Summary: A commentary on a Slytherin House Tradition told by a Slytherin Student.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything in the Harry Potter world.
Important Note: The song is to the tune of The Battle Hymn of the Republic. The parody lyrics were taught to me by my father... I'm not sure where he found them, but I'm quite sure he didn't make them up.
Although it pains me to admit it, each house has its place in Hogwarts. It is the unique qualities of each house that make the school run as it does.
As you know, each house competes against the others, but they also compete within themselves. The Gryffindors try to one-up their housemates to prove they are the bravest. The Hufflepuffs contend to be the most helpful or friendly. The Ravenclaws want to be the smartest. We Slytherins work to be the most accomplished or the most conniving.
Oh yes, I'm quite pleased to say that of the four houses of Hogwarts, the sorting hat saw it fit to place me in Slytherin, the finest of them all.
As I said before, each house has its place in the run of the school.
The Gryffindors spend most of the time saving people and working for "the greater good", even if that means breaking a few rules here and there. The Hufflepuffs want justice and fairness, and will fight for it, but rarely consent in breaking any rules; they keep their noses clean. The Ravenclaws will break a rule from time to time, but it is usually to make themselves look smarter. Mostly they just sneak into the restricted section in the library.
The prefects, of course, patrol the halls at night to apprehend these miscreants who dare break rules. So, for the most part, everyone stays in line, even the headstrong Gryffindors.
This is where Slytherin comes in. We specialize in causing mayhem and grief. And what's even better is that we rarely get caught. We are the cunning bunch after all.
Each house at Hogwarts, you won't be surprised to learn, has secrets and traditions. I don't claim to know about the other houses' customs, but I can assure you that I know Slytherin's. We have a practice that is intended to teach new students our somewhat questionable activities.
I am quite fond of this ritual. Every year, on the first night, the first years are taught a song. It is a requirement that they hear the song before they go to bed on their first night, and they must each memorize it before the first month of school is finished.
It is, in a way, a theme song for our house.
Thine eyes have seen the glory of the burning of the school.
We have tortured every teacher, we have broken every rule.
Now we're headed to the principal to hang him by his tie,
The Janitor's on our side.
Glory, glory, Hallelujah.
Teacher hit me with a ruler.
Shot her in the gut, with a rotten coconut.
She'll never teach again.
It is the personal responsibility of each Slytherin student to follow the lead of this song during their seven years at Hogwarts.
Of course, that isn't to be taken literally. We don't mean to burn down the school. (That would be quite impossible anyway as the school is made of stone.) We don't physically torture teachers and it would be quite an unattainable dream to break every rule. We can't hang the headmaster as he doesn't wear ties and we don't throw rotten fruit at the professors (often).
No, the song is meant as a type of guideline for the students. We want to unhinge Hogwarts just enough to annoy the crap out of everyone else so we can all have a good laugh later.
If the school were on fire, there would be chaos, so we create chaos. One of the most enjoyable chores of a Slytherin student is picking on the students of the other houses. Verbal abuse comes naturally to some, but it is a talent that needs to be learned by some of the others. You can be assured that everyone is proficient by seventh year. First years of the other houses, Hufflepuff in particular, are good for practicing hexes on. It's also rather fun to stick older students with overdue books and stolen ingredients from the potions teacher. We're also notorious for setting off fireworks in the corridors, stealing plates from the great hall, terrorizing the house elves, egging on Peeves, and harassing Moaning Myrtle.
We "torture" our teachers with snarky comments and somewhat crude statements which stretch the rules a bit. We goof off during class and 'forget' to do assignments. I personally have sent an anonymous howler or two to a few deserving teachers. They never did figure out it was me.
We break whatever rules we can without getting caught. (The record was 147 rules in three years for one student, but he was unfortunately expelled from Hogwarts for kidnapping the sorting hat and trying to feed it to the giant squid.) We are well known for faking stomach aches to get out of Charms or Transfiguration and we just don't go to History of Magic. It isn't like Professor Binns notices anyway. We Slytherins know the secret passages better than most, so breaking curfew is not uncommon.
We figuratively "hang" the headmaster (or headmistress) by the trouble we cause. He knows that we did it, but because he can't prove it, we can't be punished or expelled. Thus the headmaster must put up with another year of complaints from teachers and students about the malicious Slytherins.
If any one person (or small group of people) can make a teacher quit or get them fired, their name is engraved on a plaque on the wall of the common room. There are only thirteen names there to date. The most well known story is that of Ernest Palmer and Amelia Davies. Both were seventh years when they drove the Herbology teacher to madness using his irrational fear of lint against him. The professor was admitted to St. Mungos where he died. Unfortunately, no one has been able to out a professor for almost sixty years. It's really quite disheartening, but it seems that the teachers are much more apathetic toward us these days.
We, of course, have customs beyond our song. Our house, for instance, is a Hierarchy. We have a Secret Santa gift exchange during the holidays. There is a yearly ball for all Slytherin Alumni. Purebloods are expected to open their homes to our housemates who are half-bloods and muggleborns for the summer so they don't have to spend it with muggles.
Yes, we do have some muggleborns, although they are quite rare. When we do have one in our house, everyone knows to keep it quiet. And if a student is a muggleborn, they are easily the most cunning and ambitious of their year to make up for their bloodlines. Ancestry is quite important to Slytherin house, but it's not an actual requirement. You just have to meet most of our criteria, just like the other houses.
Anyway, where do you think we got the song? It's obviously not written by a wizard.
Yes, we have quite a number of secrets and traditions, but our song is by far my favourite. It perfectly captures our house goals in a catchy and playful little ditty.
And just in case you were wondering, Filch is on our side.
This (at least for now) will be a oneshot. I hope everyone enjoyed it. It's not to be taken too seriously, so don't get all up in arms about the muggleborn thing.
Tell me what you think and if you'd like more from this Slytherin Point of View.
Thanks for reading!
Eaglesgirl