After Wally had ceased she had cried until she couldn't find anymore tears. She just tumbled down and cried, not caring that she wasn't properly clothed for the cold weather. At some point someone had put a jacket on her, but it still wouldn't help her with the cold, and she was fine with that, she just wanted her body to become numb, so that she would stop feeling like her heart was being ripped out from her chest. In the end, the team had had to drag her to the bioship because she wouldn't leave the North Pole, and once she was done crying she just went silent, looking over nothing, until they were back at the watchtower.
Once there she was given a warm cup of tea, that she had just held in her hands, looking at it, without knowing what to do. This wasn't your typical heartbreak, her and Wally weren't broken up, the loving feeling hadn't abandoned them. It wasn't like he had left because he didn't love her anymore, if that had been the case it would have hurt but she would have been fine in the end. This was way worse. He loved her, she loved him, they would have never chosen to be apart, but now they were, and they would forever be. She contemplated all this while looking at her cup of tea. Flash and Nightwing hadn't left her side, and were looking at her with concern, but not saying anything, because what could you say to someone in her situation.
Finally, in a very frail voice, she said "Someone needs to tell his parents." After some debate with Flash and Nightwing they let her be the one to tell them, but on the condition they came with her. So they did. When she arrived at their door, teary eyed and without their son, they immediately guessed bad news, but wouldn't dare believe anything until Artemis said it. Once she did they broke down, Wally's mother literally, she slowly fell to the floor, as if her knees had stopped functioning, which they probably had, and with a hand over her mouth, started crying. Wally's father got angry, asking her how it happened, why had no-one prevented it, if they could see the body. All this only made Artemis more upset, as she didn't know how to cope, how to cope with the guilt that she didn't stop him, with the sorrow, because there wasn't a body, and finally she started crying herself. At this, the Flash stepped in, making his presence known, and apologizing to Wally's family, saying he was sorry, that it was partly his fault, and that he knew nothing he said would ever do for the loss of their son.
After a few hours spent there, making sure they were well enough to be left alone, and with a promise for a funeral for Wally and a ceremony of honor for Kid Flash, they left. Flash offered Artemis a room at his house and Nightwing one in Wayne Manor, because neither of them wanted her on her own, alone with her thoughts, but she rejected both, claiming she needed to go feed Brucely. Still, they went with her to her home in Palo Alto, and finally, after saying goodbye on her doorstep, left her alone. She opened the door and was immediately greeted by a slobbering dog. She smiled softly and leaned down to pet him, and just seeing him that happy, knowing he didn't and would never understand why today was a bad day, made her swell up with tears. He would never understand why Wally didn't come back, why he would never pet him anymore, why now it would be only her taking care of him, walking him to the park, cuddling with him on the bed. And eventually, he would forget Wally, his smell and his voice, and that almost made her angry at the dog, Wally, who had loved them both so much, who had saved both their lives that day, and this dog didn't understand it and wouldn't even mourn him. Of course, she then remembered he was just a dog and he couldn't help it, and then she felt jealous of the dog's luck, because he didn't have any worries beyond his plate of food.
Speaking of his plate of food, she looked at it and saw it empty, sighing she stood up and served him his portion for dinner. She hadn't had dinner either, as she was busy fighting the bad guys, but the kitchen was a mess, and she didn't feel like cleaning it, or adding to that mess, or eating, for that matter, so she just went on her way.
She was covered in dust and rubble, and still felt shivery from the cold of the North Pole, so she decided to take a shower. She went to her room, took off her clothes and just left them on the floor, without the energy of putting them away, grabbed a towel and stepped on the shower.
She set the water to the hottest she could and stepped in, immediately the bathroom became heavy with steam and she remembered all the very mundane mornings spent here with Wally, getting ready for classes, her showering while he washed his teeth, or both of them showering together, and she started crying again, sobbing. She got her head inside of the water, wanting to stop feeling so much pain, and rather wanting to feel the burn of the water, which hurt, but it was a manageable pain. This other pain, she didn't know how to handle it, and the more she felt it, the more she thought she would die from it. It hurt her to her very core, like nothing had ever hurt. He was gone, and he would never come back, he hadn't even said goodbye, they had only just reunited a few days back after months apart, and now he was gone again, and not for a few months, but for forever. And even though she knew they had greater duties they had to attend, she couldn't help but hating everyone, hating The League for allowing kids to fight even though she knew it was the kids who insisted on fighting, hating Nightwing for that stupid plan of his that kept them apart, hating and loving Wally for being a hero, and hating herself for going on that undercover mission that rid them of so much time together.
