This story is my ode to ChemicalJane and her awesome story The Heart At It's Darkest. As soon as I finished her story it dawned on me that I had to know what would happen once Leah came back . . . this story is for those of you that wondered too! I also had another idea that I wanted to use in another Leah story I created but there wasn't a way I could effectively blend it into the story so I gonna try to use it here.
I also want to add that I think that ChemicalJane is an amazing writer and that I am still pretty new to this so please be kind in your reviews. Thanks and of course I do not own the any of the characters.
Based Loosely off of The Heart At It's Darkest by ChemicalJane
It had been over two years . . .
Since I had left my home in hopes of finding new happiness . . . well maybe not happiness, but a new purpose. I found many things but I don't know if it was my purpose in life, but it was most definitely a new perspective. Two years since I had fully embraced what I was, two years of almost completely living like a human. The main reason I was coming back was because I had decided that I was okay was what I was, I even lived for certain parts of it. Two years had past and my secret or better yet our secret should be a memory in everyone's minds.
I had to come back because if I didn't I feared I would lose myself and more importantly my ability to phase, each time I tried it was harder to get that burning ripple to flow underneath my skin and give way to my inner animal. The last time I tried I stood for a good hour in an unknown forest trying to invoke enough of an emotion to trigger and angry response in my body, but I couldn't think of anything I was truly angry about. I was not the same Leah, I wasn't bitter and everything I seemed to bitter about before seemed like a distant memory. After traveling the world, seeing major destruction and learning of so many natural disasters it made all of my emotional baggage petty at best.
Now, I sat in the taxi in front of my home in Forks, I watched as someone peeked through the blinds curiously. I hadn't told them I was coming home I wanted to surprise everyone, plus I knew if I told them I was coming home they would ask me a question I still didn't have the answer to . . . How long was I staying? I kept telling myself that I would stay long enough to get my ability to phase comfortably back then I would leave. Staying here would serve me no good, but something told me that I was lying to myself and that I was in for a rude awakening if I thought I was just going to walk back into my old life and no drama would befall me. I sighed deeply and handed the driver a hundred dollars.
"Thanks" I stepped out into my front yard and adjusted my clothes a bit.
"No way!" I heard Seth yell from the house, "Mom, Leah's back, Leah's back!" Seth whipped opened the door and ran towards me scooping me up in a big hug and squeezing me until I was almost breathless. "Leah God I missed you!"
"I missed you too!" I gasped as he let me down. He grabbed one of my bags and helped me in side. Once in our living room I sit on the couch and take a deep whiff expecting to smell all of the memories of home but instead, my eyes widen with excitement and horror. I immediately stood up and headed for the front door, this was a mistake. It had to be because if it weren't I wouldn't be getting ready to face this right now. I haven't even had the time to get comfortable being home. I wasn't going to deal with the situation just not now.
"Where are you going Leah?" He laughed, "You looked scared to death!" He now sat were I was once located on the couch.
"Fresh air," I murmured. I needed to escape before they all approached me, it would be too much.
"Can't you wait until you see mom she has missed you like crazy!"
"You're right . . . I'll stay." I sat in the chair by the door, just in case I needed to make a run for but I really did want to see mom. "Where is mom anyway?"
"She is upstairs, she was getting dressed," he shrugged, "some things take her the longest time."
"Yeah . . ." Then, murmuring came from the back door, through the kitchen, and now appeared to me in the form of Jacob, Bella, Edward, and little Renesmee (who looked to be about 10 years old).
"Leah!!" Jacob grabbed and shook me senseless. "Welcome back Beta! You are back right?"
"I" I was about to give him an excuse but he really didn't seem to care about what I had to say.
"You look hot by the way; it has been a million years since I have seen you with long hair and what up with it being all curly." He went to run his fingers through it and Bella cleared her throat, she never did like any of the attention Jacob gave me, especially once he imprinted on her little . . . . Look at me I was getting ready to go back into my old ways of thinking maybe it was the bitterness that gave me ability to phase so quickly, maybe that was what I was missing.
