas party or what-what ever." Rick handed Morty the larger of the two gifts; noticing how reluctant Morty was to hold it. "J-Jesus Morty, I know I don't th-this sentimental shit all the time but jeez; I won't- I didn't put a-a fucking bomb in it just- just open it." Rick was nervous. Just nervous enough not to give too many snide remarks about how dumb Morty was to think he'd actually gotten him a mug for Christmas; or that being scared of wrapping paper was something only Morty could manage to do.
Morty delicately opened the gift; not dignifying Rick with a response. It was beautiful, what ever it was, extremely bright, and encased in a clear orb of what felt like glass, as it invelpoed in on itself; like a consistent cycle of rebirth and death. It was one of the most amazing things that Morty had ever seen. "O-oh jeez, Rick this is- this is beautiful." Morty was awestruck as he relented to his grandfather.
"Yeah Morty I know. It's a-URP- it's amaxing. I-I had to find one that would elapse long eno-enough to shrink and then I had to freeze the surrounding time space and manipulate it enough to-to consistently repeat itself and it was a-a lot- but, fuck Morty, look at it. Do you- d'you know what it is Morty? This is- it's a supernova Morty. I-," Rick paused, his eyes glazed as he stared at one of space's most beautiful gifts. "Only you and me Morty, only you a-and me get to see this. This star, th-this right here Morty, just us. No other Rick and Morty get to see this, not this one. It's-EUGH-It's gone Morty. It's your's. Happy fucking Christmas Morty I got you an exploding star." Rick finished his spiel, looking down at Morty with an almost awkward nervousness.
Morty had started crying about a third of the way through Rick's monologue. His nose was burning and his eyes stung a bitbut God, this was just amazing. Rick got him a star. A fucking supernova; no other human being got to see one in person and very few alien species had the technology to get close to one. But not Morty. No Morty held a supernova in the palm of his hands; and Rick made it happen because he loved him.
Morty placed the orb down onto the workbench, reached up towards Rick and wrapped him in a tight, badly angled hug. He peppered kissed over the old man's face, smearing his tears against Rick's cheeks. "O-oh jeez Rick, it's so- it's just," Morty took a deep breath, attempting to steady his breathing. "It's so pretry Rick th-thanks so much." Morty let go of Rick, wiping his cheeks clean as he did so. "A-and I thought you got me a-a fucking mug." Morty let out a hoarse laugh, smiling as he did so.
"Morty I'm a- I'm a fucking genius if I give someone something it's not gonna be a God damn mug, but yeah, technically I did get you a-a mug." Rick snorted, he was way better than that, at least he was for Morty. "Now open the other one too baby."
"Oh God, oh jeez, I don't wanna cry any-anymore Rick. Is this gonna make me cry?" Morty stared at the smaller gift, unsure of what could be inside.
"Nah, it w-won't, it's uh pretty chill dawg." The words fell past the old man's lips with ease. Rick was more than a master of deception; he might as well have been deception itself.
Morty rolled his eyes, knowing better than to trust Rick's words; he just hoped that he didn't bawl too hard. Morty paused once more to stare at the wrapping paper, it was still so real to him. He carefully peeled it off, opening the the white box underneath the decorative covering to find a black velvet ring box with white stitching. "Oh-oh jeez; oh j-jeez Rick," Morty's eyes blew wide; he felt his heart hammering in his ears, and for a second, just one small moment, there was only Rick and the ring box. Morty couldn't even register his own existence but there was Rick, a light blush on his cheeks while he belched and looked away; Morty saw Rick, he only wanted to see Rick.
Morty took the smooth box out, opening it slowly as he got lost in the moment. "They're promise rings M-Morty. I've already done the whole marriage th-thing so I'm kinda over it but this me just y-y'know; putting the ball in your court, wh- if you ever want to we could go get a marriage cer-certificate on another planet. The coordinates to your favorites are al-already programmed into the portal gun. I uh, I know I'm not the multiverse's biggest romantic b-but I love you baby an-and I promise that it'll just be y'know, Rick and Morty baby boy, Rick and Morty forever, a hundred years Rick and Morty."
In his palm Morty held two gold bands, the engraving inside of the one closest to his wrist read Rick and Morty forever. The other engraving read, A Hundred Years Rick and Morty. Both phrases were carved in an elegant italic cursive, taking up about half of gold surface. The rings were perfectly fitted, meant to be worn by the two males staring at their shiny surfaces.
Rick slid the ring over Morty's ring finger, slipping his on soon afterwards. "R-R-Rick, oh God," Morty sniffled.
"Morty God isn't real."
Morty gave a raw, high-pitched, snort-like intake of breath and a soft laugh. "I-I love you too Rick; so much." Morty sniffled and reached over to hug Rick once more; this time at a more convenient angle.
Morty steeled himself a bit; it was time for him give Rick his other gifts. Morty pulled away from Rick, looking up at the old man. Morty positioned himself accordingly. He angled his crotch closer to Rick's and quickly wiped his face with his palms. Morty let his eyes meet Rick's as his tone became wanton and sultry, "Rick, I got y-your gift too."