This is a work of fanfiction based on the TV show, CSI. The main characters are Gil Grissom and David Hodges. This is a Gil/David story with trace amounts of GSR. I don't own the characters and universe for these shows, nor do I make money off of them. I only things I own are my imagination and the wacky and wonderful world therein.
Fragile
1.
The day it happens is like every other day, and of course it's not the day it actually happens only the day he realizes it's already happened. Still there's nothing special about the day. It's a Tuesday, and work is slow. There have only been a couple minor cases that night, with nothing really pressing, and Grissom spends most of the night in his office working on paperwork. Sometime after there lunch break Hodges comes in to talk to him about some trace evidence Nick had brought in, and just generally goof-off, because Hodges is bored too. Hodges is still wearing his lab coat and leans one hip against Grissom's desk, arms folded, as he talks about the composition of fibers, and Grissom can tell already there isn't going to be anything particularly interesting about this story. For once though it's already, because it feels comfortable, the two of them just talking and wasting time.
Grissom concentrates half on what Hodges is saying and lets in mind wander, noticing the way Hodges' hands curl around his arms or the fact that he always wears long sleeve shirts year round even here in Vegas. Hodges leans slowly closer to Grissom as he speaks, his hand moving to clasp together in front of him, he smiles, and Grissom finds himself smiling back. Finally though, Hodges sighs and pushes himself away for the desk, saying something about having to get back to work, he heads for the door.
"I'll see you after shift right?"
Hodges says it so causally Grissom almost doesn't here the uncertainty.
"I expect so."
He smiles up at Hodges and the other man smiles back before heading to his own lab. Grissom keeps on smiling after Hodges leaves, even as he turns back to his paperwork. They've only been officially dating for a little while and already Grissom can't stop himself from thinking about Hodges. He thinks about Hodges' smile, the other man's intelligence and how at ease he makes Grissom feel. He thinks of Hodges' hands, smaller then his own with longer slimmer fingers, and how his hair touches the tops of his ears, or the lines that form around his mouth when he laughs. He thinks of Hodges' cooking, his love of situational comedy, and the fact he can't form a coherent sentence before his first cup of coffee in the morning. That's when it hits him, so hard he just sits there for a moment.
He's mind recoils from the idea, no it's more then an idea because as much as he hates it he knows it to be true. Grissom feels like he might be sick and he can't get the reaction he's seen from so many family members of victims out of his mind, hysterical denial. While the voice is in head screams no, no, no. Because he's actually in love with David Hodges, and that means it cannot end well.
He closes his eyes and concentrates on breathing deeply. There aren't many things that scare Gil Grissom but this is definitely one of them. Grissom isn't comfortable with emotion particularly his own, and each disastrous romantic encounter has left him feeling even more emotionally vulnerable, and exhausted, then the last. It's not the fact that in the end nobody wants him, he can't begin to imagine why anyone would. It's the fact that he always cares about them that makes it hard, that makes it hurt so much. It isn't like he's had a lot of time to get over the last one yet either. Sitting his is office he closes his eyes and clenches his fists and tells himself the same thing he ways does.
This time it will be different.
2.
Later when they're both back at Grissom's apartment, Grissom tries not to let his unease show. He must not have quite succeeded though because after dinner when they're sitting on the couch not doing anything in particular Hodges gives him a hard look.
"Gil is there something the matter? I mean, I didn't do anything, did I?"
Grissom shakes his head and puts down the book he's, almost, been reading.
"No, nothing like that Dave."
"Then what's wrong?"
Grissom doesn't know what to say, or how to even begin to tell him. So he just sits there staring at Hodges, until finally Hodges reaches forward and kisses him. It starts out light, but Grissom deepens it, holding on to Hodges a little tighter then necessary. He continues to hold on to him after they've broken the kiss, almost desperate for any form of closeness. Grissom pulls back far enough to see that Hodges' eyes have darkened from blue to slate grey. Hodges kisses him again, this time more urgently. As Grissom closes his eyes and leans into the kiss, he wonders how long until Hodges breaks his heart and thinks he wont be able to bare it this time. Then Hodges' hands move down his arms, stroking down his chest to pull Grissom's shirt from the waistband of his jeans. Grissom's own hands move to Hodges' hips and he kisses a slow path down Hodges' throat to his shoulder. Hodges makes a soft whimpering noise, his hands sliding up underneath Grissom's shirt and Grissom decides to stop thinking all together.