"Jacob," I moved his hand from my hair, "its just hair, God." I smoothed my hands over my jeans and took a seat. We all sat in silence momentarily.
"So what brings you back?" Bella said not looking at me with her voice cold.
"I missed my family . . ." I thought better of mentioning my other dilemma. Edward's eyes now frowned at me, and I immediately remembered his ability to steal my thoughts.
"Oh . . . will you be staying long?" She asked concerned, everything in the room seemed smaller. I knew Bella and I had a public disliking for each other but this was different, her glare had purpose. I was trying to be cordial but Bella always agitated me, she sort had this way of claiming things that didn't belong to her.
"This is my home . . . it was my home first, I am allowed to stay Bella . . . if I want." I said matter of fact, sometimes I honestly thought she believed that everything revolved around her, but honestly after two years to view the world I could easily tell her that it didn't, the world revolved around none of us. It was just ball of space in which we all existed.
"Do you want to?" She raised her eyebrow to me and I rolled my eyes in response. I could smell my mother's scent increasing rapidly throughout the room.
"Leah dear! Oh honey you are as beautiful as the sun and stars combined . . . traveling has brought out the best in you!" She hugged me, she was right traveling had brought out the best in me, but something was missing.
"Thanks mom and you look great too!"
"Well I have to; you know what tonight is don't you?" She smiled at me and I thought to the calendar I could think of nothing special about April 3rd.
"Leah it is the biggest counsel meeting of the season, you know that!" She popped me lightly on the head, "you should come a lot of the elders have been asking about you!" She beamed.
"Sure," I said sitting down again. I didn't want start an argument within my first few minutes of speaking of to her. Those meeting were so boring or at least I used to think so, when I was nine, which was the last time I had ever attended one.
"Well tell me about everything you've seen and all the things you have done." She sat down anxiously waiting for me to say something profound.
"Haven't you gotten any of my letters?" I questioned, knowing that I had fully detailed all of my adventures to her, Seth, and Jacob and no one else.
"Yeah, but Leah I just want to hear your voice." So I told her a couple of stories about some of the people I met.
"I've been meaning to ask you honey, what made your destinations change drastically?" I stretched I hadn't talked this long for a while, as I raised my arms to the sky and arched my back I noticed to undeserving eyes fall across my body, hopefully I was the only one to notice. Why must he examine me so, as if he were hungry for something? It made me uncomfortable it made me remember who I was then, a monster. That is not me not anymore. I felt like the past was chasing me and I was running straight into a brick wall.
"What do you mean?" I cleared my throat in a desperately lame attempt to breathe with the uncomfortable tension in the room.
"I mean at first you went to places like Paris and Italy, you made them sound so beautiful and glamorous. Then your stops seemed to have a purpose, like when you went to South America and then Africa and the whole dynamic of your letters changed . . . I could tell that you had too." I smiled at her.
"Yeah, I left the bitch in Rome and haven't seen her since." I smiled slightly. "I have to admit there are some things I regret saying and doing when I was the bitch but I cannot change that I can only go forward and try to be humane . . . even if I'm not completely human." I sighed.
"You are . . ." Edward said quietly from beside Bella she now glared at him, her looked advised him to chose his words wisely, "human."
"And don't say bitch sweetheart it's not lady like!" I laughed mom said bitch. Edward smirked too. It was funny that she would say a word that she claimed to be unclean and not lady like, did she not consider herself a lady. It was one of the random slips she made that I let slide.
"I want to help people all over the world, it gives me the most amazing feeling knowing that I am touching someone's life . . .in a good way, a way worth remembering. I don't want to be the cause of pain." I laughed, "This conversation is getting a little deep for my whole three hours of being home. I'm going to go freshen up . . . it was nice seeing you all." I said politely.
