A/N- So Im having a terribly hectic and horrible week. Im having some current issues..and just..gah. My hair is falling out, I cant sleep, I cant eat, Im just..a wreck. But writting this just made me feel so much better. I usually write to calm myself when Im stressed, anyway, though.
Disclaimer- I dont own Big Time Rush
The sun was shining, the birds were chirping, everyone who was anyone was out lounging around.
The Jennifers took thier ussual spots at thier table, drinking smoothies. Guitar Dude was strumming his guitar, and Stephanie and Camille were sitting near him, clapping along. James sat at the edge of a lounge chair, rubbing sunblock on sunblock girl, while Kendall and Jo both swam in the pool, splashing water on eachother. Near them, Katie and Tyler sat at the ledge of the pool with thier feet in the water, talking. Then in the far corner, at a table by himself under an umbrella, sat a teenager with his face burried in a book.
"Logan! Come in the pool!" Kendall shouted.
"Im reading!"
Kendall and Jo rolled thier eyes at thier book wormed friend, "Dont make me throw you in here!" the blonde shouted.
Logan rolled his eyes, softly chuckling himself, then lost himself in his book again. Before he knew it, the teenager was yanked by the back of his shirt, and suddenly had three sets of arms around him, "Hey!"
James, Carlos, and Kendall held thier best friend high, despite his protests.
"Guys," Logan began smacking James' hand, "Let me down!"
He struggled, but it was no use. His friends stood by the edge of the pool, while Logan continued to squirm in his friends arms. The three boys glanced at eachother, smirking, then dumped him in the pool.
The raven haired boy plummited to the bottom of the pool, the cold water soaking into his skin. He sat in a shock at the bottom of the pool for a few seconds, before being drawn back into reality and shot through the water to reach the surface, gasping for air.
"Guys," he coughed, gasping for air, "That wasnt funny!"
James chuckled, "Dude, calm down."
Logan sighed. It was the same old, same old. Logan hardly ever went in the pool. And if he ever did, he never took his shirt off. The guys didnt really think Logan was uncomfortable with his body, infact, he works out. Sit ups, crunches, ect ect. So its not like he has too be embarassed of anything. It was wierd with him.
Infact, ever since the boys met Logan when they were ten, he has always had a rare fear of taking off his shirt. He was always first to get to the locker rooms in hockey practice, or gym class, and never in general just liked to take it off.
The guys had always thrown him in the pool, day after day, it was the same. But Logan was starting to get sick of it. The guys just had to except that he wasnt a pool person. Or maybe it was something else..maybe, it was something deeper.
Logan lifted himself up, his wet shirt clinging to his body, and grunted, walking back toward 2J.
"Logan, come on!"
"We're sorry!"
"Just come in the pool!"
He blew off his friends' comments, he didnt blame them. Maybe he could be alittle stubborn. And him not going in the pool could get alittle annoying to the guys. But he could never tell them. He just couldnt.
The raven haired boy opened the door and breathed a sigh in relief when he found the apartment empty, then rushed into his and Kendall's room, rummaging through drawers to find dry clothes.
Managing to find something through the mess that Kendall turns the room into, Logan whipped off his wet shirt.
Kendall was upset. He doesnt understand whats up with his friend. The boys have always been super protective over Logan, and sometimes there just things that boy did that deeply worried the other guys, too.
He ran a hand through his blonde locks, then sighed. He entered 2J, then fiddled with the knob of his and Logan's room.
"Hey Logie, I-"
But the sight that unravels before him is not the least of what was expected. Shock. Horror. Disgust.
"Logan..."
The shorter boy whipped around, coming face to face with the blonde. He muttered, "Oh no." to himself, then threw on a shirt, "Uh...how much did you see?"
"I saw enough." Kendall licked his lips.
"I-uh.."
The blonde lowered Logan down, and the two sat down on the bed together, "Logan.." Kendall took a deep breath, then lowered his head, "How..uh..are those..scars?"
Tears wet his eyes and filled to the rim, threatening to fall. No, he couldnt brake down now. Not infront of Kendall. He just couldnt.
"Logan..tell me..how did you..?"
Logan immediatly shook his head, tears welling up in his eyes. He popped up, shaking his head vigorously, "No! No, no..just..no. Please, can we just..forget this happened?"
Logan had always been there when the other guys needed a shoulder to cry on. There had been millions of times when Logan had seen the other guys cry, or brake down. But not once, never once had the guys witnessed Logan brake down. Never. The irony in that is that he was always there, no matter what, always welcome to a hand out a shoulder to cry on, no matter what the situation. On school picture day back in Minnesota, when James' hair dryer died out and made his hair all frizzy, James began to cry. No matter how rediculous that may seem, Logan still gave him a comforting hug and a shoulder to cry on. The point is, no matter what it was, Logan was there in a heartbeat. But Logan himself had always been such a suffer in silence type, that he never once opened up to the guys. But now the day had come. He was done. He spilled it all.
He finally did it. He opened up, after 6 years, it happened, "Kendall.." he gave in, then sat down and stared into his green orbs, "I..its gunna be a long story."
"Tell me."
