Author's note: With gratitude for J.K. Rowling, who created the wonderful world of Harry Potter and so many intriguing characters for us to play with - strictly for amusement and not for profit. The original characters and the rest are my own, and not to be redistributed.
This story, although it is centered on Severus Snape rather than Remus Lupin, covers some of the same events covered in The Stone House Cats, albeit from a different point of view, and thus contains a few spoilers for that story, which is already complete. Growing Up focuses on a romance for the Potions Master, although I don't wish to give too much away about his romantic interest – readers of The Stone House Cats and the early parts of this story might be in for a surprise later!
Encouragement makes me write faster, but constructive criticism is appreciated as well!
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Severus Snape was worried.
At first it was a matter of a few isolated incidents, none of them necessarily the product of anything other than pure coincidence. Then the number of incidents started to increase, and their nature became questionable. Severus had been convinced that the Dark Lord had another spy in the Order of the Phoenix long before Sturgis Podmore had been stung by a Billiwig, but it was the presence of the Australian creature that finally forced the Headmaster to agree that it was at least a possibility. When multiple members of the Order had begun to be trailed by Pogrebins, Severus had been amazed that what was happening was not obvious to everyone, but the other members of the Order seemed actually to believe that this was nothing more than a string of bad luck.
The problem was that the identity of the spy – if there was one – was still unknown, and Dumbledore was too cautious to allow Severus to make any overt inquiries among the Death Eaters. Obedient to these instructions, however much they chaffed him, Severus could only "keep his eyes and ears open for anything that might be of assistance" and hope that someone would slip up. His protests that he had already been doing that anyway had been gently but firmly rebuffed by the Headmaster.
Perhaps it would have been wiser not to have suggested the wolf as the first target for additional investigation.
Snape had just settled down to watch the first Quidditch match of the year when he felt the summons; Dumbledore wanted him. He slid a hand casually into his robe to finger the coded talisman, then rose in a nonchalant manner to head back inside.
"You're not going to watch the match, Professor?" Pansy Parkinson inquired coquettishly. She seemed to have returned to Hogwarts at the beginning of her sixth year convinced that she was irresistible when she arranged her pug-like face in a mock pout and peered upwards at her target from under her lashes. He wished wearily that she would limit her use of this new technique to her fellow students. Watching that was nauseating enough without being an unwilling participant. He wondered idly whether she had tried it on Filius too, and, if so, how he was coping.
"Strange as it may seem to some, Miss Parkinson, I can think of more enticing ways to spend an afternoon than watching Mister Potter demonstrate his lack of skill on a broom," he drawled. She giggled in response, and he realized that she had totally misinterpreted the contemptuous sting of his voice and eyes.
In retrospect, he concluded wryly as he headed into the castle, 'enticing' had been a poor choice of words.
The Headmaster was waiting for him in the dungeons.
"Severus," he greeted him, waiting until the Potions Master closed the door behind him and activating the wards himself before continuing. "I'm afraid that there have been further developments. I have received information confirming that there is indeed another spy in the Order, and that it is Emmeline Vance."
Emmeline!
An ordinary observer might have thought from Severus' appearance that this news, while interesting, was no more than that. Unfortunately, the Headmaster was not so misled. "I am very sorry, Severus. I should not have sprung the news on you in that fashion."
"It is of no consequence," Severus lied smoothly. Dumbledore would not be deceived, but he would not pursue it. "Is the information reliable?"
"Very," the Headmaster said flatly, "but anything you can come up with would be helpful." Severus nodded his acceptance of the task, and went to work with a heavy heart.
It was remarkably easy to confirm that Emmeline Vance was indeed the spy - once he knew where to look. That was the frustrating thing about intelligence work - the evidence was there when you made a really determined effort to find it, but it was much harder to discover when you were not looking in the right place. It was simply impossible to watch everyone else all the time as a matter of routine.
Once Severus knew it was her, he did not even have to search for the reason for this betrayal. It was obvious - Lucius. Lucius with his suave blond charm, and his beautiful family, and his perfect life. Lucius, who had no reason to seek out another woman to bed - and who had done it anyway.
Why did it have to be her?
Emmeline was a little younger than Lucius, and a little older in Severus - just old enough to be out of reach in their school days for anything but his adolescent fantasies. Her long fall of silky dark curls was the stuff dreams were made of, and her wide, deep blue eyes set in that perfect porcelain skin seemed to hint at unimaginable pleasures. He had noticed her almost immediately his first night at Hogwarts; somehow, she seemed to have imprinted herself on his psyche so that, having seen Emmeline, no other woman would do.