As I promised my mother, I went to the counsel meeting with her. I was bored stiff apparently my mentality hadn't changed much from age nine, nothing went on the reservation or in this town for that matter. While sitting there and listening to elders I felt like my brain was in a tunnel full of incomprehensible sounds, which was a normal sensation for someone as uninterested as I was. The sensation that surprised me was the old ache that was growing within me, the sensation was becoming so strong that I was actually embarrassed my it, I sighed uncomfortably and repositioned myself in my steal chair several times hoping it would help. After a while, I deemed my attempts useless and I found a way to sneak out of the meeting and found my way to the nearest "specialty" store. Seeing him again created feelings in me that couldn't be ignored . . . but had to be ignored. With over two years under my belt of dealing with this sensation I knew exactly what I needed (and what I needed came in a little velvet pouch and sometimes sold with batteries or a charger). I opened the front door not even bothering with cutting on the lights. I moved with quickness and determination I didn't know how much time I had to fulfill my urges. I knew I couldn't be around him if I had done nothing to subdue the leaking burning between my legs. I quickly threw the velvet bag into the freezer so that it would feel wickedly cool and delicious just like he used to. I went to go upstairs when I noticed something on the couch.
"Edward?" I gasped in horror I could have handled anyone but him being here right now. I cut on the light and threw him a malicious glare. He looked at me, he calmly pointed to Nessie who was under the cover on the opposite side of the couch.
"She wanted to see Jacob before she went to bed." He shrugged and tried to smile innocently. However true it was that Jacob usually escorts my mother home from her meetings there was no need for him to be in my home sitting in the dark . . . that was some creepy stocker kinda mess.
"I will tell him to call you once the meeting is out," I walked away from him back into the kitchen hoping that he would get the hint to let himself out.
"How long does it take?" He nodded his head in the direction of the freezer, "For it to get cold enough?" My heart started pounding at a ridiculous speed; I couldn't tell if it was from embarrassment or his new proximity.
"I don't know what you're talking about?" I said as coldly as I could muster considering the state I was in, "like I said I will tell Jake to call you." I went to push him but thought better of touching him at all. He smirked and went towards the freezer and put his hand on the door as if he were going to open it.
"What the hell are you doing?" I growled at him and he smirked pulling the door open, easily overpowering my attempts at keeping the door closed. "Please, please stop." I conceded. All I know is the longer it chills the better it feels. I tried my best not to think of the millions of times I had used the technique before. It is amazing how many different places you can find a "little helper." I felt ashamed and embarrassed.
"Don't feel that way I won't say a word, I think it's good that you're . . .self sufficient." His look grew familiar from a different time in our lives; then he straightened his composure and looked over to his daughter. He walked over to her and picked her up as if she were still an infant. "Have a lovely and fulfilling rest Leah." He smirked at me knowingly, I rolled my eyes at him. He was such a jerk sometimes I wished he would just act like he didn't know what was going on.
When Edward finally left not two minutes later my mother was back from her meeting. Maybe my pint up sexual frustration would be the cause of me phasing. It had been three days of being back in Forks and it seemed that everything that the pack did revolved around the Cullen's in one way or another. Today everyone was over at the Cullen's mansion doing God knows what. This was perfect for me because I still had my little issue that I needed to clear up before I could be social. I had even gone as far as to tell Jacob that I would most definitely come the next time, seeing that my need would be fulfilled.
This time I decided to go into the woods, I wore one of a tank top and an old jean skirt for easy access. I was out in the middle of nowhere, but I knew exactly where I was I used to call this area Leah Land when I was younger and I was the only one who knew about the little fort like area that I had made so that I could have solitude from all of my little problems. Now I would use it solve a whole new issue. I enter the fort with my cooler filled with ice and my velvet bag in tow. I put my toy on ice like it was some sort of fine wine, while I waited for it to chill I took on piece of the ice and touch it to the nape of my neck, I pretended it was his tongue, moving in slow circles. I took my shirt off and lay my back on the earth. The ice now traveled from each of my breasts making slow delicate circles around my nipples, which were so hard now that they were aching. I shivered and moaned quietly as I moved the ice around my belly button and then lower, if only he were here I thought, I wanted it to be his saliva repeatedly making the trail from my breasts to my crotch, which was eagerly waiting to be entered.
