The Battle of Fort St. Joseph Part I: When Spain ruled Michigan for a day
France was taken aback when he saw the long wooden wall that ringed the town and round, three-story tower that stood in the center, like a rotund giant had sat down on the bank of the Mississippi and couldn't get back up. As the boat came up to the riverbank he could make out the five cannons positioned on the roof. It must be true he thought to himself, England really had attacked the Spanish here in Saint Louis. France listened to the ice scraping against the hull of their boat, and then he stepped over the side into the icy mud. In the distance he could see Spain's smiling face standing near the entrance into the town.
"¡Bienvenidos a San Luis!" Spain shouted as France made his way up the bank. "I always enjoy your company Francia but what brings you traveling this time of year?"
"Not what, whom." France replied, "I have two men here with me with a proposal for your local boss." He pointed at the wall and massive tower and asked, "When did Angleterre attack you?"
"Last spring." Spain replied, his green eyes narrowing angrily "Bastardos, they brought soldiers and indians, over a thousand! Thanks to you we were ready for them and built these fortifications before they arrived. There were French with them too you know."
"Oui, fur traders who are only patriotic for gold. Were there many casualties?"
"A few campesinos, unarmed, picking strawberries. Everyone came inside the walls and we let them have the guns, they scattered fast enough. The English soldiers let the indians attack first and held back like the cowards they are, ¡Ingleses Bastardos! Attacking us here and for what?" Spain turned towards the gate into the town and raised an arm in welcome to France to follow him inside.
France laughed out loud "For what indeed! Spanish ships blockade the American Gulf ports and the mouth of the Mississippi. England can't land any troops and Cornwallis is suffering for it. I also know there is plenty of Spanish gold funding America's war efforts, as much Spanish gold as French gold. It even says so on the paper money being printed for circulation." France produced a printed three dollar banknote for Spain.
"¡Madre de Dios! So much for secrecy, idiot boy!"
France grinned as he took back the banknote Spain returned to him. "Speaking of three dollar bills, it is also Spanish gold that paid for von Steuben to come to America and train Washington's excuse of an army."
"Sí, but it didn't take much persuading for him to come here, with what he was facing in Prussia." Spain added with a devilish grin. "Did you see his 17 year old 'personal' secretary?"
France grinned back, "of course, very personal." Both countries laughed together. "I understand von Steuben was quite outraged with what he had to work with at Valley Forge."
Spain's grin grew wider, "That's America's problem."
They had just reached the doorway of the Spanish headquarters when France stopped and faced Spain, still laughing. "I was referring to training the Americans how to fight, get your mind out of the gutter!"
Spain laughed again, "Of course you were, but that too is America's problem! So, what is this proposal you bring to my boss?"
"Would you like to get some payback for Angleterre attacking Saint Louis last spring?" France asked, his blue eyes dancing with an evil light.
Spain's green eyes also began to gleam, "¿Cómo?"
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France's toes were finally beginning to thaw out sitting in front of the fireplace when the door of the small office where the Spanish had sequestered themselves to discuss France's offer burst open. He was also warming up very nicely with the two buxom señoritas snuggled up on either side of him giggling profusely from his blatant flirting. He was whispering suggestions into one girl's ear while his fingers were exploring under the edge of the other girl's bodice when Spain approached.
"You didn't waste any time Francia." He said, smirking at the other country. "It's just as well, you don't have much time anyway."
"Oh?" France answered, hugging both girls closer, "Then your boss liked our proposal?"
"He loved it, especially if what you say about what England has stored at Fort St. Joseph is true."
"It is." France answered, nibbling on a giggling girl's neck. "When do we leave?"
Spain laughed as he turned to walk away, "Mañana amigo, we leave tomorrow!"
France's smile disappeared, "Tomorrow!?" He shouted at Spain's retreating back, "Have you ever been to Michigan in the winter?"
Spain only waved acknowledgment as he went back through the office door of his local boss and slammed it shut. France sighed, kissed each girl on the cheek and sadly said "Ladies, it appears I must retire early."
"Oh!" Both girls exclaimed in unison. "But we're not done warming you up!" Señorita Bodice added.
"Absolument pas," France said, putting an arm around either girl's waist so they rose with him as he stood, "Which is why, if I may suggest, you retire with me to a more private location, so you both can continue to warm me up." France was answered with a chorus of giggles.
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Author's note: The Battle of Fort St Joseph took place in the winter of 1781 during the American Revolution and was a joint venture between the Spanish and French, with the help of plenty of local Native Americans who were fed up with England's harsh treatment. In May of 1780 English troops attacked the town of St Louis in an attempt to circumvent some of the bottleneck Spain had on the Mississippi River, making it very difficult for England to move troops into the interior of America. Spain was generally making things a living hell for England in North America anyway. France's contributions to the American Revolution are covered very well in American History textbooks, due to Lafayette's efforts in fighting the war mostly, but Spain's help rarely if ever gets mentioned.