His first year, he had worshipped her as a distant and perfect goddess, rather despising Lucius Malfoy for concealing their relationship. Lucius was very good at concealing things, but Severus, even then, was better at finding them out. Lucius was not worthy of Emmeline, of course, but Severus knew with all the conviction of his pre-adolescent heart that if Emmeline had chosen him, he would have wanted the world to know. She wasn't in Slytherin, to be sure, but Ravenclaw was a respectable house - she was not one of the prats in Gryffindor or the idiots of Hufflepuff.
He mentally dismissed Lucius as a fool, and went on worshipping Emmeline in silence.
His second year, with Lucius gone, he watched from the sidelines as various contenders competed for Emmeline's attentions, rather pleased that she did not seem overly attached to any of them. By the beginning of his third year, his thoughts about Emmeline took a definite turn as his hormones kicked in. By the fourth year - her last at Hogwarts - his ideas about worshipping Emmeline were almost wholly centered on demonstrating his worship on Emmeline's delectable body in a very carnal way. She remained the object of his fantasies long after she - and even he - had left the school.
They had not had much contact since then until recently - for some reason, their paths had not crossed until the second incarnation of the Order of the Phoenix. His activities as a spy the first time had meant that only Dumbledore had known of his true allegiances, and Severus had certainly not attended any meetings.
They were rather better prepared this time, and Severus had managed to convince the Dark Lord that he should serve as a double-agent, which at least allowed him to attend meetings of the Order in person rather than waiting to be de-briefed by the Headmaster later. It was a difficult cover to maintain, as he needed to constantly juggle who knew - or ought to know - each of numerous pieces of data he collected, but his complex mind had managed it so far.
Apparently, Emmeline had been managing it too - but her true allegiance was a different one. Even in the midst of his pain over the discovery that his goddess had feet of clay, he felt a twinge of admiration for her skill in deceiving him. It was only a twinge, however, for it was too easy with the benefit of hindsight to identify mistakes. Still, she had managed to dupe him for quite some time. His lips twisted at the thought. Was her success a result of her own skill, or his peculiar weakness? Dumbledore had been fooled as well, which was a tiny morsel of comfort.
He reported back to Dumbledore some time later.
"Emmeline was the special source of information Lucius has been using to bolster his position, however it seems that the Dark Lord has grown impatient with her. The Fidelius Charm has limited her usefulness. According to Avery, she was summoned last Saturday to account for the inadequacies of her performance. Avery thinks Lucius overplayed his hand. Emmeline has provided nothing of real value, and her relationship with Lucius is obvious."
The Headmaster looked rather grave. "Knowing we've managed to protect the secrets of the Order is something, but I admit that I'm rather worried about Emmeline."
"One cannot expect the Dark Lord to tolerate her existence much longer," Severus confirmed reluctantly. "Another week or two at most. However, I should point out that my evaluation of the situation is based solely on information obtained secondhand."
"Should we be concerned about that?" Dumbledore asked. Severus considered.
"I don't think this is an indication of any unusual suspicion on his part – more a matter of the habits of paranoia. He's been using Emmeline and me to check the other's reports. I have gone over my recent reports again in light of this development, but I do not believe there is any cause for alarm. Emmeline is another matter."
"Grimmauld Place will be cleared out this week, and I will be able to replace the previous Fidelius Charm with the new one limiting access to you and Emmeline – although I suspect it is not a use for his home of which Sirius would have approved," the Headmaster conceded.
"Have you informed her –" Severus began, but Dumbledore shook his head.
"I confess that I'm not looking forward to that conversation," he admitted.
"How did you find out that the spy was Emmeline?"
Dumbledore replied cautiously. "I had received some information from another source."
"I see," Severus replied coolly. The Headmaster sighed.
"Her name is Cassandra Celarevos, and she is staying with Remus Lupin."
Severus raised an eyebrow derisively. "Cassandra Celarevos," he repeated sarcastically. "Am I to presume that all the obvious assumed names were already taken?"
"I thought it was rather clever," the Headmaster replied mildly. "She is concealing things from you, yet must be believed." Severus snorted.
"What, exactly, is she concealing?"
"Probably quite a bit," Dumbledore admitted. He studied the younger man across from him for a long moment. "She will become a member of the Order in the future," he said at last.
Snape felt a wave of shock ripple through him. "She came back in time?" he demanded harshly. "How far?" The Headmaster's pale eyes were grave.
"I don't know. I thought it would be better not to – this is dangerous enough already."
Snape repressed several appropriate responses to that and asked instead, "Why is she still here?"
"Because we haven't dealt with Emmeline. I did not want to act without confirmation in such a matter."
"I thought you had concluded that her information was 'very' reliable."
"However much she believed it to be true, she could have been mistaken," the Headmaster pointed out, "although perhaps it would be more accurate to say that I hoped she was." His eyes met Severus' over his half moon glasses, and their pale light held a hint of pain. "I knew Emmeline when she was a child, you know, and she was –" he broke off abruptly with a brief shake of his head. "An old man's folly. Still, Remus has kept Miss Celarevos well-concealed, so the delay itself should not be the source of too much difficulty. I am more concerned about how quickly Voldemort will decide to act against Emmeline. You think it will be soon?"