She took a very long shower knowing she would feel it in her pocket when the bill arrived, but still, she took her time, applying soap and the rubbing her skin raw – rawer than it already was due to the hot water – and then washed her hair until her scalp hurt.
When she was out she went to get dressed and opened the closet, just to find it full of his clothes, only that made it take fifteen extra minutes for her to get dressed because she just had to lay down and cry, and once she had calmed down some, she settled for a pair of her pajama pants and one of Wally's shirts. She felt wrong touching his stuff now that he wasn't here, but she also didn't want to forget him, it terrified her, so she thought putting one of his shirts would make her feel closer to him.
In the end it didn't help much, she laid down on the bed, in her side, with his side empty, and Brucely at her feet, and upon seeing his empty side, started crying again, she grabbed his pillow and hugged it close to her so harshly that she almost ripped the fabric apart.
That night she cried until she was so exhausted she ended up collapsing asleep.
The next day she awoke to Brucely barking and the door ringing. She looked at the clock, it was almost eleven. She wondered why it had taken her so long to wake up and then noticed the empty bedside beside her. The events of yesterday came running to her at once and she was overcome with guilt like she never had, because for a moment she had forgotten that Wally was dead, in less than twenty-four hours she had already forgotten him. How could she be that horrible of a person. "I'm sorry" she whispered over and over, while crying and hugging her knees.
Whoever was at the door heard her crying and shouted, "Artemis please, open up, if you don't answer me I'm coming in". Artemis recognized the voice as M'gann's and shouted a teary and unsteady "Come in!" A few seconds later the Martian appeared at the doorframe of Artemis' room carrying a box and softly said "I brought you breakfast… I know it's kind of late, but I figured…" Artemis started crying louder and explained to her the motive of her crying, how she had forgotten, how she was horrible and didn't deserve him.
"Oh Artemis," M'gann said gently, "cut yourself some slack, you had just woken up, I doubt it was more than five seconds when you didn't know, and even then, it was because you weren't really awake yet" despite this Artemis continued to cry some more but after a while she calmed down and M'gann took the opportunity to offer her some food. Artemis tried denying it but yes, much like in a cartoon, her stomach rumbled at that precise moment. Dejectedly she took one of the muffins M'gann brought her along with a juice box and ate them full.
Hesitantly she offered "I would love to have lunch with you, if you'd let me. I guess you would rather not go out, so I thought we could order delivery or I could cook something if you don't mind me cleaning your kitchen". Artemis certainly did mind. It sounded stupid, so she would never say it out loud, but that kitchen was a mess because Wally had been eating like the pig he is—was, right before they were called to their last mission, so neither of them had had the opportunity to clean it, and now she just didn't want to. She wanted to leave it like that, and to never forget why it was like that, that he ate like a madman. He wanted to never forget ever little detail of him, from how he always put two layers of cheese in his sandwiches to how he carried her when he ran.
She didn't tell any of this to M'gann but she did tell her they could order delivery. While the food arrived, she served Brucely his food and made the bed. Then they had lunch, Artemis remaining in the same clothes she slept in. After that the day was very uncomfortable. Artemis knew what Miss M was doing, babysitting her, but Artemis didn't want to talk about anything or go anywhere and M'gann was afraid to push her, so they just sat on the living room, Artemis on the couch petting Brucely while he slept. When the evening came M'gann heated some leftovers from lunch and while they were eating announced "They're holding the service tomorrow, for friends and family, I can come get you and arrive with you, or anyone can, for that matter, just let us know. Also, they want to know if you would like to speak, it's alright if you don't though." Artemis said nothing to this, she just stopped eating but stayed looking down at her cardboard of Chinese, so M'gann continued "Also on Wednesday, they are holding a public ceremony for Kid Flash, and the League and us will be there, in our attires of course, and Flash will speak on it, I, or someone else, could also come to get you for that" When she had nothing else to say, and nothing she felt was worth adding, she just remained silent, waiting for Artemis to say something.