Logan began with a deep breath, and a sigh, preparing himself for a long story. Boy did he hate talking about his past.
"I..okay. Well, you know how Im raised by my aunt and uncle?"
The blonde nodded, eyes pinned with curiousity, eager to know more. It was indeed true, Logan was raised by his aunt and uncle. But the boys never knew why, but never bothered to ask.
"Well," he took a shaky breath, "Do you know why, Kendall?"
Logan waited for his friend to shake his head no, then went on, voice crackling, "It all began when I was four. My biological mom, she was...not very stable. She was..a drunken slut. And when I was four, I just...I dont know what happened. I dont know where she is. Shes either dead, or she left the family. I dont..I just dont know where she is, but dont ever wanna see her face again..for leaving me with.." he swallowed hard, tears now rolling down his cheeks, "my dad."
Kendall's heart plummeted to his chest. Seeing his friend, in this condition, was just..Kendall didnt even know how to explain it. He had always been there when Kendall broke down, now he broke down. Kendall scooted over, putting his arms around the shaking smaller boy, and embraced him in a tight hug. Logan flinced, though he always tended to flinch when someone got near him, and Kendall just held him tight, "Logan..did your father..do that to you?"
The scars. They were a daily reminder of his past. Logan had a million belt whip looking scars on his back and around his torso. But the scars werent enough. The emotional pain was far worst.
"Kendall," Logan choked on sobs, "he was a bad man! He hit me! And whipped me! Again and again on no end! I dont know what I did sometimes he would just hit me for the fun of it! And I..I just..I.." he broke down into sobs, "What I assume your getting from all this..I was a victim of severe child abuse untill I was seven."
Kendall was a mix of emotions. Heartbroken. Shocked. Devastaed, "Logan.." though he found himself at loss of words, the least he could do at the moment was wrap his arms around the smaller boy, embracing him in a hug that gave him all the emotions he was missing. Love. Family. Friends. He wanted- no, needed, to fill the missing hole in his best friend's heart. But all he could do was give him a hug.
To no avail, Logan had flinched, and nearly fell off the bed, now shaking more than ever. But soon enough, Kendall got Logan to clench his shirt and cry, body wrecked with vicous sobs, "Please...dont go."
Blown away, about to boil over, blow his cap like a steam bomb, Kendall's brows furrowed and his grip on Logan tightened, "Never."
Curiosity prevails, and it wasnt too long before the other guys were back, listening to Logan's story. He explained all the horrible events, and exactly how he got each scar on his body.
Carlos remembers reading about this kind of thing on the internet for a phsycology report one time in his freshman year. Children who were abused are highly likely to be plauged with severe side effects. Nightmares, anxiety, insomnia, trust issues, ect, ect.
It was probably the hardest thing Logan had ever done. He had always had a hard time opening up to people, it was not something he liked to do.
Then came the question Logan had dread, "Why didnt you tell us?"
He practically exploded, "Because! Ive tried my best to forget about it! And besides, who wants a friend whos scared, emotionally, and physically?"
"Logan, you cant keep all this stuff bottled up," James stressed.
"Yeah! You'll explode!" Carlos added.
"We'll always be here for you when you need a shoulder to cry on," Kendall explained, "Dont keep it all bottled up."
After that was established, Carlos licked his lips when Logan sniffled and spoke up again, "But what you guys dont understand is that..child abuse- it comes with side effects."
James, Kendall, and Carlos nodded, "We learned about this freshman year, remember?" Carlos said.
Logan nodded, "I think part of the reason I didnt tell you was..well, I just..have a hard time opening up. I think everyone Ive ever learned to trust is going wind up hurting me in the meanrun."
Kendall put a hand on his shoulder, "We'll never hurt you."
A smile made its way across Logan's face, and realization dawned and flew right over Kendall's head, "Logan..when you sleep..I notice you tend to toss and turn. I mean, I know you have insomnia, but when you are sleeping, youre usually talking to yourself, or tossing and turning..are you..have you ever had nightmares?"
"All the time."
"You can always come talk to us about it!" James chimed in.
Everyday Logan felt like he was carrying the wieght of the world on his shoulders. Maybe one day, he will be okay. But as much as he wants to believe that, he knows he will always be plauged with the horrible side effects that come along with something that's not even his fault. He will always feel scared, lost, and be withdrawn from love. But his friends were there to fill the missing hole in his heart.
Everyday his past will be in the back of his mind. Influencing his descisions, spreading fear and uncertainty, making him second guess every descision he made. But now, when he woke up in a cold sweat in the middle of the night, his friends were there. Now, whenever Logan felt like breaking down, beause he will always be carrying a wieght too heavy to hold on his shoulders, and crushing him when he grew too tired to keep the happy chrade up, his friends were there.
Maybe Logan will always be plauged with horrible side effects that come as the aftermath of his past, but alteast he has his friends. And they will always be there for him. Always.
A/N- Every fifteen minutes a child dies due to child abuse/neglect. Please do something to stop. If you witness/are aware of child abuse, tell an adult, call the nearest hotline, do something. Step up, make a change. Hold that blue ribbon high, and help people from ending up like Logan did in this story.
I worked pretty hard on this. And it means alot to me, so review?