Forget
Kent watched Jane left the lab frustratedly. Pissed off of him for neglecting his duty as Maura's assistant. And by Maura's assistant means knowing all her stuff like meetings, her whereabouts and whatever she's doing. Yes, it was his job to know Maura's whereabouts. But what got him thinking is isn't it also Jane's job to know the doctor's whereabouts since she's practically Maura's family, best friend, and from what he observed someone Maura has a unique relationship with? Shaking his head, he watched Jane disappeared from his sight thinking why on earth she was so mad at him when it was supposed to be her to be the first person to know where Maura went.
When Kent joined the BPD a few months ago, he already witnessed the relationship between the brash detective and sophisticated doctor to be unique. At first, he thought they were a couple since they do a lot of things together in or out of work. They finish each other's sentences and they seemed to know what's running on each other's mind. They were synchronized. They protect each other. And they do seem to love each other unconditionally. He was in awe of them. But few days after Maura's abduction, the two seem so distant. It's as if they weren't best friends at all though the worry, concern, protectiveness, and love was shining in their eyes. And the distance continued on up until now. And he was saddened by the distance of the two to each other. It was so obvious that Jane was so concerned about Maura's health. But why doesn't she ask Maura about everything? All the things he knew that she supposed to know? He sighed as he continued on his report.
...
Angrily, Jane sat on her seat, as if ready to punch anything that will come across her way. Which is not really good. He was mad at Kent for not knowing Maura's schedule. For neglecting his duty as Maura's assistant. For not taking care of her. But isn't taking care of Maura her job? Then she's mad at Maura for not taking everything easy like what her doctor advised her. Hell, she is supposed to be resting today and not doing some errands or going somewhere. Maura Isles could be really stubborn sometimes. Hell, most of the times. And lastly, she's mad at herself for not dealing with the situation better. Damn, she's Maura's best friend. She was the only one in the doctor's life. After all that they went through, coping everything up with her and taking care of her is the least she could do. But instead, she buried herself on the Sand's case and put Maura's issue behind her mind. She's no better than Kent.
"You look like you're about to punch your monitor." Angela Rizzoli said as she entered the bullpen. Jane closed her eyes. Her mother is the last person she wants to deal with right now. "What's the matter?"
Jane opened her eyes and looked at her mother. "Nothing."
"You say that but your face says otherwise." Jane rolled her eyes annoyingly. "Don't roll your eyes on me, young lady. I'm still your mother."
"Please, Ma. I don't wanna deal with anything right now." Jane said tiredly. Angela just looked at her sternly. "Fine. What do you need?"
"I came here to know where Maura is. I went to her lab and office but she wasn't there. I thought she was here. Apparently, she's not here." Angela explained.
"I guess she went out."
"Do you know where she went? And when she's coming back?"
"No." Jane looked down slightly. Her response was almost a whisper. "She didn't tell me. She didn't even tell Kent."
Angela sighed and sat beside her daughter. She finally knew why her daughter was mad. "You're mad because she didn't tell you?"
"No. Why would I be mad? It's not like she has to tell me everything that's going on in her life. It's not like as if I didn't see her fall on the floor yesterday due to her concussion. No. I'm not mad!" Jane said angrily as she clenched her teeth.
"Why didn't you just call her, honey?"
"She wasn't picking up. Kent said she has an appointment. She left about an hour and a half ago."
"This is not how you deal with a situation like this, Janie."
"I know, Ma."
"Then why like this, Jane? Why not deal with it properly?"
"Because maybe I don't wanna deal with it," Jane replied softly.
Angela didn't get to respond. She knew how Jane was broken due to the fact that she still did not catch Alice Sands. The person who caused all these messes in their lives. And how Maura was hurt again by the same culprit. She hated how Jane and Maura have to deal with after effects of Alice Sands' moves. Angela has known for a long time that Maura meant a lot to her daughter. That the two love each other much. The detective might have known it yet. She might not have discovered it yet but Angela knew Jane would be devastated if she lost Maura. What she just don't understand is the sudden shift between the two best friends. One day, the two were so affectionate and loving towards each other then the next day, it seemed like that they just have met each other for the first time. She wanted to ask why but thought better of it so she kept her mouth shut although her heart broke for them. It was sore in her eyes to look at them that way.
"I won't keep you that long. Talk to her, alright? Just talk to her, baby." And once again, Jane was left in the squad room.
