Title: My blunt Scarecrow.
Pairings: KakaIru, SasuNaru
Disclaimer: I don't own it, dammit! Stop rubbing it in!
Dedicated to my dearest demented, neel-chan. You're my inspiration! Happy Birthday!
Summary: Iruka-sensei never takes it seriously when Kakashi tries to flirt with him. Why would he? Doesn't Kakashi-sensei flirt with everyone? Kakashi is in need of help but Naruto seems incredulous, Sasuke isn't interested in anything not related to bed and dobe. And, Sakura... Well, she's off somewhere dying her hair pink again, most probably.
Kakashi waited patiently as Iruka read through his report, doing a very thorough job of it. For once, he didn't have to worry about facing Iruka's ire since he had actually put in some less effort to not make the report, well, suck.
Iruka seemed a little surprised by the time he was done but didn't hesitate to show his appreciation through a wide, genuine smile.
"I don't understand why you insist on writing such horrid reports when you are clearly capable of writing very coherent ones, Kakashi-sensei. Do you enjoy rewriting them?" Iruka-sensei laughed, clearly amused by the thought.
Kakashi smiled, his one visible eye crinkling with mirth. "How else would I get your attention, sensei?"
Iruka mock frowned, playing along. "I'll let you in on a secret, sensei. Neat mission reports are very much more rare than the usual scrawl that you present. Why do you think I have gained reputation as the most short-tempered and violent shinobi working here?"
"Yes, I figured that, sensei, after many a mistake,"and lots of stalking, " So, are you telling me that it's actually working?" He asked, the sincere tone in his voice going unnoticed by Iruka.
"Well, I'm definitely more agreeable with this approach," He assured. "How is Sasuke doing? And Sakura?" He added as an after thought.
Iruka-sensei was really too kind not to think about the poor girl. Lord knows that nobody else did. And again Kakashi wondered about how lucky he was to have fallen for such a kind person. Sexy and totally fuckable were just an added bonus, really.
"Last time I saw Sasuke, he seemed to be brooding over how Naruto's been avoiding him like the plague. Seems like the little idiot is still in denial or just has a kink for being chased."
Iruka chuckled. "Oh, it's definitely the latter. You can only understand why after the years he's spent chasing after Sasuke. Sasuke's still got plenty of brooding ahead of him. After all, he's only just returned. I see quite a lot of repenting in his near future" Iruka confessed, nodding sagely.
"I'll be sure to relay some of that to Sasuke when i see him!" It would be so much fun teasing Sasuke with cryptic remarks. He was always too sensitive about any information relating to his blond sunshine.
"And...?"
"And?"
"What about Sakura, Kakashi-sensei!" Iruka admonished.
Forgot about her again! "Well, she must be training with Tsunade-sama," Kakashi guessed, aloud. "Or off somewhere dying her hair pink, again..." He mused.
Iruka seemed confused between wanting to be amused and offended on his student's behalf. But amusement clearly won as Iruka grinned, deviously, like his suspicion had been confirmed.
Iruka was about to ask how Kakashi-sensei had discovered such a dearly kept secret when he suddenly seemed to realize that his shift was over and most of the other people had already left.
"Time passes quickly in your company, Kakashi- sensei. Maybe it is a good thing that you are always late. Otherwise, you would have keep a long time waiting behind you."
Kakashi nodded, cheerfully. All a part of my master plan, my dear Iruka-chan, he leered inside his head, watching Iruka clear his desk for the day.
"How about a -"
"How about a -"
They laughed at their own timing and Iruka politely gestured for Kakashi to go first.
"I was wondering if you'd like yo go out for a drink now?" Kakashi asked.
"Sure! I was just about to ask you the same thing!" Iruka relayed, excitedly as they started walking.
Score, Kakashi mentally cheered!
"Kotetsu and the rest of the gang should already be at the bar" Iruka finished.
Damn, friend zone again!
"Yo!"
"Ahhheeeep!" Naruto screamed straight off the boulder he was sitting on, landing with a thud a few feet below.
"What the hell is wrong with you, baka sensei!" He yelled up towards Kakashi, his voice echoing across the entire village.
"SHUT UP, BRAT!" Tsunade screamed from the open window of her office in the Hokage tower. "SOME OF US ARE ACTUALLY TRYING TO GET SOME WORK DONE HERE WITH A HANGOVER!" And with that the windows closed with a resounding crash.
Naruto glared at his sensei, accusing him with his eyes. But Kakashi already had his trained on his infamous book.
"What do u want, hentai sensei? I need to look for a new place. Sasuke will be here in a few minutes" He huffed, annoyed.
"And you think hiding out here in your father's hair will save you from Sasuke?" Kakashi mumbled, stalling. Although he had to admit that with the carved faces of the five hokages, it was a pretty good place to hide.
Naruto simply shrugged, clearly impatient to get the conversation over with.
"If it's nothing important, can I leave now?" He muttered, petulantly.
"Hmmmm" Kakashi pretended to think.