"I do."
"Then we'd best be ready. This is what I have in mind . . . "
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Severus was one of three people standing in the small, but well-furnished drawing room of Emmeline Vance. Emmeline, who might have looked, well, almost petulant if she were not so beautiful, was across from him. The third figure, a woman cloaked in blue, was standing near the front window.
They had been there too long already.
"Emmeline, please." It was a word Severus rarely used, but things were getting desperate. They were lucky he had found out from Avery that the order had been given and was to be carried out tonight. 'Cassandra Celarevos' was scanning for signs of the arrival of the Death Eaters. It was already starting to get dark, and Severus had been arguing fruitlessly with Emmeline for far too long.
Emmeline's eyes were unfriendly.
"Really, Severus, these accusations are ridiculous, and if you think you're going to convince me to run away and hide somewhere – "
"Expelliaramus!" Cassandra caught Emmeline's wand neatly and tossed it to him. "They're here. Stun her if you have to, but get her out of here." Emmeline gaped. Severus grabbed her arm and took a step forward to look out the window himself. He didn't waste breath swearing as he pulled the shocked and finally unresisting woman out the back door.
He dragged her to a number of other destinations, Apparating from one to another – even repeating a few destinations – in an effort to ensure that they could not be pursued. Finally they were standing outside the Black family home that had served as the headquarters of the Order of the Phoenix.
"Here?" Emmeline asked, frowning. "Why can't I see it?" Severus retrieved the slip of parchment on which Dumbledore had written earlier and handed it to her.
"New Fidelius Charm," he explained as she read it. He reached out to retrieve it when she finished, but she was slipping it absently into a pocket of her robes.
"You want me to stay here?"
"Emmeline, the Dark Lord has ordered Lucius to bring you before him," he explained for what seemed to be the thousandth time as he ushered her inside. "If you stay here you'll be safe."
Emmeline promptly burst into tears.
As they were still in the hallway when she did this, the noise woke Mrs. Black's portrait, which began shrieking insults from beneath its thick covers. Severus pulled Emmeline into the drawing room and shut the door. She wilted gracefully onto a sofa, continuing to cry into a lace handkerchief.
Emmeline was one of the few fortunate women in the world who could cry attractively. Crystalline tear drops rained down her porcelain cheeks, and the dazed look in her eyes seemed to make them bluer rather than red. The sight was very affecting.
Severus was very uncomfortable.
He had absolutely no idea how to respond, and wished desperately that Dumbledore would arrive. Instead of feeling like a highly skilled professional, he was suddenly a gawky sniveling schoolboy again, and he resented the feeling.
"Why are you crying?" he demanded, irritable and bewildered. "You're alive, aren't you?"
Emmeline cast a single reproachful glance at him out of her deep blue eyes. They were brilliant with tears, and artistically fringed with long, dark – and damp – lashes. Then her sobs intensified. Damn and blast!
"Don't cry," he directed desperately in a poor imitation of his classroom manner. "Stop it this instant!"
Emmeline ignored him.
I'm yelling at a woman in distress, and acting like an ass. What the hell am I supposed to do? The Headmaster would have known how to deal with this – hell, even the wolf would probably have had her settled down by now. I'll be damned before I admit that beast would be better suited for any task Dumbledore could give us!
What would the Headmaster do? I don't have any lemon drops, he thought helplessly.
"Clearly you require time to compose yourself," Severus announced loudly over Emmeline's sobs and the muffled shouting from the portrait in the hall. "I will make us some tea." He fled to the kitchen.
When the Headmaster did finally arrive, Severus was at his wits' end. Emmeline had accepted the tea, sniffling back the tears that had subsided into occasional weak sobs, but he had the sense that he was not really getting through to her about the danger she was in, and he didn't think he could stand to see her cry much longer. Another image of a dark-haired woman in tears flitted through his mind, but he pushed the painful memory away.
"Lucius Malfoy and Georgeson Goyle are in the custody of the Ministry," Dumbledore informed them. "Kingsley and Tonks brought them in." Emmeline, looking defeated, sniffled slightly and dabbed at her eyes. She did not look up at Albus Dumbledore, who was regarding her with a sad gravity more effective than any other reproach could have been.
"What about –" Severus began, remembering the woman who had stayed behind.
The Headmaster's eyes were troubled. There was a pause. "We don't know," he said at last. "There was no one else on the scene when Kingsley and Tonks arrived." Severus tensed.
"There were four Death Eaters there," Severus informed him edgily. "What about the other two?"
The Headmaster didn't say anything, but then he didn't have to.