...
Maura came back from her appointment. During her ride back to her office she tried to perform calming breaths to release all her tension from her body. She didn't tell anyone about her appointment. She didn't tell anyone she had gone to perform MRI to have her brain scanned. She didn't tell anyone about her slip of word earlier that day. She didn't tell anyone. Not even Jane. And now she's back in her office. Her sanctuary. And she knows anytime now, someone will come to see her and demand questions about her whereabouts. She just hopes that Jane isn't the one to ask her. But who is she kidding? Regardless of who will come to see her now, Jane will still demand answers when they see each other. And she must prepare to tell the truth.
As she was lost in her thoughts, there was a knock on her door. She expected to see Jane but when she looked up, she saw Kent standing in the doorway. Relief and disappointment resided in her heart.
"Dr. Isles," Kent smiled slightly.
"What do we have Kent?"
"The result of the clothes we processed." Kent walked towards Maura and handed her the folder. Maura gladly accepted the folder and started reading it while Kent studied her. "Detective Rizzoli was looking for you."
Maura looked up and put the folder down. "I have read her text messages."
"She was mad. She was mad at me because she thought I wasn't taking care of you seriously enough."
"Oh. I'm sorry. I should've told you where I was going. I should've told her either." Maura replied solemnly.
"That's not it, Maura. I was worried about you. And I could say that Detective Rizzoli was beyond frustrated when she learned you went out. Where have you been, Maura?"
"I had an appointment. MRI. I had my brain scanned."
Kent nodded. "Listen, I know we just known each other for a few months now. But I want you to know that you can trust me. You can confide in me, okay?" Maura smiled a little at Kent. "And I promise I will do my best to take care of you."
"Thank you, Kent."
"I guess, I'll be going now. And I think you need to go see, Jane. She must be furious by now." Kent gave her a reassuring smile.
"She just worries."
"And she has every right to be."
"I guess so."
"Alright then. I'll leave you to the report now."
When Kent left, Maura was left with her thoughts again. What should she tell Jane about her appointment? Should she tell her everything? About the dizziness? About the slip? Should she tell her that maybe there's a possibility that she isn't the smartest person in the room now? That there's a possibility that she will lose her mind? She opted not to tell Jane everything. But this is Jane she's talking about. She could extract the truth from her if she wants to. Maura sighed as she finally decided on what she would do. She will tell Jane everything but not right now. Maybe later.
...
Maura found Jane, Frankie, Korsak, and Nina talking about the Alice Sands case. She watched them for a while not far from them, gathering enough to courage to face her best friend and the impending questions. She managed to give them some advice on where they should start looking and what type of building they should be looking for to track the whereabouts of Alice Sands. And from the corner of her eyes, she can see Jane looking at her intently.
"Where have you been?" Jane asked.
"I had an appointment. I will tell you about it... later." Maura said, trying to keep an eye contact with Jane but she couldn't so she started discussing the result of the clothes they processed. But Jane never left her gaze at Maura. "Nina, how are you feeling?"
"I'm a bit better now. You?"
"Fine." Then she met Jane's gaze again. Her next answer was more of an answer to Jane's questioning eyes than to Nina's question. "Just fine."
As the conversation went on, Maura found herself joining them, giving opinions and theories. They gladly accept them especially Jane who is now under pressure to catching Alice Sands.
Maura excused herself after a couple of minutes but found herself being followed by Jane behind her. When they reached the elevator doors, Maura turned to Jane. "Is there anything you need?"
"Where have you been Maura?"
"I told you I'll tell you everything about it later. For now, focus on catching Alice Sands." Maura gave her a reassuring smile.
"Do you promise me that?" Jane's look is pleading. Maura's heart melted at the sight. "Do you promise to tell me the truth about everything?"
"You know I can't lie Jane."
"Will you come with me to my apartment, later?"
Maura smiled. "Yes, I will."
...
Three hours later and Jane and Maura arrived at the detective's apartment. After many hours of searching for Alice Sands down the sewer, Jane and her team ended up with nothing. On the other hand, Maura just waited for her patiently in her office as she agreed to go to her apartment that night. Jane stinks as she spent her entire afternoon down the sewer. But Maura didn't bother to comment on it. Jane is already frustrated as she is, and giving comments like that won't help her distraught detective.