Naruto's hands twitched like they wanted to grab Kakashi's neck but he simply jumped off the Yondaime's nose, with a powerful leap and landed next to Kakashi.
"Ja ne, sensei!" He said as prepared to sprint away but was stopped by Kakashi's strange and abrupt question.
"How do I make Iruka see me as a man?"
Naruto waited, looking incredulous. There had to be more to this. Some kind of explanation that made sense because his team leader was most definitely NOT asking him on tips to hit on his dearest Iruka-sensei!
An awkward pause commenced; well awkward for Naruto and expectant on Kakashi's side. And when it was obvious that there would be nothing more to come from Kakashi's side, Naruto was forced to face reality and think through the situation he had been presented with.
"You want to get into Iruka-sensei's pants?" He asked, just for final confirmation.
"Maa, that's such a crude way of saying it Naru-chan." Kakashi complained. "I want to do so much more. I want to be his lover. Someone he can rely on, someone who would love and protect him and of course, there would be the occasional fuc-"
Naruto stopped him by raising his hand, not wanting to know more about his sensei's attraction to Iruka.I think I just threw up in my mouth a little bit, he groaned at the mental images, trying to block them from his already scarred mind. His face twitched at the "Naru-chan" but he didn't have enough time to play along with Kakashi's taunts.
"Have you tried telling him?" Naruto asked.
"Why, of course I have. I-"
Naruto interrupted him again, gesturing him to stop. "Have you really asked? And not just beat around the bush?"
Kakashi looked stumped but quickly recovered. " I flirt with him, always hand my reports to him and do everything to make him notice me!"
Naruto shook his head. "Iruka-sensei is a straightforward person." He explained. "I don't think he even knows that what you're doing is flirting, Kakashi-sensei... As far as he knows, you talk that way to everyone. And he is pretty dense."
"But-!"
"And I doubt that writing exceptionally terrible mission reports would make him pay attention to you. Everybody does that."
Am I the only one who didn't know that? Kakashi grumbled, internally.
Naruto didn't wait to listen to Kakashi, running away towards the forest. Clearly, he had sensed Sasuke's approaching chakra, despite the avenger's attempts to cloak it.
"Which direction?" Sasuke asked bluntly, coming to a halt beside him.
Kakashi simply sighed. "Naruto asked me to be more straightforward. But a fat lot of good it's doing you, isn't it?" He muttered, sadly, pointing vaguely in the direction Naruto had not run to.
Sasuke only nodded and rushed off in the opposite direction as was shown.
Hmm, Kakashi thought, maybe there is something to this straightforward theory ...
"Ittadakimasu!"
Two cheerful voices were heard from the Ichiraku stall followed by the snap of breaking chopsticks and moans of appreciation for their favourite meal.
"So Naruto, how is Sasuke? I see that he isn't chasing you around anymore." Iruka asked, after their second bowl of ramen. Clearly he knew Naruto enough not to disturb the lad before that. "And Sakura-chan?" he asked, a little too late.
Naruto cleared his mouth before answering. "He's fine." He replied, nonchalantly, but Iruka's trained eyes could see how much satisfaction it gave Naruto to say it. " He managed to pin me down, eventually."
Iruka raised his eyebrow, clearly amused by his student's choice of words.
Naruto sputtered as he blushed violently, realizing the unintended innuendo. Or maybe the blush was just because of the ramen he seemed to be choking on.
"W-we just talked!" He screamed, indignantly. "Kakaashi-sensei is rubbing off on you!" He accused, glaring daggers at his empty bowl like he was imagining the Icha-Icha lover's face in it.
Iruka laughed at that, his eyes warming at the thought of his proudly perverted lover.
"And I have you to thank for that, don't I?" Iruka reminded him. "After all, I would've never guessed his motives had you not told me that he was actually interested in dating me."
Naruto snorted, looking up from his bowl with a rare indulgent smile for his sensei. "And even after I told him to just be straightforward with you!"
Iruka laughed, softly, remembering how Kakashi had tried to follow Naruto's advice. "He talked about getting lost on some road of life together and supper involving candles and Pakkun, if I wanted. And then he asked me if I wanted to become the reason why he was late for everything.
"I was quite alarmed by his question. And, if you hadn't already warned me that I was going to be asked out, I would have most likely assumed something worse!"
Naruto laughter echoed across the small stall and Iruka smiled, reassuringly, at the alarmed customers.
"But when I said yes, the astonished expression on his face was worth it. I swear, even his mask looked shocked! But in the next moment, he smiled and it seemed like such a happy smile that I didn't have the heart to tell him."
Naruto smile immediately dissolved to incredulity. "Are you telling me that Kakashi-sensei thinks that he actually managed to score you on his own?"
"Yes, he says it was his blunt, callous charm that won me over!" Iruka laughed at his own personal joke.
Naruto huffed, returning to his beloved ramen when Iruka interrupted by asking about Sakura, again. He really was a considerate soul.
"Oh, Kakashi sensei told me she's off dyeing her hair pink, again!" He replied, like it was the most natural thing in the world.
A/N. Pointless, I know. But if its kakairu, who needs a point?