This is all my fault, Severus thought sickly. I should have gotten her to leave more quickly. We could have been gone before they arrived.
"I would like to have a word with Emmeline now," the Headmaster said gently. "I will see you back to school later." Severus nodded his head with a jerk and strode out of the room, leaving Dumbledore alone with the woman who had betrayed them all.
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Severus got through the next few days reasonably well, despite the oppressive sense of guilt he was forced to conceal. Things might have been better if he had been able to get some sleep that first night, or if he were not obliged, as Draco's Head of House, to inform him that his father had been imprisoned as soon as Narcissa's owl reached the school the following morning. He was genuinely fond of the boy, and now every time he looked at him, Severus felt another searing pang of guilt at the role he had played in depriving Draco of his father.
On the other hand, Lucius was still alive, and the Headmaster would not allow him to come to undue harm in the custody of the Ministry, whereas 'Cassandra Celarevos' was probably dead – or at least wishing that she was. His inadequacies had cost them a member of the Order.
He didn't even know her real name, but she had seemed to be a potential asset. She had managed to stick to the point when the two of them had spoken beforehand at the wolf's place about the mission, and she had allowed him to talk to Emmeline without interference until the Death Eaters arrived. Then she had acting calmly, and efficiently – and had taken on four Death Eaters alone to give him time to drag Emmeline away. She had trusted him to do his part in handling Emmeline, and he had failed. Despite this, she had still tossed Emmeline's wand to him when the Death Eaters arrived.
If she was as intelligent as it seemed she might be, she had to know she was going to die.
He could barely look the Headmaster in the eye even before he was summoned to his office less than a week after it had happened.
"Have a seat, Severus," Dumbledore greeted him kindly.
"Thank you, I prefer to stand," he replied stiffly. The Headmaster peered over the tops of his half-moon spectacles at him.
"Sit down, Severus," he directed firmly. Feeling like an errant schoolboy and trying not to look like one, he sat down more abruptly than was typical. Severus did not say anything, and the Headmaster sighed slightly.
"Severus, this was not your fault," he told him firmly, easily reading the disbelief in the grimly stoic expression of his Potions Master. "Emmeline can be – stubborn at times, and she was not ready to accept what you had to tell her." Severus' mouth set in a line as his lips compressed, but the Headmaster persisted. "It is a very difficult thing to credit an outsider's claim that someone you love and trust has betrayed you in such a way. Even after seeing the Death Eaters coming, there's still a part of her that is looking for another explanation for what happened." Dumbledore's expression was both knowing and slightly sad. "I don't believe there are any other words you could have used that would have convinced her to leave more quickly." There was a long silence during which Severus stared fixedly at an antique model of the moment of the planets which sat on a nearby table. The Headmaster waited patiently for him to speak.
"When they came," Severus said with difficulty at last, "she disarmed her and told me to stun her if I had to in order for us to get away. I could have done that earlier. Before they came. Then we would have been gone when they got there, and –"
"I would have been disappointed in you if you had." The Headmaster's gentle words were enough to jerk the Potion Master's eyes away from the model to meet Dumbledore's. They were as kind and compassionate as ever.
"Why? If I had taken action instead of –"
"If you had attacked her unnecessarily? If you had not bothered to try to speak with her instead, to resolve this without resorting to knocking her out? You think I would have been proud of you then? Really, Severus, I thought you knew me better than that."
There was a passing hint of vulnerability in Potions Master's hard black eyes for just a moment. "When Cassandra –"
"If I understand correctly what happened, Miss Celarevos was acting as lookout. She had information you did not, and even she merely disarmed Emmeline and suggested stunning her if necessary to save her life." The Headmaster's expression was full of compassion. "You made fine choices with the information you had, Severus. I'm proud of how you handled yourself, and I have no reason to blame you for anything that may have happened." Severus acknowledged this with a short jerk of his head which did not indicate acceptance, but Dumbledore was wise enough not to press him further just then.
"How is Draco doing?" the Headmaster inquired instead. Severus refocused his mind gratefully.
"As well as can be expected, I suppose."
"Oh?"
"Even knowing that his father was not particularly fond of him, the loss of prestige is difficult to bear. He has been holding his own through the force of his personality – I think that less of his status was due to his family name and position than he realized." There was a tinge of pride in his voice as he spoke of Draco. "But I'm afraid he may attempt to avenge his father, or take some other steps to regain his lost stature which would not be – prudent."
"Do not underestimate his bond with Lucius," Dumbledore cautioned. "Children have been known to remain remarkably attached to their parents even when those parents treat them a good deal worse than I suspect Lucius has treated Draco." The Headmaster's eyes were a little too knowing, and Severus rose abruptly to take his leave.
"I will continue to monitor his behavior and advise you of anything that merits your attention," he said coolly. Then he gave a brief bow and strode from the room.