"…I don't have any formal black clothes… The only ones I had I used for Jason's…but I outgrew them already, and I don't want to go out…" She looked at M'gann, her eyes were wet again, she hated crying so much now, she was crying more than she had in her whole life, but also, every moment she wasn't crying she also hated, because wasn't he worth way more crying than she had been doing?
"Don't worry, I'll take care of it. So I take it you want me to come help get you tomorrow?" Artemis nodded softly. Then, because she felt like this was coming to a close, M'gann asked "Do you want me to stay here tonight? Or maybe you could stay at my place?" Artemis declined and then, once she was finally alone, went to her bed and repeated yesterday's ritual of crying until it tired her enough to sleep. This time she cried thinking of the funeral, of everyone who would be there. His friends from college, his family, Iris, who she hadn't seen yet, the Justice League, The Team, Ollie. Of what they would say, how much would they cry, and she wondered and wondered until she finally fell asleep.
The next day she woke up early and with a feeling of dread in her stomach. This time, even before opening her eyes, she knew her life was incomplete, as it would be from here on out. She, feeling as dead as she hadn't felt since her mom went to jail, took a shower, combed her hair, brushed her teeth, fed Brucely, and then laid on the couch, looking at the roof, thinking of nothing, just feeling empty.
The sun was starting to shine through when there was a soft knock on the door, "Come in" Artemis thought gingerly, knowing who was at the other side of the door. Miss M, using her powers, slid through the door. She was carrying a package in one hand which this time contained a grilled cheese sandwich and in the other, an attire all in black, which Artemis guessed was for her. She silently left them on a chair and opened the door to reveal Gar, still green, but in a black suit, looking very serious. He went in.
"Good morning Artemis," began M'gann, "I'm sorry for bringing him without asking, but as we're going to the funeral from here" at the word funeral Artemis went rigid and her eyes swelled up with tears once more. M'gann, noticing this, started talking again, a little more hurriedly "I know he's green, so he'll be staying at the back with me, I also brought you breakfast and the clothes you needed". "Thank you. Hi, Gar" was all she replied.
She ate barely half of the sandwich and went to get ready. The tree of them left for the funeral via Zeta Tube, as it was being held in central city, because it was Wally's hometown. There had to be at lest fifty people there, which almost had Artemis on the floor crying, because Wally had been so loved, and so loving, there were a lot of people here and yet, she knew all of them had known him on a personal level, were not just acquainted with him, but were close to him. And that spoke of how many lives Wally had affected, how special he was. The whole team was there, as it was expected. The whole justice league, even Bill Batson was there. His whole family, which to Artemis was the hardest to see, because aside from Flash and Jay, the others were not on the superhero business, they were just normal people, with very close families, who reunited on Sundays for supper together, and now she had taken away their son, nephew, cousin, because she hadn't stopped him from going, because by agreeing to that undercover mission, she had gotten them both back in the game, when they were happy and safe without it.
She started to have trouble breathing, she couldn't do this, she couldn't face them, she was sorry, but sorry didn't cover it. She wanted to apologize, to let them know it wasn't his fault but hers, but she didn't have the words, nor the courage. She was a coward, and she couldn't face them.
M'gann started trying to calm her, but she didn't know what the problem was—I mean she obviously knew what the problem was but didn't know what exactly had triggered this panic attack—so she didn't know what to say or what to do. Fortunately or unfortunately, Iris and Barry noticed, and Iris rushed over to Artemis and hugged her. Artemis held on to her for dear life and buried her face in Iris' shoulder and began to loudly sob and shake her head, once she had recovered her breathing a little bit, through her crying she started telling Iris she was sorry, over and over again. Iris was overcome with emotion, she was already very sad for the occasion, but seeing the headstrong Artemis breaking down like this make her ache all over again.
Upon seeing this scene, everyone around them became silent and could do nothing but look down, with feelings of shame, guilt, sorrow, pain. Not only for Wally, but also for Artemis, who they knew was having the hardest time out of all of them. It wasn't only that she had loved him, but what that meant for her, what love had meant to her before she had met him, and how he had shown her what love was truly meant to be. Compassion, care, tenderness, worry, affection. And now that was lost to her, and all here felt somehow responsible for it.