"Nooo . . ." I thought, I will not call out his name, but it was all I could think of as I shoved the foreign piece of heaven into my center. "Nooo . . . oh God!" I said as I quickened my motion. I tried to concentrate on a memory, something like our first time or our last time . . . something that reminded me that it was something from my past that needed to be forgotten. "Noooo . . . oh why!" I remember how his breath smelled and how I begun to feel addicted to his scent, I loved it so much that I could swear I smelled it now as I quickened my pace further. "You feel so good!" My memories then started to turn into fantasies of us in the kitchen, of him lifting my shirt and licking hungrily at my stomach as he unbuttoned my jeans. "I want you, I want you . . . please". I panted as pushed the toy in as deep and as hard as it could go as I imagined him pinning me to the refrigerator and entering me. "OH EDWARD!" I confessed to the wind, the trees, and any woodland creature in a 25 to 30 mile radius. I slowly pulled the toy from inside of me and looked at it in disgust. It had done nothing but what I wanted it to, just like Edward had two over years ago. I was disgusted at myself that I couldn't let go. I still felt his pull and wanted more. I had told him to forget about me and I hope to God that he had because I didn't know if I was going to strong enough to stay away. I threw the thing into the cooler and went to exit the fort and go to the nearby pond to fresh up as much as humanly possible.
Then I smelled it . . .
"Cullen . . ." I said dryly. I felt I could cry because no matter how long he had been standing there in a matter of minutes he would piece together what I had been doing for the past few hours. I wouldn't turn around to look at him. When I imagined coming back I was hoping to somehow create some kind of friendship with Edward, but it didn't seem like I was strong enough to keep my head out of the gutter.
"We are playing baseball . . ." he sounded slightly disoriented, "I caught the ball . . .Jasper's out" He laughed nervously showing me the ball in his hand.
"That's good . . .," I said sarcastically, "well I'm leaving." I went to walk away from him but then realized that.
"The pond is this way," he said without thinking, "I'm sorry . . . I just." I turned to him and he looked a little less perfect than normal. I stole a quick glance to his pants that were now tightened by the crotch. I frowned hating myself for wanting to take advantage of his situation. I went to walk past him. We had no choice but to walk in the same direction, I griped my cooler tightly as I walked I knew he could smell me, he must think I am one sick puppy.
"No . . . I am the sick one," he murmured, "I know I shouldn't have but I sat there and listened while you . . . at first when I heard you I thought you may be in trouble but as I got closer your thoughts became clear and I was drawn in." He went to touch me but I backed away he was still excited he needed to do something about that, but unfortunately I knew it wouldn't be with me. Even still I imagined myself dropping to my knees to assist him for just one taste of . . . I was going crazy.
"Look Cullen we still can't be around each other or someone will get hurt. So just stay away from me okay!" I stormed off half hoping that he would follow; he didn't which was for the best. I needed some time to think. When we did what we did, I was hurting and in his own way Edward was hurting too. The woman that he thought he would love forever turned out to be nothing like what he had expected. We tried to heal each other but it seems we have done more harm than good. Now I would wonder what if, what if I told him that I wondered what it would be like to legitimately be is woman. That was something I could never do as strong as I was I couldn't allow myself another heartbreak. I went to the pond to wash away my sins.
It was funny I just told Edward to stay away from me when I ended up right on his doorstep bright and early the next morning. Rosalie opened the door and arched her eyebrow. I knew from previous conversation I had heard that Rose knew the extent of my involvement with her brother, Alice must have felt she needed to speak with another female about the situation.
"My mom sent me to make the strawberry pies for Nessie's party thing this evening . . . they have to be prepared in the same area they are eaten, at least that's what she says anyway." I held up my basket as proof.
"I knew you were coming." She widened the door so that I could come in, "That's why the people that have a problem with you have left the house. I could only figure that she was talking about everybody else.
"So what are you telling me that you don't have a problem with me?" I laughed doubting that was what she meant.