When they arrived, Maura sat on one of the barstools as Jane handed her a bottle of beer. "No, I can't. I'm still under medication so..."
"That sucks," Jane muttered as she sipped on the beer.
"Well, I can take alcohol after a few days. And I think that's okay." Maura smiled.
Then there was silence.
Jane stared at her best friend intently, worried look flashed in her eyes. "So where were you this afternoon?"
"I uh... I went to the hospital."
"And what did you find out?"
"What makes you think I had to find out anything?"
"Because when you have something important to tell, you exhale a lot louder than you normally do. I thought it was a relaxation technique." Jane gave Maura a small smile.
"Do I really do that?" Maura asked and Jane exhaled louder. "Oh, I do do that."
"And you have a tendency to change the topic and ask a lot of questions when it's really bad news."
"Well, everybody does that, don't they?"
"Just like that." Now, fear and worry are visible in Jane's eyes.
"I had an internal bleeding in my temporal lobe due to the fall." Maura finally admitted.
"Okay? So what are they gonna do?"
"Nothing. I'm fine now. And in two days, it will be like nothing happened."
"And now?"
"I'm forgetting things. Dizziness."
"Maura..." Jane could feel her eyes getting hotter.
"Stop it, Jane," Maura said sternly. "I don't need pity." She whispered. "Please."
"I don't pity you. I'm worried, Maura."
"I know and I'm scared, too." Maura almost whispered the last part as she bowed down her head. "I mean what if I won't be able to perform my work properly anymore? What if I forget the medical terms that I used? What if I forget everything?" Then she looked back up at Jane. "What if I forget about you?"
That thought didn't occur to Jane. Once she knew about the condition of her best friend, her mind started processing the positive outcomes. Or she just forced her mind to. But then, when that particular question was out in the air, Jane felt herself froze. The world without Maura is painful and lonely. That Jane is sure. But the world with Maura forgetting about her was more terrifying. Not that she wanted Maura to die instead. She just doesn't like both ways. Jane felt her heart tightened as the possibility flashed in her mind. Her adorable, witty, and so very literal best friend lost and confused about herself because she lost the ability to function properly. The happy, very optimistic and the sunshine of her darker days, forgot about her. That very same person who always pertains blood to reddish brown stain because she doesn't want to acknowledge it until tested, couldn't perform her job. No. Those things could not happen. Jane wouldn't lose Maura that way or any other way. She wouldn't. She just wouldn't.
The silence between them made Maura nervous so she stepped forward until she's face to face with Jane. "Jane?" She put a hand on the detective's shoulder. What happened next caught her off guard. Jane instantly wrapped Maura in a tight hug. Maura could feel Jane is shaking.
"I won't let that happen. It won't happen." Jane's voice is shaky as her own body. The thought of Maura forgetting about her really scared her. "Don't say that please."
"But Jane... what if..."
"You hate sentences starting with 'what ifs' remember? Don't start now."
Maura tightened her embrace more as she rested her head on her best friend's chest. "I don't want to forget you." She mumbled as she finally let her tears rolled down her cheeks. Jane felt it.
Jane planted several kisses on top of Maura's head. Something she had never done before but didn't mind doing it now. She just wanted to comfort her best friend. and most of all, she wanted to be comforted as well. And just by feeling Maura against her body, Jane felt comforted enough.
"What are we gonna do, Jane?"
"If that happens, I will make sure to be there all the time to remind you everything. About the things you do. The great things you do. How smart you are. How lovable you are. And I will spend the rest of my life making you remember me." Jane promised. Then she felt a lone tear that betrayed her stoic demeanor fall down her cheek.
"You won't do that. You have your own life. You will settle and..."
"I don't think about those kinds of stuff, Maur. If what you fear happens I will dedicate my life making you remember everything. You hear me? I will be there till my last breath."
It's been days since the night they talked about Maura's condition. It's been days since Maura broke down and started blurting out what ifs and Jane made endless promises that she will do everything for Maura to remember if what the doctor feared happens. Maura still felt scared. She still felt scared that she would forget everything. But most of it all, she's scared that she will forget about her best friend. Jane Rizzoli. When Maura said those words, she didn't say it for Jane to feel pity for her. She didn't say it so Jane will comfort her and hold her. No. She said it because she was really scared.
