The-Homicidal-Freaks-Get-Jobs Saga - Rufus's Daycare Center Job!
By: Deekz
Disclaimer: I really hate saying this, but, aw hell. I don't own Squaresoft. I don't own Final Fantasy. I only own...my stuff. So don't sue me, because you'll just get a lot of useless stuff.
Rufus (magically) comes alive after the WEAPON & Meteor attack, and he has no gil. He doesn't know anyway to get any money, the only job opening he could find was a job as a day care center person at a school in Kalm. And so the nightmare begins…
Principle: Alright, so you want to work at the daycare center?
Rufus: Uh-huh.
Principle: So what do you specialize in?
Rufus: Well, I can counsel people a little.
Principle: That's good.
Rufus: I know how to use a shotgun and I'll use it to shoot any kid that gets on my nerve.
Principle: That's good.
Rufus: And that's about all. Oh, and I have my magically revived Dark Nation with me.
Principle: OH MY GOSH! IT'S SOOO KYOOT! (Principle goes over to pet the Dark Nation, but the Dark Nation jumps up and devours the Principle)
Rufus: (Shrugs) Oh, well, I'll just take the job.
--Later--
Rufus: (Sitting in the quiet little room) It's quiet…they should be here… (Suddenly an arrow embeds itself right next to Rufus's head) ACK!
Kids: (Come rushing into the room screaming and yelling)
Teacher: Thank you, thank you, thank you! THANK YOU! I DON'T HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF THESE INSANE KIDS EVER AGAINNNNNN! (Runs off)
Rufus: Um…
Joe: It's Mr. Shin-Ra President! He came back from the dead! He's a ghost! (Kids all scream and run into corners)
Bob: Don't worry! I'm a Ghostbuster! See? (Pulls out some actual Ghostbuster material)
Rufus: ACK! PUT THAT AWAY! (Pulls out his shotgun)
Kids: (All scream in terror and run around panicking)
Rufus: Ahhh, that's better. A little. (Takes out some ear plugs) Now THIS is better. (Goes back to doing some paperwork to kill Heidegger for not previously following his order to stop the stupid horselaugh)
--Hours Later--
Kids: Bye bye Mr. Scary Man Who Almost Shot Us!
Rufus: Erm…bye bye kids!
Mom: (Runs up to Rufus) What have you done to Bob?! He now has Ghostbuster material!
Rufus: It wasn't me! I swear it!
Mom: Stop lying! Bob just sucked up my poor parrot with that thing!
Rufus: I didn't do anything! I swear! (Bursts out in tears)
Mom: Fine! Humph! Stupid stuck up brat! (Walks away)
Bertha: Mista Shotgun Man?
Rufus: THE NAME IS MR. SHINRA! NOT MISTA SHOTGUN MAN!!!!
Bertha: Mista Shotgun Man?
Rufus: ERR!
Bertha: Mommy isn't here yet.
Rufus: Oh. Well you can have a ride home on my Dark Nation. He needs something to eat anyway. (Rufus picks up Bertha and throws her at Dark Nation)
Dark Nation: (A couple of seconds later he burps)
Rufus: Ahhh, so far, so good.
--Some more hours later--
Bertha's Mother: Where' s my Bertha?
Rufus: Ah, I fed her to my Dark Nation.
Bertha's Mother: You WHAT?!
Rufus: Hey, he was hungry! He ALWAYS eats people!
Bertha's Mother: Why you…!
Rufus: Ah, I hear his stomach growling, you can be next. (Picks up Bertha's Mother and throws her at Dark Nation)
Dark Nation: (Burp)
Rufus: Ahhh, no more nuisances…
A/N: Now we'll see the next things that are going to happen in the Homicidal-Freaks-Get-Jobs saga. I got a lot of inspiration from one fanfic that has Sephiroth getting a Pre-K Teacher job, so I thank the author. Well, was it funny? Tell me what you think.
By: Deekz
Disclaimer: I really hate saying this, but, aw hell. I don't own Squaresoft. I don't own Final Fantasy. I only own...my stuff. So don't sue me, because you'll just get a lot of useless stuff.
Rufus (magically) comes alive after the WEAPON & Meteor attack, and he has no gil. He doesn't know anyway to get any money, the only job opening he could find was a job as a day care center person at a school in Kalm. And so the nightmare begins…
Principle: Alright, so you want to work at the daycare center?
Rufus: Uh-huh.
Principle: So what do you specialize in?
Rufus: Well, I can counsel people a little.
Principle: That's good.
Rufus: I know how to use a shotgun and I'll use it to shoot any kid that gets on my nerve.
Principle: That's good.
Rufus: And that's about all. Oh, and I have my magically revived Dark Nation with me.
Principle: OH MY GOSH! IT'S SOOO KYOOT! (Principle goes over to pet the Dark Nation, but the Dark Nation jumps up and devours the Principle)
Rufus: (Shrugs) Oh, well, I'll just take the job.
--Later--
Rufus: (Sitting in the quiet little room) It's quiet…they should be here… (Suddenly an arrow embeds itself right next to Rufus's head) ACK!
Kids: (Come rushing into the room screaming and yelling)
Teacher: Thank you, thank you, thank you! THANK YOU! I DON'T HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF THESE INSANE KIDS EVER AGAINNNNNN! (Runs off)
Rufus: Um…
Joe: It's Mr. Shin-Ra President! He came back from the dead! He's a ghost! (Kids all scream and run into corners)
Bob: Don't worry! I'm a Ghostbuster! See? (Pulls out some actual Ghostbuster material)
Rufus: ACK! PUT THAT AWAY! (Pulls out his shotgun)
Kids: (All scream in terror and run around panicking)
Rufus: Ahhh, that's better. A little. (Takes out some ear plugs) Now THIS is better. (Goes back to doing some paperwork to kill Heidegger for not previously following his order to stop the stupid horselaugh)
--Hours Later--
Kids: Bye bye Mr. Scary Man Who Almost Shot Us!
Rufus: Erm…bye bye kids!
Mom: (Runs up to Rufus) What have you done to Bob?! He now has Ghostbuster material!
Rufus: It wasn't me! I swear it!
Mom: Stop lying! Bob just sucked up my poor parrot with that thing!
Rufus: I didn't do anything! I swear! (Bursts out in tears)
Mom: Fine! Humph! Stupid stuck up brat! (Walks away)
Bertha: Mista Shotgun Man?
Rufus: THE NAME IS MR. SHINRA! NOT MISTA SHOTGUN MAN!!!!
Bertha: Mista Shotgun Man?
Rufus: ERR!
Bertha: Mommy isn't here yet.
Rufus: Oh. Well you can have a ride home on my Dark Nation. He needs something to eat anyway. (Rufus picks up Bertha and throws her at Dark Nation)
Dark Nation: (A couple of seconds later he burps)
Rufus: Ahhh, so far, so good.
--Some more hours later--
Bertha's Mother: Where' s my Bertha?
Rufus: Ah, I fed her to my Dark Nation.
Bertha's Mother: You WHAT?!
Rufus: Hey, he was hungry! He ALWAYS eats people!
Bertha's Mother: Why you…!
Rufus: Ah, I hear his stomach growling, you can be next. (Picks up Bertha's Mother and throws her at Dark Nation)
Dark Nation: (Burp)
Rufus: Ahhh, no more nuisances…
A/N: Now we'll see the next things that are going to happen in the Homicidal-Freaks-Get-Jobs saga. I got a lot of inspiration from one fanfic that has Sephiroth getting a Pre-K Teacher job, so I thank the author. Well, was it funny? Tell me what you think.