"Honestly, no I don't. I told everyone from the beginning that Bella was a bad idea. I told him not to talk to her and he did. I told her not to become one of us and she did. I told them not to blame you. I could sense that there was something not right about Bella, but the one good thing that came out of the situation was Ness." Rose stood on the other side of the kitchen counter as she bared her soul to me.
"Oh . . ." I frowned baffled I almost cut myself, "Oops."
"Close call!" Rosalie laughed, "Let me do the cutting . . . but when I found out about you and him it didn't bother me it actually made more sense to me than Bella. When he came back home the day you came back to Forks a new spark hit his eyes."
"Hmm, we could have been good friends but I don't think we can surpass that moment now. I don't want to deal with the dirty looks I would have to endure from simply trying to have a conversation with the guy." I was really saddened by this it made me want to leave Forks all the quicker. "I just have to get my phasing under control then I can leave here and never bother anyone again."
"What's wrong with your phasing?" I know my eyes widened as realized I let my reason for coming back slip so easily to this vampire. The thought then dawned on me that she could pretending to be nice to find a weakness within me, if so I just offered on up on a silver platter. I looked at her face to examining if she seemed jovial about my confession, surprisingly her face was filled with concern, so I decided to answer her question.
"I can barely do it that's what is wrong with it," I laughed sadly, "and I surprised to say I am not quite ready to give up my immortality. I figure if I was around vampires again and in a stressful environment that I would have no choice but to phase."
"I could help you if you want. I could make you angry." Rosalie laughed this time I couldn't tell if she was joking or not.
"Maybe some other time," I placed the last pie in the fridge to chill. "Rose, you do really seem cool about everything but when it was happening you were the one that came at me with the most fury, I still don't fully get your change of heart?"
"You both should have known better than to do what you did, the way you did it. You are not a home wrecker Leah you are a good person." She touched my arm and a chill went down my spine accompanied by an intense memory of his touch.
"Thanks for saying that." I smiled and walked toward the front door.
"Are you coming to this dance party thing or whatever it is?" Rosalie said holding up an invitation. "I know most of the pack is coming."
"Yeah Jacob, Seth, Embry, Quil, Paul . . . and Sam." I saved his name for last figuring that it would hurt to say but it didn't, the memory of his pain was the least of my concerns. Maybe the trip took care of at least one of my emotional problems. I still didn't want to see him though, not unless I had no choice.
"Right I forgot he was coming, he rarely does. It's a shame you won't come, it would nice to have someone here that kind of thinks the way I do." She reflected.
"Thanks Rose . . . for understanding." I reached out and hugged her, for purely selfish reasons of course I wanted to feel a cold touch even if it was just hers.
"Uhh Leah . . ." She said as she patted my back awkwardly, probably willing me to move. The sad thing was how much I enjoyed her touch, the cold smooth surface seemed familiar in a way.
"Sorry . . . I" Pulled away trying to think of a way to explain what I had done, I couldn't just come out and say, sorry Rose but you feel like Edward. "I'm just losing my mind." I opened the door and Jasper and Edward were standing by the door. "Excuse me." I murmured walking past them. I heard Edward laugh quietly as I quickly made my escape to my car. That jerk thought my torment was funny, but I shouldn't be surprised this was always easier for him than it was for me, but he had a family to fall back on. However in some ways it should have made what we did more difficult for him because he was the one with the most to lose. That's why I told him in the letter that I wrote to set me free, because I wanted what was best for him.
A couple weeks of trying to phase and I was still barely accomplishing my goal. It seemed the more I tried the longer it would take the feeling to come over me. Maybe Rosalie was right, I needed help. That's why I went to her. I knocked on the front door. Emmett answered with the knowing smirk on his face.
"Hey Emmett can I speak to your wife for a minute?" I stood at the front door.
"Yeah come in!" He put his arm around my shoulder playfully and I shuddered. I was glad he touched me because I when he did I felt nothing, no arousal, no stimulation of any kind, which had to mean I was getting over the sensation, or at least I hoped anyway. Edward was sitting on the couch reading some book; he seemed as if he didn't even notice I had entered the room. Rose entered the room and actually looked happy to see me.