Iris told her there was a chair with her name up front, next to her and Barry, but Artemis declined and opted for sitting in the back next to Gar and M'gann, and Bart took her place next to Iris.
Mary and Rudy both spoke, along with Barry and Dick. After that the people stayed chatting to eachother, but Artemis wanted to mourn him on her own, at the home they had both bought, with their dog, in silence. She made to leave but was immediately approached by Dick. He noticed her reluctance and said, "Look I'll leave you alone, I'll stay on the couch the whole time, I won't come to your room or speak to you no matter what, alright?" She knew they were babysitting her and guessed this wouldn't be the last time, but she wanted to be alone with her thoughts and she figured this was the best bargain she would get so she agreed and off they went.
True to his promise Dick didn't bother her once, he might as well have not been there, but she knew he was, so she still tried to cry as silently as possible, though she doubted she did. That night she made the conscious effort to remember their experiences together, because she didn't want to ever forget them, but also because they were the closest she would get to living something like that again. She thought of meeting him, of their memory loss in Byalia, of telling the team of her family and how he had supported her immediately, of their new year's kiss. Of how after being together he had asked her about her family again, and she had told him in more detail. Of applying to college together, moving in together, getting their dog, starting college, when they would stay awake at night catching up on studies and he would fall asleep on the dinning table. She thought and thought and cried and cried until she fell asleep herself.
The next day she woke up to soft tapping on her door. "Artemis today is the public ceremony for Kid Flash" Dick told her softly, he then served Brucely his breakfast and waited on the couch for Artemis to go out. For this they would be going in their hero attire, so he was already dressed up as Nightwing. About ten minutes later Artemis came out, in her Artemis attire, and they left again for central city. None of them spoke much on the way there, but once they were arriving Artemis said,
"Look, I won't stand with all of you there, in front of that much people, I can't handle that but also, it would look weird if I started crying and I can't promise I won't, so I'll stay hidden in a tree nearby."
"Alright." Replied Nightwing after a few moments.
And so she did. Now in a park in central city, was a statue of Kid Flash mid-run, people left teddy-bears and flowers and letters and cards, and they cried, and the heroes gave speeches. Once it was done Green Arrow came to find her and left with her to her apartment.
When they arrived at the apartment Ollie took off his cowl and at the same time saw what state the flat was in and offered to clean it. Artemis refused but he went on to tell her that she couldn't live like that and made to clean it anyway. At this she threw a fit and started screaming and crying at him, pushing him out of the apartment and out the door. He tried telling her that he was sorry, begging her to let him in, worried she might do something dangerous. She didn't open him though, so he stayed there for another two hours or so, seated by the door, making sure she wouldn't suit up and leave, and after calling Dinah to inquiry what he should do, he left.
The next day Kaldur and Dick went to hang out with her, after that M'gann and Conner, on Saturday it was Bart and Barry, and on Sunday Zatanna and Karen. She wasn't allowed on missions, so she didn't have anymore of a choice than to stay there and listen to them.
It had now been a week since Wally's ceasing and Artemis still couldn't feel better. She didn't want to move on from Wally, she didn't want it to be easy for her, because that would be a dishonor to him. He was and always would be the most important person in her life, and she didn't want to stop thinking about him, she didn't want to feel good, because that meant that she was forgetting him, and he was more important, deserved more hurting than that.
The thing is, she didn't feel better and she didn't want to.
A/N: Sorry for this A/N, I personally hate them, but I felt like this one was necessary. Either way I put it in the end so it is easier to skip.
I've been a part of for a while now and I've read a lot of stories here, but this is my first time writing anything for this site or of that longitude for that matter, so sorry if there was a lot of description and not that much dialogue, but that just isn't that easy to write for me. Also, since it was a lot about Artemis in her mind and how she was feeling I felt it could be excused.
If by any chance anyone at all reads this I would love the reviews, letting me know what you think I could improve on and what I did alright, did you love it, did you hate it. Also, if you have any ideas for a fic also let me know in a review. If it is not for this show you could go check my profile and maybe I'm familiar with it.
Thank you for reading.