Now, sitting on her chair in her office, Maura brought out the paper Kent gave her yesterday. It was the list of neurosurgeons. Best neurosurgeons that could perform surgery on her condition. When Kent told her that she may be suffering to Chiari Malformation, Maura considered the idea. She didn't think about it at first due to they were busy looking for evidence that could tie up to Alice Sands' crimes. And now that Alice was dead, Maura has a lot more time thinking about her condition. She observed herself. She had done research on Chiari Malformation. And soon, she accepted that it may be her real condition. She did a lot of new things to help create neural pathways to strengthen her brain.
Maura is still contemplating if she must undergo a surgery or not. If she didn't, the dizziness and slip will continue to occur. That wouldn't be reliable for her work. She wouldn't be reliable to her work if she continued forgetting things. But if she undergoes surgery, there would also be no guarantee that she will be fine and good as new. It could also worsen her current condition if the surgery would not turn as she expected it to be. What would it be? Yes or No? Either way, there's a consequence but what path should she take?
With one last look, Maura put down the folder consisting the list of the neurosurgeons. Then she noticed the other note she created yesterday. Someday that other paper will have it say. She just doesn't know if the recipient will be okay with it.
...
What if I forget about you?
That sentence kept repeating in Jane's head once Maura said those dreadful words. Even if they are working on new cases, the words still lingered in Jane's head. Even if Maura asked her that question days ago or maybe even weeks ago, Jane felt like she heard the sentence just yesterday. The thought scared her. No. It terrified her. She knew she made promises to Maura that she will do everything she can to make Maura remember everything if that happened. But it scared her a lot. Jane doesn't know if she can deal every day knowing that Maura forgot everything. It's painful. And just by thinking about it, Jane felt like she had been stabbed at heart through and through.
Sitting in one of the chairs in Division One Cafe, Jane sipped on her coffee as she looked outside the busy street of Boston. It was a minute later when she noticed someone sitting across her. She looked up and met her mother's gaze.
"Ma, what are you doing here?" Jane frowned, seeing her mother at the station. Not that it was something new.
"Vince asked me to bring some documents for the Dirty Robber. What are you doing here?"
"Sipping coffee? I'm taking a break." Jane replied and sipped on her coffee again.
"What's up? Something wrong?"
"What do you mean?"
"Come on Jane. It's not like you're the type to take a break. Something's bugging you that's why you're sitting here, thinking, and staring at nothing."
"It's not really nothing, Ma. There are cars and people outside. I'm looking at them." Jane sarcastically replied.
"Hiding from sarcasm again, I see."
Jane sighed. She knows there's no way she's going to win an argument with her mother. "It's about Maura."
The confession made Angela looked straight into her daughter's eyes and alarmed. Maura wasn't her own but she welcomed the good doctor into her family and treated her like her own. Angela Rizzoli took Maura Isles under her wings the moment her daughter and the doctor became best friends.
"What happened to her? Is she okay?"
"She's fine, Ma. But I'm worried about her." Angela looked up at her in confusion. "You're aware she suffered to a concussion, right?" When Jane saw her mother nod, she continued on. "Well, she's suffering to dizziness and slip. She's forgetting things especially medical terms. That's what she said."
"Did she see a doctor about her condition?"
"Yes, and they said that there's nothing to do with her. After a few days, she will be back to normal like nothing happened."
"That's good, right? What are you so worried about?"
"She's forgetting things, Ma. The other day, she voiced out her fears to me. She asked me, 'what if she forgets about everything?', 'what if she forgets about me?'" Jane lowered her voice as she lowered her head.
Finally, Angela knew about what scared Jane. "That won't happen, right? Maura is strong. She can get through this. We can get through this. You will be there for her as well as I."
Jane smiled weakly. "I promised her that if ever what she feared happens, I will dedicate my life to make her remember everything." Jane rubbed the scars of her hand. Angela understood what Jane meant but she chose not to comment on it. "But what if she forgets about me, Ma?" Jane felt the back of her eyes getting hot. The beginning of tears started to form but she tried so heart not to let them out. And she quite succeeded.
Angela instinctively grabbed Jane's hand that is on the table and squeezed it lightly. "The thing that mind forgets will never be forgotten by the heart. She will never forget about you. I'm sure of it." Angela gave her daughter a reassuring smile.
...
Jane found Maura in her office standing. Maura's back is facing her. Jane leaned on the door frame and studied her best friend first. She smiled at the sight. Slowly, she walked towards her best friend.