3.
He should have expected Hodges to find out. After all just because the man wasn't a CSI didn't mean he had no investigative skills. Not that Grissom's being particularly subtle either. Actually Grissom couldn't have been more obvious if he'd gone ahead and tattoo, 'I'm insecure about this relationship' across his forehead.
"I'm sorry, but what did you just say?"
Hodges had frozen in place holding a container of milk and staring at him. Grissom sighs.
"I said if you want to date other people that would be fine. I mean I do see the way you act around Wendy."
Hodges places the milk carefully on the counter then leans against it continuing to stare at Grissom where he sits on the couch.
"The way I act around Wendy? . . .Gil?"
Hodges eyes suddenly narrows.
"You think I'm going to break up with you. You think I'm going to leave you like Sara."
Grissom actually flinches.
"God damn it!"
Hodges slams his hand down hard on the counter making the milk jump.
"Does it look like I have people ready to break down my door and sweep me off my feet, Gil? Or do you think I sleep around?"
Hodges crosses his arms over his chest.
"It's not like my love life's been so great I can just throw away a good thing when I have it."
Even from as far away as he is on the couch, Grissom can practically hear Hodges grinding his teeth. Grissom opens his mouth to say something, but Hodges just sweeps right over him continuing on with his rant that seems to have become more for his own benefit then Grissom's.
"Why do I always do this, why?"
He closes his eyes and takes a breath obviously trying to get his temper under control and Grissom reflects that this is one difference between the two of them. Grissom tends to hided from his problems while Hodges responds with anger to them.
"Can't you trust me, Gil? Can't you at least try because I want this to work, I really do."
Grissom stands and moves across the room to where Hodges is standing and puts both hands on Hodges shoulders, before drawing him close into a hug.
"I'll try David. I'll try to trust you."
Hodges sighs all of the tension going out of his abruptly and he leans against Grissom.
"Ok."
Grissom pulls back and manages a small smile before leading Hodges over to the couch and pulling him down to sit half leaning against Grissom's shoulder and chest. Grissom strokes Hodges' hair and neck and they sit like that in silence for a while.
"What did you mean 'why do you always do this'?"
Hodges sighs and closes his eyes turning his face into Grissom's shoulder. For a few moment's he's silent and Grissom thinks he's not going to answer. Finally though Hodges sighs again, then pushes himself up so he can look Grissom straight in the eye.
"Fall in love with my bosses."
There's something like defiance in his voice and he's holding himself stiffly like he's not sure of Grissom's reaction. Grissom blink taking this in.
"So you've done this before?"
Hodges sighs a final time, rolling his eyes and slumping back against the couch.
"Why do you think they fired me in L.A. ?"
Grissom doesn't answer only reaches forward and pulls Hodges back so the other man's head is resting against his chest. A little while passes in silence again.
"David?"
Hodges looks up at him.
"Yes?"
"Did you say you were in love with me?"
To Grissom's surprise Hodge's smiles.
"Gil, you are the smartest person I've ever met. You're kind, and you're funny, not to mention unbelievably cute. And despite the fact that you seem to think very little of yourself as a romantic partner, I am in love with you."
Grissom doesn't reply only reaches forward and kisses Hodges. When they finally break apart Grissom is smiling.
"Good"
He says.
"I'm glad"
Hodges sits back and raises one eyebrow at him.
"What no, 'I love you too David baby'?"
Hodges' lips quirk up into a smile and at this Grissom laughs, then reaches forward and takes Hodges face between his hands.
"I love you too, David Hodges."
He says and only takes a moment to register the surprise that appears on Hodges face before he kisses him again.