Author's Note: Awhile back I wrote a Star Wars story titled "Unwelcome Houseguest" about Obi-Wan's humorously angsty and somewhat miserable time adjusting to life with Anakin. It was so much fun to write, and reader participation was so awesome, that I've decided to do a similar Avengers story because I have all of these ridiculous plot bunnies that don't fit anywhere else. Reader ideas are strongly encouraged! If there's something you want to see, be it funny, angsty, or whatever, pm or review me and I'll try to work it in. I love a challenge. ;)

Currently this fic contains notdead!Coulson, ProtectiveOfHawkeye!Hulk, Naked!andPopTartLovin!Thor, Clintasha, and any other !ExclamationPointThings that work their way in.

Unlikely Housemates

By: Syntyche

Clint Barton, while being the neatly-muscled Picture of Compact Deliciousness, was also currently filling the role of the Picture of Compact Stubbornness. His corded arms were crossed over his chest and he was stopped dead at the doors of Stark Tower - now grandly renamed the Avengers Tower. Clint would wager that Tony had hand-markered the "WELCOME AVENGERS" sign hanging neatly over the entryway, since it was done in the loopy, awful scrawl of a five-year-old. Tony didn't need to print well, so Tony didn't. Clint was also surprised to see that the sign was spelled properly.

"I'm not moving in here," Clint said shortly. At his side, Natasha Romanoff grinned despite herself, tossing her gleaming red hair in the sunlight as she turned her face upward to soak in the sun's warmth.

"You'll love it," she assured him, not bothering to open her eyes; Clint knew that Tasha was just itching to get in a workout in Stark's spacious and fully decked out private gym. The Russian didn't care whether her partner would love it here or not.

"No, I won't," Clint said darkly. "I know I won't. This is so clichéd," he complained, adjusting his sunglasses. "Every bad guy anyplace ever is going to know where to find us - there's a huge freakin' "A" on the front!"

Natasha grabbed his arm, pulled him forward. "Well, they already rented out your room on base, so you're homeless unless you stay here."

"I'm short," Clint declared, "I'll fit in a refrigerator box just fine. It'll be just like I'm back at the circus."

Natasha looked at Clint. Clint looked at Natasha.

"That was kind of in poor taste," the Black Widow pointed out.

"I know," the archer sighed.

OoOoOoOoOo

Bruce Banner wasn't sure at all about the idea of moving into Avengers Tower. It seemed just a little too small, a lot too confining for the man who at any second could suddenly grow to enormous times his normal size and start mindlessly tearing things apart. Bruce really hoped his room was in the basement somewhere, or maybe the very top floor would be best, away from the support structure. It didn't really matter, though, because the Other Guy would wreck anywhere he could if given the opportunity.

Bruce really wished he were back in some small, out of the way town where he knew that he, Bruce Banner the scientist, was doing some good. Not the Other Guy, who wasn't so Incredible to Bruce.

And yeah, it was great that the Other Guy was slowly learning to channel his urge to smash and was the entire reason Bruce had been asked to join the Avengers Initiative, but it was really nice, after breaking Harlem and being sent the bill for it, to be able to do some good as Bruce.

Being the Hulk paid more, though, and Harlem wasn't cheap.

And these guys were freaks like him, in their own ways. Maybe not the assassins so much, but at least the other three.

So there was that to look forward to, he supposed.

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Thor tucked his heavy wooden chest farther up under his brawny arm, grinning insanely in anticipation as he rode the elevator - a truly fascinating device - upstairs per the Man of Iron's directions. While paling in comparison to glorious Asgard, the Tower of the Avengers would be a worthy place to stay while in Midguard, and Thor was extremely excited about his "vacation home in Manhattan," as Stark had put it.

That, and Stark had assured him that there was an entire cupboard packed full of Pop Tarts.

OoOoOoOoOo

Steve Rogers stared in distaste at the monstrous eyesore that was Stark's shining monument to himself. The solder's nose wrinkled as he imagined the snide comments from Stark or Barton if he ever mentioned that particular phrasing out loud and he hastily pushed the thought from his mind before a blush could color his fair skin crimson.

That was all he needed. To give those two a reason to tease him about something else.

He didn't want to stay here. He didn't want to be back in the world, despite Director Fury's insistence he ought to. He wanted what he'd had, not what he had now.

Steve immediately regretted the selfish thought. He'd been given a lot. He didn't mean to complain. He just … didn't belong. The world didn't want old-fashioned.

The soldier wasn't sure what was wrong with his apartment, but his landlord had suddenly notified him that there was some sort of gas leak and he needed to find somewhere else to live. It didn't actually occur to Steve that none of the other residents of his building had been asked to leave, so he would never find out that Tony Stark had actually paid off Steve's landlord to evict him so Steve would have to move to Avengers Tower to "complete the party."

So here he was, trudging his way up the stairs. He could have used the elevator, sure, but why?

He pushed his way into the lounge with a sigh.

OoOoOoOoOo

Tony Stark was like a kid at Christmas.

No - better. He was freaking Santa, and the assembled Avengers were his motley assortment of elves: knife/hammer/bow-wielding elves. Sure, they were milling around uncomfortably now - they hadn't had a mission together since they'd saved Manhattan - but Tony knew everything was going to click smoothly and everything was going to be awesome.

Tony grinned widely as he passed out room assignments and lock codes.

This was his best idea ever.

OoOoOoOoOo

:D Next up: their first official dinner, in which Tony learns that with the Avengers, if you're going to play How to Host a Murder, he should really tell the rest of the team beforehand that it's just a game. Ideas? Suggestions? Reviews? Let me know if you'd like to see more!