"Our man is upstairs, I hope you have something that can tie him up to the murder," Jane said, announcing her presence.
Maura looked up at her and smiled. "Well, I'm sorry to say but your man is a woman."
Jane's face fell. "What? Really?"
"Really."
Jane spotted the folder on the table. "Is this the result?"
Maura tried to grab the folder to no avail. Jane moved it away from Maura's grasp. "No. That's not it."
"What is it?"
"Jane..."
Jane frowned while she read the contents. Upon finishing reading, she looked up at Maura. "What is this, Maur?"
"It's a list of the neurosurgeon. They might help me with my condition. They specialize in surgical treatment for Chiari Malformation." Maura replied, not meeting Jane's gaze.
"I thought you're feeling okay? You know with this neural thingy?"
"It may help in the meantime, yes. I don't know, Jane. Maybe I'm just avoiding the surgery."
Jane smiled weakly at Maura. "It's okay to be afraid of surgery Maura. It's normal."
"It's not the surgery I'm worried about. I'm worried about its outcome." Maura sighed as Jane just continued watching her. "What if I'm not me anymore? What if I lose it? You know Jane, I have always been..." Maura trailed off, unsure of what to say next.
"The smartest person in the room?" Jane finished for her.
"I wasn't really gonna say that."
"I said it," Jane said proudly.
"Jane..."
"Look, Maur. I get it. I do." Jane made a step forward to the ME. "But your intelligence doesn't describe who you are. Your kindness, thoughtfulness, generosity, selflessness, that's who you are Maur. Those are the things that I love about you." What? Did she just say the word that starts with 'L.' Jane couldn't seem to recover from her own embarrassment from what she said. So to cut the awkwardness she felt, Jane opted for the one thing she's good at. Humor. "And what I love more about you is that you took my mother in. And now I don't have to."
And it worked. Maura's lips started to curl into a smile. And Jane was proud that she was able to pull out that kind of smile in the doctor's face. She internally congratulated herself for the small success. The two started chuckling as their hands slapped each other's hands like they were a child.
"Fine. I will make an appointment."
"Okay." Jane started moving towards the door then she looked back at Maura. "Just keep my mother." She grinned as she disappeared from the ME's office.
When Jane left the doctor's office, the smile on Maura's lips started to fade. The fear that was still in the corner of her mind still lingered. She's afraid of what will happen after the surgery. Now, that she agreed with Jane that she will make an appointment, there's no going back now. Jane will expect her to have her see a doctor and probably undergo a surgery.
Maura sat down on her chair and rested her head on her hands. The fear slowly consumed her. Something she didn't allow herself to do before. Something she avoided doing. But now, she slowly gave into it. She feared that she will lose everything. She feared that the surgery might not turn to what she expects. And then, Maura Isles, the Chief Medical Examiner for the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, started to dwell with ifs again. Something she never did before, too.
What if I forget about you?
That was the very question she asked Jane when they talked about her condition days before. And it still lingered in her mind whenever she had an idle time. And even before she sleeps at night or after waking up every morning. And now, knowing that she might have this Chiari Malformation, the fear of forgetting everything and Jane kept getting stronger. God, she didn't want it to happen. But it was there. The possibility and probability that it might happen are there. She didn't want to forget. Those big brown eyes of her best friend that lights up when she laughs or rolled when Maura says something out of Jane text book. Google mouth, that's what Jane called it. Those dimples that always showed when Jane smiled. God, she didn't want to forget everything about her best friend. The good and the bad. No. She didn't want to. They were all part of her life.
Maura wiped her tears that rolled down her cheeks angrily. She has to stop thinking about the worst-case scenarios. She has to focus on the present and stop worrying about the future. She has to or she will lose it.
...
After Jane and her team finished the latest case, they went back to the precinct to start some paperwork. For long hours, her mind stopped worrying about Maura and their talk earlier. Yes, she was glad that there will be a procedure to make Maura Maura again. To make her best friend okay again. But the fear that it won't work was still there. Hell, Maura managed to make her pessimistic about this thing, too. Maura was worried and now Jane started worrying, too. If anything Maura is, worrying is not one of them. Maura is sure about everything in her life. And this thing that happened with the ME rocked Jane down to her bones. And Jane hated the thought that Maura might be correct with this. God, she hated being helpless especially when it comes to Maura.