"Hey are you taking me up on my offer?" She was perceptive, I nodded answering her question I tried to avoid thinking of the previous conversation Rose and I had, because I didn't want Edward in my business, and he had no place whatsoever in my life. He frowned harder continuing to stare at his book.
"I'm going to get a few things then we can get started." She went back upstairs.
"I could help you too Leah. I actually have an idea that I think will work pretty good." Emmett smirked devilishly.
"I'm afraid to ask." I said dryly.
"Then don't." With that he grabbed me by the arm carrying me out the door and onto the highest part of the roof.
"What the hell Emmett!" I shook with anger and a little fear. I knew that the dude had the tendency to be crazy but why the hell would he bring me to the top of the roof. Why would this make me phase? It's not like I'm afraid of heights or anything, matter of fact I kinda enjoy them, just not with some oversized vampire controlling my movement.
"What comes up . . ." He said throwing me into the air, I went up so far and so fast that I couldn't find enough air in my lungs to breathe let alone think about phasing. Then I started to fall I focused on my energies on using the fear to produce the adrenaline to phase, of course I got nothing so I prepared myself by closing my eyes and bracing myself for an painful landing, but instead I landed in Edward's arms.
"Thank God!" I breathed, I thought I was going to die, I wrapped my arms around him, pulling my body closer to his, and placing my head on his shoulder momentarily until the shock of the situation faded and the truth of our past came back to surface. He had carried me back in the house. "Put me down Cullen!" I said trying my best to sound annoyed, but he of course knew what I was really thinking. He did as I requested dropping me on the couch with his classic smirk. I envisioned him unbuttoning his shirt and lying on top of me practically forcing me to . . . I rolled my eyes I didn't like him thinking he had gotten the best of me. Emmett followed us into the living room area.
"Man, you ruined the experiment, now I'm gonna have to find another way to scare her!"
"Why are you trying to scare her?" Edward paused as if he was listening to something, probably Emmett's thoughts; just then, Rosalie finally comes back downstairs.
"Okay I'm ready . . . what happened?" She said studying everyone's face. "Did someone just have a near death experience or something?" She glared at her husband. "I told you not to do that! Was it as ineffective as I told you it would be?" Emmett just rolled his eyes and shook his head to her statement never admitting he was wrong.
"Yes, your husband saw fit to Leah into the air endangering her life because . . . if I am understanding this correctly . . . you can't phase?" He pointed at me as if he was accusing me of something.
"I can . . . I have . . ." I thought of the last time at tried and how frustrating it was. I immediately stopped because I remember I was naked in the memory. He however didn't seem impressed by it one way or the other. "It just takes longer now."
"Well . . ." He placed his hand on my forehead gently, then he placed his ear on my chest and listened to my heartbeat, which was through the roof now. I wanted to wrap my arms around him and my urge to taste him was . . . I willed my thoughts to become G-Rated. "You still feel . . . and sound the same." He commented, "We just have to piss you off!"
"That's why I came back nothing pisses me off more than Forks!" I laughed.
I had been working with Rose on a normal basis to fix my dilemma for a couple weeks now, most of the time we worked alone, the other times Emmett would try to help, and a couple times Edward watched from a distance. So far, the experiment that we did that worked the best was simple . . . we fought. It still took a few minutes for the rush to come over me but when it did I felt amazing. Rose thought that the transformation would probably be quicker if I was in actual danger, but since I knew that she wouldn't intentionally hurt me, I kind of had to lie to myself subconsciously.
"But the process used to be effortless all I had to do was think about phasing and I was a wolf now . . ." We had been outside in the forest for about two hours it took me half an hour to become a wolf.
"It's like your body chemistry has gone whacky . . . for lack of a better way to put it." She pulled her lips into a slow smirk. I wished she hadn't done that it reminded me of the way Edward used to smile at me when I told a joke that was more stupid than funny. "New topic," Rose announced as if she had breaking news, "what are your plans for tonight?"
