The Weekly Waffler

Lunas Letters!

Have you got an unsolved problem? Is life at Hogwarts getting you down? Had your eye on the school dude/dudette ever since the Yule ball but never had enough courage to speak to them? Well for free and confidential advice write to: LUNA LOVEGOOD!

Dear Luna

My two bezzies are like SOO made for each other, like the hormonal oversexed teenagers that they are. There's so much Ehem tension between them, i can barely breathe! How can I get them together in between saving the world before bedtime and all that?

Peace Out!

From Boywhowontdie

Dear Boywhowontdie

I'm guessing this is you Harry as i can also see the tension between Ronald and Hermione and may i just say why don't you just tell them straight to snog the pants off each other before they end up driving you even more insane then you already are, i mean there perfect for each other aren't they! A boy who can't afford a decent haircut and a bushelhead! Just lock them in a cupboard and they'll do the rest and if they don't end up snogging the pants off each other maybe they'll kill each other and do us all a favour!

from Luna Lovegood

Dear looney lovegood.. i mean luna.

I have a really big problem. I fancy the pants off Angelina Johnson

& i have done for ages and ages but the problem is that Fred & George like her too. I've asked her out before but shes always said no! Fred & George are always flirting with her and when she flirts back it makes me want to hit Fred and George into space! Its annoying cause there my best mates and they love her too! I could be a much better boyfriend then those red headed idiots i mean, there ok mates but they've got a dungbomb for a brain!

Later Looney, sorry Luna

Jordan

Dear Jordan

The fact that you are writing to me at all shows that you're completely desperate, so I am willing to lend my gracious hand. If the normal ways of seduction dont work, (candy, flowers, crumple-hooked snorkacks) resort to other stuff! Fling yourself in front of Miss Johnson, proclaim your true love (making yourself look like a complete prat in front of your peers, which will definitely test your affections.) Or just have the Terrible Twins bumped off, if you can afford it. (With dreadlocks like that, you cant even afford shampoo so who says youll afford a hired hitman?

Good Luck!

Luna

Dear Luna,

I have THE MOST annoying roommates. Don't get me wrong, it's not as if my life is hell it's just they are all such losers! There is one boy who's head is bigger than a Tractor and another one who's had the same pyjamas for 4 years!! My only friend is Seamus and he can be a right beggit most of the time, also there is a girl who thinks I'm dating her but she's a little retard! Sometimes I just wish I was back in my muggle world with all my real friends and my westham scarf.

Please help me Luna,

DT

Dear DT

I'm not very impressed you have to result to calling your room mates these names, its not like your mr perfect i mean you support ?west ham? What a retarded football team! You can tell Chelsea have much more skill! I agree with you, one should change ones pajama's after 4 years and one does look like he's had plastic surgery in the head gone wrong but be greatful! At least you don't have to share a room with 2 fatty bum bums and a dude who dunno how to use hairgel! and for the girl who thinks your dating her tell her to bugger off! If you do maybe she'll go bother someone else but seriously dude, you've probably wasted 5/10 minutes of your sad sad life writing to me and i've probably wasted the same time answering your pathetic little plees so why don't you go shopping and get a refund for the pathetic life you've been sold! how much did it cost you? £2??

Goodbye

Luna

Dear Luna

Due to some circumstances that happened last year, my face is disfigured with a horrible, horrible form of acne! I mean, I make Avril Lavigne look clear skinned! The worst thing is that my best friend is walking around with her head in the clouds ABOUT THE VERY SAME BOY THAT GOT ME THESE BLOODY SPOTS!!! Grrr, how id like to give him another scar, him and that bloody misfit bushelhead!

Love from, Miss Understood

Dear Miss Understood,

I really have no sympathy for your retarded crater face and I think you deserved everything you got. You grassed on a very important lesson against the dark lord and if Albus Dumbledor Cops it there will be nothing left of Hogwarts thanks to you, pizza face. As for your friends interest in the spot giver, I would not worry about it as anyone who is retarded enough to be friends with you must be a pathetic neek and never good enough for the famous Harry Potter! Go shag a sheep!

From Luna.