Jane wasn't aware that she had been staring at her paperwork for over an hour. The room was silent. Deprived of human noises. The clicking and clacking of keyboards were the only things that can be heard. Glancing at her watch, Jane noticed that it was already past seven. She looked up at Korsak who was now engrossed with whatever he's doing.
"Hey, Korsak. I'm heading out." Jane said as she started grabbing her things. "I'm going to finish this thing tomorrow morning."
Korsak nodded. "Okay. It's already past seven anyway."
Jane smiled and started to walk towards the door out of the bullpen. She thought of having dinner with Maura outside. It's been a long time since they did it anyway. After the long cases and with the thing with Alice Sands, Jane thought going out might make her feel light. And Korsak doesn't need to know about it.
"Hey, Jane. Is Maura completely okay now?" Korsak asked before Jane disappeared in the bullpen.
Jane met Korsak's gaze, unsure of what to say. She doesn't want to be the one to tell everyone the possible condition of Maura. Sure she's Maura's best friend and she knows a lot about the doctor. But that doesn't mean she can go around and tell people about what's happening to the doctor. No. She won't spill the beans. If they want an answer, they can go and ask Maura. Even if the people asking are her family. If Jane is a private person. Maura is just the same as she is.
"She's fine. She just had a mild concussion but she's fine now."
Korsak saw the hesitation in Jane's eyes but he knew the female detective damn too well like she's his own daughter. Korsak opted to nod and didn't press any further and let Jane walk out of the bullpen.
...
The light in Maura's office was still on. Jane smiled thinking that Maura is still there. The thought of the warm dinner with the doctor excited her and made her stomach flutter. What? Her stomach never flipped before when she and Maura were having dinner. Why the sudden change now? Jane pushed the possible reasons out of her mind as she stepped inside Maura's office.
Jane was met with silence. Maura was nowhere in sight. But Maura's bag is still there so it means that Maura hadn't let the building yet. Stepping forward towards the doctor's desk, Jane caught sight of the folder she looked at earlier. The one with the list of neurosurgeons. She sighed heavily thinking that Maura might need an assistance from one of them. Just then, her eyes caught something more interesting. Interesting because Jane's full name was written on it. God, she still hated her middle name.
Frowning, Jane grabbed the paper and read it. Her eyes widened, clearly not expecting what kind of paper she was holding. She could feel her heart beating faster than it normally does, her hands getting sweaty, her body shaking with fear. She could feel her eyes burning hot. She didn't expect this. Never.
"Jane?" Maura called out from Jane's behind.
Jane spun around, her eyes still wide as a saucer. There, she found Maura surprised from what she discovered. "What is this?" Jane asked. Maura could see Jane's hands are shaking. She never meant for Jane to find what she did this way. Not this soon, though.
Maura knew they needed to talk. She closed the door and stepped forward until she's inches away from her best friend. "It's my will and testament. I just updated it yesterday. I will deliver it to my lawyer tomorrow morning." Maura answered like they were just talking about the weather. Nothing big and no big deal.
"You put everything under my name? Why?" Jane is still horrified. "Why would you make this?"
"Jane, we're both aware that I have no one in my life. It's only you I got so I put everything under your name. I didn't mean for you to find this out this way." Maura replied literally, as usual, not catching what Jane actually meant.
"I don't need this, Maur. I don't need every of it." Jane snapped. She could feel the beginning of tears to form. Her eyes getting blurry.
Maura felt guilty at the thought that was formed in her mind. But she was wrong again. "I'm sorry, Jane. I didn't mean to belittle you or anything. That's not what I meant in my will. I just simply thought that... since..." Maura stammered.
"That's not what I meant, Maura. I just don't get why you need to update your will. Tell me, why?" Jane almost screamed at the medical examiner. If Jane is anything but demanding, she's doing it now. She's demanding answers from Maura like the way she demanded answers from suspects.
Finally, Maura caught on what Jane was trying to imply. Her head was bowed down as she decided to finally admit everything. "I thought that I need to do this before I undergo surgery. When everything in my head is still clear. I don't want to risk everything knowing that there are still things that I needed to do. After all, ever since we became best friends I already decided that someday when I die, I want each of my assets to be named under you. I just haven't drafted the will before. I'm sorry I didn't tell you this sooner."