"Ugh don't ask . . . I have to go to this thing for Sam and Emily's kid, they are having it at Billy Black's house."
"The birthday party?" Her eyes grew wild with shock and excitement.
"Yeah . . . that would be the thing."
"Oh . . . you do know that Bella and Edward are planning to attend?" She asked hesitantly.
"Nope, I didn't know that but I could imagine them being there making the event oodles more fun!" I said sarcastically.
"I don't think you should go we could hang out, we could ride into Seattle that would be fun right; I just don't think it wise to see them . . . together." Trust me I understood where she was coming from being in a room with Sam, Emily, Edward, and Bella would do nothing for my comfort level but I couldn't see how I could avoided.
"It's not by choice believe me, I promised Emily I would stop by. I'll probably just drop off the gift and then dip." I shrugged, "then we can go to Seattle I'll probably need the space to clear my head.
I sat at the table with one of those stupid cardboard pointy hats on my head while kids ran around me. There used to be a time when I loved kids, because they were wild and free spirited I wanted a million of them, then I shifted and abandoned the notion. Ness played with the "younger" children picking them up, laughing, and running with them. I sat there with Embry who seemed as bored as I was.
"Fifteen more minutes and I'm leaving, I'm almost thirty and I sitting here waiting for cake to brought out at a party for a three year old!" He laughed.
"Yep these are the best years of your life being flushed down a drain," I said dryly, "at least you get to live them over and over again." I smiled darkly. I knew he was trying to become human, mainly because he wanted to go to college and be normal.
"I don't want that Leah! Not anymore!" He growled, he took in deep breaths to calm himself.
"Whoa dude I know, trust me I know how you feel, but be sure that is what you want before you go saying crazy things." I thought about my situation and how desperately I was now trying to cling onto immortality. I kept asking myself why . . . what was the big deal about being immortal . . . Edward, a small voice in my head whispered the answer to the question and I pretended not to hear. Edward's eyes then wandered in my direction and the quickly lowered.
I felt like I was frozen in this party that would not end. Most of the children had now been allowed to play outside. Sam took this time to vow his undying love for his wife, my cousin, Emily. He started to sing to her a tune that was all too familiar to me. It was our song, now their song, my heart dropped in to my stomach scorching sensation to run through me. I exited quickly thinking that I was going to phase but instead all I got was tears. Tears ran down my face as I stood on their back porch, then if the night wasn't going perfectly enough the heavens opened up and it began to pour. I ran to Jacob's garage for distance from the others and shelter from the rain. The garage smelled heavily of Jacob he must have been in there recently he and Bella both had wandered out of the party. Jacob went to check on Ness and Bella to but in a call to Alice, it was inconvenient if nothing else. How was I supposed to escape if nobody else was in the room to distract Emily from my exit?
None of that mattered now as tears continued to flow. How could Sam be that stupid? How could he forget about everything that was ours? How could he give everything to her?
"Leah?" I heard his voice from behind me, and then I felt his cold hands and his gentle touch on my shoulders.
"Go away Cullen . . .please" I murmured through the anger and pain I felt, I would have given anything to phase right now but I felt no charge of any kind, I felt like a car battery that went dead. Edward made no move to leave me, if anything he held me tighter.
"The man's a fool Leah. The imprint has him so disoriented that he thought it was their song. Emily has corrected him and he feels horribly." He words didn't make it any better. He turned me to face him, I refused to meet his stare, and he wiped my tears away and then held me his arms. All I could think was how Emily had gotten what I had wanted most in life, I had wanted a child with Sam, little Sammie should have been mine. "Maybe you can have that now with someone else . . . if that is what you want" Edward offered.
"I don't really know what I want anymore . . ." I said catching my breath, I went to pull away from him and he tightened his grip. I looked up at him, he lowered his head so that his nose was now touching mine, and my will broke as I allowed him to kiss me. I knew as his tongue entered my mouth that I had once again allowed the portal to our own personal hell to be opened and that this time we both were damned.