Link and Young Link
-Missng
Disclaimer: I do not own any rights to Melee. Additionally, this is pretty much classified in "crack" fanfiction. I wrote this a number of years ago with my brother for fun (though grammar and spelling are now fixed). I'm just warning you now…
It was a bright and sunny afternoon and Young Link was happily shopping for new unlimited weapons that he could use in Melee battles. Brushing aside blond bangs with a green finger-gloved hand, Young Link walked towards the weapons aisle of his favorite store: Melee Mart.
In our world, Melee Mart is nonexistent (obviously) but in Melee world, they're as popular as Costco – a plethora of discounts and low prices included. As Young Link walked through the store, he could see other Melee characters shopping as well. Princess Peach was looking at battle dresses in the clothes department, and Mario, Dr. Mario, and Luigi were all looking at chill pills and fireballs that would light at the will of the user. Personally, Young Link had no interest in the weapons the other characters used. He liked them to be a surprise, a new challenge, something he could try to beat. Now, next to Kirby, Young Link was the youngest Melee fighter. Supposedly the most inexperienced of all the sword fighters, Young Link, oddly, could beat them all. His sword was shorter, yes, and he couldn't make the other characters go flying like older Link could, but he had a secret weapon:
Milk.
Yes, that's right folks. Milk does indeed make you stronger.
Ignoring the other characters, Young Link wandered down to the end of the weapons aisle – you know, where all the good sales are. Much to his delight, there was an especially good deal: unlimited bombs with longer lasting explosions! Only $19.99! Smirking, he grabbed a bag and walked towards the counter, grabbing a quiver of unlimited, automatic, easy aim, fire tipped arrows on the way. Now, even with the help of his milk, Young Link was kind of weak, so his arrows range of fire sucks, but his boomerangs secret high tech boomeranging ability that makes it come back exactly where he is made up for that. This gives him cheap range if he times it right. As Young Link stood in line, who should just happen to walk in to Melee Mart but Link, Marth, and Roy, all chattering away at their new "secret" combos they created. Marth said, "Sho mui mashta ne, makieandai. Nida, nintake ethia!" But of course, no one understood what he was saying.
Roy laughed and said, "Crew, take…toria! Yaaah!" While Link taunted them both, brushing his blond bangs from his face.
Young Link sighed in exasperation. He could not understand why older teens these days were so weird. Link was Young Links elder by 7 years and Roy and Marth were a little older than that. But then, out of nowhere, came the legendary Captain Falcon, unleashing his "knee of doom" right in Roy's face. Roy, getting up, furiously came at Captain Falcon with his flying sword of fury! Marth, thinking it was all for fun, started attacking them with his annoying "dolphin slash" attack. They fought for 3.6 seconds before Falco Lombardi came in and spiked them all! But being mean, Link changed Falco's handicap to Lv.1 and then killed him.
By that time most of the customers had run away, except for Young Link, who was sitting not too far away in some bleachers, watching, amused, with a bag of popcorn. Suddenly noticing that he was not alone, Link looked up to Young Link with a glare. First taunting him, he jumped at Young Link. But, with all his weaponry and non-hopping skills, he only jumped about 2 feet. Giving up, he decided to run at Young Link (at a speed of only 3 miles per hour!). Young Link laughed at his older-self's speed of a turtle, but then he realized that that was HIS future self. Seeing how much time he had before he was attacked, Young Link decided to drink a whole gallon of Moo-moo milk so he wouldn't end up like Link. Link was infuriated at this act. Now, normally when someone drinks milk, no one gets angry. But when someone drinks Moo-moo milk in front of your face and it just happens to be their taunt, well… that makes a world of a difference. OK, maybe it was also the fact that Young Link had sprinted past Link, stolen his wallet and then bought the Moo-moo milk with Link's money…for 50 bucks. Now, that's some expensive milk!
But what's this? Oh no! Link is taking out explosives! With a mighty throw and a loud grunt, "Hyaaaaah!" Link threw a bomb at Young Link. But, since he was still drinking his milk, Young Link had no way to dodge the bomb! However considering Link had given himself away with his, "Hyaaaah!" right after he threw the bomb, Young Link had plenty of time to contemplate where to go before the bomb reached him. Quickly finishing his milk, Young Link jumped backwards, effectively dodging the bomb. Sighing contentedly as though nothing had happened, he wiped away his milk mustache with his arm.
"Ugh…That's disgusting!" commented Link while charging up an arrow to shoot at Young Link. "You owe me 50 bucks now for that milk; otherwise I'm going to tell that Ninja guy to come obliterate you." Letting go of the string, his fully charged arrow went flying towards Young Link.
Young Link didn't bother moving out of the way. The arrow fell short about 2 feet anyway. "Pishaw, I could beat him any day…You don't mean "Shiek" do you? Dude, that's your GIRLFRIEND." He was about to laugh and charge at Link, when he noticed he was making fun of his own stupidity, so he stopped. The laughing that is, not the charging.
This, however, was all in Link's plans. Grabbing Young Link with his foolishly long chain, he threw Young Link down on the ground, then "Master Sword" slashed him, finishing it all off with his annoying "Spin-around-with-my-sword" attack. Young Link skidded painfully along on the ground, but didn't bother getting up. The attack had only done a weak 30% of damage to him out of a possible 999%...not that anyone can do 999% in 1 hit anyways! Besides, he usually died somewhere around 106%. Link, being stupid enough to walk up to a person who was still down from an attack, went over to smash attack Young Link to try to finish him off, but Young Link had been waiting for this. Just as Link was about to bring his sword crashing down on his body, Young Link quickly slashed at knee level on both sides of him, effectively taking Link down and leaving him open for Young Link to chain grab him and do the same exact move he had done to Young Link.
The battle continued for quite some time, with Link and Young Link evenly tied in lives and percentage. But then, Pikachu came in from out of nowhere and destroyed them all!
*Alternate ending for you stinkys: Pikachu comes in and owns them all! Ha. I tricked you.
NOTE: Yes. The Japanese is wrong. If you're insulted, I'm sorry. I find that it's incorrect-ness somewhat adds to the humor of this piece. But, when I first started playing, that's what I was hearing. It wasn't till later that we learned they were actually speaking a language.