Jane wasn't offended on what Maura thought. And she's clearly aware that Maura has no one besides her and the entire Rizzoli clan. Though she didn't expect Maura to make some kind of move like this, Jane knew she would be forever grateful to her best friend. But she didn't need Maura's fortunes. She doesn't want them all. She doesn't want Maura's wealth.
Jane's hand that still clutching the almost crumpled paper is still shaking as she locked her gaze to her best friend. "Then why now? Why make it now?"
When Maura locked her gaze with Jane, she saw three things in Jane's dark orbs. Confusion. Pain. Fear. Some of the things that Maura rarely saw in Jane's beautiful eyes. "Because I still remember everything today. I might forget everything after the surgery."
And there it was. The very explanation Jane dreaded to hear. That Maura did it because she still remembers everything. That someday she might lose it and forget everything that she needed to be done.
Jane closed her eyes, and when she did so, the tears that were formed in the forefront of her eyes, rolled down her cheeks. She wasn't one to cry. In fact, throughout her and Maura's friendship, Maura rarely saw her cry. But she doesn't care right now. She's scared, confused, and hurt. She didn't want to hide it from the doctor. As a matter of fact, she wants Maura to see it because she can no longer hold it. Not after she saw the will.
"I don't need this. I don't need every of it." Jane whispered and crumpled the paper completely.
"Jane..." Maura put a hand on Jane's shoulders.
Jane opened her eyes again and was met with the softest eyes she had ever seen. "I don't need this, Maura. I need you to be safe. I need you to be okay. I need you to stay healthy. I don't need every of these fucking things. What will I do with it if you're not there?"
"Jane..." Maura's eyes began to brim with tears, too. And since she doesn't want Jane to witness it though she knew Jane already saw it, Maura pulled Jane into a hug. "It's just a preventive measure. If..."
"You're assuming, Maura. You're assuming that you will forget everything. And you're making it sound like it's final. You're making it sound like there's no more hope when in reality there is. You're making it sound like you will forget about me. You made it sound like it's final when you wrote that fucking will." Jane didn't care if she sounded like a whiny child. She's hurt and scared. And for once, Maura didn't reprimand when she swore. Instead, she held the detective tightly knowing that the facade Jane mustered finally crumbled into pieces. That everything that happened between them finally took its toll on her.
Jane returned the embrace as she held Maura tightly and protectively. Yes, Jane Rizzoli is very protective when it comes to people she loves and cared for. And now, she wanted to protect Maura from everything. From her illness. But Jane knew she wouldn't be able to do that now. She couldn't protect Maura from everything to come her way. And Jane felt frustrated and helpless. But there's one thing is for sure, she will be there for Maura all the way. She will support her and be everything Maura needed her to be. And she meant it.
"I'm sorry, Jane." Maura breathed out. She couldn't help the flow of her tears now. And she doesn't care.
"Please tell me you'll be okay," Jane whispered in Maura's ears.
"Jane, you know I can't lie. I might faint."
"Please Maura. Lie to me for once and tell me you'll be okay."
Maura sighed. "Will you catch me if I fall?"
"I will. You know I'll always will." Jane responded. If the situation is only different, Maura's question and Jane's answer will have a double meaning. But since they're dealing with a heavier situation, both pushed the thought away from their minds.
Maura sighed softly. Finally, her tears dried up as well as Jane's. "I will be okay, Jane. I will be okay."
And Jane held Maura firmly like there's no tomorrow when she noticed the first signs of Maura's hives. After all, Jane promised Maura to catch her when she falls. And she will catch her in every possible way.
When Jane entered Maura's office, there was only one thing in her mind; that is to have a wonderful dinner with the doctor anywhere she picked. Be it Italian or the doctor's favorite fancy French restaurant. Jane didn't mind any of it. She just wanted to go out with her best friend and relived some tensions from all the things that have been going on around them. To escape. But life took its own action and steered her night in a different path. A path Jane isn't yet ready to take. A path she constantly avoided. A path she prayed she wouldn't have to take. But now, slowly but surely both she and Maura are already crossing that said path. Jane knew it was inevitable and they have to cross it somehow someday. She wasn't just this ready to take it soon. She meant every word she said. She will be there for Maura all the way. She will dedicate her life for Maura if what they both feared happen. Hell, she would even resign from her post if the need arise. She will do it for Maura. Yes. She knows she will.
END
Just my two cents in the whole Maura's Chiari Malformation thing. Happy Reading!